3 Yr Old Won't Poop on the Potty

I know it is frustrating...But pushing the matter may make it take longer. It sounds like Connor has his own way of discovery and processing. The more you battle over it, the bigger an issue it is likely to become. Wait it out for awhile. It is ok.

The most creative solution to this problem i have ever heard was from another mom on this site. Her daughter was afraid to poop on the potty, so she made a piece of "fake poop" (I think she used play dough)...and after her daughter sat there for a while she helped her up and slipped it in the potty and made a huge deal out of her finally pooping on the potty.

Her daughter was so shocked that she "did it"...she just started doing it every time she needed to...

I think that was a really cool idea...

Oh, dear. I can relate. I was worried about my son not pooping in the potty (he did pee fine for a long time before he was ready for poo in the potty...). However, as much as I was frustrated about having to change his diaper/underpants numerous times, I tried not to force him. I think forcing a child in any way to do something will only serve to encourage regression. Being in control of your bowel movements is a big deal!!

I guess what I would most recommend is to talk to your son about how big boys go poo poo in the potty. Not just his brothers and sisters and other peers, but older kids (maybe a child he looks up to and likes). This worked with my son, because he adores his older friends, and also I showed him his new underpants, and he was excited to wear them. Yes, we had a few accidents here and there, but ultimately, my son was able to decide when he wanted to go poop in the potty, and I always praised him when he at least "tried" and sat on the potty, even if nothing came out.

Also, as my son was also precocious in his understanding, I was able to talk to him as an almost 3 year old, and tell him that I am fine with him staying in diapers as long as he wants to, and mommy is happy to change his diaper as long as he needs me to (even if I wasn't really that happy, I felt it would help him to feel secure in the knowledge that there is unconditional love from me) and that babies wear diapers, but when he is ready to be a big boy, he can start wearing big boy underpants and go poo poo and pee pee in the potty. Well, the conversation helped, and on his third birthday, exactly, he told me he was a big boy, and didn't need diapers anymore. Of course, it took a few months after that to really get the rhythm and quite a few spills, but I made sure to be patient, and keep encouraging him. It really did happen on its own after that, and my son would sometimes talk about how so-and-so was a big kid and didn't wear diapers, and when he finally started poo in the potty, he was so proud, and felt so confident. It's a great feeling when it happens, so I wish you luck - I'm sure your son will come around, when he is ready. XO

I agree with Christina O. 100%. It's important for him to do it in his own time and in his own way. You don't want to have a power struggle and it's possible that he isn't using the toilet because he does feel pushed into doing it.

However, you could consider other possible reasons for his reluctance. One that I've often read about is fear that the poop is a part of his body and when it's flushed down the toilet part of him is going down that noisy, whirley hole. To counter this if that's a possibility and to counter the possibility that he's feeling pressured and needs to do it on his own is to give him a small potty that he can use whenever he wants to use it.

It may help to reassure him that it's OK to poop in his pull up, in the toilet or in his own potty when ever he feels the poop ready to come out. You could talk with him about what it feels like when it's ready to come out. What is important is giving the power of when to poop back to him. Pay no attention to when or where he poops.

Do not use a suppository or an enema! These are not natural ways of going poop and will not only complicate the issue but may also cause a health problem. As you said it has the potential of frightening him and prolonging the time until he is able to use the toilet.

I don't really understand why your husband is so fed up. Changing one poopy diaper/day is nothing compared to changing 4 and he's been doing that. Are you sure your husband doesn't have poop/potty training issues himself. Perhaps left over from the way he was potty trained. Was he forced to use the toilet and so he thinks that Connor should be able to do so now. Perhaps he thinks because the children are all the same age that they should all mature at the same rate and is less tolerant of individual differences? I bring this up because for Connor to succeed he needs his father to be tolerant of how he, Connor, needs to do things. All too often we act and react based on things that happened to us as children even or I should say especially when we don't remember them.

I do applaud your husband for being a sah Dad. He deserves lots of support.

Connor knows his father's feelings. It's possible that this is not a power issue at all but an anxiety one. It's so important to his father that he poops in the toilet that he's become anxious about trying to do this new thing. It's safer to use the pull up because that's the way he's used to doing it.

My smartest child did this same thing! It drove me crazy, I taught him to pee in the toilet at 2 years and 1 month in one morning but he simply refused to poop on the toilet! Ultimately, we went camping for a weekend when he was about 2 1/2 and my husband taught him that it was ok to poop outside when you are camping. Needless to say, he was all for it, thought it was the coolest thing ever. A boy thing I guess. In short, I think he just needed a different person to do it and a change of scenery (I was the one training him before and it took my husband to train him). He never had an accident again.

Good luck, I know how frustrating it is!

this worked for my stubborn daughter... its a power struggle, put him in underwear and tell him that if he poops in them he has to clean the mess..then when he poops..take him to the bathroom, make him take his underwear off and dump the poo into the toilet, then put him in the bathtub(not filled with water) turn the water on cold, squirt some soap into his undies, make him wash his poo out of his undies, then make him wash his bum off...a few times of this and he will want to go in the potty...do not make it fun, be firm in his instructions and good luck!

We just went through this with my daughter. She was totally potty trained, but would request a diaper when she had to poop. I went along with it, although I did try to make her sit and do it on the potty - she knew what she was supposed to do, and that there would be a reward when she did do it, but she simply refused for months. One day, she got a panicked look and said "I need a diaper!" but I could tell that I didn't have time to diaper her before she would have an accident. So I just ran with her to the potty and it happened - she was freaked out, but then we showed her that she pooped and we made a REALLY big deal and called relatives to tell them the big news. She loved the attention, and now she poops on the potty all the time.

My friend had the same issue and her pediatrician said to try giving her daughter apple juice to soften the stool and make it easier for her to go sitting down. Her daughter heard the doctor say that apple juice would help her to poop, so now whenever she has to poop she asks for a sippy of apple juice and she immediately goes and poops on the potty.

I know it's frustrating, but he will do this eventually!

I've dealt with this twice. First there was my oldest - who didn't get out of diapers for pooping until 4.5 years old. Our struggle started right after he potty-trained himself for pee at 3.5. He decided he wasn't going to poop - ever! It was a long, difficult year and enemas and suppositories did have to be used since he refused even to poop in a diaper. So, I totally agree with not forcing the issue. If you've got a kid regularly pooping, even in a diaper, then you're doing okay! When my son was ready, we cut a hole in a pull-up so he could sit on the toilet while wearing a diaper but still poop in the toilet that way. He has some sensory quirks and it helped him to still feel the diaper.

My second child refused to poop on the potty - but would in a diaper. But she would also get constipated, even as a baby/toddler. So we gave her Miralax to help soften things up. One day, some poop accidentally came out while she was going pee thanks to the Miralax. That was the turning point. She was 4 years 2 months when this occured.

At 3, give it time but do continue to make sure the poop remains soft. Try the hole in the diaper trick if he'll let you. (My first refused to try that at 3.5 but did at 4.5. My second refused to try that).

My neice did the same thing. She was potty trained, except for poop, and would only go her diaper. It got to the point where she would tell you she had to poop and ask for a diaper. They tried everything. What ended up working is the poop chart and a lot of patience, encouragement and understanding. I know you probably do not want to hear it, but that is what worked. They put together a chart and if she got so many poo poo in the pottey's she got to pick a toy at the end of the week. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not. They told her that she could not hold it in as it would make her sick, but to let them know when she had to go and either she could choose the pottey or a diaper. After about 4-5 months, she was pooping in the pottey like a pro! My daughter had a problem with holding in her poop until a little over 4 years old. She would go in the potty, but try and hold it all day until she couldn't anymore. It caused a lot of pain for her. I know a lot of kids do this and if you can encourage him NOT to hold it in, do it. It can cause long term damage. He will eventually poop in the pottey. I promise! = ) Good luck!

I'm in the same boat, but our son just turned 4! I never imagined we would still be dealing with this. We've tried everything, but he simply does not want ANYTHING as much as he wants his diaper for pooping. His pediatrician recommended a "tincture of time", and patience. Our son says he will use the toilet for poops when he turns 5 (aaaagh!). We keep his BM's soft with fruit, juice, and the occasional senna laxative. My husband is also more frustrated by it than me, not sure why. Our boy is also very bright, potty trained for urine from 2 y.o. Let me know it anything works for you!