Cry It Out - Spring Hill, TN

yes you are doing the right thing just have patince

I'm one of the old school moms and this may sound harsh but YOU started this first with the swing at naptimes and second taking him to your bed. Now you're having to deal with "spoiling" him. Swings were never meant to put a child in for his/her nap. Your baby got used to the sway and it put him to sleep, much like taking a fussy infant for a ride in a car, years ago, to quiet them. And taking a baby to bed with you has always been a very bad idea. You have learned the hard way, what the consequences are for that now. You probably should go ahead and phone your doctor, there may be a medication to calm him, but I firmly beleive you're going to have to keep up what you are doing. Tough love, kinda, because if you go back to the swing for naps and your bed at night, it will only get worse. And do you really want the baby in your bed until he's well into the toddler stage and beyond?!
If I may ask...did you do the same with your first child? If not, why did you start all this with the second?

If it were me I would go to the child and comfort him, he is crying for a reason and his obviously beyond his breaking point. He will stop crying not because he is 'happy' but because his only way to ask for help has stopped working. Children in orphanages do the same thing, they dont cry even though they need the love, attention, and affection. Rows of silent babies in cribs. There are studies that show long term effects from this type of treatment- try googling anxiety disorders and cry it out.

Im sorry if this sound harsh, but the treatment your son has undergone is also harsh- the one person he depends on has suddenly stopped listening to him. Please listen to your heart and comfort your child.

If your baby cries for more than 20 minutes you should always comfort them. They are incable of verbal communication so crying is the only way they can get your attention. My oldest child is 3 and I still have to lay with him until he falls asleep. I had two children after him who both go to sleep on their own. I believe it is different personality traits, some kids are more "needy" than others. I tried letting my son "cry it out" and two weeks later I had still made no progress and decided it was not the best thing for him. When I asked the pediatrician she told me never to let him cry for more than 20 minutes. Maybe you could move the crib to your room so he knows he is not alone and when he gets adjusted to that you could move him to his own room. Best of luck!

Oh boy do I remember those days!

Have him checked out by the dr to rule anything out you may be missing. If he comes back clear stick to your routine at Nap and Bedtime. It takes approx 10 days to change a habit and your already 3 days into it!

Once you get this mastered it really is a live saver!

K.

Don't undo all the work you've BOTH done so far. Stick with your cry-it-out routine for night time--he'll get back into the groove as long as you're consistent. As for naps, let him cry for an hour, and if he's not asleep by then, get him up and try again later. My guess is that the change in his nap routine is affecting his night time sleep--probably because he is not as well-rested. But it's time to get him out of the swing and into the crib.

My oldest got used to napping in his car seat and eventually got to the point where he wasn't napping at all. It took me two months to get his napping back on track. I recommend reading Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth. He does a great job of explaining how babies' sleep develops over the months/years and gives strategies and tips on how to deal with sleep issues. I re-read it before my second son was born to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes again. Good luck!

First of all it is completely up to you as to whether he stays in your bed or not. My 6 year old (now 8) was in bed with me for the 13 month deployment and this last one, 6 monther, he slept in his own bed.
Babies are grow up to fast. All 4 of mine were in bed with us on and off unti they were 3 or 4. Now during times of stress my little guy still comes in.
When he is 18 I can assure you he isn't going to be sleeping in your bed or wetting his pants or throwing food at the window. My eldest is 20 and I sure do miss those days sometimes.

I see no reason why your baby can't nap in a swing as long as necessary, or until he outgrows it. He's happy, you're happy, whatever works. I don't think that is "spoiling" at all, but I am not old-school I guess. I tried a little of everything and cry-it-out never worked for us. You have to figure out what works for you, and not let people make you feel bad for it. I also recommend the No-Cry Sleep Solution. My son used to be a terrible sleeper, but these days he is finally getting it. That book gives lots of tips and things to try that let you decide what you are comfortable with. You take whichever method works for you. And I think more than anything, it helps you understand what is going on with babies that you may not know. I found out I was doing everything wrong and making it confusing for him and I didn't even realize it. It helped to know how babies sleep and what was normal because they are completely different from adults.

My son did the same thing. He also slept in his swing until he was 8 months old, but I let him, since he slept for 12 hours in it. At 8 months we put him in his crib. At first he cried every night. I would just rock him until he fell asleep and then put him in his crib. He would wake up and cry immediately, but I would wait 5 minutes before going in. Even then, I would just go in and talk to him and pat his back. I didn't pick him up or turn on the light. I kept doing this and waited 15 minutes the next time before going in. You have to let them get used to the crib and help them understand that they are going to sleep in the crib and it's OK. After 1 1/2 hours of him crying and me going in every 15 minutes, he finally fell asleep. He never woke up again. Now he is 16 months old and sleeps 12 hours every night. Sometimes, I hear him wake up and cry in the middle of the night. He never cries for more than 5 minutes and soothes himself back to sleep. I don't have to get up and go in there. If you just tough it out, they learn to go back to sleep without you, which is what you want. I know plenty of people who get up all night long with their baby. You want them to sleep all night alone and not need you. Each time you go in there, you reinforce that if they cry, you will come. If you just wait, you give them the opportunity to go back to sleep by themselves. I know it sounds mean, but I am practically the only person I know whose baby sleeps 12 hours each night and he has been doing this since 8 months. I don't feel like I am a bad mother, I feel like I am a good mother by helping him get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which I know he needs to be healthy. It's not good to wake up all night and not get god sleep... Good luck.

No offense, but I disagree with Judith. I have read pros and cons about co-sleeping and I don't think that sleeping with your child and providing comfort to them is wrong. My daughter slept in her pack and play when I brought her home and then developed acid reflux and had a very hard time sleeping on her back and I couldn't put her on her tummy. In order to get her to sleep, I put her in bed with us and on her side and she was finally able to sleep. She's almost 22 months and she will still sleeps with us. However, she will sleep in her bed at night. I put her in there and lay on the floor beside her until she falls asleep. She's never been one to sleep for long periods of time and will only sleep for about 5-6 hours and then wakes up. I can usually get her back to sleep in her bed only to wake up about an hour later and then I put her back in bed with us. I've always believed that kids will do what they are intended to do on in their own time frame. I think cuddling your baby for a few minutes and then putting them back in their bed is fine; you just need to keep to your plan if thats what you want. Take a longer period of time going back in there (wait 3 min go back in, then 5 min go back in and so forth). I think going with your gut is the way to go and a book to tell you how to be a parent should give you ideas but not be the dictator. Good luck!

I have a few friends who tried sleepeasy which is a modified cry it out and it worked for two out of three of them. I am using the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantly. It seems to work for my son. Mainly you get them to the point of sleep and set them down if they cry you pick them up and rock them or rub their back whatever works when they are calm and tired you set them down again. Sometimes it takes 20-30 minutes but only at first. After about a week my son who had been sleeping in our bed now naps in his crib in the day time. I set him down and he goes to sleep in about 2 minutes. Use you instinct. If you feel that he really needs you one day going in there will not ruin your work. One of my cry it out friends goes to her baby when his cry sounds a certain way and stays out when he is a little calmer. You are his mother and you should comfort him when he really needs you. Good luck

D., I think it is confusing to a baby why you would comfort them when they are crying and need you in the day but not the night. I know that it is very hard right now, but in the long run comforting your child will result in a well adjusted child and adult. It is a interesting phenomena of the U.S. -- that we feel our babies need to be alone. Other countries co-sleep with their babies until they are old enough and ready to sleep through the night on their own ... (old enough will vary by the child).

I have four children and I could not stand to hear them cry. I always picked up when they were crying. They were usually hungry, wet diaper, dirty diaper, afraid, or sleepy and could not get themselves to sleep. My first child always fell asleep rocking him. My second child always fell asleep holding him very still. My third child liked to be walked around to fall asleep. My last child wanted to be snuggled up close to mommy. All four of my children were different. Try to figure out what works for this baby. I think that when they cry they need something. Just meet your little one's needs--even if the need is only to know that mommy is near and will take care of me when I cry.

Hey D.. If he is sleeping good at night, don't sweat the naps. I had to use the cry it out method with my middle child. Nothing else worked. He had to have the naps or else he was a monster. At the age of 7 months to about 14 he cried himself to sleep quite a lot. Nothing else worked. finally at about 16 months I quite putting him down for naps and moved his bed-time up 45 minutes. It worked great. Good luck and just do what ever works for you and the baby for now.

God bless, M.

I could not bear to ever let my child just cry. I was taught that babies cry for a reason. They are only little once. Who really cares if they are text book and sleep in a crib at naptime? We set up the crib in our room as a co-sleeper until we weaned him at 21 months. After he weaned we moved the crib to another side of our room and turned it into a toddler bed. Never has he been unhappy and we have all accomplished a way to get a good night of sleep. Now at 25 months he has really good sleeping habits. He falls asleep rather quickly whether we are in the room or not, and he sleeps for a solid 10-14 hours every night. I feel we "sleep-trained" him without really trying. We just made sure he felt secure in his environment. Don't you ever wonder why there are so many battles to get kids to bed at night? They probably have many insecurities with sleep...

Ihaven't read the other replies so this may be repetative... every child is different, but heres what I am learning...don't make it harder than it has to be... my first napped in his swing until he was nearly a year old, I remember fearing he would get attached to it and be 16 and still in it. Let your worries fall away, and do what works... However, "crying it out" is an old approach that in my opinion is harmful. Again, it doesn't have to be that hard... www.sleeplady.com is a good resource as well as Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is a GREAT book. My thoughts are this, the only reason crying to sleep appears to work is that the baby gets utterly exhausted. WOuld you want to cry yourself to sleep? I think soothing tools help a lot...a mobile, a sound machine, vibration, the swing... and yes, heaven forbid the pacifier... these were all invented because "crying it out" is a stressful way to go to sleep and doesn't foster healthy sleep habits. Good luck :)

D., you poor thing! Hang in there! As long as he is sleeping through the night, I wouldn't worry so much about making him cry is way through naps. Some children don't need naps...I know, goes against what the docs and my nursing instructors say! But I have 3 kiddos and they just don't always need it. let it go for a few days, naps only, put him down like he enjoys, but stay strong on the night time...i hope it helps and good luck! I let my son climb into our bed until he was almost 3....husband was deployed. Regretted it, so hang in there!

Try a new routine like rocking, reading, singing, etc and then lay him down when he is tired. When he wakes up and cries, pat his back, sshhh him, pat, shhh, etc and keep doing it until he gets sleepy and falls asleep. You have to keep up a routine. As far as nighttime, you did good, hold to it. We had to do it for both our children and within 4 nights they both learned to fall asleep on their own. They did cry hard and it was heartbreaking to do but it worked. It is wonderful now b/c we literally lay them down and tell them to go to sleep and they do. Be strong, they are ok, just make sure your baby is not crying for a reason other than wanting you to pick him/her up.