Child with ADHD

Hi G.,

You might want to contact the school and ask for a 504 meeting. A meeting should be held at least once a year or whenever you call one. The 504 is a legal document that follows your son through the school system (even college) and requires teachers to make accomodations for your son to help him learn. Sometimes in the transition from elementary school to middle school the communication isn't great - it's possible your son's teachers don't even know he has ADHD, is on medication, and has a 504. Sometimes the acting out can be because the work has gotten so difficult and he may not know how to get help. Simple modifications can help - if you need ideas about types of modifications, let me know and I can send you a general list of things we've tried at my school (I'm a school psychologist).

You might also talk to your peditrician about adjusting/switching medications - there are a number of options out there and some don't have depression as a side effect.

As far as at home, counseling could be helpful and you might think about setting expectations that not only does your son get things taken away for negative behavior, but he earns back privelidges and rewards for good behavior. He's old enough to understand that there is a consequence for every behavior and it's up to him whether he makes good or bad decisions.

It sounds like you've taken your son to a developmental/behavioral pediatrician for a diagnosis in the past. You could ask whoever you saw to give you suggestions as to what interventions (beyond meds) would work well for your son. You could then take those to your 504 meeting and ask that they be implemented. If you haven't seen a developmental or behavioral peditrician I'd reccommending doing so. Your pediatrician can reccommend someone (I have a list I can share also). These specialists will spend time interviewing and testing and should provide a report you can share with school. From what I've seen, they are the specialists who usually come up with that "other" diagnosis beyond the ADHD.

Good luck and let me know if I can help in any way!

J.

Hi G., Have you ever tested your son on food allergies? I know lots of people including my own children who had issues and were labeled ADHD but after really looking into food allergies, be sure to test on gluten, dairy and salycilates(spelling?!)I hope you have some luck with this and I am sure that your husband needs some work because the not being there for your boy makes things really hard on him as well as on you, we tend to forget that everything we say or do or model the children will take in unconsciously for the most part, Get Help!, therapy for your marriage as well as the testing for your boy, I wish you all the good things, C. S.

Hi G....Boy do I feel your pain. My son who is also in the 6th grade has ADHD/ADD. Homework and school is very difficult for him. He ended up having to be put in a NSH class at his school. Its a day by day battle, he struggles, I struggle, we struggle together. I do hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel. The current meds he is on is Concerta and Clonidine. Since he has been on it (2.5 yrs) we have had to make one dosage increase. The feeling that your son has of feeling helpless my son also goes thru. We have been seeing a therapist on this issue, and seems to be helping. Also take in mind that this is the time that our boys are going thru that life changing times..PUBERTY!. EECH!! LOL.

If you would like to talk more or even perhaps get the boys together that would be great.

Jenny in El Sobrante

It sounds so much like what I went through with my daughter. She just didn't care and it's hard to deal with a child who doesn't care. One thing to remember is that when the teacher has to deal with behaviorial problems, the academics get left behind. You have to make sure that doesn't happen. I sent my grandson to Kumon Math and REading Center. It is a wonderful program and very affordable. They start the child at the basics and slowly progress. Since they start with what the child already knows, the child feels instant success and it sets a wonderful tone for continued learning. Sometimes these ADHD kids just don't ever get to experience success and they start feeling that they will never be successful so why try. And they do care - saying and acting like they don't is their coping mechanism. I don't have any words of wisdom on the ADHD but try Kumon for academic success.

Hey G.,
RIGHT NOW request an I.E.P. in writing and hand deliver it to the principal! By law, they must give you one. They may suggest an SST instead but hold your ground. If you're in Mt. Diablo School District you'll need to become a pillar of strength because it has a bad reputation for putting parents off and manipulating the situation to their benefit.
Call an advocate to help you understand your rights and have him/her attend the I.E.P. with you. They charge around $100 hr but have all the lingo and law at hand. If your son is feeling like "dying" call his pediatrician and ask for a referral to a psychologist. Don't let this go. Middle school is one of the most difficult times for kids and feelings of inadequacy can be detrimental to his social and emotional health. When academics get too difficult kids will find other excuses to cope. Does your son have any other interests like sports, music or art. He needs to be involved in something that he's good at and loves. Also, there are books available for kids about LDs that help them understand they're not alone. My son has auditory dyslexia, which the school district would never acknowledge and therefore didn't need to provide the right tools. I sent my son to New Vistas Christian School in Martinez for 1 1/2 years alone with summer school for 3 years so he could learn the skills HE needed to learn.
Call some private schools that specialize in learning disorders for referrals for advocates, tutors and doctors for help. The biggest challenge you have is that you're handling this all alone, without your husbands help. My husband didn't help either but for different reasons. Getting the advocate and having my son evaluated my Melmed Learning Center in Lafayette was invaluable.
The main objective here needs to be your sons self-worth, self-image and self-esteem. His mental health will determine how well he does from here on out. Teachers and administration at the public schools, and even some private schools have become addicted to the notion that kids should be medicated to make the classroom easier. Get help, get help, get help. You need a team of support and you and your son deserve it! Again, get your written request for an I.E.P. delivered to your principal now.
Best of luck
AC

This is a really difficult thing for you. Sounds like you are a single mom without being single. The thing is, expressing a desire to die may be manipulative or may be a serious expression of a real desire. In either case, expressing a wish to die is extremely serious and needs to be addressed quickly. He may be suffering from depression as well as ADHD. A trip to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in pre-adolescent/adolescent children would be a really good thing to do at this point. I also suggest seeing a family therapist - your husband needs a wake-up call as badly as your son needs a dad. Good luck, This is a really hard time but things can get better.

Hi Gabby. Sixth grade is a tough time for most kids and even more so for those with ADHD. Sometimes a change in medication helps,and Parent counseling helps. My 12 year old had a really tough time when he started 6th grade. He also has ADHD. I was surprised at how different the middle school environment is from elementary school. Boys at this age show more anger than they did before. Some books that I found helpful are: Parenting Teens with Love and Logic and the Nurture Heart Approach by Howard Glasser. It is critical that you take care of yourself. Parenting a child with any difficulty is hard on the parent. The parent may feel guilt and may go to the place of thinking they are a bad parent. That self doubt and self criticism makes it more difficult to parent effectively. With help - it does get better. Kaiser has a class for parents with kids who have ADHD that you can take even if you are not a member. Take care.

T.

Boy, what a hard situation you're in! It seems very strange that one semester he was on the honor roll & has now dropped off. I know you said it was due to your pushing him but maybe there is more going on than you know. Saying that he hates his life & wants to die is not a good sign, obviously. I have heard that depression is sometimes a side effect of drugs for ADHD. Have you talked at all to your ped. about this? Have you thought at all about counseling for him? I'm generally not a huge fan of meds but do feel if it works for some kids then you should go w/that. But I don't like that the school is pushing you to make a decision for your son that you don't like. Altho I'm not sure of what the 504 plan is, you should definately look into it & see what other services your school district offers cuz they're free. Even tho the year is almost over, it would be good to start next year on a clean slate & w/new plans of action in place. Hope this helps & good luck!

Hello G.,

I totally relate to your experience. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was five years old and like you I was very skeptical about starting him on medications. He was lucky to have very structured teachers in kindergarten and first grade. I also had to start him on meds when he started second grade due to the principal who was not too sympathetic to my childs needs. He was taking Adderall XR which is different than Ritalin so I am not sure if what he is going through could be side effects of the medication. Other than medication I did the diet thing (no sugar or artificial coloring) which has had some improvement in his symptoms so I think its worthwhile still doing. Now my son is in the 6th grade and I took him off the meds for a while but had to restart him on a different medicine that is not a stimulant. Its called Strattera and so far it seems to be working ok.

What I suggest is this. You may need to talk to his pediatrician about changing his medications or adding on a second agent like Strattera. I have seen that works well in kids who don't do well on the stimulants by themselves.

You are doing all you can and I applaud all your efforts. Just take care of yourself as well because if you let this take over your life you will not have any energy left for other things.

Good luck