We put my dd into a private school because she was never challenged academically in public school. She was also picked on for succeeding. All was well until the teacher asked her about her past education. Was she homeschooled? Held back? Sick a lot? Required to attend summer school and tutoring? None apply.
She not only earned al A's, but 100% on every assessement including the standardized test that took 2 days. The teacher explained to me my dd was upset, but we should not worry because the principal explained my child is a top student so she will do fine now. My daughter wants to switch classes because she figured out the teacher thinks she is stupid. We told her that it was all a silly misunderstanding, the teacher is new, and it will be fine.
This is the third teacher out of six who has initially had a bad impression of my shy child. The previous two(K and 3) mentioned "She is so shy we were a little worried she was not able to keep up, but we were wrong." This teacher had gone to the principal without talking to us or checking her records. I asked about that because there is NOTHING bad in her file. She is well behaved. The principal is also new and had never met us. They looked at the records together and decided it must be because she is adjusting. She was attending her 3rd day of school when this happened.
The teacher apoogized for creating a problem. I think my dd will move on. I however have doubts about this teacher. I was a teacher and would have never done this. I would have never told a parent I had misread their child either. We are staying at this school because it is the best choice, but I am now concerned this teacher lacks patience to work with elementary kids. I wonder grades will be fair, if assignments will be appropriate, ...and more. Am I overreacting?
schools are not equipped to deal with high intelligence. Low intelligence they have programs for. Above average they have programs for. If she is testing that high, I would have her tested and then search for a group like Mensa or something. http://www.mensa.org/ Even if she doesn't qualify she might qualify for something else. I wouldn't give up on her.
Grades are usually objective with right or wrong answers. They won't be doing long essays or speeches in elementary school. It will probally be fine. Afterall, there were no problems before so there should be no problems now. Being a new teacher is stressful. There is so much to learn on the job.
Maybe you're not explaining this well. You said your child is very shy and has given Several teachers the initial (but mistaken) impression that she has difficulty learning. The new teacher met her, was concerned, checked her record, talked to her supervisor, talked to you, all because she was concerned and wanted to figure out the problem ASAP before child got too far behind. She now understands the problem was shyness, admitted her mistake. She sounds like a teacher who is very committed to understanding her students, and who is not afraid to admit she made a mistake. If this has happened three or four times, how old is your daughter? talk to a school counselor what can you do to improve your daughters confidence so you dont have to go thru this every fall. There are several articles like "How Not to talk to Your Child" about dealing with very bright children, who sometimes are afraid to try new things. I hope that can help. I just reread your text, teacher did all this within three days of school!! She sounds dedicated! Again if this is the third time its happened she is not crazy to wonder, Please dont think discussing her concerns with her supervisor is like tattling on your child to the principal!
And please try to give your daughter the vibe that school is a safe place and her teacher is dedicated to helping her learn as much as possible. Praise the teacher to your daughter for a) delving into the background to better understand her and b) admitting she made a mistake. Your daughter clearly had bad experiences at her last school, she cant handle negative vibes from you and I'm thinking she must be very sensitive and can pick up on your feelings even when you try to hide your misgivings and doubts.
If she is the third teacher to have some concerns over your daughter, I would say that it's not really the teacher but rather some red flags that your daughter's behavior is raising. I'm not saying it's your daughter's fault, either, but it might be something that perhaps you can work with your daughter on. First impressions make a difference in everyone's lives, kids and adults, and maybe your daughter needs some confidence boosting to be able to cope with new situations a bit better.
I agree that the teacher shouldn't have asked those questions directly to your daughter. I'm a teacher and if I had concerns I would check the student's file, go to my principal, other teachers, and then parents to get the full story. However, I think your concerns about the teacher's patience, fairness, etc are unfounded. She showed concern for your daughter and wanted to make sure she got a complete picture before deciding on how to proceed. Yes, she made a mistake, but not one that in any way calls to question her professionalism. Also, be careful how you undermine the teacher in front of your daughter by calling her "new." If you don't respect the teacher (at least in front of your daughter), she won't either and no one wins in that situation.
I do think you are somewhat overreacting. I teach as a substitute and yes, it is vital to remain patient and not judge anyone but I think you took some things possibly out of context.
It is very important to be an advocate for your child but you must let your child be a student. Don't plant seeds of doubt in your child's head about certain teachers, etc.
Many parents have firm beliefs that their child is the next Einstein and it is a fine line school administration has to walk with these parents when most of the little Einstein's are normal children who adjust over time.
Of course, watch grading but I find it hard to believe that your child or any child in this teacher's class would be graded or treated differently. I think you have a bad taste in your mouth regarding this teacher.... just don't send that message to your daughter because she may in turn act out with those feelings.
Best wishes.. They grow up TOO fast. I have a 16 yr old daughter. We've had some awesome teachers and some I wasn't so fond of... it all evens out and gives the child experience in dealing with different personality types.
Sandy L said what I was thinking, but I don't understand why you are thinking the teacher was wrong when this happened several times before. According to your post, this has happened with 50% of her teachers. And in your post, you mention YOUR DAUGHTER "figured out the teacher thinks she is stupid", which is not the case. The entire situation is new and difficult. Your daughter is old enough now to recognize that it's an issue, and she's making assumptions about herself. She may need help to overcome shyness and find strategies to not have to deal with this repeatedly. Teachers aren't psychic- they need all the help they can get. Help your daughter be proactive with it.
I had the misfortune of switching schools multiple times from the ages of 6th-10th grade, and if a teacher had taken the time in the first few days to talk to me, I wouldn't have fallen behind in math classes and other things. They never did and I didn't say anything because to a kid, the adults are supposed to know stuff. So don't blame the teacher, be glad she cared enough to try to help your daughter not fall behind. And that's a big deal.
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How old is your daughter?
Has she ever advocated for herself?
I agree that shy and quiet students tend to seem withdrawn and this can make them appear not interested or not aware of what is going on.
Also if your daughter has esteem problems, this is something she will need to work on, or she will always be perceived as not able to keep up.. Even just socially.
If you hover, always speak for her or assume the worst in others perceptions of her, you are going to perpetuate her behaviors.. She is never going to feel empowered.
Moving her around from school to school instead of teaching how to handle her situations is telling her, she cannot handle these situations.
Empower your daughter to at least not always assume people are judging her negatively.. Then work on her looking at people in the eyes. Then help her with speaking up for herself.
Once our daughter was in middle school, we as [arents were encouraged to first have our children speak with teachers about situations or concerns..
Or if they were having social concerns to speak with a school counselor or Asst. Principal..
Yes, our daughter is very shy and quiet, she is an observer of people, but I HAD to allow her to speak for herself. I knew this was just as important as her math, language arts and science.
I know it is hard as a parent to allow our children to grow up, to be uncomfortable in some situations.. but they need to overcome their fears and their weaknesses to be able to grow up and gain self confidence. ..
If you feel you are not the person to help her with this, find a therapist.
It sounds to me like the teacher wanted to know why your daughter was behaving the way she does - very shy - and not calling her dumb. There's a difference. My sister was incredibly shy after our parents' divorce. Sometimes there's a reason the teacher doesn't know at first.
I would see how it goes. If your daughter can thrive in the class (who hasn't had a mistake on first impression at some point in their lives?) then no need to move her anywhere. If she doesn't, then ask for a move to another class. I think you need to give the teacher the chance you are asking her to give your child.
My Daughter is shy.
But... she has NEVER ever, been taken as "dumb" by any Teachers she has had.
And no, my daughter is not stupid.
But she is shy and is always shy, in the beginning.
BUT her Teachers, have ALWAYS known, that my Daughter is capable.
I don't know why, 3 Teachers already, has thought this of your daughter.
Is your daughter a good communicator?
What is her body language?
Maybe they misread her... because of her overall demeanor.
I'm not sure why you say the teacher says your daughter is dumb. This could have been that the teacher knew she was a new student. if she had no background on your child why should she not ask questions? Your daughter "figured out" the teacher thinks she is dumb? If your daughter is only in 3rd grade that would be a weird thing for her to figure out. More likely she heard maybe you and your husband discussing it? It sounds like you have already made up your mind about this new teacher. And yes I myself would probably ask to have her moved because it doesn't matter what happens your going to assume it was because the teacher thinks your child is dumb. this is a lot of assumptions on your part for only 3 days in the new school.
I haven't heard of ANY teacher getting "dumb" confused with shy. I was shy all throughout, and made the honor roll every time. Not one teacher thought I was "dumb" because of it.
Hmmm... sorry this is happening, but I only wonder if it is something else that these teachers are picking up on... wouldn't know what, but I think it would be beneficial to both your daughter and the teacher to move on together, and perhaps your daughter would be able to pick up on what she MAY be doing to give teachers this impression and change that. This may be a LOOONG ways away, but it made me think of someone interviewing for a job. It isn't JUST what is on paper that proves you are the right peron to hire, but that one-on-one interview is key as well. People skills are very important!
Good luck to your daughter!
added after dwelling on this issue of yours: perhaps you and your daughter need to strengthen focus on social skills behavior, manners, appearance. I'm guessing she's in 5th grade? Those aspects of life are very important, impressions on others. She also definitely sounds old enough to take some constructive criticism, and use that strength to her advantage to really make herself a well-rounded individual.
Yes, I think you're overreacting a bit. If this was the first time, I could see your point a bit better, but clearly the issue is your child's shyness and not the three teachers who have wondered about her. You said your child figured the teacher thought she was dumb, so the teacher never said anything to that effect. It takes A LOT to properly identify, test and serve special needs kids, and most teachers try to identify and get on top of that sort of thing as fast as possible because it can often mean months of classroom problems if they don't. It sounds like the teacher just wanted to get an idea of the background your daughter was coming from in order to better understand. Yes, it would have been best for her to call you and ask (although -would that have gone down better with you?) but I don't think is something to get upset about.
The teacher should not have asked your daughter these questions. She should have checked her file, or asked you, if she had concerns.
My daughter's first grade teacher said in front of her that she was not a good reader. Yes, she was behind "grade level" in reading. But, she is also a stubborn personality and once she was told she wasn't any good at reading I struggled to get her to read at all for that entire year. After having teachers better at dealing with my child in 2nd and 3rd grade, she finished third grade testing at 99th percentile for reading! She now reads all the time with no prompting from us.
I would have concerns about this teacher, I would ask to meet with her to discuss this. I would also have concerns about your daughter's shyness. It doesn't seem to be helping her succeed in school. You might want to talk with a school or outside counselor about ways to help your daughter adapt to new situations and express herself at school. I was a shy child also, and struggled with this through college. I would have appreciated some real help.
Since the new teacher has apologized I would let it go and move on, see how things progress. Give her a fair chance, sometimes it's the older, more stubborn, stuck-in-their-way educators that can be even more difficult to deal with. Also, you don't want to create a habit of requesting a change of teachers at your daughter's whim, the adults around her should be making those decisions.
Your daughter may be academically very bright, but slow in other ways, perhaps socially and emotionally (?) which at first may make her seem more immature than she actually is.
I'm not saying this is the case, as of course I don't know your daughter at all, but I think it's something to think about. Also, I'm not bashing her for being shy, that's simply a personality trait and there's nothing wrong with that!
YES, I think you are overreacting to this and making it more of an issue than it really is. However, I think you are just trying to be your daughter's #1 advocate which is normal as a parent. I think you are doing a good thing by asking other moms' their opinions before making it a bigger issue with the school. My daugther is shy and sometimes I think her sensitivities stem from her shyness. Reassure your daughter that her teacher does not think she is dumb simply because she asked those questions. I think she asked those questions to try to encourage your daughter to share a conversation with her. (Yes... maybe she could of asked different questions about herself, but it didn't go that way this time.)
I hope she has a great school year.
We have the tendency to over react when it comes to our a children and that's okay. Who else is going to??? Clearly you're disappointed of their initial impression of your daughter and how great she really is. Let it slide this time. They have so many kids they are getting to know and it's a new school for the teacher too. You need to tell the teacher that you would like to be the first point of contact if there are any concerns or questions about your daughter.
This year we transferred my son from one private to another because of the lack luster curriculumn. He was also doing very well in his previous school, but they still recommended tutoring during the summer. It wasn't because he was "dumb", he just wasn't up to speed on THEIR curriculumn. The tutor is a teacher at the school and she said my son IS very smart and she had no concerns with him "catching up". They use these phrases ever so nonchalantly leaving us thinking, BEHIND, CATCH UP...whaaaat?! My recommendation, don't take what their saying so literal. They don't mean it the way you're taking it. I'm sure they could do a better job executing their point, but their not :) Calm down and pump your daughter with confidence and she'll shred that place!
