What Wierd Things Have You Heard Other Parents Say to Their Kids or About Them?

I worked as a school psychologist for many years, so you wouldn't believe some of the things I have heard!

One mother actually told me flat-out that her kid was an a*#hole, which was true but I couldn't believe she said it. Another parent told me that while most parents save for college, they were saving for lawyers and bail (also true, but odd thing to say).

Actually, what bothers me *most* is when I hear parents talking to me about their child's (perceived) challenges Right In Front of the Child. I work with kids, and when people find out about this, they tend to want to ask me questions about their kid. While it's nice to have a reputation in my community for giving good advice or having a helpful suggestion, the practice of talking about the child when they are right there next to us makes me want to run away. It's just so damaging to a child's self-perception.

One example:
At a playdate, a mother asks me (her near 4 son right stinkin' next to us) "Maybe you can tell me why he has no confidence? Why he doesn't want to try anything new and seems so afraid? It's like there's something wrong...."
and then I have to politely (feeling like a traitor to the child) say: "You know, I would really need more information and this probably isn't the best time. Let's wait until little ears are not present, please." (Because this is being said in the presence of a peer, my son, as well.)

Inside, though, I feel like saying "Seriously?! You are *seriously* complaining to me, as you do, every time I see you, about your son's lack of confidence? Could it be all the times you 'tattle' on your son right in front of him, telling one and all about his behaviors that challenge you right when you are standing next to him? Could it be that you tell me you are WORRIED about him nearly each time I see you, and that this is some neurotic mantra you verbalize anytime you think you've got my ear? You've got his ear too, and all he's hearing about himself is concern, upset and handwringing over every thing he does. He's not confident because you actively stymie any confidence he might have by constantly presenting him with a flawed version of himself!"

This is the stuff that makes me batty. I also occasionally hear parents say dumb things about 'boyfriends and girlfriends' when their children are waaay too young, like 2 or 3 or four (instead of, say 13), which makes me wonder if the parent is twelve somewhere deep down inside. The boy/girl 'love' thing doesn't need encouragement. I don't know why people get fixated on turning their child's friendships into something they don't yet need to be. But by far and away, when parents ask me questions/talk about their kid's challenges when the child is present, that really makes me want to run far, far away.

I was working in a pharmacy and a mom came in with her 5 year old to pick up her birth-control pills. She was pulling the medication out of the bag and her son said "Mommy, what is that?" and she said "These are pills so I don't have any more kids like you." It was SO SAD. Years later I still remember that. Why are people so mean to their children?

"Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about!"

That one has always bothered me, even when I was a child and mom was saying it to me. I always want to tell the parent that the kid is crying for a reason, so adding another reason to cry does not logically result in no crying.

just the other day my neighbor was yelling at her daughter because she was dirty and said "Guys do not like dumb, fat, ugly dirty girl's" whoa I said. Her daughter is only 10.

M.,

This is one of my biggest pet peeves! I can NOT stand it when an adult tells a child something that will hurt them or damage their self-esteem. I have heard parents say " Stupid, or stop acting like a child!, or act more like your sister-she is smart!" I hate when people call their kids names. If I am within earshot, I intervene. I think it is so wrong!

Children are beautiful, loving people and until someone tells them differently, they will continue to be great kids! No one should call a child a name or have expectations that are unrealistic--I mean, they are kids!!!! Kids will act like kids~! They are supposed to!

Once when I was at a bookstore I heard a father say to his 4-5 yr old son, "Leave those alone. Books aren't for kids."

My brother teases his little toddler (my niece) about her "boobies." Double yuck!!!

My brother and his soon to be ex wife think their 5 year old daughter should be able to bathe herself and cook her own dinner! They want her to be independant, which is great... but not at 5! A 5 year old has no business being in a tub with no supervision at all and definitely not allowed in a kitchen with knives and a stove!!!!!

(the bathing part I sort of get... but I still check in on my kids to make sure they have cleaned good - but I do not let them get their own water on their own and do everything on there own...)

I have a friend who will tell her 1 year old to stop crying and be quiet when he cries. They are actually decent parents in almost every way, spend lots of time with the kids doing fun stuff, kids are taken care of and treated fairly ect. But it's always one of those things that make me go what?! he's a baby. (this normally happens at bedtime when he doesn't want to go in his crib, strangely though it works and he stops and goes to sleep)

my sister tends to think that potty training is a behavioral issue--meaning she punishes and ridicules her kids when they have accidents. When her daughter was 18 months old she would bad mouth her in front of others and call her "little miss pee pants" because she had accidents (understandably--she's 18 months old!!). Subsequently, her daughter has MAJOR poop problems and will hold it in for days on end and then it hurts like hell when she finally lets it out. I'm wholly convinced that it's because her mom embarrasses her so much about it and makes it a humiliating experience for her :(