Relationship Advice: How to Reconnect with Partner?

C.,
One fun way is to go on a Romantic Couples Retreat. Loving Connections is hosting one for the Valentine weekend.
For more information visit www.lovcol.com
With my whole heart,
C.

Hi! My hubby and I recently had a baby and we have faced this problem as well. Expecially because I have no desire to be intimate right now for the same reasons you listed, as well as the pain I still have from the birth of my DS. We have recently started to reconnect by following a nighttime schedule that gets our son in bed by 8, asleep by 9, and allows my husband and I some "alone time" when we can watch a movie together cuddled on the couch, light up the fireplace and lay on the floor together on a soft blanket, or take a nice hot soak together (hot tub, bathtub, whatever works for you) and talk about our son and our day. He rubs my back for a little while, then I rub his, and it is a nice daily reconnect without feeling obligated to pursue anything else. The other great part about it is that you get to spend quality time together without the kids, you can relax, and you can start to reconnect with your partner in a tender and loving way. I hope this helps! Good luck - it's great that you are looking for ways to keep the connection with your husband. Don't give up. It is good for kids to see that their parents can stay connected. It sets good groundwork for their relationships later in life as well. Good luck!

I see you live in Casper, so you can go to wyoming heathly marriage initative its online so if you go to google and google it you will find it there. All the things they have on there is free and they have some pretty neat stuff. Like how to write a letter to your loved one and games you can play they also have work shops. ITs a pretty cool site. Even if you do not get anything off there they sometimes have good advise, or ideas on everything from spicing things up to being step parents. Again its all free they mail it to your house and everything.
This isnt straight out advise from me but maybe this website will work. Good luck

There are many things that you can do and it would depend on your personal situation. I would suggest starting with leaving sexy notes in your husband's lunch box (or something he takes to work that you could sneak a note in). If you are feeling brave you could also include a pair of your panties. That will get him thinking about you at work. Do things that are completely unexpected. Schedule a date night but before your husband gets home take the kids to their grandparents. Meet him at the door with nothing but a robe or a sexy outfit on. My favorite for reconnecting is to go out for a coffee and take a walk at the nearby park. Sometimes just having time alone to talk about how things are going is the best thing you can do. As for really spicing things up in the bedroom, try new possitions. If the two of you are up for it you could also include toys and adult games. Kid games are fun too, like hide and seek, tag, and dodge ball. Just have fun.
Stephanie L

People have already given pretty good tips but I did find a little bit to add.

We just had our first baby and he is now 3 months, and so yes, we are starting to learn how much children interfers with the alone time you get to spend with eachother. I cant even imagine how much 3 kids does! I swear, kids have a little alarm that goes off inside their head whenever you try to get close to eachother!! The best thing we have found is to just try to take advantage of each opportunity when it is presented, and then if we are lucky enough not to get interupted by a cry from the other room, then we havent wasted the rare opportunity!

Also, I think the best thing you can do to spice things up is to re-connect with your husband emotionally! Take some time to remind eachother of all the little things that made you fall in love and get married in the first place, and you will find that you both end up more affectionate towards eachother just from remembering. My husband and I really enjoy joking around, goofing off and having fun with eachother - just playing together (you know, smothering eachother under the blanket and tickling ect) will really help us freshen up our relationship and reminds us we still are BEST FRIENDS, not just parents! And of course, that carries right over into our love life.

And the other advice - if you are feeling really unattractive, than the VERY best thing you can do to help is to tell your husband that you want to make private adult time more of a priority. Its difficult to feel very sexy after becoming a mom, regarless of your body shape and weight. I know for me, the few weeks after having the baby, while wearing a giant maxi pad with a squishy jello stomach and feeling like a milk cow because of breatfeeding, you definintely do NOT feel sexy. But, likely your husband still thinks you are incredibley sexy even if you dont, and if you give him the opportunity to show you frequently, it will make you feel like a whole different woman!

A girlfriend and I were just talking about how we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, mom's, wives, perfect bodies etc. Try and just let that go and enjoy some intamacy with your husband, just simple talking and quiet times. Your relationship is the core of the family, the base for which your kids will grow from, so nurture it. My husband and I take walks together, we also make time to talk without the kids, which I know is a challenge. Life does change as you get into the rythym of family life and raising your kids, priorities change. You can make your relationship a priority, try to get a babysitter and go out together, nothing fancy just be together. And have sex, have a glass of wine to relax if you need to and make the decision to just do it, I am sure your husband loves you just the way you are! Good luck!

Number one thing - set a date night for you and your husband. Kids go to a babysitter (grandparents, if possible, are great). Do things you enjoyed when you were dating.

If you feel unattractive, you can change that. Get a haircut, try a new makeup look. Join a gym or find a class at a community center (belly dancing is fun, a great work out, and can help you feel sexy no matter your size). Maybe even by something attractive (clothes and/or sexy intimate wear). But remember, you husband probably sees you as sexy and attractive no matter what you look like.

First, don't beat yourself up - you have kids to do that for you. Well, A kid at least. Bringing on a husband and baby and running a household are pretty heavy tasks. Give yourself a break. Then, let your honey know that you are open for ideas tonight. "I could go shop for some thigh highs, OR a naughty nighty OR let you try something new tonight..." You might be surprised what he comes up with! But he'll most likely appreciate two things: #1- That you are totally interested in sex and #2- That you're willing to try something new. Mostly #1 though. Yeah, mostly #1.

I think Megan gave you some great advise. To that I can add this from my personal experience. We recently cut the cable for budget reasons and it has been wonderful for our family! After the kids go to bed my husband and I now spend more time in conversation vs. staring at the boob tube. We work on a house project together, fold laundry, play on the internet things like that. Of course since for women sex is more mental than physical the closeness I feel from this quality time together leads to more in the bedroom. Another tip I recently learned was a good pair of heels with a cute bra and panties goes a long way! Good luck!

I actually run a business that teaches women how to spice things up in the bedroom and connect with their partner in new and fun ways. For the past 6+ years I have met thousands of women who have had the same problem as you. Keep in mind that men are turned on with their eyes and women are turned on with their ears. As our lives get busier through the years we forget this. Some women quit dressing seductively like they did in the beginning to entice him. Some women no longer put on all of the make up and do their hair so fancy. And other women may quit shaving as often and start wearing old sweats to bed. So they probably aren't giving him that sexy come hither look either. What do you think this does to his visual need? Now men will also slack off over the years. The don't say I love you or tell us how hot we look tonight as often as he used to. He doesn't make a call home just to see how we are. He probably won't say how much he appreciates us as often either. And they don't make as much time for just the idle chit-chat about the day that we need. So my biggest recommendaton for my clients is date night. This can be in or out of the house, but definately alone time. Start with pheromones to relax and enhance your mood. There are candles, sprays, lotions and body oils with these. Make sure you dress up wether you are going out or staying in. He likes to know that you care enough what he thinks to put some effort into yourself. Find a piece of lingerie that fits well and makes you feel sexy. This boosts your confidence and it shines through when he looks at you, (the visual thing). You can have a romantic dinner and do some talking about life in general or play a romantic game that gets you talking about your desires in the bedroom. Maybe have some stimulating lotions on hand that will make you both excited about trying something new. You can actually desensitize your body by doing the same thing every time you are intimate with each other. So we can tend to get bored with things because our body isn't getting excited. So try different ways of touching each other. Body massages with warm oils, vibrating massagers and different sexual positions are all good ideas. The important thing is to have alone time where you are being "personal" with each other. This is our most emotional connection with our partner. I hope this extremely summed up version of my show helps you. Helping women with problems like yours is my passion and I truely care about you being happy!

part of the reason my husband and I have established a good bed time routine for our daughter is so that its not the last battle of the day (sappling what little energy you have left)... its more of just a gentle send-off, she needs lots of good quality sleep, and we need time to spend together. plus the bed time routine is the last thing we do as a family.. it is enjoyable. then typically, we have dinner together (if we didn't eat earlier with our daughter) or just sit down and have a cup of tea or beverage of choice, talk about our day, etc.

it is hard, because lots of time sleep is what sounds the best... or is entirely necessary to maintain your sanity. but my hubbie and I were friends before we had kids, so it is important to remember that we still like eachother. we try to have a "date night" at least once a week. we don't leave the house, but try and do something like watch a movie or plan for some uhm, intimate time... yes, I realize planning ahead doesn't sound overly romantic, but honestly... when my husband knows what to expect on a friday night.. it can be fun.

and lastly, we try to stay affectionate and remember to tell eachother how much we appreciate eachother... honestly, a little pat on the back or back rub for that matter goes a long way. I also try to do simple things like make my hubbies favorites for dinner, etc. it sounds kind of dumb, but I think the longer you are married and the more busy other things keep you (kids, works, etc.) the less time we spend just telling our spouses we love them and appreciate them. it is good to keep mindful of how you couldn't do things without them... I don't mean co-dependence, but an family inter-dependence.

and last but certainly not least... well, as for spicing things up... well, do whatever floats your boat... if a bubble bath and candle light does it, great! a romantic movie or perhaps a more adult movie, some new lingere? whatever! I think if you take the time to focus on that side of your relationship, things will take its own course... plus, honestly, your husband will probably find it a turn on that you have been thinking about needing to spice things up... they are, after all, kind of simple creatures in that regard. you might also consider "kicking things off" by asking a trusted relative to stay with the kids over-night... and take your husband to a hotel for the night. have a nice dinner and plan whatever romantic evening you want... tell him you've missed him and want to "re-energize" that part of your relationship... then let things go from there.

good luck!