Potty-training Issues

When I potty trained my son, he was doing sortof the same thing. I gave him a cold shower when he pooped in his pants. It took a week or two but he got out of it. Just be consistant with him, no matter what you choose to do.

I think you need to relax. Let it go. I have a 3yr old that was totally trained too. Then wham! he back to square one. I am going to let it ride for a bit and then go back.

Wait a bit maybe a month and try again.

I completely understand the frustration of prolonged potty training. I am a divorced mom, who went through an agonizing potty training with our daughter, because her dad and I had really different approaches. The whole thing took almost a year. However, my guiding principle was always to respect my daughter's decision about where she would go pee or poop. I found forcing my will on her always resulted in a dramatic regression. So, I opted for strong encouragement to try, but always respected her decision if she said "diaper". And then one day she was just done. She just always went in the potty, and the problem literally disappeared overnight. She also decided when she no longer wanted a diaper at nap or bed times, and has never once had an accident. The best part is she has absolutely zero issues about the potty now.

I know it's hard to wait it out, but I think you should reconsider the approach of forcing him to do it your way. If you are at the point of forcing him to poop with a suppository, and then forcing him to use the potty against his will, then you are the one with the control issue. Take responsibility for that, back off, and respect your child's authority over his own body. Development and maturation are not linear processes - it's a roller coaster ride. There will be forward movement, and backwards. Keep the perspective that this is temporary, and it will pass. Fighting it will only make the whole process more painful, and more lengthy. Hang in there!!!

Oh, I totally bribe. Since there is a lot of Halloween candy out there, I got a big Hershey pack. Every time my son goes he gets a reeses or a woppers mini pack. Is it great for his health? Heck no. Will I be doing it forever? Heck no. Is it worth it TODAY to have go poop in the potty and establish the brain to body connection. Oh Heck yah!

Call me a bad mom, but my toddler is going to the bathroom!!

It doesn't sound like he thinks it's funny or a game to me. I don't think he is trying a control issue, either. Either he's under pressure from his friend who is getting changed or wants attention from the adult who is changing him. Since he used the word, "bad" and "no, no, no", I feel like he is actually afraid of something they said. He just needs to understand that big boys use the potty and that his friend will use the potty when he feels like a big boy. Good luck!

Hi A.,

I would suggest relaxing a bit and utilize the power that you have. Curtailing activities because only big boys (who use the potty) can do that. Big boys get to play outside longer, get to go to bed later... watch a movie... when a kid is three he isn't going to want to stay in diapers for too much longer. this is a battle you should let him win; you will win the war.

Good luck,
C. W
www.MyHomeCottageBiz.com
Supplemental Income Ideas for Families

Be consistent, firm but kind. Remind him gently that he is a big, strong, smart wonderful boy and goes potty all by himself like mommy and daddy. Don't fret!

My daughter, now almost 4, went for a long time where she would only poop every 3-4 days. It was kind of a regular pattern for her. I just kept telling her that she needs to poop every day to be healthy and not get sick. Now that she is a little more mature she is starting to go every day.

Oh yeah, and when she was in the 3-4 day pattern, we could really tell when it was coming. She was usually really grumpy and complained of her tummy hurting, but not like doubled over or anything. She was never constipated. Once she decided to go, everything came out normally.

Constipation would be a whole different issue. We always made sure she had lots of water and fruit.

A.,
I understand your frustration, but as much as we want our children to conform to our rules (and our schedules or agendas) sometimes they want to be the ones who are in charge of their own little body. You are correct that it is a little power struggle between his feelings and your desires, but the bigger picture is he will eventually learn to use the toilet. Believe me when I tell you it seems like eternity when your toddler doesn’t want to use one, but they do grow out of that stage. The best advice I can offer is be persistent with your training. Encourage the use when he wakes, before you leave for errands, upon return, before/after nap time etc. Eventually, he will see that it is so much better than wearing a diaper (unlike his little baby sister). At three years of age, he may not quite be ready to change his ways or fully control his body functions, but give him time. Sooner or later, he will use the ‘potty’. BTW—I do speak from experience. I have 8 children who all use the potty!

AAAHHH, the perils of pooping and peeing in the potty! Fun times:) I know it is really frustrating when all of a sudden our little ones all of a sudden take a different path when the one they were on was so lovely and easy. But you know that parenting is neither easy or convinient all the time.
So, my suggestion? Ready? Just breathe, and do nothing.
Now before you want to clobber me through the computer, let's take a look at this from another perspective. I know your perspective right now...you are frustrated, tired of changing big kid diapers..I know, been there done that. You are not alone in how you feel. You are just being a mom, doing the best you can for your children.
Some basic child development stuff. He's 3. He just learned. He'll regress. He sees his friend getting his diaper changed, he sees his baby sister getting his diaper changed...might leave him feeling a little left out of the diaper changing party:) Just let him have his time. Put him back in diapers for now, or don't, and use some reward system that will work for him. Whatever you decide to do, swallow your frustration and just say, "it's ok honey. You'll go potty later." He will eventually go potty. Where he goes will be up to him...it's his body. The more you fight it, the more it will become a power/control issue. No, you don't want him going poop in the middle of the living room:) - but you can give him choices of where he can go. If he feels that he does have some control over HIS body, he'll start using the toilet again.
I also want you to ask yourself this...Right now, who is REALLY having the control issue with this? Do you really think it's him? He just wants to have his say and be in control of his own body. How is getting really upset about this serving you or him? If you were able to just let it go..not be attached to the outcome of when or how he starts using the toilet again, how would that feel to you? Where do you feel it in your body when you feel like you need to get this under control? Now where do you feel it in your body when you just breathe, do nothing, and allow him to move through this as he needs? Which way do you want to feel? Now, what can you do to start feeling less upset about this?
I promise you that this will pass very soon. He will go poop in the potty, AND the both of you will feel less stressed and he will feel better about being able to control his own behaviors. Another upside about just doing nothing and going with the flow of your children's rythms? YOU will feel SO much better:)

Much good energy to you and your family,

In peace,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

We are working through the same thing with our daughter. Since we started pottytraining for #2, she was only going every 3 days or so. Eventually I called the nurse and was told that this is not uncommon and that it was okay as long as it did not go beyond 3 days. We are at this point pushing fresh fruit, good apple juice, dried apricots and other fiber rich items and lots of fluids. I even bought a "special" dessert - Stage 2 Prunes & Apples : ) All this seems to work and we get a delivery now every other day. Besides the fruit etc. she is also getting a hot wheels car for a delivery into the toilet or potty. So we have a basket of cars sitting on the tank that she then can pick from. We read stories while she is sitting there and make a really big deal when it happens, i.e. call Daddy on the phone if he is not there etc. We are at 4-5 weeks with this right now and I think she's got it now. We are planning on using up the cars that we have for now and then see what happens.
This can totally become a control issue and in this matter the child will always win. When she was learning to pee in the toilet, we learned that we had to lay off the pushing & nagging at some point and let her figure it out. To some degree that helped us with the #2 issue as well. It will just have to take the time it takes and our agendas are not always the same : )

Good luck with this and I hope that some of this helps : )
D.

Toileting is a control issue. The saying about the three you can't make a child do - eat, sleep, or use the toilet - is true. If your son has the language ability, ask him to tell you why he has decided using the potty is "bad." It may be an issue that can be solved. If it is the issue of wanting to be like the other child at school who is still in diapers, maybe your son could convince the other child that it's great to use the potty. I have known little boys who become interested in toileting because their best friend came to school in underwear. I know one who took off his own diaper when his best friend came in wearing underwear, had one accident, and was completely out of diapers from then on.

Sometimes with this issue, the more you push, the more resistance you get. Some kids need the push of "you are not going back to diapers." Since I don't know your son, I don't know if he falls into the former or latter category. When in doubt, I go with backing off. Disengaging from a battle of wills when possible is better for everyone involved.

I hope this is a brief setback and that you are diaper free (for this child) soon.

Just wanted to give you one thought: don't let him see that you are fustrated. Don't make a big deal about it. Just go with the flow and be patient. Maybe he'll have to make a mess but thats the logical consequence for his behavior. I wouldn't put him back in a diaper or pull-ups though. I'm sure he'll come around. 3 days isn't very long for him to "get over this." You know how fixated kids get but it usually doesn't last too long.

Hi A.. I am sorry that you are having these issues with your son, i know that it can be very frustrating. When i had my first son (he is now 38) he had problems with his bowel movements due to surgery when he was born. When it came time to potty train him he absolutely refused to go. He was 2yrs and three months and i was due to deliver anytime with his brother. We tried getting a seat for the toilet as we figured he didn't see his Mummy and Daddy go on a potty, so maybe the toilet would work. No deal. We saw the doctor and she advised us to try and keep him to a routine of sitting either on the potty or the toilet so that he knew when he would be sitting on there, whether he went or not. To NOT put diapers on him but to put him into training pants. She said that eventually he would have to go, and he did, just like your son, even if it was with a suppository. We then had to make a big deal about the fact that not only had he had a bowel movement, whether in the potty or toilet, but to praise him for it and to make a big deal about saying goodbye to his poo's as we flushed the toilet. We as Mum and Dad had to do the same thing with ours at first (very embarrasing) but if it works, it works. He did eventually prefere to go on the toilet as he felt that he was a big boy not a baby wearing diapers like his baby brother. We would gather round the toilet with him and have a ceremony of saying goodbye to his poo's. In the very beginning when he went he got a very small treat but was never told before that he would get one if he went to the toilet. When i think back now we must have looked mad but it worked. The doctor thought that maybe at first he stopped going because it was painful (maybe constipated) and so then he associated sitting on the potty doing poo's as painful. The doctor also thought that he may have seperation anxiety from his bowel movements and that's why he wouldn't go! You have to know this was in the early seventies in California so wierd theories were the norm. When i told him recently about this problem he had and what the doctor thought we really laughed about it, but in reality we don't know what is going on in their little minds and what does it matter what we try and how foolish we feel as long as our kids are ok. I really hope that this helps and if it doesn't just remember, your son is not going to want to be going into Kindergarten with a diaper on, so do try and relax about it, he can sense that it is a problem for you.

S..

I have absolutely zero experience with this. my baby is 10 weeks old, but I have heard that bribes work nicely.

I just kept telling my boys how they are big boys now not babies. I babysat a boy between my oldest and middle son who was not potty trained as yet, my middle son was amazed. He said, "that boy is wearing a DIA--per?!" It was rather funny, I think it got the one I was babysitting to potty train after that. There is always ups and downs while potty training. The more calm you are about it the better they feel about it. Remember he may be stubborn, but you are the adult.

Try a schedule on him, every 30 minutes or so just take him to the bathroom and sit with him. If he goes fine, if not fine. Keep his underwear on him and if he makes a mess, have him help clean it up.

BTW, if you want a more natural way to end constipation; warmed up apple juice works for some. I also found out lots of chocolate will also work (don't ask me how I know). I usually just mixed a little prune juice with apple juice and up the mix a little at a time. Eating lots of nuts also helps.

Hi A.,
I had the same issue with my oldest daughter. She never wanted to go number 2 on the toilet and was 4 years old still going to the closet to get her pull up and put it on when she had to go. Then I got to clean it up. At first my husband said well then tell her she'll have to clean it up herself because she is old enough to sit on the toilet. That didn't work too well. I had to give her a bath. Then her montessori teacher said don't buy any more pull ups. She would just have to suffer natural consequences. Of course this concerned me greatly. I did it. I told my daughter there were no more pull ups. She threw a fit. I gave her a suppository a couple of times. Then the third time I was getting ready to give her one since she had not gone in 5 days, she was sitting on the toilet crying not wanting to go. I went to get the suppository and I heard a loud scream so ran back into the bathroom thinking that she had fallen in or something and when she saw me she looked up and smiled and said "I pooped!" And that was it. We never had another problem after that.
HTH,
J.
About me: I am a SAHM with a terrific husband that works so many hours so I can stay at home and homeschool my two daughters 5 and 9.

As a mom of four that are now potty-trained (2 girls/2 boys) - I always recommend the awesome DVD, "Potty Power" that kids LOVE!

You can find it at www.amazon.com

Hang in there - this too, shall pass!

Best,
C.

A.,

With potty training it is always three steps forward, two steps back, four steps forward, one step back. It varies day to day and week to week, but always it will go in the same direction. Just give him time and don't worry about it. Kids move to their schedule on this, not the parents. Kids today, on the average, are training later than before.

Please don't resort to a suppository to get him to go! His body will become dependent on that in order to go, and then YOU will have a whole new set of problems, none of it his fault.

Both of mine trained late. Don't worry. It happens eventually.

I'm in agreement with the other posts, definately a control issue and likely an attention issue as well. Getting a diaper changed is 1 on 1 time. Back off, My daughter did a similar thing after hearing other moms in our playgroup talking about how their kids won't poop on the potty. for a week after that, she would go put on a diap when she needed to poop. (luckily her brother is in size 4 and they still fit her) The next Saturday, Daddy got up with her and let me sleep in. When I woke up she came into the room and announced she was potty trained again. I don't know what he said, but I'm sure it was loving and a pros of potty training talk. When he does use the potty again, spend a little time with him, my daughter likes to be in between my arms when hand washing, instead of me on the side of her. It's small but just for her.

just saw this - what a hard one for you. perhaps something here can help: http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/08/mom-help-911-pott...

blessings to you! lylah

Do not put him back into diapers! It is confusing and counter-productive. A kid wearing a pull-up or diaper will USE it. You are right that it is some control issues, but I think that's normal for the age. My daughter trained at over 2.5 and the whole thing was fraught with anxiety, control, angst, etc! My son trained before age 2 and was a breeze!

Of course, all kids are different, but I think that my son learned so early because the younger they are the less angst and emotional issues come into play. I honestly think I missed that window with my dd. I think the longer you wait, the more anxiety, control issues, etc. Unfortunately, you probably missed that window as well. The only problem with "wait until they are ready" is that some kids are very "ready" to say NO WAY!

I think kids today train later because we let them train later, simple as that. We also tend to expect less of boys and let them train late. Your average kid who is not special needs and has no physical problems can use the potty at 3. I would continue to expect him to do so. Keep him in underwear and keep emphasizing the benefits of being a "big boy" like the other poster suggested. Mention all the things he gets to do that his sister doesn't. Lots of praise!

Is pre-school new for him? He is going back and forth with wanting independence and still wanting to be your baby. Totally normal! Having a sister and a friend still in diapers also makes him see the attention they get. Also, is the school helping him? My son was so young and very little when he was trained and had a lot of trouble getting up on the toilet, getting his pants up and down, etc. He needed help and sometimes people will assume that since they are trained, they can do it all by themselves.

The poop issue is tough. You do NOT want him to withhold it! Then kids get so constipated and it hurts to go, so they keep holding it more because they are afraid it will hurt. My daughter did this. You might try some fiber powder in his morning drink to keep things moving. When she first trained, she would not poop on the potty! She never pooped in her undies, though. She would hold it forever. Finally - she would go to the bathroom, put on a pull-up and she'd stay in the bathroom and do her business. I'd clean her up and then put her back into underwear. She did this for months after she was potty-trained. I figured I'd rather have her do that than continue to withhold. And because she never had an accident, I knew it wasn't lack of physical control, just fear, anxiety, etc.

We've all been there! Continue to praise and encourage, continue to expect him to be a big boy. Good Luck! You will all get through this! :)