I'm asking for a friend of mine who is a single of mom of 3, twin boys age 8 and daughter who is 7. She is currently going thru 2nd divorce the 1st being all 3 kids dad. Who they see in weekends and every other week during summer. She is a teacher and a great person but has made horrible descions ( which we all do). The last man which I hate saying Bc he was a total jerk.. More like a selfish boy... Was in there lives for 3 almost 4 years. They have a lot of things they have gone thru that most kids don't go thru and shouldn't go thru. Her daughter has adhd and is on meds along with childhood depression and is taking meds for. One of he boys is on adhd meds and currently got out of hospital was there a week.. And now has to wear a patch and take a oral med for high BP. Thief dad has no job so child support has been reduced and her getting paid once a month she has little to no money. Also had to had kids to her insurance taking another $200 put of check. My friend is taking depression and mood stabilizer meds as we'll. but due to the high coat of the meds she can't afford she doesn't take them regularly (which I have stressed to her she must take)... Is having a emotional.break down and is beyond frustrated with the behavior of the kids mainly the son who has adhd and now high BP. He is acting up 24/7... And nothing is helping... He has no respect for her( which I told her is due to being a mom and spoiling them).. Also they don't act like for their dad which makes her more frustrated... He is acting out so much she is afraid she can't handle it anymore... He is acting out in public, at home and even her parents which he normally is pretty good. I need some advice on how to help her and how she can help her control these kids before she loses it.. Any help help will be appreciated!!! So single moms with adhd kids or any moms who have gone thru this please help!!!!!
She needs therapy so that she can figure out what she needs and what decisions she needs to make. Everyone makes mistakes but without taking a step back to get herself together she'll just end up in another crappy relationship.It'll also help her get centered to deal with her children. She can't work on their issues until she works on herself.
Easy to love, hard to discipline.
Until she gets it together, her kids won't get it together.
Counseling is critical. It will help her focus her mind, make better decisions, and move towards hope, health and wholeness.
The more you know the better you can do.
Perhaps some parenting classes, too.
Sounds like she needs a break. Any possibility someone in her or the father's family could take them or even one of them for a month? My brothers and I lived with an aunt and her family when my mother was about to break down.
I would start with my family physician to get a prescription for an antidepressant/antianxiety medication.
She also needs to start counseling for herself. It should be included in her insurance. As a teacher she may earn too much to get her kids on state or federal insurance unless the father has been court ordered to provide insurance. They may qualify because of that. It's worth asking. Call the state office of human resources.
She needs to also get help with managing her income. Dave Ramsey's books and other presentations are often recommended. You could research that for her. I suggest she start by writing down a budget. She can get help doing this using info and forms from the Internet.
I suggest that you might be able to help her by helping her to write a list of problems and next to each one brainstorm and write down possible solutions. I'd use on page/problem/situation. Then put those in order of priority. Then make a plan.
There is a lot going on in her life but I'm not so sure she is spoiling them, particularly when she is by herself and without money. Since she is in this financial state my advice is that she goes to a church or community center and get some help for herself to start. Just to vent or learn how to change what she is doing. Clearly they have conditions and those are chemical imbalances or they wouldn't have prescribed drugs.
As for her son, he needs consequences to his behavior when he is acting out in public. Whatever system works,. Some believe rewards for average good behavior and some rely on taking away something as a consequence for these outburst. Again she can learn that with some correct help or trial and error. And he needs to be taught to use his words clearly to express how he feels. Stressing that over and over will help immensely. There is so much help out there. Call the local hospital for lists of places that are about free to help her, Good luck to your friend.
