I am sure many of these questions went around. Sorry to repeat.
When is it appropiate to start leaving your child home alone ?
How do you prepare your 11 year old to be responsible when they are not intrestead nor do they want to be home alone ?
My child has been taught to ignore the phone, ignore the door. For the most part, she is in her own world. She has no desire to "grow up" So I am at the point where I think I need to force the issue on all of us to prepare her but don't know where to start.
I sent her to a babysitting class. She loved and it and had fun. She knows emg things.......stove, door, caller id, ect...She does pack her own lunches during school, she knows how to cook a few things....but not un-supervised. But she panics a lot about things because she is so dependent on me to tell her what and when to do it. I am trying to back off and just let her make her own decisions............ I feel she is still so immature for a lot of these things...How do I make her more mature and want to be more mature ? OR do I have lots of time still............
She's 11! Let her be a kid!
My children didn't start babysitting until age 14 - when they were interested. They stayed home alone for short stints earlier, but we live out in the boonies...
Relax. Enjoy her.
LBC
Step back.
My children were 5 and 6 and making eggs by themselves. I just stood in the kitchen and watched.
Go to the grocery store when you will be gone only 20 minutes or so. Leave her alone, turn on the tv, let her read a book.
Gradually let her have more time alone.
In the kitchen start giving her directions but do not step in to do it, unless she is afraid of the oven.
Try Ramen, it's easy and she can boil water.
Try scrambled eggs, pancakes, french toast,
Have her bake cookies or brownies from a mix.
Give her responsibilties and expect her to be able to do what she needs to do. Chores, bedtime routine, taking care of the cat/dog/fish
Praise her on accomplishments but do not punish her for something gone awry. Let her learn, "How could you do this better next time?"
I don't think you have lots of time still.
As a middle school teacher, I see so much of this: kids today are practically crippled when it comes to solving problems on their own because their parents have done everything for them. They do not know how to think their way through a challenge unless told exactly what to do. This is a big problem! The goal is to raise a confident, independent adult, right? That will require you - and her - to do some risk-taking.
Being over-protective sends (at least) two threatening messages to kids:
1. The world is too big and scary a place for you to manage alone. (can result in feelings of anxiety, insecurity)
2. I don't have confidence that you can handle things, so you should let mommy and daddy do it. (can result in feelings of ineptitude and ultimately resentment toward parents)
We need to equip our kids with the tools they need to be resourceful and confident by allowing them to experience "life with a safety net". This means that you entrust them with more and more adult responsibilities with varying degrees of independence based on their age, personality, and level of responsibility. It sounds like you've provided some great experiences for her already and the fact that she enjoyed them should encourage you that she's ready for a bit more! I think that she will find a level of security with branching out more if she has your encouragement to do so. She needs to know that YOU have confidence in her so she can have confidence in herself.
I'm sorry to not be a bit more specific, but I'm not sure what "these things" are you were referring to outside of what she's already trying.
It's definitely a tricky time and the world IS a scary place, so I don't blame you! Take each experience as it comes and look for ways to provide her with a life lesson AND the safety net.
Good luck!
Seems like your rushing her a bit. 11 is still very young, I would never leave a little girl of 11 home alone and why would you want to leave her home. She is immature because she is supposed to be at 11. You have plenty of time, don't rush her into being so grown up yet, enjoy how she is now. She can have responsibilities such as keeping her room clean, doing the dishes, teach her to do her own laundry. I would let her make her own decisions as long as its is age appropriate. Your here to guide and teach her. Good Luck!
She is at the right age to start being home alone and doing some things on her own. My oldest son (now 13) started staying home for an hour or two when he was 10. I would be close by - at the grocery store, running errands - and always had my phone on. Sometimes I would deliberately go out at lunch time so that he had to fend for himself if he was hungry. My step-daughter - also 13 - moved in with us 6 months ago and at her mom's house, was never there alone. So she had a crash course in learning to mind the house by herself for a short while when she moved in. My son later told me that the first time he was home (it was about an hour) he was totally freaked out and jumped at every noise. He basically sat in the family room watching TV and didn't move the whole time. He told the story in front of friends and most of them had a similar story - it's something they all go through and get past. My SD still doesn't like to be at home alone but it's something we do on a regular basis.
So the next time you go out on a 20 minute errand, leave her at home. Then stretch it to 30, then an hour, etc. Will she be out of her comfort zone? Sure - but that's part of growing up.
Check with other moms to see what their kids do for chores and responsibilities too. At this age, she can and should be responsible for helping with major cleaning - vacuuming, washing a kitchen floor, laundry, mowing the lawn, etc. as well as helping with meal planning, cooking, cleaning up after dinner etc.
She's 11 you have time. In the meantime, encourage her independence. Has she learned how to panic from watching how you handle things or is that just a part of her character? I don't need to know the answer to that question but you do. If she is getting it from you then you need to model to her how to operate life without being in panic mode. If it is a part of her character then she needs to be taught many things regarding emergency situations. Ultimately she will be fine and so will you. Naturally her desire for independence should kick in and when it does watch out.
I have 2 teens and I started giving them chores and teaching them to cook, clean and be independent at an early age. They are never to young to learn new things. Trust your instincts and things will come in their own time. Good luck.
I guess I am certainly in the minority here......When my sister and I were in 5th/6th grade during the summer we were home by ourselves. We did have grandparents a mile or two away and mom and dad came home for lunch every day......we also had neighborhood kids in the same age range. My sister and I had a list of chores every day - to include laundry, dishes, dusting, etc. If mom and dad got home at lunch time and found out we left the house before doing our chores - they would figure out where we were and come and get us and bring us home. My town was fairly small - 20k people and no surrounding towns (I mean, not like a suburban area or anything) - I think it was common for us all to be home, I mean, we certainly weren't in the minority - most of our friends were home at least a few hours during the summer days.....Oh - that was late 80's / early 90's (I'm 33 - just to give an idea of a time frame).
