Sleeping at Night in the Crib....

Make up a night time routine... a bath... a lil play time... reading time... then maybe a bottle... and set her to sleep... eventually she might pick up on the routine and follow it...
Maybe leave her in her crib... lights off...once she starts crying go to her and rub her till she falls asleep... sometimes I've had to do that and slowly walk backwards out the room...once she starts crying... i softly shush shush till she stops and then i make my way slowly to the door until I'm out and she's asleep....

My son had some nighttime separation anxiety about that age as well. I'm not sure if it's the Ferber method that helped me. I did our usual bedtime routine of snuggles and rocking and he would go into crib sleepy but not actually asleep. That's when the crying would start. I would just sit in his room but not talk or make eye contact - I had already said my good night stuff to him. The first night he cried for a awhile (30 min) and tried everything he could to get me to look at him, talk or pick him up, but I knew he was safe because he could see me and didn't give in - it was SO Hard. By the third night he only cried 5 min. Then I moved to being in the doorway doing the same thing, then finally outside room with door open, that only took a few more days. By the end of the week we were back to our usual bedtime routine. He then went through it again a few months later and the same method worked but even quicker. I liked the fact that he could see me and knew I was there for him, but had to learn how to soothe himself, it has served him well (he's 4 now). Once in awhile he has a nightmare that wakes him up, but I can go to him, tuck him back in, reassure him and he's asleep on his own again within minutes. I hope this helps you, good luck!

i have 5 kids: 19, 17, 16 & 2 1/2 twins....she cries because she knows it will work. school and nap time are scheduled & no-nonsense routines...all of the different things you have tried are showing her that if she just cries long enough, you'll show pity & take her out of her bed. Unfortunately, you need to keep her in the bed...don't even rock or pat her back.
use the same routine as nap. lay her down & walk away.
if still crying, wait 5 minutes, go in, lay her down & walk away.
wait 10 minutes, so on & so forth. it may take 2 or 3 nights--i suggest starting on a weekend---but will be well worth it in the long run...as you know from naps.
i have had to do this with 3 of my 5 kids, but it works--as i'm sure you know--it's just hard--but both of you will have a better night sleep once she is on the routine--this same thing works if she wakes up in the middle of the night--they will learn to put themselves back to sleep. (i do agree with being sick, though--you just can't use that too much or she'll think its a new option--these kids are smart, huh?)

It is so hard when children won't sleep. I have two thoughts--the first is that she may not need such a long nap. My son is just 17 months old and will often only nap for 1-1.5 hours a day. He then sleeps for 12-13 hours at night. The other thought is to let her cry it out. While this is very difficult (on you), she will get used to being in the crib. Best of luck!

I think you need to establish a bedtime routine and stick with it. Try putting her to bed earlier because it sounds like she is already overtired when you put her down. Try putting her to sleep at 7 or even 6:30 at first. My son is 11 months and he still goes to bed at 7 or 7:30. It's so much easier to put him to bed early. Here is a good routine: bath, put on pjs, brush teeth, read a story, rock her or hold her and sing a little song (no more than 2 or 3 minutes) and then put her in her crib, say good night or I love you, etc and walk out. Don't stay there next to her or she will be focused on you instead of falling asleep and she will cry. Of course this will not work immediately, but if you stick with it and don't take her out or go back in, it will work in a few days. Of course if she is sick or teething or wakes up in the middle of the night you can go in, but the same rule applies. You can comfort her for a few minutes, maybe give her a sippy cup of water, but after that, lay her back down in her crib and leave. Most likely the problem is not being scared, it's probably just that she has learned that you will take her out if she starts crying. As long as she thinks you will come back and take her out, she will keep crying. But she is old enough to learn that you expect her to sleep in her crib by herself. You also have to differentiate between crying and whining or making noise in her sleep. It might be tough to deal with the first few nights but at this point since she is so old, there is not much else you can do. All the tricks work when they are younger.
You can get the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weisbluth. I had the opposite problem with my son not napping in the crib and using the methods in this book helped me to finally get him to nap in the crib. It's all about consistency.
Otherwise, you can just let her sleep in the bed with you if you don't mind, but you will have a hard time getting her out of there when she is 3 or 4. The longer you wait the worse it will be to get her back to her own bed.
If there is any way you can get a separate bedroom for your son I would do that too. A 9 year old should not have to share his room with a baby. He is getting to the age where he needs his own space and privacy.

K.,
If I were you I would go get her a toddler bed or twin bed and put the crib away. My daughter did not like the crib when she was 9 months old so we put a twin mattress on the floor and then after a month put it on the bed frame. Your daughter may be at the age where she wants to be just like everyone else and as much as you may not want her to be out of the crib she is ready.
With my son we didn't have any choice, he stood up on the top rail one morning and jumped. Worst part was we didn't have carpeting in his room and the crib was 3 feet away from the wall and only a few inches from the doorway. My husband and I ran so fast to him it wasn't funny; I don't think our feet ever hit the floor. He was fine, laughing and wanted to do it again. The crib got dismantled immediately, then we went out and bought him a firetruck toddler bed.
I hope this helps and puts a smile on your face.
Hugs,
T.

Hi K.. I was just thinking that maybe she just misses you. Have you read healthy sleep habits happy child? Or secrets of the baby / toddler whisperer ? There are various ways to wean them off this habit based on your comfort zone. It basically comes down to consistency. With a lot of kids, if they sleep with you once, they always want to sleep with you. And you are mommy...warm, cozy and her #1. She's still a baby but is now also a toddler. So shes maybe testing limits and knows what she wants. Ask her day care for detailed reports about her behvaior to get a better sense of how she copes with stuff. She is changing so fast now and you may be surprised how slick she is. I found that giving them extra cuddling throughout their non-sleep hours and then ignoring them (extinction) unless they are sick during bedtime - no matter what, (even teething) really works. And when sick they dont need to sleep in my bed. I just need to go in more and check on them or hold them. I also never let them in my bed. baby whisperer says "Do as you mean to go on" Meaning if you do something once (i.e. M&M's before dinner) then expect they will always fight you for that. SUcks that we cant have it all but some kids are sticklers and are studying you! Let her play w toys in her crib so she knows its a special place...if you allow tv let her sit in there once in a while and watch a DVD with a milk. do this while you clean her room so she knows its not always a place to be left. At night - let her sleep with you if you dont mind her potentially always sleeping with you. But if you dont want it - do her a favor and teach her now that she needs to soothe herself to sleep and that you wont come when she cries when you know she is fine. Talk to her - she understands more than she can speak. Its maybe too confusing for her at her age to sleep with you "sometimes". I am a really loving mom and my 2 kids age 4 and 2 are really happy kids. Both great sleepers and both lived through my strict and consistent expectations for sleep. They both cried and fought it and eventually learned to soothe themselves an forgot about it. They LOVE their beds and feel very safe there. My son at 4 now knows we can have "sleepovers" as a special treat but not a regular thing. I just think it really helps their sense of security to know you believe in them and know they are fine and for them to see you are in charge and confident. Crying doesnt always mean something is "wrong" - it often means "I want something Im not getting" and that something is often not whats best for them. I believe families should do what produces happy mommies. Its the most important example of taking care of oneself. If you sleep well and love her in your bed then make that a family bed, But if you are unhappy sometimes - then teach her what you expect an she will adjust. Do it lovingly and firmly while projecting confidence onto her and dont feel guilty. She will believe whatever you say. Since she is in habit already the crying will take a few weeks (my son took a couple months!) but usually it is only at bedtime and susbsides. At night they often have wakings and cry then go back to sleep. If you go in - they wait for it every time. My daughter (2nd child) cries for an 1/8th of the time my son did cuz I never started the habit with her. (she goes like 2 minutes once in a blue moon he went 20 on average every night from 12 months old to 18 months!!! he used to sleep with me as an infant) first few weeks she may go over an hour and pass out and wake up mid way thru night and do it again. the more you ignore it -the faster it ends. They just go in the morning with a big smile and lots of love. i worried so much about this and now I am in bliss. Its up to you - just make a choice and enjoy yourself. She will be nine before you know it and you'll miss it!!! ha ha!!!

PS _ I also wanted to add that I dont ignore my son when he cries now that he is in a bed and is a good sleeper. Now I go in and make sure hes ok and talk to him but the expectation is still he sleeps in his own bed. we quickly deal with whatever is upsetting him and dont drag it out (bad dream, need extra hugs etc.) healthy sleep is a major expectation for me and he knows that. But when they are in a crib and toddlers and forming habits and testing you is when I ignore. But i also listen for the type of cry. when they are in pain it sounds different then a protest cry or poop cry. My instincts are usually right (like tonight her leg was stuck in the bars!) so trust your instincts and DONT FEEL GUILTY> DO what makes u a happy mommy. and if it is sleeping with her cuz you miss her then cuddle up. they are delicious and grow so fast!!!

I can relate. From birth my son was a great sleeper, but it was very difficult getting him to sleep. I finally read "The baby whisperer." I followed exactly what she specified to get an active baby to sleep and it worked. Buy it! I could sit here and explain to you all the steps to go through, but the book is so much more in depth. Just a small glimpse; one thing she stressed is setting a good routine so that your child knows what to expect at night; pj's then story, then bottle, then good night song, then crib, rub back, lights out (just an example.) We found that our son would go down like clockwork if we kept to the exact same routine every night. Unfortunatley, it might take you a few days to get your daughter use to the routine. But once she understands it, she too will be itching to get into her crib. My son is now 6 months old, goes down easily and wakes up once for a feeding. Oh, and your daughter is not afraid of her crib if she can take a nap in it.

I'm wondering if it's a new found separation anxiety? I echo the idea that, if you don't mind, bring her in your bed. I've been telling my son lately that, it's night time and, if he wakes up and cries or can't sleep, I'll come get him. This seemed to help him go to bed with less reluctance. If he does wake up during the night, I either hold him and put him back in his bed once he's calm again, or bring him into our bed. He doesn't do it all that often. I'd like to think it's because he feels secure knowing we'll come to him if he does wake up and get upset.Pretty soon, your daughter will be able to understand a lot more, so you could try a similar approach? Good luck.

Do you have a consistent nighttime routine? This is extremely important, especially at this age. Doesn't matter what it is or how short or long. But it must be a process and consistent.

Secondly, EVEN SO, my daughter will every so often really get into a testing-the-boundaries mode. Sometimes of course, it is b/c of a legit reason. Sometimes not. The best way I've learned to handle that is ask my husband to get involved. She most certainly tests me more than him. So if I've already tried and she's still giving me a hard time, he'll put her back down. She may resist a little more or not at all but will certainly respond differently. Moreover, I have found that whether with the sleeping issue or any other, it's almost as if they take turns (yeah, some overlap) with the testing of otherwise firm boundaries and routines. But I'm pretty solid (we are) on these things and I will consistently push back (basically) and if I've remained firm, she will get past it in about a week, week and a half tops. If I've bended, even a little here and there, then it tips the scales and her testing will last longer. It's normal and psychologically healthy that they pusch and test... but it's our job to lay down clear and consistent expectations without anger or compromise. They will re-adjust AND be more secure as a result. In the meanwhile, it pulls on our hearts, psycholigically tortures us and tempts us to compromise all the time. But remember to think long term and to be strong, your baby needs that in order to grow into the healthiest person s/he can be. Best wishes, N.

I don't really have any advice either but I am reading everyone's response to you for my own purpose. I'm going through this with my 21 month old son...only once he falls asleep he usually stays asleep - wakes a few times at night but is generally easy to get back...I am convinced that this is just how infants/toddlers are and each one is totally different. What works one night, doesn't work another. I agree that if all else fails just let her sleep in bed with you if you don't mind - I think there is to much emphasis on not allowing that but ya know what - I can remember sleeping in my parents bed every now and then and I turned out just fine...I hope that one day they will just sleep. LOL! Sorry for no advice - just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

she may be afraid of the dark without really knowing that's what the problem may be. don't tell her so though, in case that's not the situation. try not to get her in the habit of sleeping in your bed, no matter how tired you may be, you're only asking for trouble later.
see that she has all of her stuffed animals/friends with her in bed...ok, so maybe not all, but definitely her most favorite. see if this helps. she may also want to be out of a crib and in a toddler bed with a bar. if this is it, then you may want to put a baby gate in front of her door when she goes to bed to let her know that she is not to come out of her room. again, to open pandora's box.
good luck.

I have no advice, but thought I'd tell you I've been there. My son (now 18 months) always refused sleeping in his crib. We tried everything from Pantley to Ferber and nothing worked. I finally decided co-sleeping wasn't so bad...at least I got some quality sleep. Good luck.

Hi K., If your daughter sleeps well in your bed, and you don't mind her being there....there is your answer. Our's is one of the few cultures in which children do not sleep with their parents for a time. You can check out the medical advice of Dr. Sears on co-sleeping in any of his books, or his website. His book that focuses on sleeping problems is called "The Baby Sleep Book". Also check out: www.askdrsears.com As a child psychologist (and mother), I find his philosophy quite psychologically and intuitively sound. Love, J.

Hi, K..

I just wanted to echo Julie's advice. We are one of the only cultures that expect small children to sleep in a dark room by themselves without being scared or lonely. If you don't mind the baby in your bed, I think its great for children to sleep with their parents. They feel so secure. I started doing this because I also needed a good night's sleep and I refuse to let my son cry for extended periods of time - I read a lot that said that the hormones released when a child cries like that can have a psychological effect on the child. Now he is a very happy and well rested child and my husband and I are happy, well rested parents. We don't have much privacy, but we make do and its worth having everyone well rested.

Good luck and good sleep!
R.