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Q
Great Falls, MT
Im a stay at home mom and have been having a difficult time with my husband helping out. He works and I stay at home with the kids and take care of the house. My problem is this, when he gets home he likes to sit and watch TV and "Relax" for a minute. However a minute turns into all night. He plays with the kids a little bit but as far as helping me clean up after dinner or the toys or the kids he doesn't do a thing. When I bring it up to him he says it is my "job" and he works all day. I try to make him relize how much work it actually is taking care of all 3 of our kids all day and night but he still says he works harder then I do. Did I mention we have 3 kids under 3!
I guess my main question is how do I get him to relize how much I do and to stop taking me for granted?
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Q
Chicago, IL
I've been married a year and we have a 3m old baby. I just went back to work part time, and between nursing, pumping, working at work, taking work home, and doing the grocery shopping, house chores, and entertaining the new baby, I have my hands full and really need my husband's help with the baby.
He wants to on gaming tournaments every month. they're not work or school related, they're just for fun; he's even talked about using vacation days (which I'd prefer he use for a family vacation to include all of us) to go to 3 day tournaments as well.
I wouldn't mind him gaming and socializing if it weren't for the fact that each tournament is 6 hours on a saturday, which effectively means he's giving me a 6th work day without his help at home. If this game he plays was a regular board game, I'd say sure- invite everyone he knows to the house; at least he can hold the baby for 20 mins while he plays, or run a load of laundry or something, so it isn't 100% socializing and sticking me with all the work. But 6h straight?
I don't want to be a petty, rotten wife keeping him from socializing, I just don't want him gone for a total 6 hours straight. Whenever I leave him with the baby for even 2 hours, before I know it, grandma's up watchin the baby and my husband's playing with his fish tank or painting or doing who-knows-what; like he won't even watch the baby for 2 hours straight without someone's help so he doesn't know what it's like. Or he DOES and doesn't wanna do it, and doesn't care that by leaving me he's making ME do it yet one more day of my already stressful workweek. I LOVE taking care of the baby, but it IS draining to my energy reserves and I DO need help.
Other nursing moms out there with young babies... what do you do? Is it unreasonable to expect that my husband spend time with the baby by himself like a big boy without help to learn how to do it and what it's like? Is it unreasonable for me to not want him to be gone for 6h on a saturday, and to take off work to go gaming instead of using his vacation days for the whole family?
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Q
Chicago, IL
I split up with my boyfriend of 11 years with very good reason. It wasn't a hasty decision and it feels like a divorce but without the attorneys and the paperwork. At the age of 45 he wants to be free without any resposibilities (moved out a year ago), and still have me as his girlfriend with easy access to his son. So at the age of 42, I decided to end my relationship with him and move on with my life. We have an 18 month old son (my miracle baby). I've noticed that I've been showering my son with extra affection because he's all that I have. His father comes often to visit him, and I miss our relationship (I still love him very much). But deep down, I know it will never work. My question to you is - am I smothering the child? I read something once that after you split up with your partner, the tansfer of your emotions to your children may not be healthy for them. And I do want my son to find his independence. When we go out, he seems kind of clingy. Am I making sense? These days, I'm sad, confused and lonely but I'm doing my best at being a single mom. Any advise you can give me will be very helpful.
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Q
Las Vegas, NV
I am curious, I was a single parent for more than ten years. My motto has always been "children first, then relationship." I just can't see another party interfering in my relationship with my kids. I feel I am a package deal, for better or worse, and you need to adjust to my situation. I make this clear from the beginning, and it bothers me when someone comes along and tries to change that. Am I being too hard on my significant other, or should they have gotten the idea from the beginning, accepted or moved on. I am quite reasonable, I allow time for kids, then, time for relationship. My last child will be on her own this year. Then, that will allow me time for other things. I cannot appreciate parents who push children to the "backburner" to satisfy another man or woman. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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Q
St. Louis, MO
My boyfriend and I live together and I am primary everything, it seems. He is in school and finishing his second degree to be a head coach in wrestling, his love. We plan on getting married, and I think of our relationship in those terms, so I want to support him in this time, hoping that one day he'll support me and our family. I have made it known that I don't want to work full time, if at all, eventually.
My question is, how do I make it known that I am serious about this, that he needs to meet my wages, or excede them. What kind of time frame can I expect for this to happen and how do I convey this without making empty threats ("I'll leave you if...") because I don't want to leave him.
Also, an issue is he treats my daughter differently. She's 6 and he's said he doesn't know how to play with her because she's so girly. and in his defense, she does get her feelings hurt or she gets mad easily and huffs off.
I just think he should at least ask how her day was and not show how much more he loves Gavin, our son.
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Q
Stockton, CA
I'm 19 and just had my first baby boy in Nov. The dad didn't bother to get a job until he was one month old. He didn't get a job during the pregnancy ether. I've been dating him for 1 year and 5 months. But he doesn't seem to do anything. He has a job at Burger King now and he is almost 20. He works one day a week at the most.
Than the "perfect" guy rides in on his white horse. He is 23 and has a job as a CHP officer. He has a house and a car (Somethings my bf lacks).He wants to be that man in my life. Willing to give me the world.
But I tried to leave the boyfriend and my heart broke! I don't understand. And he told me if I left him I would only get a check in the mail form him. I wouldn't ever see him again and he wouldn't see his son.
HELP!!!
I'm torn
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Q
Bellingham, WA
Today my husband and two girls, ages 4 (almost) and 6 (just),were in town walking. The girls were arguing over who got to hold mommy's hand, and they had earlier cut a deal: the younger one to the shop, and the older one from the shop. When it came time to switch, the younger one refused. The other three of us kept walking so as not to encourage this behavior. She wouldn't budge. After 35 or 40 feet, I stopped and went back and got her. She was standing on the sidewalk on the corner of two busy streets. She's small for her age, and I was afraid she would run out into traffic or something because she was mad. I was also aware of the fact that she doesn't feel good. All 3 of the girls in our family are sick and cranky right now. I explained to my older daughter that safety had to come before behavior, and I told the younger that I was disappointed. My husband said, angrily, that I was wrong to do that. What do you think? I've been married before, but never with small children, and sometimes I just don't know if he is out to lunch or if I'm overreacting. I question a lot of things he does, and I'm going to start asking all of you for perspective. Thank you.
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Q
Albany, NY
OK here it is in a nutshell, we fell in LOVE (I know corny, but we did) got married 4 years later, because we were in LOVE, not to have a family then 3 years later we decided to have children, or a child. We now have 2 BEAUTIFUL children, and I stay home w/ my children which I LOVE and I am SO BLESSED!!!!! BUT Shortly after we had our 2nd I began thinking about possibly wanting another baby, I kept it to myself for a while...but now that he is 2 1/2 I have been telling my husband for over a year that I want another he seemed to ignore me everytime I would mention it and now he says NO it would make our life " way to HECTIC"...I do not want to force him to do anything and I need to deal w/ this but I am so sad and angry that he doesn't want the same things as me that I find myself upset w/ him a lot and I am almost obsessed w/ talking about babies, I have to let it go...HELP!
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