Terrible Two's - Bradenton,FL

It passes!
have you tried giving her a choice for stuff? "Do you want to wear this shirt or this shirt?" "Want me to use a brush or a comb?" That kind of thing.....

Mine is the same age. We're dealing with the same.

This too shall pass. She won't sit still for book time... Not for a couple years. I have a 7yo daughter and a 26mo old son. I actually gave my kids places they were allowed to climb and could be safe or at least monitored and prevent injuries. My daughter never was a climber... My son... Another story. He is all me. One of his nicknames is 'crash' because he's Mr. Accident Prone. Again, just like me.

I brush my teeth with my kids to show them how to do it and I let them do it. Those are baby teeth and are going to fall out anyways. Meh... Unless we're going somewhere, if they don't want their hair brushed, I don't fight about it. But I will let them 'brush' their own hair if that's what they want. When they're done, I will say, 'oh... you missed a spot, can i help you?' They give into that. Toys get 'thrown away' if thrown (i quote that because we just throw them into a garbage bag and make them earn it back, but they don't know we're not actually throwing it away). Getting diaper and dressed... I let my son run naked for about 15min before telling him he is required to be diapered and dressed. But I also tell him that if he wants to not have a diaper that he has to go poop and pee on the potty all the time. And finally... Screaming happens. If she's screaming AT you, tell her that you're not screaming... There is no need for her to scream either. You'd be surprised how much they understand at this age.

It will pass, but you need to set boundaries and stick with them. If you give in, even once, she will see that weakness. You also need to pick your battles. She doesn't want her hair combed? Fine, today it will stick out everywhere. Diapers are required, throwing toys isn't allowed, etc. All she is doing is testing you, and right now you are failing the test. :) She is also looking for your reaction, so make sure that you deal with her calmly and show no outward irritation or frustration, and don't yell.

Its totally normal and it will pass soon enough :-)

At this age one tip worked for us: if she wants to do something (ie. watch Dora, eat a snack, etc) you ask her if she wants to do her thing...she agrees and then you say well to do that we have to do your thing first.... (change diaper, brush hair, etc). getting them to acknowledge they want something gives you the advantage and you will be surprised that they start cooperating. If she doesn't cooperate then of course you have to be prepared to not give her request until she complies. this for us, removed the power struggle out of the equation becuase at this age that all it really is. For personal grooming things, we had really good luck with doing these things infront of a mirror (making funny faces and seeing how pretty her hair turns out). you can also try to give her some responsbilities (i.e.her job to put her PJ's in the hamper, her job to choose the cereal). you will be surprised when you give her some responsiblity/control that there are less battles. This age they are like a humming bird bouncing from one thing to another and total ants in their pants so some really good physical activity helps burn off this frenetic energy.

Good luck and your grandaughter is lucky to have such a caring and involved Grandma!

All the moms have great ideas. I also have one more suggestion, if she fights at diaper change time, it may be time to potty train! I started my daughter at 18 months and everyone thought I was crazy but it only took a few weeks!

Try reading "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr Harvey Karp. There is lots of good advice in there about dealing with spirited toddlers :)

It will pass! My son is only 6 months old, but I have a younger relative who went through horrendous terrible twos. She is now a very well-mannered and lovely 8-year-old. I think the terrible twos are just a child's way of expressing their desire for independence. Give her a little room to do her own thing during the day (i.e. let her play by herself while you watch her from another room). I think this will help ease this stressful time!

It will.
Meanwhile, really YokaReeder- check out her dvd's, this lady has helped me sooooo much.
best, k

i have this very same problem with my two and a half yo son so i know how you feel and even though i am a stay at home mom we put him in a two day a week childs day out program which helps alot

It is normal, it will pass, it's not terrible, it's testing limits and trying out independence. Give her some. Keep her safe. I find that if you distract thru play, you get more cooperation. I fight with my toddler to brush his teeth every day because "he is big boy and wants to do it himself", so I let him. I will get it when he is not paying attention. Make light of it. It is frustrating but don't sweat it. She is on her own agenda, not yours, lol...don't you know there's a lot to accomplish in her world, and you're getting in her way. Who cares about teeth, hair and those petty stuff. That's your concern, not hers...I am just making you not stress over it....She is growing every day and soon she will be 3 and then you will be talking about more tantrums :-))

I like Denise's idea. WIth my 2 yr old son it has ALWAYS been great to give him two options. "Mom brush your teeth or Dad brush your teeth?" "Oatmeal or Scrambled Egg?" "Clean up now or get a spanking?" "Comb your hair or brush your hair?"

Give her some choices and let her feel like she has some control of her life. Maybe that will help. ??

You need to take control! I highly recomend buying the book, "to train up a child" by the Pearls. Don't give warnings, don't lose your temper, don't yell. Just say calmly what you want her to do and if she does not obey give her a small spanking and tell her again what she needs to do. Always reminder her that you love her and always stay calm don't get mad- just stay consistant. Good luck!

Yes, gramma, it will pass.
As a gramma myself I found out that negotiating some things could help. For example, brushing teeth. Using two brushes, one for darling and one for the adult. Tell her she can brush them first and you'll go in afterwards, just to check ; - ) Do her hair while she is busy with some toy--this has to be fast! For dressing, pick two outfits you approve of and ask her to "pick" the one she wants to wear. She' believe the choice was hers and will get dressed in no time. About the climbing, picki her up and show her what is on the counters. She's just curious. You must realize now is the time she's mobile enough to explore the wonderful world around her.

Yes, it will pass. It seems all children hit this stage at different ages. For me, my son started it at 3, my daughter at 20 months. It really is about them learning their boundaries so they know where they feel safe and learning some independence. Things that we don't think are a big deal really are a HUGE deal to them. I heard once that for a 2 year old having a toy taken away by another child is to adults as if our car were stolen. When I remember that it helps me to keep my patience with my daughter who is in this stage as we speak!
I read some good suggestions - give 2 choices for things; make a deal - you want to play outside, well we need to brush your hair first(or whatever you need done), and giving her jobs to do. My daughter has an older brother so she thinks she can do more than she can. I try to give her jobs to help and she is very cooperative then.
I think you do need to establish boundaries and consequences but not make it a power struggle or else you will always be fighting with her. She does need to know that adults are in charge, but children will learn to respect others when they receive respect as well.
Try not to lose your patience with her - she is growing and developing and this really is a normal stage. Also, someone told me that you really do hope she is independent and strong when she is older - well, she is starting on that now :>)
One other idea, because reading is so very important - it's also how they learn their language and expand their vocabulary - ask her if she will read a book to you. It may only be very short, but that is ok, it will get longer as she gets older and gets more into a routine. My daughter will be 2 next week, we have always been reading to her. About 2 weeks ago it just hit her that she likes books and they are part of her routine. She will get a book after bath and climb into the rocking chair by herself. One night we were running late and needed to get her into bed so we skipped the book - BIG mistake! She cried for 25 minutes. I was so worried about giving in that I just let her cry and tried to console her. What I should have done was turn the light on and spend 5 minutes reading a book! Like the saying goes - hindsight is 20/20!
Best of luck!

We have a 2 and a 4 year old. They're 21 months apart, and we're right in the middle of it, too.

We simply don't tolerate it. Our son (4) is finally getting out of the challenging phase where he simply wouldn't listen. We still have struggles, but we're getting considerably better. He now understands that he is much happier with positive vs. negative affirmation.

We simply have established the authority, and that as kids, they don't get to make the rules. That doesn't mean we don't allow them to be kids. They certainly need their time each day to be wild, crazy, uninhibited, and free, but the rules of the house are clearly defined, and there is a consistent and appropriate punishment for breaking them.......it's up to each parent/grandparent to determine what that appropriate method of discipline is.