Where Did the Fire Go?!?!?!

That spark hasnt burned out, its just temperarily busy with other things. This happens a lot after a baby is born and you have other children too. This does not mean that it over with and there will never be passion again, or that the marriage is over with. What you need to do is find ways to make it exciting again. Things like playing strip poker, or strip any game for that matter. We like to play strip trivial pursuit, sure makes a much more interesting game!! Use candles in the bedroom and create a romantic place. Buy him something sexy to wear, like silk boxers. Plan time where you both can be alone, like after kids are in bed, even if it means an earlier bedtime for them. Make a date night at home, have a relative take the kids for the night and have a romantic meal together, maybe dance, and whatever else you like, but only at home instead of out and about. There are some great books out there too on how to get that spark back. I hope I have given you some ideas, Good Luck!

As you can see you are not alone. With that said there is a light at the end of the tunnel. DATE NIGHT! DATE NIGHT! DATE NIGHT!. Need I say more. This so gets over looked when you have been together for awhile. You are in the middle of living and stuff happens and you go about what you do with out even thinking hum, what a hot man I have? (or what ever) But let him know that he still turns you on. Make sure you feel sexy too. He will notice. Passion Parties is a great helper. There are fun books you can get 52 night of passion or romance are great. They are like little surprises that you do for each other. You can do one once a week or once a month. There are free ideas and some a little more $$$. But all in all you will be getting back in touch with the one you love.
One thing that I like to do is make a list. Ask him to make a list too.
Things you want to do an a date?
Things that you loved to do on dates back in the day?
Things you love about each other?
Things you love about yourself? (I know this seems silly but after you have kids you forget who you are sometimes and, You are not just a mom you are so much more.)
Anyway I hope you are able to get things going again.

The fire isn't gone, it's just simmering!
I have 7 kids ages 16 to almost 1 year, and it can be really tough, but we understood it would be really difficult with the 3 littler ones, if he is in the mood I am exhausted or vice versa (he works 12 hour days 6 days a week as a supervisior for an upstarting ethanol plant in the mechanics dept) so first is understanding that it isn't always going to happen (at least not always in the bedroom) but everyday touching ie.. holding hands, a kiss when he is sitting in the chair at dinner time, a little extra in the way you dress for dinner, little things really do make a difference.
Know that the day to day is taken care of hire a babysitter or ask a family member once a week or so to watch the kids (we just tell the older ones to go out with the little ones and then we run to the room, a quickie can be just as fun) and do something togather, and let what made you fall in love lead you to were you need to go, whatever that is.
It sounds more like the day to day intamancy is lacking, Lead the way he won't do it on his own, and just start touching, he'll pick it up and follow.

Hope it helped!

Many of the baby and parenting magazines say that this is normal. Women's sex drives seem to slow down after having a child. Some suggest that planning a time to have sex is just like foreplay. Others suggest openly discussing the issue. Check out the websites for Baby Magazine and Parenting magazine and you should find some suggestions. My suggestion make a date night at least once a month!

Do you and your husband spend any time away from your children? Find someone who is willing to spend a weekend overnight with them and go "away". You don't have to actually leave town. See if a grandparent, friend or family member is willing to take them for a overnight. Spend the night either at home with romatic dinner, movie or maybe adult games and movies. Or you can either go to a hotel and have a romatic night there. Start doing a "date" night with your husband. One night a week go out for dinner, be a lone for a couple of hours. My husband and I just got married a year ago, and we have kids from other marriages and this is what we do. Although our kids are older, but we still like the fact of "date night" and our alone time also.

Try this and you will enjoy each other all over again.

J. F.

S. - I think that it's normal for many couples to go through this. Alot of times getting up with a baby in the middle of the night can make everyone tired and just the added stresses of having another member of the family can be tiring. However, if you just think you need to do something to reignite the fire, have you ever had a Passion Party? I am an Executive Director with Passion Parties and I do girls night in parties, bachlerette parties and couples shows. The couples shows are what I am thinking about for you and your husband. they are educational and fun but bottom line, they help reignite the passion in relationships. You will learn about each other and your relationship and how to bring out the passion in your relationship again! If you are interested or would just like a private discussion with me I'd be happy to help if I can! Good luck! K.

I heard not long ago that to freshen things up reinact your first date as closely as you possible can. It reminds you of why you fell in love. When we had our children we kind of go through periods like that off and on. I try really hard to dress up sexy and get us both in the mood. On our wedding day the man that married us suggested that we live each day like it was our honeymoon. It kind of helps when I feel yucky and distant. I don't know what that might mean for you but I hope it helps.

Well, I don't know if I am much help, but I can say I know exactly how you feel! Our daughter is almost 18 months old and we are going through the same thing. One thing that I know helps is when we can get away. This is tough, but we try and make it a priority. If we do manage to catch dinner alone we are not allowed to talk kid talk! We talk about us and other things, but no serious kid talk! Everyone says that everything changes with kids, and it's true!! You have changed into a mother and he has changed to a father, and now you have to change your relationship, which is weird, but I guess it makes sense. Becoming parents has changed you, so you have to adjust your relationship to that. How you do that, I am still trying to figure out, but just know that I think this is pretty normal and that I feel your pain! Good luck!
R.