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Q
Sacramento, CA
Hello Ladies,
I have had an argument with our 12 yr old daughter. Well actually she got in trouble for using & breaking the digital camera that I waited 5 years to buy. She had been told Repeatedly not to use it,she then took it with her on a field trip at school without my knowliedge & broke it!
So I was a lil upset to say the least, however I calmed down enough to tell her she was grounded & that her chores would not be going for a new phone(after graduation) but to repair the camera instead.
I knew she was upset but she should have been. Anyway she wrote a note, in this note it said "I know you & Dad only stay together for me, and I think that's stupid, and I don't care".
Needless to say I was hurt. I think if she had said she hated me I would have dealt with it better.
I spoke with my husband this a.m. about it & told him we would need to sit down & talk about this over the weekend. His reply "Why ?...Maybe I should just tell her fine then, we will start the divorce now instead of later"......
So now I'm in a little shock. I assumed he was kidding, but everyone knows about assuming. The only reason I even question his attitude is cause right after my daughter was born we had a huge fight & he was drinking(he hasn't had a drink in 6 yrs) and during the fight he said something to the affect of...you had to go & get pregnant again when the boys are almost grown,now I will have to stay married to you for atleast another 18 yrs....
So, what in the hell should I think? I will say, we always get along,rarely ever fight, have tons in common and I am still head over heels in love with him. Should I be worried? Years ago when he said it I just thought it was a stupid comment & he was drunk...but now if my daughter see's it? Am I the only one who has no clue?
I am not sure what to think...our daughter does try to play us off each other, this time it seems to be working,or is it just my own insecurities?
I was just hopeing that one of you may have had a similar situation?
Thanks in advance. Lisa
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Q
Boston, NH
i recently got out of a long term relationship almost a yr ago i am now in a relationship with a wonderful guy but he is 21 and i am 30 first off he doesnt act 2 1 at all when i first met him i thought he was like 26 until we got to talking and i found out he was 21 we have been seeing each other now for 6 months and we now live together my 2 children love him and he loves my kids and he is very gd with them at first i put off being with him cause of his age but we just hit it off like we have known each other for ever we love each other very much we have alot of things in common my parents like him and his family likes me his parents have even taken to my kids and treat them as if they were one of their own grandkids my question is is it wrong for me to want to be this guy who is 9 yrs younger than me even though he is the guy i could see myself with for the rest of my life or should i end it just because of the age difference
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Q
Portland, ME
Hello all,
I was wondering if anyone else feels the way I do or if there is something wrong with me. I understand that libido decreases after children, but it seems as though I have NONE! It just isn't my husband...I have no interest in it at all...I feel so bad for my hubby, because he tries so hard but it just isn't there for me. He tries to kiss me and in my mind I am like...ugh...get off me! However I still like to cuddle and snuggle its just the intimate stuff. Sooo I was wondering what others experience is and if this is just a phase or what.
TIA!
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Q
Sarasota, FL
My husband, Patrick, and I are first time parents of a beautiful baby boy, Conner. I have been home with Conner for the past 7 weeks and will be returning to work full time this coming Monday. My husband is extremely insecure when dealing with Conner when he is fussy or during his colic hours at night. I've tried to explain to him that he just needs to relax and try different things until Conner calms down, but Patrick always gives up after a few minutes and hands Conner right back to me. Then Patrick gets depressed and has himself convinced he is a horrible father although that's just not true. I'm getting frustrated with Patrick because I feel as though I'm alone at times. Does anyone have any advice on how I help Patrick be more confident with himself as a father?
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Q
Killeen, TX
Ok...For the past 3 months I have been going to a councelor. One reason, my DH, 2nd reason my anxiety. Ok...well me and my counselor has "boiled" it down to my DH needs to be an active parent and husband. I have repeately have asked my DH for more involvement. He will not put any effort into our marriage. I take care of our 2 sons basically all by myself. He tells me I have to ask for help. Well last night when I was trying to finish my sewing JD was throwing a fit because he wanted me. Well DH asked what to do and i told him to take him outside to play, he didnt so therefore i had to quit what i was doing to tend to him. When i was all mad he said well i didnt know what to do and i told him that i said to take him outside and that i did what he wanted me to do by asking for help and he didnt take it. He is oblivious to things around him. when he comes home he's always busy. I think he stays busy so he doesnt have to do anything for me. It's hard for me to do anything that i want to do bc my son is clingy and DH doesnt understand that it can get irritating having him pull on me and follow me even to the bathroom. i dont get privacy. I have to take quick showers/baths unless the kids are in bed. I feed them, bath them, put them to bed all the while he is "busy" persay or watching tv. I am at my wits end. My counselor even says i'm depleted. Only once did DH come with me to my session. I wanted to hear what he thought about what was going on in our marriage. He says he sees nothing wrong with it. So apparently he's suppose to be able to do what he wants while i'm the mom and dad. I'm just so irritated. I could go on and on about this situation but i will spare y'all! Thanks in advance for any advice. EDITING: Ok...my hubs doesnt have a "real" job right now, he's in WTU (warriors transition unit) and he runs around all day with his friends instead of hanging out with me and giving me a hand at home. I do and have made lists of thing we could do as a family but he ignores them or he "forgets" them and i end up doing everything myself. I do appreciate anything he does for us and i let him know that so that he would be inclined to do it more but it don't work that way with him. I have calmly asked for more participation from him but..............i'll just leave it at that.
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Q
Detroit, MI
I have been married to the love of my life for almost seven years. We have a beautiful daughter, 2 1/2 and I am six months pregnant. Two weeks after finding out I was pregnant my husband confessed to me that he wasn't really happy and hadn't been for a couple of years. I was crushed, I had no clue and still am in love with him as much as I was on our wedding day. We have been going to counseling since March and he swears there is no one else. I have been keeping tabs and I believe there isn't anyone else. We go to counseling very regularly although, finding babysitters and lying (we don't want to involved our families in what is really happening) is very difficult. My problem is this. It isn't that we fight or hate each other, there is still a lot of respect and caring in the relationship. Just not a lot of intimacy, physical or emotional. I am scared because I know how stressful having a new baby can be and I feel this sense of urgency to get us on as even a ground as possible prior to delievery. We have learned a lot in theraphy and I feel like I have instituted a lot of little changes that have come out. I just don't know how to trust that it is helping, I feel like he is kind of closed off. But yet he is still home as much as always, still a amazing father and still goes to our counseling sessions very willingly. Am I just being impatient? Should I be looking for a new counseler? Am I just being blind to the evenual breakup? I love my husband and the family we created, I am committed to making it work no matter how long it takes, I just need to know if I am on the right track. Has anyone been there? Advice-thoughts? I feel so alone in this battle, probably the biggest challenge in my life thus far.
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Q
Oklahoma City, OK
I have been seeing a man for almost a year now. He wants to marry me and be there for my kids. My kids always come first in my life. After talking to the kids we decided to let him live with us to see how he would get along with the kids on a daily bases.(nothing physical between us we agreed that has to wait til we are married)I second guess myself all the time. He does stuff that drives me up the wall sometimes. The kids say they want him to stay, but we all seem to have so many differances. He is trying to change his strange ways( to us anyway) but I just don't know. I do know he loves me and that is one thing that makes it hard. I didn't have that in my marriage. So I would just like some input from people that don't really know us and can be objective.
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Q
Boise, ID
Hi there...I need some advice to pretty much save my marriage. I have a wonderful husband who has given me the opportunity to stay home with my two boys (22 months and 7 months) but things have been quite difficult lately. In January my brother-in-law took his own life, shortly after that my husband found out his mom has a brain tumor and then at about the same time I found out my sister has lupus! I know crazy huh!!! We have had a lot of stress in our life and to top it off my husband is laid off right now. He is a union plumber/pipefitter. So, we have been around each other A LOT! I need some advice as to how to spend our time together and any suggestions as to what activities to do with my 2 boys. It seems like my husband and I have kind of "lost" each other and I definitely do not want that. He is the love of my life and I am not ready for it to end. Please help.......He thinks it is easy staying at home all the time! Which, really it is not. I used to work a full-time job but I would not want things any other way. I love being a mom! Also, my husband is always saying I need friends to go do things to get out of the house and I just don't know what he expects me to do with 2 small children. Most of my friends do not have children and work during the day.
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Q
Detroit, MI
Does anyone else out there feel like they are always the one who plans date nights, romantic evenings, etc. with their hubbies? Don't get me wrong, I love my hubby but I am TIRED of always being the one to arrange a sitter, plan a night out, etc. but feel like if I didn't, we would never go out and have any alone time. I feel like having that alone time is so important to our relationship but feel like he doesn't understand why I get so frustrated.
Thanks for any advice or suggestions.
B.
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Q
Dallas, TX
The vows say "in sickness and in health" but I feel bad because when my hubby is sick I get soo annoyed. He does get sick alot. I guess is is due to minor heart problems from a shooting accident when he was 16. Maybe I feel this way because I don't think he takes good care of himself. I take care of the kids and the house mostly by myself. He stays in the bedroom mostly. I am never allowed to be sick and when I do get sick he tells me he feels worse than me. I love him but when he is sick I cannot stand to be around nor do I want to take care of him when he is sick. Am I a bad wife?
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Q
Dallas, TX
My husband and I are high school sweethearts but since my son was born over a year ago we have been separated, and things just don't seem to get better. We love eachother very much but we have grown so far apart that sometimes I look at him and don't know who he is anymore. Anyway, my big question for you all is while we have been having marriage problems he moved out and basically stopped supporting my son and I. He would also make plans to see my son (and me) and then not show up. Sometimes we wouldn't see him for weeks. I had to move back in with my mom because he left us with no where to stay, but now he is back. He says he wants to be a family and that he is sorry, and I REALLY want to believe him. How do you abandon your family and then have a change of heart? What should I do...any suggestions?
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Q
Dallas, TX
Okay - basic story is that I have been single since I was 4 months pregnant for numerous reasons, and I haven't been on a date since then. My daughter is now 13 months old.
A few days ago, a guy asked me out for this Saturday. I know him really well, we've been friends for a long time and I want to go. But now I'm feeling guilty about wanting to go. I mean, is it wrong of me to want this and leave my daughter with my father for a few hours to go out with a guy??? Ever since she was born - 13 months ago - I've devoted EVERY minute of my day to her.
I just don't know. If anyone has any kind of advice or "words of wisdom" please let me know.
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Q
Victoria, TX
Just curious if any other mommies out there have run into a 'dry' spell in their relationships/significant others and if so how did you get things up and running again? How do you keep your relationship fresh and alive? We still talk and enjoy being around each other things just seem to be lagging in the bedroom if you know what I mean... Any advice on any aspect of relationships would be great.
Thanks for all the wonderful advice in advance
A.
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Q
Dallas, TX
Alright ladies.....I need some advice. My husband just started a new position in sales. This means that he is working from home. He has only been doing it for about a month now and I am already ready to pull my hair out.
My daughter and I both thrive on schedules and this has us both TOTALLY messed up. He has no set schedule....might be home a little here, be gone, come home, leave and then the next day be gone all day.
Not only is this messing up our schedule....I can't seem to get my house in order because now I have 2 children to pick up after all day long. I have always had to pick up after my husband but I at least had the peace all day while he was at work of not having to. I am about to pull my hair out and he just doesn't get it.
Wondering if anyone can offer me any advice. Thanks ladies.
ADDITION: ok, so I have to add this because of the responses I have already received. OF COURSE I do not want to pick up after my husband.....but here in lies why I have been so stressed out. I have tried it all.....just not picking up after him, ranting and raving, asking nicely, etc. I am out of ideas on that one. He would leave his messes until his Mom came and picked them up if I let it get that bad (I am being bitter here if you can't tell). I like my home...I take pride in it....I stay at home all day and would like a peaceful surrounding. I have let his messes sit there for weeks to no avail....I CANNOT live like that. His mother picked up after him all his life and he doesn't even see his messes anymore. I should have realized this before I got married....obviously we all come to marriage with baggage and this happens to be one of the things he brought. It's surely not divorce worthy so if you have no other advice than to quit picking up after him, don't bother giving it to me. On the other hand....if you have any other ideas on ways to get him to pick up after himself I would love to hear them....thanks.
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Q
Minneapolis, MN
My son came home today asking if he can ride his bike to school tomorrow, because other kids do it. I said no, he's too young. My husband thinks it's ok since we are only about five blks from school. I reminded him of Jacob Wetterling and a few other abductions, but Jacob has always stuck in my mind. I also told him he's not responsible enough at 6 to always lock it up. His answer to that was "well how's he going to learn, if we don't let him try." I think I am going to win this one, but not sure about next year. Need some "ammunition" to use in my defense. My husband is from Germany and maybe there's not as many child predators there, so that could be why he is so trusting. He said he walked to school every day, about the same distance.
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Q
Dallas, TX
For 4 yrs I have been a single mom. I wasn't really ready for a serious relationship up until earlier this year. I met a great guy and am so in love with him. His feelings are mutual and he adores my 4 yr old boy. I am nervous about how to bring these two 'guys' together. My boyfriend and I plan to move in together and share our lives. He is it for me. I worry that how my 4 yr old with handle it. Right now, he can only handle my boyfriend in small doses and will make comments like, 'momma, want to be the daddy and you be my mommy.' I know where that's coming from. I do not want my son to feel anything but happy, secure and loved. I spend time with him and spend time with my boyfriend and sometimes all three of us will hang out. It's been just me and my little one and now there is a new addition. Any advice on how to handle this?? How do I make this transition easy for my son? For me? My boyfriend is very supportive and will do whatever is needed. update ....I don't intend for my boyfriend to move in right now, I should have been a little more clear :)
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Q
Oklahoma City, OK
My son's dad and I just broke up because we fight all the time and can't seem to just work things out. We're a great couple sometimes, but we seem to make better friends than a couple. We both agreed to continue to be just as close and to compleatly share custody of our son, and we both have admitted that we're still in love with eachother but that this was better for the long run, and for our kid.
I, however, can't seem to get on with my life. We came to this decision together only a few days ago, but I almost can't function I'm so sad. I feel like I'm missing part of myself, I feel I've made a huge mistake, but not so sure he feels the same way. Should I give it more time? Is it true what they say? Love isn't always enough? I just don't know what to do and when he's my best friend, I feel I have no one to talk to.
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Q
Toledo, OH
Ok, I am not even sure where to start. For about 2 1/2 weeks my husband has been sleepinf on the couch. I tried at first to chalk it up to him just falling asleep there. But after that long (and continuing) that to me, is clearly not the case. Now above that we had words right before that started. Not a fight or argument just some heated words. Now along with that he has not showed one "normal" sign of affection towards me what so ever. I mean nothing. No kisses, no pats on the backside, all the little things that he has always done. So I suck it up for a little bit knowing men are weird and have a hard time talking in the first place. You know, he would just get over it or come to me on his own. Well I didn't see this happening so I tried to bring my feelings to him and see if he would let me know what was going on if I broke the ice. Well he told me he didn't see a problem so there was nothing to talk about. I tried in the car a couple days later when I still didn't see a change and was told now was not the time he was listening to the music. Same old CD that we have heard a million other times. So this past weekend I fall apart in the shower. Feeling like I am not desired, wanted like I am just a roomate. Like he doesn't tell me what is going on with him. Part of what we had had words was that he feels I dont' help out enough in our family. Mind you, I work full time while he goes to school full time, cook dinner every night, take care of all the house work and laundry and get our 2 kids showered and in bed everynight. So yesterday morning I told him I would like to go and do the grocery shopping. Oh no, he's got it.....So I pop. Tell him exactly how I feel all of it. And still after all that, he slept on the couch again. Still no change. I feel like my feelings are completely disregarded. I am not sure if I am just over reacting or if my feelings are not silly. I mean I know my husband loves me, that is not a question to me. Whoo! I am sorry for just rambling on about it, but it feels good just to get it off my chest you know? Can anyone give me some words of advice?
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Q
Houston, TX
Hello ladies….I just wanted to ask for opinions (thus reading previous comments from people this might be a little dangerous, he he). I am a mother of a 21 year old son and an 18 year old daughter. I was married to their father for 14 years. We have been divorced for a little over 8 years. I have dated a couple of really great men, but not the “right” man at the right time. In the last few months I have been seeing a man that has small children, 5 ½ and 3 years old. The children’s mother is deceased, so the kids are with him all the time. I have waited and waited for my children to become young adults so that I could have a “life”. (Remember what I said about the right time, while they were little wasn’t the right time for me!) Now, I meet a man with small children. What would y’all do?? Grrrr~ I am so confused!!!
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Q
Dallas, TX
I know that most of ya'll are married, but have any of you used an internet dating service? I am a little leary and not sure if I am even ready to date yet. My husband of 12 years left almost 3 years ago, and I am "thinking" of finally dating again. How do you add dating back into the life of a single parent?? There are more single women at my Church than men, so I have ruled out looking there. I don't do the bar thing. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.
L.
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Q
San Francisco, CA
I have a 7 year old girl. I have recently found out that her father died in a car accident last easter. She never got to know him well. How and when do I tell her, I have a partner now and he is filling the role of Daddy. How will this effect her? Does anyone have any experiance with this.
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Q
Columbus, OH
Hi ladies! I am hoping you can help me out w/ an issue here. I made a post about a week ago about Cymbalta... and, I hate to say... but I just quit taking it. Now, this past week I have been so irritable & feel like I hate my husband & want to leave. Whenever I would skip a dose of Cymbalta... I would be so irritable & every little thing that my husband did would pi$$ me off. It seems to only be him that bothers me though. So, I guess my question is... when do I know if it's just from discontinuing my meds, which I was only on for fibromyalgia pain/headaches, or is it really how I feel? We were fighting all the time before I started taking it, then I guess I wasn't nit-picking at every little thing & just let things go. Now, there were still things that annoyed me while I was on it... but this past week... EVERYTHING annoys me. I don't know what to do! I don't want to continue taking it... and I don't want to be w/ him if I have to be on an anti-depressant more or less. I also feel like everyone would be happier if I were dead (except my son )-: ), or that would be the only way to stop the pain... but I'm sure that's the meds. But I am having such terrible headaches (I have had them for 8 yrs now & they are just getting worse, which is what the Cymbalta was for) & I just want to give up. I am so tired of everything... I have no time to even get a Dr. appt, either family or psych if I need one, seeing as I drive an hour to & from work Mon-Fri. How long do side effects from discontinuing those meds last? If that's all it is...
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Q
Portland, OR
I have a friend in another state who is in the mortgage industry, and does home loans. Business is very slow right now and her and her husband are having a hard time financially. My husband and I are currently seeking a home loan and I called to ask her advice on a few things. Unexpectedly, she said she could do the loan for us and that all the paper work could be done through fax and mail. I love this friend and don't want hard feelings. I just have concerns about 1) Doing major financial business with friends 2) Doing major financial business via mail. Buying Avon or Pampered Chef from a friend is one thing.... Am I being overly cautious? Anyone else been in a similar situation? What would you do?
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Q
Myrtle Beach, SC
Is there anyone out there who has experienced children getting married or teenage and young adult children striking out on their own? My youngest is 13 and the last of five...just curious...
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
I Have an ex-boyfriend from high school, I will call R, just to make it simpler. He sent me an email he was going to be in town (with his five year daughter)for business and to visit his family who (Siblings) lives here. He is married, I have never met his wife, but have exchanged Xmas cards. She was not with him on this trip. i Don't know why. At any rate, I have not seen R in 20 years and was curious, you know, and so I told my husband about it. My first thought was to invite R and his daughter over for some coffee on a Sunday afternoon with my husband here too (my son and his daughter could play) but R said he had to drive out to Palm Desert to see his mom, so how about lunch on Thursday with the kids? Or, R textedd, or you could all (I thought meaning my hub and son) come to Thursday evening dinner, and his brother and sister would be there too with their families, etc. (this is all through texting.) My husband said oh, go meet him for lunch. So we were going to meet on Weds but R texted me said Thursday was better. So I said Thursday lunch was good. I went to the store, got some kid-friendly coloring books for his daughter and mine, made a plan for a lunch to meet at a kid-friendly restaurant. Two hours before (noon was our scheduled lunch), he TEXTs me, 3 times, saying his morning meeting got canceled and moved to noon. He apologizes explaining, then texts me later, saying he is now in a waiting room, waiting to meet his client. Could we meet later, in the evening? I am so not a texter, so I called and left him a voicemail saying I understand, but I would have to bring my husband and son with me, and to call me and give me a idea what time later (mu husband and him are in similiar businesss).
I do not hear from him until 4 pm with another TEXT saying, he is so sorry he doesn't foresee this happening (us getting together) as he is on his way to another meeting (coctails and apps) and won't be back at his brother's for another hour or so. Then he sends me another text, saying he scheduled 2 meetings that day, one at 8am, another at 5pm and the one in the am goofed him up. I felt so weird, you know, I texted back OK. This morning there are two new texts, one that says he is so disappointed that we never got to get together and he overscheduled himself, and another saying he will back in town March 9th, and hope we can still stay in contact and get together then. I did not respond. I don't think I am going to unless he picks up the phone and calls me. I ask myself, why do I care even? Keep in mind, this person was in my life for 4 years as first boyfriend and friend when I was young.
My sister thinks that me saying I am bringing my husband had something to do with, and R must have marital problems. I don't know, but the whole thing really kind of irratated me
and i feel like why bother? I was so looking forward to seeing someone who was special to me from my past. I feel like saying him, look you are a flake, forget it. I am too old to deal with flakinesss. i don't know...any ideas? Thanks for letting me vent.
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Q
Denver, CO
I do not like my 27 year old niece...at all. She and I once used to be great buddies, but she started to change in her early 20's. I still love her and would absolutely give her a kidney if she needed one, but I really don't like her. I won't go into all the details as to why and it's not that she's 'done anything' to me, it's that she, through her own choices, actions and more so her thinking and attitude has become what I believe is called a 'toxic person'. Her parents, my sister and BIL, are a great pair. They are very nice, warm and giving people. The problem? They are really mad at me because I haven't wanted to be my niece's buddy for about 4 years now. And they can't let go of it. I know that's out of my hands and I can even understand it...so here's my dilemma...I'm going home for the first time in 2 1/2 years with my little family to get together with all my family back in my homestate. I'm really looking forward to it other than one thing...my sister has decided to have the main Christmas family gathering at her home. When I've been able to visit on my own, my BIL is very cold and will hardly look at me. My sister is over the edge nice to me because I know she's forcing it. It's very, very uncomfortable for me to be around. I've asked them to talk with me and clear the air, but so far they won't respond to my request. I think they are waiting for me to eleviate their fear that their daughter really isn't a peach by saying somehow my not liking her is my fault and that there is something terrible about me for that. I'm guessing. Anyway, I do not get into family gossip about it, I do not try to create teams of any sort, I stay out of all that sort of crud. I've lived this time very simply and haven't tried to argue that they can't feel the way they feel about me, because I know they can. So I'm about to take a 15 hour trek in the car with 3 children, my husband and a dog in God knows what kind of weather and I'm not looking forward to this event...in fact, I'd rather not go. It's all my siblings and our children plus my mother, so it's not like a big party where the lack of my presence wouldn't spark up 2 words...it would be grotesquely noticed, plus my children will pick up on stuff either way and I don't go into family drama with them. They don't need it. And my niece will be there which is really not a big deal, I just can't stand thinking of going there and getting treated the way they treat me now. So any advice on the matter?
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Q
Denver, CO
My ex is getting married. Along with a new step mom, my daughters will be gaining two sisters. It's all good. My ex and I have a very amicable and friendly relationship and the girls really adore their would be step mom. I know that children are very resilient and that love, support and a constant open ear will take us a long way. What I'm wondering is what potential issues are going to come up for my girls? What are their concerns going to be? What are they going to be afraid of? What issues or concerns of theirs can I/we anticipate and be ready for?
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Q
Amarillo, TX
Hi
I am feeling really fed up with my husband we have been married for 8 years and some days I just want to call it quit!!! I don't feel as though he is really plugged in too our family. He works for the railroad and is gone alot but when he is here he sleeps most of the time and rarely if ever helps me with the house or kids. I work part time as a teacher and am running my own interior decorating business plus I have been in the hospital the last month for bleeding ulcers I really feel like I am at the end of my rope with him Has anyone else ever felt like this? Maybe I just needed to vent
Frustrated mommy
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Q
Houston, TX
I just had my 2nd baby in 2 years. My husband has his good traits (I wouldn't have married him otherwise!), but he doesn't seem to have any desire to help with the two babies. We each have an older daughter from previous marriages (14 and 10) and now we have 2 children of our own (16 months and 8 weeks). I work, but am home on maternity leave. My husband thinks that since I am home, I can do all the child care plus take care of the house. I am run down. My friends aren't calling or coming around. I feel like I am doing this all by myself. My newborn will only sleep while being held. We lay him down and within 10 minutes, he wakes up and starts crying. I am sleep-deprived living in a messy house.
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Q
Augusta, GA
Well about 3 months ago my husband got a new job at ups ( PT 4am-9am)and works a full time job from (9-5). Now I know he works a lot of hours and I am very lucky to have a husband that would do that, exceptally since i am a stay at home mom. But I feel like our relationship has change Alot... i feel like i have No one to talk to.... he use to be my best freind and now he is like a stranger... If I call him at work... he cant talk... ater he gets home all he wants to do is watch tv and then get ready for bed at 8pm.. which i do understand that but I feel like there is no time for me and the kids with his busy days. Everything that has to do with the kids and the house and to take care of all the bills are on me.. if they are sick and all apts ,all activitys... which i understand some of that i am a stay at home that is my job as a parent... i am starting to feel like a single parent.. there is no time for my husband and i... the only time we are in the same spot at the same time is for our sons' soccor games. I dont know if i am right feeling this way but i feel ALONE/// where did my best friend go... we use to have the best relationship and now we are at nothing.
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Q
Boston, MA
Hi there,
i would appreciate some outright responses by everyone who has some experience on this. I just sometimes feel not very fond of my partner (father to our two kids, married since 2004). It's not that i am passionately negative about him. It's just that i am mildly dissappointed, bored, annoyed. To me he then just seems like someone i would normally not be terribly interested in, or wanting to spend a lot of time with. He is fine, tries hard, works hard, does nothing terrible.
Is this ok in a partnership? I do not recall these phases in other partnerships i have had so much -- but then memory is selective. This makes me unhappy on a deep personal layer. What can i do to be more open and fair and still honest to myself? Do you ever have phases like this? What do you do about it?
Thank you!
D.
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Q
Washington DC, MD
I am a SAHM and married to a man I love very much. We struggle though at times but lately it seems like everything is a struggle. As he says, when when had one child we lost all our free time, and when we had our second we realized how much free time we had with one.
To add to the stress, we just moved to MD about five months ago. (Yep, popped out the kid just after I got here.) Needless to say, life is an adjustment. I realized with two kids, I really needed to get into some good habits of getting some time to myself. So I decided to join the Gym (this would help with my weight problem too.)
This has turned out to not be so grand either. The gym won't take my youngest until he's 6 months old. My oldest decided that the gym daycare is worse than pergatory and cries the entire time which means I can usually only get about 10 minutes in on a machine and 40 minutes in the daycare trying to get him comfortable.
So I tried to go at night after the kids went to bed. This seemed to be a no-go for the hubby as my little one woke up crying quite a bit. So I tried it during the day leaving the kids with Dad while I went in the morning on a Saturday. Seems my little one has a knack for crying as soon as my car hits the driveway, and my oldest somehow turns into demon spawn.
I tried to exercise at home, and that was a joke. Constantly interrupted and little one under feet. Not to mention this doesn't really give me the "me" time I am craving.
I tried to talk to my husband about this, to see if there was a better time, or something else we could do. He just says with a melencholic tone of voice, "We are miserable whenever you leave, so just do what you have to do." I don't want to make my whole family miserable, so I can work out.
Even if I gave up on the exercise, this issue still seems to rear it's ugly head over and over. To the point where it's really driving a wedge between me and my husband. We don't spend any time together without the kids. It's hard to even find time to do things like clean the house.
I hired a mothers helper one day, so we could have some hours to ourselves. She came over and was doing her best to entertain the kids, and my husband chose to sit and watch T.V. and mope while I scrubbed toilets. This was after he protested to us taking the time to play computer games or something because "it wasn't productive." It just seems that I can do no right unless I am constantly taking care of the kids and staying out of his way. But what I really want is some time to reconnect with him as husband and wife, and some time to myself as well. Is that too much to ask for?
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Q
Grand Rapids, MI
Ladies, how do you do it all?! As first time parents, my husband and I are really struggling with balancing work, parenthood, keeping up the house, and our relationship. The two of us used to do chores together and consequently we'd have lovely discussions while doing so, but now we have to divide and conquer tasks, which makes us feel lonely at times. Lately we are either working, spending time as a family, or doing chores. How do you carve out alone time with your spouse or even just alone time? Plus, how do you do it cheaply if family doesn't live close by? On top of that, how do you find alone time when you aren't totally exhausted? Any tips would be most welcome! Thanks.
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Q
Portland, OR
Hi Ladies,
(I apologize for the nature of this question, but I need advice) My husband came home from a business trip, sat down on the couch and started 'letting loose'. I walked into this stinky cloud and quickly requested he deodorize the room. When he ignored me I decided to do it myself and proceeded to warm some fragrant oils. He got so upset and in an angry voice apologized for ‘being an inconvenience’ to me and stormed up to our bedroom to watch TV alone. He is still upset with me. If I have gas I burn oil and typically ask he do the same (although he never does unless asked). Was I really wrong to request deodorizer so that me and our child didn’t have to smell his flatulence??? Am I suppose to apologize for my request?
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Q
New York, NJ
Recently my husband has been driving me nuts. I have left my almost 1 year old son with him when I have to work an occaisional catering (once a month) and he is perfectly capable of caring for him, but when I am home, it's ilke he doesn't know our son's butt from his elbow. On a typical night, he only plays with him for at most 30 min - if you consider watching TV with the kid in the room as "playing" IF he gets to see him at all. His work isn't that demanding, it's just that my husband would rather sit in front of the TV than play with his son - or so it seems
When our son was little, he wouldn't even "play" with him since he was too young. I have had ALL the childcare responsibilities while working part time during the day (I take my son to work with me from 11 to 5 each day) and I don't feel like he gives me any credit. Then he has the nerve to question me at times about what I am doing in regards to food strikes or occaisional tantrums by the baby. I don't know what to say to him anymore. He feels like he works hard all day and I have it so easy. Yet, when he watches the baby. I have to schedule it way ahead of time with him and he doesn't do anything but watch the baby - and I know he's watching TV at the same time. He doesn't take into consideration that while I watch the baby, I am also working, driving to and from work with the baby, cooking, cleaning the house, doing all the laundry, running all our errands, etc. I am so sick of this and I don't know what to do.
I am begininng to really resent him. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should say to him, or do, or have any words to say to help me out? My only joy in life right now is my son and I would do anything for him, but that also means keeping a father in his life. I think I still love my husband, but recently I have started feeling like, like I'm very indifferent towards him, like I don't need him. Help!
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Q
Chicago, IL
My husband is AMAZING!! He truly is a great husband, and an even better father! He spends all of his free time with our kids! He does most of the cooking, and always helps with things around the house. Most impotantly, he has a great relationship with the kids. They love him so much and miss him everyday while he is at work. When daddy comes home the kids flock to him and are by his side the rest of the day! My question is what to buy him for his birthdat! It is is 40th, and I wan't something great to show him how wonderful I truly think he is. Any ideas? Thank you!
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
My boyfriend of several years asked me to marry him last year in April when I was 3 months pregnant. Up to last summer, we maintained separate homes, and of course due to several reasons (being engaged, being pregnant and in love), my children (from a previous relationship)and I moved in with him. We had made tentative plans on a wedding date, to wait a year, for this spring in April. Since then he is not interested in making plans for a wedding. When I bring up the subject he walks away, says he doesn't want to talk about it or changes the subject. Obviously, no wedding has been planned. Our daughter is now 6 months old, and in a way I feel that the only reasons he asked me to marry him and to move in with him was because it was the proper thing to do, because I was pregnant and for financial reasons. He isn't affectionate at all and I basically have to beg him for affection and attention. I don't feel like a fiancee, nor a lover, nor a friend, only a housemate/maid/cook/etc. He makes plans without me, doesn't tell me until he is ready to go and does so many things without me or my children. And when I want to do something with him he tells me he doesn't have the time or the money or that he has other things to do. I have tried to talk to him about our relationship, ways to make it better or even to go to counseling, but it always ends up in an argument and I get the blame for starting every single one and I always end up apologizing. My cousin, who is also my best friend, has pointed out to me that when he says "jump" I have to say "how high" and when I question it he gets manipulative and makes me feel guilty. I don't know if I want to remain in a relationship based on little affection, little love being shown on his part and for financial reasons all for the sake of having a child together. I know there is more to relationships, and I am becoming more and more unhappy the longer I stay with him. I do love him very much, and after being in several bad relationships, I thought he was the best thing to come along since sliced bread. He tells me he loves me and that he does want to be with me. I am becoming increasingly doubtful of our relationship and his love towards me and I don't know if I should stick with it and be hopeful that things will get better or if I should make that break and leave.
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Q
Dallas, TX
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have two amazing kids .... but our communication is lacking to say the least in our marriage. We joke about "can't wait till the kids are 18 so we can go our own ways." but deep down, I don't think we are joking. (Especailly me!) Last night was a typical fight after he goes out drinking (let me add he rarely goes out). He completely put my feelings away and went out even though he knew I had plans. Then when he comes home 2 1/2 hours late ... I am livid. We argue and of course it got us nowhere. I am fighting for my kids homelife more than my marriage ... and I know that is not right, but that is the only reason I am still around. I know that all marriages go through rough patches, but I am really numb at this point. Any advice? Especailly on a good marriage counselor in the metroplex!
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Q
Boise, ID
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and we have a 4 year old. We have in the past year been increasingly growing apart. We've been to counseling but, now his new schedule doesn't accomodate our one hour a week. I don't want to give up but, I just don't know how to get back to the way we were.
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Q
Dallas, TX
Hi everyone. I consider myself to have a good Marriage. I am, however, realizing that marriages take soooooooo much work. Rather than living your own life I've noticed that marriage forces you to compromise EVERYTHING. The other day my husband and I tried to think of ANYONE that had a long happy marriage and we could not think of any. We know at least 20 couples that have been married for over 30 years and none of them seem happy. Don't get me wrong...I adore my husband but I was looking at my son yesterday and I wondered if he will ever know the person I really am...the un-compromised.
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Q
Houston, TX
I tend not to get into any deep, meaningful discussions with my husband unfortunately, because I have come to the decision that whatever he thinks is the way it is going to be so why should I bother to give my 2 cents? I sent him an email about a problem we're facing with our daughter today and this evening I thought we could talk about it. He said something like then tell me what you think. Well I already received a rebuttal to my opinion that I sent in the email (easier for me to express myself that way), so I can tell whatever I say isn't going to be accepted. So I said, "It's hard for me to talk about how I feel because you're always right." He jumped up and yelled, "Forget it, then. Just forget it!" (And if I tried to say anything he said, "I don't want to hear it! "I'm sick and tired of always being the bad guy.") (Don't know where the "bad guy" comment came from.) I'd forgetten that my problem with speaking up is not only do I think my opinion is pointless but I also fear that he'll get angry at me. Anyone relate and/or know how I can get passed my fear and reluctancy to talk about things that matter?
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Q
Kansas City, KS
My husband didn't want to have a third child when we found out I was pregnant.I was wondering if anyone else has experienced a father of a child not wanting to help or be a part of anything.I have done everything since coming home from the hospital last Fri from cleaning and cooking to taking care of all three children.He has not helped at all.His mom was helping with certain things till he banned her from the house for thinking he should help more.I don't know what to do.I can't leave cuz our baby has jaundice and we have her on a light thing and because shes to young to be dragging her around places.I don't want to leave I told him I'd do anything to make it less stressful for him.Hes concerned with money and I keep telling him to enjoy what he has and not to worry so much it will all work out and he claims I only feel that way cuz making money is solely up to him since my job is the children.I just wonder if in any case it could be a man thing or if he is just a jerk and things won't change.We've been together 6 yrs and 3 girls.He wasn't always like this.Any advice on how to handle my situation?
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Q
Houston, TX
Two weeks ago my husband informed me that, "he is in love with me but isn't sure if he wants to live with me."
We just moved to Texas a few months ago. My husband became very wrapped up in his job and began pulling away from me and our children. He came home one night and said, "I do not know if I can give 100 percent to my job and to my family. I think my job may be where I want to devote all my attention." He also told me that he was not sure and had not made any definitive choice.
He began going out to the bars with his co-workers once a month. He and I do not go out for he said we could not afford it. He also began coming home and telling me how wonderful this woman he worked with was on a daily basis (she is so smart, so awesome at the job, etc.). I asked him if there was something going on between them and he stated no that she was married and he just admired her.
A short time later we had a discussion about why he needed to go to the bar and this is what he said: Men in relationships NO longer get an ego boost from their partner because she is a "sure thing". But need to be "hit on" by a woman at a bar to get an ego boost. The woman in the relationship does NOT need to go to the bar because she gets her ego boost from her mate bringing her home flowers, etc.
Are you as confused as I am? Anyway, he continued to pull away, ignoring all of us. He had a falling out with the "wonder woman" at his work and stopped going to the bar with them. Instead, opting to sit in front of the tv all night until bedtime. He also decided that he wanted to return to his previous job.
As I stated in the beginning, he no longer knew if he wanted to be in the relationship anymore. We decided to get divorced. I packed up the kids and myself, purchased plane tickets and was moving on. An hour before we were to leave for the airport my husband says, "Why don't we do a six month seperation? You live your life and I will mine. In six months if I decide that I do want this family we will get back together."
My answer was a resounding, "H*ll No. Once I leave it is over."
He then says "ok, lets try to work it out. I will go to counseling."
I opted to stay because I love my husband. But I am so confused. I really need help!!
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Q
Jacksonville, FL
I need help in getting my husband more involved in parenting his children. We have 4 children oldest is a boy. My husband works a lot & when he comes home often he spends all his time on the computer or sitting next to my son while he ( my son 13 Yrs old) plays a video game. My husband moved my sons video game console out of the upstairs "playroom" on to the main TV in the livingroom because of "better Graphics". But now when I ask them to turn it off my husband tell me to be quiet they are having a good time etc.. I thought if I left them alone they would eventually get bored with it but its been like 3 months now. They are not bored. The vidie game is Halo 3 so its shooting fighting & no one like to be in the living rrom except them when they play. Its loud & disturbing & sometimes you can hear the other player swearing etc.
Even when my husband is alone with the kids he is on the computer, if he has them in the morning while I am at work, (sat morning) he pays no attention to if they get breakfast or really what they are doing. He doesn't do ANY housework, or help getting the kids to do any either. He never spends any real time with his daughters, except maybe a goodnight kiss & a good morning hug. Last year 2 of his girls were in girl scouting & wanted him to do the father daughter dance with them ( which he has done before ) & he basically said no.
Our marriage isn't doing well either, so any time I try to talk to him about issues, basically he ignores me or we fight. I am looking to go to counseling although I pretty sure he is not interested in it. In asked him to do counseling about 2 years ago & he said he was too busy, & then he was worried about getting a female that would "Side with me". I need ways to talk to him about teaching his children what they need to learn to be productive adults & not just letting them grow up & being their "buddy". I also need advice on how to get him to step up & be a productive part of our household. Any advice?
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Q
Dallas, TX
Well, you know how they make fun of us women being the ones that talk too much? Well not in my case. It is the other way around. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a good man but he sure does love to talk. Doesn't do it though when it's just us. Only when he is talking to anyone else, other family members, friends, neighbors, etc. It gets a little unnerving because you can plainly see that the other person is ready to leave or go on to another thing, but he keeps talking. The other person trying to be polite will just keep listening but afterwards, I hear about how much my husband talks. In my family, it's become a joke in a ways. My husband is one of those know it alls. Now he does know how to do a lot and has had more life experiences than the normal person but it gets a little irritating. I've had to learn to tune him out at times and also had to learn how to step in to get him to stop talking so the other person can leave or whatever. I have to do it in a way that isn't rude nor hurt his feelings. For an example, a few years back when we were looking for a place to live, we met a real estate agent at this house but as soon as we saw it, we knew it wasn't for us. He said, let's not waste the agent's time and let her know as soon as she arrives that it wasn't for us. Now that would normally take 5 minutes or so, right? Well about one hour later, we are leaving!!! It gets so aggravating at times. I don't know how to approach this with him without hurting his feelings. I don't want him to change who he is but just to be more aware of his surroundings and to the needs of the other person(s) he is talking to. I'm tired of hearing about how much he talks and all the jokes. It's really starting to hurt me. It doesn't help that my husband has a hearing problem due to dealing with explosives years back, so you have to constantly repeat yourself (one of my pet peeves). He's been told that he needs to wear hearing aids but he refuses to. Afraid of appearing like an old man to me (there's a 14 year age difference), but I've told him, that I would rather him wear them, for one - it's a safety factor for him and two - it would cut back on a lot of our misunderstandings. But that's a whole other story. Now, let me say, he does come by it naturally, his mother is the queen of talk - and usually it isn't very nice talk - she likes to talk about others (it makes me wonder what she says about me but frankly I really don't care). She is 100 percent worse than my husband. Luckily for me, she lives in Virginia so I don't have to see her that much. I literally can not take much of her. (that again is another story) So my thing is, how would you approach someone about this? Like I've said, I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel that he just better not talk at all. Or do you have any advice for me on how to handle my own sanity concerning this? Thanks to all!!!
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Q
Dallas, TX
I am a new mom of a 5 month old. I also work full time, clean the house, do the laundry and the shopping not to mention taking care of my baby in the middle of the night! My husband is a wonderful man, but does not spend a lot of time with our daughter unless I am there. He seems uncomfortable taking care of her and not sure what to do when she cries. I have tried to talk to him about how he feels, but he gets defensive. He used to spend a lot of time with her when she was first born, we would take turns so we were both able to sleep. But now that she is sleeping better, he spend very little time with her alone and when he does he watches TV or is on the internet. I ask him to interact with her more, but he doesn't. I think he thinks she does not like him because she cries, I tell him the reason she cries when he is watching her is because she is bored. I am starting to resent him because I feel like I am raising her alone and feel guilty even asking him to watch her so I can go to the store or even just have a moment of peace.
I know he is good with kids because I have seen him with toddlers and they love him! I am wondering if he just does not know what to do with an infant or a girl. I have tried giving him tips, but it does not seem to work.
Has anyone else gone through this? Any thoughts and advise would be appreciated.
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Q
Spartanburg, SC
I am first of all a very grateful woman. I am fulfilled in my life with my children but not with my husband. you see, he works, and that's about all he does. Every now and then he will cook but then invite his parents over to see "what all he does". I clean up more after him than I do our children. I never get the day off until it's my bed time, which is the same as our nine month old because I get up with her at the crack of dawn. My spouse is the biggest procrastinater (excuse spelling), our yard and home look as though they are already decorated for halloween. I keep the inside clean, which includes anywhere from 3 to 4 loads of laundry a day. I also pick up our son, do the grocery shopping, consignment shopping for clothes, dishes and dinner. He even invites them when I cook.
I do however, get a break on Saturdays and most Sundays from my youngest as she goes to my mother's home. I feel that this in the long run is a disservice to him because he does not know her. He doesn't understand her words yet my nine year old does.
I hate to say it but my spouse is sooooooo self centered. I am afraid for our marriage. He did not get me anything for Christmas, nothing when I gave birth to his only child and no surprises...EVER
He refuses to take our (even though my name is not on the acct.) savings out of the bank his sister runs. He told me "you will not get your way with this one". I don't feel it's her buisness to know how little or much money we have in there. I am scared when something does happen she will expect us to endure the cost of burial for his parents, since she does have access to our acct. He told me to go put my name on the acct as a beneficiary. Hell with that, I want full access. I still bring in money to this home also. Child support and disability.
Ladies, help me, I told him we needed counseling from the minister that married us. He acts like our life is fine but inside I am dying. I want to run. As you have read, I am tired, tired of all the responsability, being taken for granted and then used.
I know if i don't want to be a door mat then i need to get up but even when i TRY i end up back down. Did I mention I have Crohn's disease, rheumatoid arthritis and it's totally out of control. Help... I am ready to leave, scream, or do something drastic. I feel that I have made a big mistake and I know you can't change anyone but is there anything I can do to make him understand my issues with him, family, bank etc. WITHOUT CAUSING AN ARGUMENT. Yes, I am christian and do pray!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks,
J. R.
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
I have been with my sons father for almost 7 years. Before i got pregnant, neither one of us wanted children. My first son was a surprise and a blessing. Trying to get my husband envolved with my kids everyday life is hard. I work part-time as a caregiver for my grandmother. He watches the kids, but everytime i get him to watch the kids we fight. I have also joined the gym, same fight. He has little patience with kids under the age 5. I have been with him for 7 years. We are both stubborn people. I feel like i am doing all of this on my own. If that's the case i feel like i should be doing it on my own. But he is their father. Help me. What do i do?????
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Q
Louisville, KY
I have been with my husband for 10 years, 6 of them married. I have always supported his dreams and career choices. He has been a real estate agent,sold jewelry,sold cell phones,etc.About a year ago he decided he wanted to be a reconstructive surgeon and enrolled in school full time. He worked very hard at this. He started playing poker on the side for income. I receive disability payments (800.00)monthly. Well,at first things were great. We were making around 80,000 yearly. Then things got bad. He slowly started changing his personality. He pretty much plays a character when he plays cards. Then he carried that personality home with him. I don't even know him anymore. Now we are beyond broke. He overdraws our bank account every month. He says it's to pay bills, but nothing has been payed. I feel trapped! I have no where to go. I feel like he doesn't even care about the well being of our child or me. Any advice?
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Q
Beaumont, TX
Alright, I love my husband dearly but about a year ago I found that he was talking to some girl that he knew back in school. He sent her messages about how she smelled nice and that he can't stop thinking about her. Well I found it on the computer and left with the kids for the night and told him that if he ever talked to her again then we were through. Well, there is this girl that he goes to college with and she is married and has a little boy. They always talk about school and football and I never really thought anything of it. Well in the last week he doesn't really want to make love to me and he always had some kind of excuse of why. I was really get hurt by this cause he normally wants to all the time, and I mean all the time. A typical man, I guess. Well, I found another little letter that he had written her. And it is really bugging me. He put in there: "the stuff that you say thats weird, thats the stuff that makes you so cute! And I know for sure, you are a good mother...I may not beable to read you like I want to, but I can tell that you are great mother"......"But I know that I will find myself thinkin about ya. I know, I know, I AM STUPID!!!! Well, hope you have fun at class tonight. Be careful!" Also, they are trying to get there next semester of classes together. He keeps telling her to try and she keeps him updated on if she can or not. I asked him about it today and he told me that it was an inside joke. I do not beleive him, especially since he has done something like this before. I don't know what to do. I know he hasn't touched anyone since we have been together but he is doing this kind of stuff. What do ya'll think about? HELP!!!!!
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Q
Chicago, IL
My husband and I had been talking about getting a new car because his truck was getting older. However, I wanted to get something more ecomonical with the high gas prices and I wanted to wait until the end of summer so we could pay off some debts first. He really wanted a Suburban because he feels with the kids sports programs and road trips that it would be a good vehicle to have. Anyway, I was working late on Thursday and he went and bought a Suburban. He took the kids on the test drive and told the neighbors. I didn't find out until Friday morning when the credit union called to verify some informstion for the loan. Not only do I feel betrayed because I feel he went behind my back, but also he never even asked about the payment. When I looked online with the credit union, the payment is very high and I am worried that between the cost of fuel, the payment, and insurance, we are going to be really overextended. Thanks for letting me vent!!!!
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Q
Flagstaff, UT
Everywhere I look I see "happily married" or "four wornderful years." Is there anyone out there that thinks marriage is hard? My husband is a great guy but I am really struggling. How does everyone else keep close, loving feelings alive?
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Q
Peoria, IL
What do you do when you have a husband who turns into a hermit crab? Get him a shell?? We use to do all kinds of things together. There was very rarely a moment where we were home or not making plans to do fun things. Well, after years of marriage & 3 kids, I am lucky if I can get him to sit on the swing on our front porch!! He tells me that he is very happy and content being at his home, in his yard or in his garage. The problem is, I am no longer his companion, but the beer can is. UGH!!! I finally told him, "If I wanted to be a hemit, I would have gotten a shell and crawled into it". Not only is it affecting our relationship, it is also taking a toll on the kids. They are always asking me why dad never wants to go anywhere or do anything. They are so confused. They look at old pictures and see how he use to be. What do you do? Where do I start?
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Q
Cleveland, OH
hello ladies, im not sure what else i can do! my soon to be husban and i have been having big problems. i want to know if im in the wrong or not. he has been working at a liqour store for the past 13 yrs and only makes $9 and some change. for the past 2 yrs i've begged him to get a new job. we have one daughter and one on the way. i was working at a pizza place only makiing $5 an hour, meant to pay for our wedding. when i got pregnant i wasnt able to work there anymore because the smell was making me sick. so then my soon to be took my place at the pizza place, now working the two jobs. i guess i was a little better with the fact that we didnt see each other as much as i would like because i was working, getting out of the house, doing my thing. now that im in the house all day i want every moment i can to be spent with him. any chance he gets he wants to go out. i get a little upset but then i get over it. but then he doesnt come home because he got drunk or he's at his cousins house, which is a little far from our house. all we do is fight! now he's always saying how maybe he should just leave me, then i ask is that what he really wants and he says no. i dont know!! why would he say it if he didnt want to leave me? he says i pick about the small things. the other day i was gonna go get dipears for my daughter but i really didnt feel like leaving and getting her in and out of the car so i asked him if he could stop and pick them up. well i guess he was upset because i had all day to do it. i feel like im getting crazy, but at the same time i feel like he is making me feel that way. i just dont know if this i worth it. yes he is the father of my children, yes i love him, yes i want to marry him, but does he?? really, does he? how do i know? am i pushing him away? do i need to just shut up and clean? am i being as uptight, crazy? should i go?
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Q
Seattle, WA
My husband is a wonderful father, husband and provider. He is very involved in our children's lives. However he is very forgetful and sloppy. I am unable to trust him with taking care of things around the house because he forgets to do things. My question is: How do I continue business as usual around the house and accept him for who he is rather than constantly being frustrated by his lack of responsibility of daily tasks and chores? I am sure that his forgetfulness is partially caused by his chronic lack of sleep (he gets less that 5 hours a night), but he refuses to hit the sack earlier. What is your suggestions?
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Q
Spartanburg, SC
I was just wondering if any of you moms could tell me the easiest way to let my husband know I want to separate.I know it's not going to be a good situation.
Thanks!
BrandiJ
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Q
Austin, TX
I want to know if there are other moms out there that feel like they get little help at home. For me things are even worse than usual because we are trying to sell our home and it has to stay presentable at all times, and I have 3 boys. I work morning to night every day cleaning floors, bathrooms, picking up messes. It is very frustrating. My husband teaches and coaches and usually does not get home until about 7 or 8 o'clock on weeknights. He comes home and sits on the couch and does not get up. Not only does he not want to help with housework, he is reluctant to help with the kids too. He will be watching television and they start fighting or misbehaving. I try to discipline as best as I can, but they usually ignore mom. He doesn't say a word and gets up to go watch tv in the other room. I asked him on the most recent instance why he left the room and did not say anything or try to help me. His response was " you didn't ask". WOW, I HAVE TO ASK FOR HELP ON SOMETHING THAT OBVIOUS. I mean they are his kids too. I am not the only parent. Anyway, we got into a huge fight about it. He claims he never gets any credit for any help he does give around the house. He also argued that he works all day (like I don't) and that I might need to do a little extra because he does not have time to help me. Even on the weekend he wants to sit and watch tv or go off and do his own thing leaving me with the kids. I tried to explain to him that I need some down time too sometimes. I never get to sit and do nothing, or go do something I want to do without the kids. He told me he never offers because when I get upset it is usually something I bring on myself and I don't deserve to be pitied. I can't believe that this is the way a marriage should be. His final cop out on not helping me is that he does not want to be told how or when to clean something. So, if I do ask, he usually puts it off until I finally do it (for example mowing the yard, taking out the trash). I am not exaggerating. You name the chore, and I do it probably 95 percent of the time. Does anyone else have this experience. I am going crazy with frustration and we fight every time I try to ask for help.
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Q
Columbia, SC
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to give an update on my situation. My husband knows I’m not happy and suspects I may be leaving. All of a sudden, he is walking a straight line. He is also so far up my butt it is not funny. Wanting to know where I’m going, who I'm going with, what I'm doing on the internet, etc. He never cared about any of that til now. He has even been asking me if I'm seeing someone. Give me a break. The thing I need help with is standing my grounds. Now that his behavior is a little better, I am starting to feel weak, doubtful, and guilty for wanting to leave. Deep down, I know I have every right to leave. I guess this is just another mind game he is playing. BrandiJ
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Q
Minneapolis, MN
Here is the situation....I met a women through a ECFE class when my son was a baby about 1.5 years ago. Slowly we have gotten to know one another better and our son's (both about 2) really like one another and have fun together, her son is very sweet. As we have gotten to know one another we realized that my husband and I knew her husband from a past church we went to. So we have done some things together as a group etc. We also have exchanged baby sitting and she calls me to chat. As we (my husband and I) have gotten to know them better there have been some red flags come up. For example: a disrespectful marriage between the 2 of them, a living environment that none of us feel comfortable because of lack of organization and cleanliness, and a lack of overall personal boundaries. So now what do we do is the question..... we are not feeling comfortable with being "friends" with these people yet we have created a friendship for our son with their son and are feeling like there is no way to back out gracefully???? What do you do when your kids are friends with someone you are not wanting to hang out with and are not comfortable with your son being in their home!!! We do not want to be mean or rude but feel really uncomfortable with the situation and kind of stuck! Any ideas or feedback would help!
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Q
Austin, TX
I need advice on how to get my husband more involved with taking care of our 6 month old daughter. I stay at home with her all day while he goes to work. When he gets home, I am usually putting the final touches on dinner and cleaning up the house where I can. I understand that my husband works all day and is tired when he comes home, but I can seem to make him understand that I am tired too and that I need a break. I am not asking him to just take over so that I can go lay down or anything. I just ask him to entertain our daughter so that I can get things done faster. when I ask him this though he seems burdoned. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am always mad at him becuase I don't get the help that I need. When I do say something to him about needing more help or telling him that I feel frustrated his only response is "Well, lets put her in day care and you can go back to work". What can I do or say to get him to understand that I am not superwoman and that I need help when I have him here?
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Q
Detroit, MI
My husband and I are going through a divorce. We disagree on how to raise our son along with some other extended family member issues. We both love him and have talked about trying to work it out. Any ideas on where to start?
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Q
St. Louis, MO
Okay, I've had this problem for years, but I'm hoping for new and better ways of dealing with this issue. My husband does not want to attend family gatherings on my side of the family. We get together for holidays and birthdays. Christmas usually isn't an issue, but the other holidays are, and most of the time I can't get him to come to the b-day parties.... I've tried telling him that it means a lot to me and that I want to set a good example for my kids, Family is the most important thing. I think this all stems from the fact that he has a family that doesn't like each other and they don't get together at all and never have. I tell him weeks in advance when something is planned (it's not like we get together all the time, usually every other month or so) and he acts like he's fine with it and willing to go, that is until the day of, then it's excuses galore as to why he can't or won't go. He gets along great with everyone in the family (better than me most times!) so I know that's not the issue. Any advice?
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Q
Oklahoma City, OK
I am getting very frustrated. One of my husbands jobs with my daughter is to put her to bed each night. I am home with her all day and I put her down for nap time and by the time bed time comes along I am ready for a break. So, my husband puts her to sleep. Most of the time she is somewhat difficult and he lays down by her. He ends up falling asleep along with her and then I spend the rest of the evening alone. I miss having time alone with my husband and if I wake him up he is really sleepy and I might as well be alone. I could use any advice you have.
Thanks
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Q
Chicago, IL
I just wanted to ask mom w/young children if your husband complains of feeling ignored. I am exhaused. I work part time, run my kids every where. I clean, cook, do the errands. Once the kids are asleep my husband wants my attention. I am feeling pressured and stressed. I don't even have time for myself. Anyone out there feel the same? I am recovering from post partum depression and I'm finally feeling better. How do you juggle being a mom, wife, and self?
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Q
Portland, OR
I need advice how to better communicate with my husband. Although my husband is a very intelligent man he lacks common sense when it comes to our child. I try to communicate what I consider obvious before a situation happens but my husband chooses to ignore me. Example...I encourage my husband to share food with our child (otherwise our 12 month old will ask and ask to try the food he is eating and my husband will just ignore him). Anyways, I made a beef stew the other night and told my husband 'if you share this do not give him the cubes of beef...you can give him the potatoes since they are soft enough for him to chew'. Minutes later our son is choking and I rush over (since my husband was clueless) and I pulled out 1 and a half cubes of beef from his mouth. I really try to calmly communicate to my husband but he just doesn't get it. Another example...my husband passes the kitchen and says 'what are you doing buddy?' and then continues walking away. Our son was quiet so I decide to get up and check on him...he was playing with a plastic bag. I asked my husband, you saw him playing with a plastic bag and you didn't take it away??? My husband responded, 'it wasn't over his head'. I can't help by think...it only takes a moment to stick a bag over his head. Example...I tell my husband, give baby X food at X time (I even leave the food and spoon together ready to eat)...hours later baby is crying and husband is clueless & getting frustrated with our child. I ask, did you feed the baby? The answer is no. I feel like my husband lacks baby common sense and really wish my husband would listen to my advice/listen to me. How can I communicate to my husband without making him feel like he does 'everything wrong'? Thanks in advance!
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Q
Los Angeles, CA
want to take husband away for spa getaway..any great ideas in So-Cal
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Q
Dallas, TX
I am expecting my first child and I am trying to adjust to a family life style. Normally, I don't mind my husband going out but since the pregnancy, it bothers me. How do you deal with this?
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Q
Oklahoma City, OK
I just wanted to know if anyone has a husband that travels and works a lot. My husband is gone quite a bit for his job and I am becoming increasingly frustrated. Our son is thirteen months old and it is so hard when he is gone. I really feel like such a wimp sometimes. My husband tries very hard to get out of events, but just really can't. Am I unreasonable for being angry and is there anything I can do to better cope with his absence? My husband and son are both sooo wonderful and I feel they deserve better than an angry wife and mommy.
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Q
Johnstown, PA
My husband doesn't seem to show any interest in being a parent. He works 2 jobs M-F and when the weekend rolls around he doesn't want to spend that time with our son (who is 15 months old). I try talking to him about it but you know how it is trying to talk to a man... especially about parenting. How can I get through to him?
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Q
New York, NJ
I really am contemplating whether or ont to stay with my husnband. HE repeatedly belittles my contributions to this relationship because I am not contriguting financially. Mind you while on maternity leave I foun a job, found childcare found a way to get the baby to sleep throught the night so we both can be sane. I am not the worlds best house keeper but I have started to cook again and the baby is clean and dry by the time he comes home. i really am at my whit's end provign that I am an equal partner and do not know what else to do to prove my point
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Q
Chicago, IL
My husband is flipping out/ acting mopey about turning 30. I have been telling him to "Get over it."
I really don't think it is a big deal. Am I right? Or should I be more sympathetic?
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Q
Goldsboro, NC
I have been married to my husband for 3 months but we have been together for a year. He is quite a bit younger than me, 22, I am 28. He is a wonderful provider and it has been the best relationship I have ever been in. But lately he has been getting on my nerves!! Every time we talk he is so irrational about everything. If we are on the phone and I am out in public he wants to know what this noise is or what that noise is. He gets so negative about the littlest thing. I have tried to talk to him about this and all he does is say it is me. I know that his age has a little to do with it but I am really getting to the point where I don't want to talk to him. I would love any suggestions that would help me communicate with him with out building resentment.
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Q
Daytona Beach, FL
My husband has not changed his world since we had our little girl 4 months ago. Even though he can be a big help he still does the things he used to do before we had her, like working on his old car, and doing things outside. While I'm trying to do the things that have to get done like the laundry, dishes, cook dinner, clean etc. plus take care of our little girl. How do I get him to help me take care of her without sounding too you know what? We both work full time I work a split shift so we don't have to use a day care center he rarely gets home on time and then rushes me to get back home. On top of that he refuses to give her a bath, he states he is scared, and he won't feed her the baby food just formula, for the same reason. And solutions? I'm willing to work at it...!
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Q
Austin, TX
i dont know exactly how to start this but here it goes:Me and my and hubby have been married for almost 2 yrs. For the last year my husband has been lying to me about drinking, how much he drinks and breaks his promise about not drinking NE more and i dont know what to do. I have told i cant take lying about something like that and i have told him i will leave if he cant change. He has driven with the baby in the car while drinking. only did it once hasn't done it since cause i scared him with the thought of what could have happened, but he still drinks and drives.
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Q
Allentown, PA
I am a 29 y/o SAHM to my 16 week old son and my husband keeps making little snide remarks about how I should be grateful to not have to go to work...I tought we made this decision together, but he seems resentful of me now. He claims on one hand to realize how much work it is taking care of the baby and the house and all, but in the next breath he talks about how lucky I am, and how no one else stays home these days. I feel like he's totally unreasonable and the tension level in our house is palpable lately...I'm not sure what to say to him anymore. Has anyone else gone through anything like this?
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Q
Chicago, IL
My husband was not working for around 6 months and recently started a new profession. He applied for a job near home but ended up being offered one 3 hours away. He accepted and moved out and now has his own apartment. I am now home with my three kids with no idea what to do. I found an e-mail from before his interview and he said he would be willing to relocate and personally was looking forward to it. I kept finding him looking up fishing spots and a casino in his new town. He spent a night with my brother bragging how he will have his own place and can fish whenever he wants to. He keeps telling me that he loves us and is only doing this so we don't loose our house. He tells me that it is worse for him because he's alone and I get to be with our children and I shouldn't complain. I don't know what to do he says he will be on call 24/7 and really won't have time to come home. He wants us to visit but I have a full time job, 3 kids, 2 dogs, and a parrot I can't just pack up and go. Any suggestions? I am really just confused and almost think I should stay like this so I don't disrupt my children's lives anymore.
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Q
Dallas, TX
We just got the cutest little English white lab puppy for my son and daughter. It's their first pet. My son ADORES the puppy and vice versa. My plan WAS to crate train the puppy and have him basically as an inside dog. My husbands says NO WAY that he is an outside dog ONLY. Well, the puppy is barely 3 mos old and I hate leaving him outside all by himself. I just HATE it. He cries and cries. So to make up for it, my children and I spend basically ALL day outside with him and I am just so tired and smelly by the end of the day. My husband and I have been fighting nonstop about it b/c I can't help but make little remarks calling him an "ogre". I know its mean but why does HE have to be so mean to an innocent little puppy? I would keep it in the crate when he's in the house so he can't run free and pee everywhere or chew everything up. At least until he's fully trained. He is a very sweet and calm puppy. And we paid almost 1000 for him so I can't understand why my husband would want him outside all day geting so stinky and dirty. This is causing a lot of stress between the 2 of us b/c neither of us seems to want to back down. And while he is at work during the week, I bring the puppy in. My husband has no idea.
I need some ADVICE!!!
**addendum**
When my husband and I first agreed to get the dog, I reluctanctly agreed with him that it would be an outside pet. I'm one of those people that thinks they can get their way in the end. I didn't expect for him to be so stubborn as he is so easy to pursuade in other areas. I asked him why it is such an issue and he keep making awful comments about big dogs inside is "white trash". WHAT??!?? He grew up poor and apparently his family had 3 or 4 dogs running loose in the house shedding and peeing everywhere and he's afraid its going to be the same. I have tried to assure him that a large dog can be inside with proper care as I grew up with an indoor German Shepherd and our house was very clean. In any event, I just need advice on trying to persuade him or to make things go more smoothly between us. He says that I don't care about our house and will let everything he's worked so hard to get for us be trashed by a dog. I love our house and would not let him tear it apart which is why I got the crate.
He never wanted for us to get a pet in the 1st place but when he realized how much my son LOVES dogs, he finally agreed to get one. And he loves to watch the kids play with the puppy and laughs and takes pictures. But he's so adamant about not letting him in.
**addendum 2**
Our backyard has a large shaded patio with ceiling fans and "misters" so the puppy does not overheat or anything. He is actually quite comfortable despite the heat. However, I want him inside b/c I believe dogs(especially this breed) like to be with people and it will make him that much more loyal and loveable to grow up INSIDE with US.
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Q
San Diego, CA
My husband is a wonderful father but he won't help with my newborn son. He doesnt get up with him in the middle of the night EVER and still hasn't changed a diaper (my son is a month old). He helps with my 2 year old daughter so I dont understand why he wont help me with my son. I ask him and he says he doesnt like newborns but Mom needs a break every now and then. Does anyone have any advice on getting my husband to help a little bit.
Thanks
K.
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Q
Portland, OR
I am unsure what to do, my newborn daughter 7 weeks old now, is breastfed but will take a bottle of breast milk, but my husband wont let me return to work! I dont know why, we need the money, and he has been getting less hours at work. I already have great daycare lined up, a friend I have known for 14 years. Hubby wont really give me a good reason why not, he is just being stubborn!
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Q
Detroit, MI
My husband and I have an ongoing discussion/debate that I wanted to take an informal survey on. For those of you married or in long term relationships, how often do think is acceptable for your husband to go out with friends (without you or the kids)? Might be to golf, hunt, sporting events, bars, whatever. I think I am pretty open for my husband to have these outings, but from his perspective he "hardly" ever gets to do anything. Hoping to hear from some other people to understand where the happy medium is.
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Q
Dallas, TX
Ok this is so personal but I really want to know if others have gone through this. I am 10 weeks pregnant and I dont feel like my husband is attracted to me anymore and I dont feel like he wants to (YOU KNOW WHAT) anymore. We have another child but we were not together while I was pregnant the last time. My friend said her husband was like this when she got pregnant, but it is driving me crazy thinking my husband does not feel attracted to me anymore. Did anyone else go through this with their husbands while they were pregnant? Thank you!!
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Q
Phoenix, AZ
I need adice & help! I hae been dating this SF for 3 mos now. We waited 1 mo before I met his 3 yo daughter. We are in love & plan on moving in together & getting married(in the next year). We are 40 & 38 yo adults. We have both had other relationships but have never wanted to get married before. The problem is his ex girlfriend, the daughters mom. She does NOT want me in the daughters life at all. I wrote her an email & introduced myself & explained what I am about. (she is a 27yo). His family & I get along great, they do NOT like the ex gf. He & she have never gone to court to do the custody thing, I have now printed out all the info he needs to file papers & get it going. He is a GREAT dad! He pays her every 2 weeks, has his daughter every othere weekend & visits her 1-2 xs/ week, but the mom wont let him take her over nite during the week, she wont let him have her if she thinks im gonna be around, she calls & texts him all hours of the day & night to "bother us". She fights with him about me all the time. I understand she is jealous,manipulative & insecure (her mom even disslikes this stuff about her). Besides starting court proceedings & everyone telling him she does NOT have a right to withhold his daughter or try to stop him from having a realtionship, what can he/we do?? I am the first gf he has had since the baby was born 3 yrs ago. He has gone on dates but thats about it. He is a wonderful man that I WILL NOT let this women ruin us. She goes around telling his family & friends not to like me more then they like her (which is funny, since they dont like her)....What can we do, he wants me part of his daughters life. (last night the mom asked him if we are living together, which she caled @ 9pm for no reason except to question him & to tell him that his daughter is acting different ever since I came around, which like I said I have met her 3 xs...I need advice, he needs advice!!!! HELP!!!
Here is the original emai lI sent to her...
Hi
THis is K.. I understand the hard time you are having with Paul & I. My ex is having a difficult time with this also & I was with him for 7 years & we have been friends for 12 yrs. I didnt plan on this happening & neither did Paul. We just really get along well.
On the subject of Ariana. I would hope you understand that Paul is a great dad from all that I have seen. He would never do anything to put her in harms way. I dont have any kids myself except for dogs. I have always been a babysitter & friend to all my friends kids. They really love me. I would NEVER let anything happen to Ariana. She is a great little girl & funny. I dont want to be her mom, she has one- YOU! I would never take that away from you. I would really like it if you trust me to be around her. You dont have to like me, I know you never will & Im fine with that. Though I do want you to know that Araina is very safe with me! I can give you a ton of references from friends with kids. Kids are easily attracted to me, its that extra sense that they have. Kids & animals are safe around me & they know it. You dont have to worry about us looking like a little family without you. Pam, YOU ARE HER MOM....I am Pauls girlfriend, thats it! I will not discipline her, I will not yell at her, I will not tell her what to do. Dont worry about it. I am really a good person & when you are in a happier place with yourself & can let yourself understand that I am a good person, you will see that. I love Paul & Ariana is a part of Paul, so I only would love her. I dont know if or when you will be ready to meet me. I think the sooner the better, since I am a big part of his life. I can meet you with or without him. I have nothing to hide from you. I can meet you for lunch or coffee one day or when Paul drops Ariana off or you come get her. Pam, the longer you harbor anger the more you are going to be miserable. I felt the same way a long time ago with an ex & it ate me up inside, it sucks! I hope you are not offended with this email, but I want you to know that Ariana is & always will be safe with me no matter what & that I KNOW you are her mom & would NEVER think about being her mom. You are doing a great job with her, you should be proud....
Take care
K.
If you want to call me & talk my home # is
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Q
Medford, OR
hey girls! Its A. ! I know long time no chat huh.... well ive been really busy i got a job working as a TA at headstart ( a preschool ) plus im getting my GED through the college so i can take some college courses i need. plus taking care of benjamin... which im sure you girls know at 2 thats a job all on its own, lol
But my big news is about Robert, Benjamins dad.
he actually got married and has been married for 2 years now. But things arent working out with her, and before i found out about her i told him id be willing to try and work things out.
because really i never gave it a shot. anyway now that his wife and him are basically getting a divoce. we ve been talking about trying to work things out.
hes accepted benjamin as his son... for a long while he thought benjamin was his son but i guess was too scared to get attached or something so there has been a lot of tension with us. All ive ever asked is that he cared.
anyway to make a long story short the only thing thats an issue right now is the religon factor... hes mormon im christian.
im willing to look into the religon but not promising anything right now.
can i get some of your opinions on this matter.....
of trying to work things out with robert... what do you girls think. you went through my whole pregnancy with you... well most of you did.
please i need some input..
A.
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Q
Chicago, IL
I find that with my first pregnancy I really disliked my husband. After I found out I was pregnant and my mom confessed she went through the same thing when pregnat with me...I got over it. I'm pregnant for the third time and I find myself gettig very irritated with my husband and sometimes my kids. I get so upset when my husband comes home and just doesn't have his head on straight. Yesterday I had an appointment that I reminded him about and even sent him an email about explaining the weather was bad and I would need extra time to get there. He still didn't leave until late and regardless of the weather I would have been late. I had to load four kids in the van and an extra car seat and rush there to meet him at the hospital. I can not take my kids to the stage II ultrasound appointments and two of the kids I babysit. Then I left dinner already made for him on the stove and a pork chop in the sink for him to cook and when he got home. He just looked at the pots and the pork chop and wondered what I did that for...he proceeds to cook a frozen pizza. Needless to say when I got home five hours later I had to throw everything out. I was so upset. I couldn't understand why he couldn't use some common sense to know that was for him to eat or at least put away in the fridge. Now he's mad at me because I got upset about it. He is constantly letting me down. Typically I get over pretty quickly, but lately I haven't. I'm also short with my girls. I know I gave my mother a hard time and typically I know my girls are doing just what I did and don't mean it...but with this pregnancy I'm so irritated with it. If I comb their hair they whine and complain but never utter so much as a whimper if dad does it. I know it's silly but since I got pregnant with the third I get my feelings hurt with every little let down from my husband and kids. Any suggestions short of praying constantly on how to handle these feelings?
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Q
Colorado Springs, KS
My "hubby" and I weren't all that far into a relationship when I got pregnant. We both love our son to pieces, and would probably be very lost without this family we have started. We love each other very much, but I feel like he's walking all over me. There isn't a whole lot of respect in our house, and he isn't an overly ... thoughtful person. This is where the problem arises. My confidence has been shot down, I have no self esteem. I find myself wondering if I only put up with it, because I don't want to be alone? I would be lost without him, I am VERY dependant on him (not only financially, but emotionally as well). I was always the go-to girl, my entire life, and am told I give the best advice. The only 2 people in my life, that know the whole story, think I should leave... I'm really confused, and really afraid. Is anybody else out there doing it all on their own? I don't know if I'm strong enough... There was a time I could stand my own ground, now I'm not so sure. I've been asked if I have spoken to him about how I feel... and yes, I've tried. He won't talk about any of our problems... anything going wrong, he hides from it. I tried to tell him he is chasing me away... He will have none of it. I don't know what to expect in terms of my responses on here... if anything at all. I'm just looking for some guidance.. Some words of encouragement. Maybe somebody has been through this before, I'm not sure. But please, somebody, toss me something??? I'm losing my grip out here.
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Q
Shreveport, LA
I have had an on-going issue with my husband. I know that many women have this same problem and I am hoping that someone will read this and tell me that we can make it.
My husband and I both work. We have 2 kids ( 5 and 1 ). The oldest is from another relationship and the youngest is ours. Before I tell you about my situtation, let me tell you about my emotional state. I am very sensitive and tender hearted, where my husband (like most men) is not!! I am a silly romantic, again, where my husband isn't. I am also the type of person who,when there is a problem, I need to be able to sit down and figure out what we need to do to fix the problem. He isn't! You can almost see where I am going with this, huh.
Anyway, For the last year, I have been a stay at home mom until about 4 months ago. I started working a full time job with flexible hours so I wouldn't have to send my boys to day care. My husband works a full time job, too. He works 7-4 Mon-Fri. And I work 8-4 wed-thur and 4pm-12am fri-sunday. So we only need a babysitter for 2 days. I do the normal mom thing and drop them off and pick them up and when we get home, I do the cleaning, feeding, bathing, stories, putting to bed, etc.I also am the one that pays all the bills, does the grocery shopping makes all teh arrangements for the baby sitters and so on and so on. Like most moms! When I ask my hub. to help with something, he gets mad and tells me how he worked all day and is tired. I usually tell him that I worked all day too but I need help. Then we argu. I bust my hump on my days off to get as much done as possible and the house is normally clean when I leave for work on fridays , but come sunday it looks like there has been 50 people in my house and not one picked up behind themselves. I am constantly begging for him to help keep the house clean or help me when I go to the store or help me with the kids. Its like he thinks because he keeps them Fri-sun, he shouldn't have to do it anyother time. I also have to beg for alone time with him. His idea of romance is in the shower or in the morning(before I wake up) How can you enjoy that when you are too worn out to wake up fully? We hardly ever do anything as a family. But he's fine as long as he has those legendary video games and his computer! My oldest son tells me thats all Dad does when I am at work. So who watches my boys?! I think that he is very selfish. And I feel I am fighting a loosing battle. He is very stubborn and will not give up or admitt he is wrong when we argu. I could go on & on because there is so much more than just this. To make a long story short. I feel worthless, not respected, like my opinion or what I need doesn't matter. I need help on a different way to head this argument before it gets so bad. I love him, we have been together on and off for 11 years. Divorce is not an option. But I need a little light at the end of this on going tunnel.
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Q
Biloxi, MS
We have been together for a number of years. Although I am a couple of years older, there has never been an age gap until now... i don't know if that's the problem. We were married when I was 6 months pregnant. I also have an older daughter from a previous relationship. My second daughter will be one in two months. As more time passes, we argue more, he claims depression, tiredness, things to do.. he does less and less and gets very angry when I try to express my needs. It seems to become a battle of wills over whose needs are more important. Our daughter doesn't sleep all the way through the night, so it ends with me losing sleep. Yet he naps more than I can even be able to. He's a fireman, gone every third day. I have that day to do it all alone. When he gets home, it's supposed to be 50/50. But I come home from work and clean, take care of the kids. Sometimes he helps, sometimes he doesn't. Some point in the past few months we ended up with a roommate (supposed to end soon) that takes over husband's time. From talking, hanging out, drinking... My husband's attitude changes the more he is around the roommate. I'm frustrated that there is even more mess to take care of. I express that frustration and he takes up for the roommate. Is this immaturity? Why am I being criticized? What can I even begin to do to get things on track? Why does it have to be a battle of wills?
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Q
Columbus, OH
Hello, My husband and I are going on vacation with the kids to Myrtle Beach in July. We are going on a cruise (JUST US)as OUR VACATION AWAY, Which I am sooooo excited about. I want to be able to connect with him again. We have been married 6 yrs and with life always being hustle and bustle, I just want to be able to do some fun games with eachother. Do any of you ladies have any suggestions or books that would allow us to re-connect.
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Q
Scranton, PA
I like a tidy house, as tidy as one can be with small children, and my husband also appreciates a clean house. I have learned to relax when things cannot be just so, but I want my children to pick up after themselves...i.e., put their shoes next to the door, hang coat up, etc... The problem is my husband leaves his shoes in the middle of the kitchen, with his coat on the floor, and his hat stays any where it lands. When he doesn't pick up after himself how can I expect my children to do so. I feel like we are constantly agruing over this. Yes, yes, he is a man, but I feel like I am the total disciplary in the house (aka ruiner of fun), he backs me up 100% from the couch, but never takes the intiative. I am frustrated and don't know how to whip my husband into shape. Complaining doesn't help...refusing to pick up after him only makes me more irritated, HELP!!!
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Q
San Francisco, CA
I am just wondering if there is anyone out there that is going through the same issues as me!!?? I have been with my BF for over 5 years. When we me, of course it was all good. Then I started to notice him constantly washing his hands.. and they are sooo dry! ughhh. Anyways, that isnt the end of it. He totally avoids messes..cant stand even sprinkles of water on the counter left only for a sec. He also checks, when we leave the house or get to his place if the garage is going to open, which is normal, but checking 4-5 times? This is strange, but he will constantly tell himself.. "FOCUS".. He is always watching me to see if I screw up on something. I am not a child. I feel like I walk on eggshells around him and feel like I am always biting my tongue. In a loving relationship, I should not have to go through this, should I?? Please need some advice on my problem... I dont know what to do! :(
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Q
Dallas, TX
It so close to xmas and I am a stay at home mom so I am so limited on what I can get. I never seem to get him what he likes or will use. Any ideas for something creative and romantic??
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Q
Indianapolis, IN
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and we are best of friends. We are from different cultures and relgion but we both mesh together well and believe in the same things. In other words, we do not have any issues regarding coming from different backgrounds/religions. However, we have family members and some friends from my husband's side who from day one have not accepted our relationship. We have eliminated the friends who do not accept me being differnt but the family -well we are forced to see by virtue of family events. Over the last 10 years- I hoped that with time and patience there would be some acceptance -once they get to know me and that I have married my husband to enhance his live and not ruin it. Our son is of the same religion as mine (based upon our mutual consent by me and my husband). We continue to get grief, mean comments, angry outbursts and rude behavior almost at every event about our choice for each other and our relgious choices- in some form or another. I feel like I am about to give up the relationship because I cannot take it anymore. I do not talk back, ever get rude or say anything about their behavior because I do not want to create problems for my husband. I do get the point fianally that they will not accept me no matter what I do for them and no matter how hard I try. I have been told to my face that I am not accepted. My husband is okay w/ our decision of keeping our distance from them; however what do you do about a young grandchild of 5 being caught in the middle of family issues? They only want to see him and really do not in their hearts care for me? Even my husband says that -he feels the same- about the lack of acceptance.... Need help...
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Q
Seattle, WA
My partner is a bouncer so he works nights & I am a office girl so I work days. The baby goes to bed at 8pm and then I am all alone. I have a depression disorder and more and more often I am crying myself to sleep. I have lived in Seattle for almost 2 year and still haven't made any friends here. My question has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do to help it?
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Orlando, FL
My husband and I have finally gotten to the point in our relationship where we have got to find help or something drastic is going to happen. Does any one have any suggestions for a good Christian marriage counselor in the Winter Park area? I feel a bit lost. Any suggestions you ladies can offer would be very much appreciated.
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Orlando, FL
Hello. My sister is going through a really tough seperation, that will probably lead to divorce. She has 3 kids and all are having a hard time ( It has only been a week). I was wondering if anyone knew of some support groups/church groups that she could call. Any information would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!!
J.
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Q
Reading, PA
I'm in a semi long term relationship with a great guy! We have been doing really well and get closer as time goes on! Being we both were in marriages before...we have children! When we first got together in fear of getting too attached to each other's children...we felt it was best to seperate our kids from our relationship til we had time to establish a standing ground! Now that we have become more serious we are starting to interact with the children and even made plans to take a mini vacation to knobels this summer! But being that I was with the same man my whole life...I've never experienced a "daddy's girlfriend" situation! Even tho I'm great with my kids and alot of my friend's children...I get very nervous and clam up around his son! I have talked to my boyfriend about this and he constantly reminds me that his son does like me and accepts me in their lives...but I still don't know how to interact with his son the way I invision I will! My boyfriend also says to just let it come natural with time but we are together awhile now...shouldn't it have come "natural" by now?!
Since I'm becoming a lil' upset with myself...I decided to seek some advice from others who may be girlfriends to men who have a child with someone else! Any help is greatly appreciated!! THANKS ALOT for your time!!
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Q
Elkhart, IN
Hi to many of you that have prayed for me and given me good advice and support. Thank you all. I just need a little more if I may ask. I am reading the Power of a Praying Woman and also a book about marriage relationships and even looked at the ebook on relationships from this site. Does anyone have anything more that they can share or anything. Update the house is sold, and my husband is planning on signing a lease on an apartment with me. The cars are up for sale and he bought a motorcycle. We act civil and like strangers. He still says there is no physical attraction and I have gotten a little tired of trying. (The eye rolling when I ask for a hug drove me crazy.) I am praying for him, I am going to God to meet my personal needs, but I am scared and lonely. Even when I ask him directly what he means by this apartment and where things stand with our marriage, I literally got no answer. I can be so mealy and weak, and yet I want to be attractive and fun. I am really just lost right now. So thanks for anything and please keep us in your prayers
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Los Angeles, CA
My fiance and I live together and have been for about 3 years, lately i've been curious and have gone through his phone. I found messages that 2 different women have left him, 1 said it was a booty call. On mothers day I wanted to know if I was the first one he called, it turns out he called his ex-wife's house but said his 32 year old doughter had been calling him. When I confronted him about it he was furious, but i was more, was it wrong for me to do that?
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Philadelphia, PA
I really want a son by him should I trap him or talk to him aboout children. No we are not together. He lives in Virginia.
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Los Angeles, CA
I have been married for over 10 years and have a 14 month old daughter. My husband and I never had a perfect relationship. Like everyone else, we had our ups and downs. However, as bad as our relationship ever got, there were always very good and loving times to balance it out. Ever since our baby was born, however, everything has changed. Our relationship has quickly deteriorated to the point where my husband seems to dislike and criticize just about everything I do. From day one, he adopted an attitude in which he feels he needs to protect our daughter from everyone - including me! In addition, he returned to work after taking some personal time off in order to take care of our family and allow me to stay at home. His work has become so busy that he seems constantly stressed and, I think, blames me to some extent.
I am looking for advice from anyone who has experienced anything similar and has gotten through it. I love my family - including my husband. And I'm not at all ready to let it go.
Any help would be appreciated.
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