Should They Cry Them Selfs to Sleep?

A great resource for establishing a bedtime routine ( very important) is NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION by Elizabeth Pantley. She has suggestions for transtioning "bad" sleepers gently into good sleepers. It is also a good resource for your new infant, she talks about good habits to get into from the beginning. YOu can probably find a copy at your library.
Contrary to what a previous poster said, crying is not "good for them" ?? I'd be curious to see data to back that up.
It can be really frustrating when you need the baby to go to sleep for whatever reason, but you have set your current routine over time, changing her routine gently may take a little time also, but its better than a harsh transition I think.

I am in the same boat as you. My daughter just turned 8 months and we were going to try and let her cry it out but she got sick so the doctor told us to hold off. She is still sleeping in our room and wakes at least two times a night. I need to get her sleeping before I have our second baby in August.
Right now, she will go to sleep fairly well because we always have one last diaper change, a bottle and some cuddling. We look at her mobile before I lay her down and that routine works at the start of the night. I am really interested to hear how things work out for you. Good luck.

I definately think that you should try some of the other suggestions like reading the different books and seeing if that works for you. If not the only advice I can give is that I think most of the time "crying it out" is much harder on you than it is the child. I went through this with my son though he was much younger (about 6 months) and when I knew there was nothing wrong with him I would let him cry it out. It was pure torture on me, I would just lay on the couch and listen to him while my heart broke. However, this only happened for about 3 nights and then he was sleeping peacefully through the night and has ever since. I am a firm believer in a strict bedtime routine and bedtime though it has worked wonders for us. The classical music worked well for us too, my son is now 20 months and still listens to his music at bedtime and nap time.

Hi S.,

First I think you need to figure out why she is waking up and then go from there. Is she teething? Is she hungry? Is she just waking up and doesn't know how to put herself back to sleep?

If its because she doesn't know how to put herself back to sleep then you need to help her out with that. I think you need to establish a bed time routine. In the beginning you might have to let her cry it out. (I don't like it, but it worked with my daughter). Here is the routine I have with my daughter. Last bottle at 8:00 pm. Read a book after the bottle. Rock in the chair for the duration of one lullaby song (I have a cd player in her room) Then I put her in her crib. (She is always still awake) At first she would cry when I put her in her crib. But after 10 minutes she would be asleep. After the first week she would cry for maybe 5 minutes and then she wouldn't cry at all. I do put a blanket and a lovey in the crib with her and she snuggles with them now.

I hated the crying, but it worked for us. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, I let her go for 10 minutes. If she hasn't stopped crying by then I go in and rock her for one lullaby song and then put her in her crib. Sometimes I will rub her back for a little bit and then I leave the room.

If she is teething (like my daughter is now) and she is waking up in the middle of the night, it could be that she is waking up because of pain. I will give my daughter either Tylenol or Motrin (depending on what time it is and how long since the last dose it has been). She is usually back to sleep right a way after that.

There are plenty of books out there for alternative methods. There is the Baby Whisperer which is highly recommended in my circle of friends. You might want to just look in the library and see if you can find a book that seems to match your parenting style.

Good luck!

Hi S.,

You are definitely in a tough predicament! I have a 20 month old son, and I did have to resort to letting him cry it out when he was 14 months old. He just never learned how to fall asleep on his own. But by the time he was 14 months old, I had tried all the non cry-it-out methods, and none of them worked! (But I definitely recommend that you try all of them first, like other posters suggested. I really did like the book No Cry Sleep Solution (or whatever) by Elizabeth Pantley. Like I said, it just didn't work for us.)

I finally had to resort to letting him cry it out because like you, I was (and still am) pregnant, and I was desperate. But I did it my own way. There is a rocking chair/glider in my son's room next to his crib. So when I laid him in his crib, I stayed in that chair the entire time because I did not want him to think I was abandoning him more than I already felt I was! I just did not make eye contact with him for most of the time. Every five minutes, I would get up, give him a kiss and hug for about a minute!, then lay him back down. He would get up immediately, but I just sat back down for another five minutes. When I got up to hug him and lay him back down every five minutes, I would give him eye contact. I just didn't do it when I was sitting on the rocking chair for those five minutes. I did try to wait 10 minutes before lying him back down, but I could never do it. I think the most I could last was 7 or 8 minutes, but usually just 5.

The first night, he screamed/cried for almost an hour. The next night, he cried for almost 45 minutes. But the 3rd night, he didn't even cry for 10 minutes, and by the 4th night, we were good to go!!! You must believe me when I tell you that my son was not the only one crying those first few nights--it broke my heart as well!!

Now that my son falls asleep on his own every night, on the rare occassion he does not fall asleep or if he wakes up in the middle of the night, I always, always go to him because I know something is bothering him. Sometimes he is sick or not feeling well; other times it is because he just needs some cuddle time. So I do feel bad it came to letting him cry it out, but it is something I needed to do with him, and everything worked out just fine. I promise you there are no long-term ill effects on my son or on our relationship because of this!

Anyway, I definitely recommend trying all non-cry sleep solutions first that other people have mentioned. And I would never, EVER recommend letting a baby cry it out before they are 6 months old. Even Dr. Ferber recognizes that babies under 6 months cannot self-soothe themselves. But boy, I tell ya, I am definitely going to try to get my baby girl (due literally any day now) to sleep on her own much sooner. It's like my mom says "The first kid is a learning kid!" No kidding!

Good luck!

Hi S.!

I can't say that I have any suggestions on helping your 10 month old sleep, my twins are 9 mons and still wake up in the middle of the night and let out a cry. I have let them cry themselves to sleep and that has helped, but for us going in there and letting them now we are there with out picking them up works best. We also think that they are just bad sleepers like their father is:o( But I can tell you I read in a book 8 years ago that said the best way to lay a baby to sleep is from the day that they are born but them still awake in their crib and let them fall asleep on their own. I have lived by this for 8 years and 4 kids later, I don't know where I would be without it. I don't have to rock my kids to sleep, change them, feed them, kiss/hug them, say good night, lay them down and they fall asleep on their own. That may work with your next baby. Good luck with your older baby and getting her to sleep!

I have been there...and don't miss it :) Our son did not have a set schedule and a daily/nightly routine, that is how we got into this same issue. We finally set up a actual bedtime (7:30pm)and instead of me leaving having him cry himself to sleep, i would sit on the floor next to the bed for 20 minute max then leave (each night reduce time frame of sitting and scoot closer to door each night so eventually you are out of sight but still in room). If he cried, i would wait 1 minute for each month of their age then go back in to check on her. Never pick her back up, this gives her false hope of getting and staying up and thinks she has won...rub her back to sooth her...then walk out again...repeat until she is asleep. This took us about 2 weeks and then the routine was set.

I agree with the recommendation of the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is excellent! Along with what this book says, I would try a fairly set bed-time, maybe earlier than she is currently going to bed. I find that if my child goes to bed when he seems tired, this is actually too late and then he doesn't sleep well. Try putting her to bed a little bit before she normally seems tired. Good luck! Let us know what works for you!

S.-

My pediatrician said that we needed to let our daughter learn how to put herself to sleep; that we should put her in her bed when she was still awake and let her learn how to soothe herself to sleep. We have aided that with playing a CD of classical music when we put her down and using a mobile. She is now 20 months and we rarely have to get up to put her back to sleep when she wakes up at night because she knows how to do it herself.

If have been reading/listening to information on sleep training for babies lately and they say the same thing. Crying themselves to sleep is a good thing for them and you. It might be really hard to take a first (it was for us) but you are both better off in the long run. If you Google 'infant sleep training' you will find all kinds of information and resources on the topic of how to train your daughter to fall asleep on her own.

Good Luck!
J.

wow.. it is easier to start good habits then to break bad ones..

when you have your second child.. start early start teaching the new baby how to fall asleep in bed. we started my daughter falling asleep in her bed at 4 weeks. we never let her cry- in the beginning we put her inthe bed and stood next to the bed patting her back rocking the cradle and replacing the pacifier - but it got easier. she learned how to fall asleep on her own.

there is a good book on children and sleep-- Healthy sleep happy child. - the library probably has it.. I highly recommend it.

you can do sleep training on your daughter ... she can learn to go to sleep without rocking.

Lisa

Okay honey now this was what my ped. told me and let me tell you I cried the whole night too. We put Emma in her room and let her cry. It was a nighmare, I went in at 5 min...then 10 mins later...then 20 mins....just talking to her. Made sure her diaper was good, turned her noise maker on and off about 100 times...finally she fell asleep and after that she will ONLY sleep in her crib. I know its horrible but thats what we did. Good luck hon, with your daughter and your new addition!!

i agree with you. i dont like the idea of letting thm\em cry to sleep. i am at a loss with this too. i have a baby thats 9 months so i am glad you asked!

Personally I don't think that you should let her cry herself to sleep. First, I would put her to sleep when she is drowsy but not yet asleep, regardless of whether or not she has had a bottle or not. When you put her in her crib, if she cries, let her go, for say to start, 5-7 minutes then go in there and reassure her by either picking her up, BUT NOT LEAVING HER ROOM, and holding her until she settles down. If you put her down and she cries yet again, wait another 5-7 minutes then repeat the holding. Eventually she will get tired and fall asleep. Might take a week but eventually she will get it that it is night night time. This way your daughter doesn't feel abandoned, but is learning to fall asleep on her own which is very important. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I would let her cry for 5-7 minutes (or longer for at night and at bedtime) then go to her. You may be surprised when she falls asleep on her own, and if you go in there too soon, you may be robbing her of the chance to achieve going back to sleep on her own. This may take a while, or maybe just a few nights but all the research on sleep habits did us some good!! GOOD LUCK!!

hi S.

I give my baby some baby ceral before bed then put her in her bed with a bottle and she goes to sleep she has a set bed time and she is only 2 months old she is now sleeping through the night. she goes to bed at 12 am sleep until like 6:30 or 7:30 am wants a bottle then goes back to sleep for like 2 hrs then up for an hour then back to bed and sleep alot in the day too.
maybe that will work for you too.

hope my advice works
sincerly
S.

Well first off you have to get a routine going with your little one. We do bath reading time and bed so it's all low key. You can do bath read bottle or whatever you want to start winding her down before bed. Once she expects this routine it really helps her and you for the most part at bed time. I always hated my little one crying himself to sleep, but sometimes you have to. She's just used to doing her own thing and you doing yours at this point. I'm not saying it'll be easy but I think in the long run you'll both be happier. Good luck.