I am about to lose my mind today... I have every other Friday off work....this is the day that I use to catch up on everything and also the only real "me" time that I get. My children are 3 and 5 and go to a home daycare during the week. I still send them on off Fridays since I have to pay anyway..this gives me a little bit of time to get stuff done. I found out that I have to take a work trip for 2 nights next week. I have only traveled once away from my kids and that was 1.5 years ago...it was more traumatic for me than them. I had absolutely no choice on whether I wanted to do this trip or not...I will be going from 80s weather to 20s weather if I am lucky. I HATE travel...there is NOTHING pleasant about it...I hate airports, delays, not knowing my way around a strange city, TSA etc...My DH is pissed because I have to go...although it is quite rare that I have to travel for my job. I realize that it is hard on him, but again I had NO choice but to go. So, today my babysitter has a doctor's appoinment this morning so I am keeping the kids for a few hours until she is done. I am trying to clean my house around 2 small children...not easy since it is a wreck. I have to get groceries today including stuff to cook and freeze meals while I am gone. My yard needs work, I need to go to a consignment shop and buy a couple warmer clothes items, and I have an appointment witht he principal of the school that my son might be attending this fall. I have to also pack up all the stuff that my children will need while I am gone and take it to the babysitter's house so that is one less thing that my DH has to worry about. So I am trying to clean like crazy and my DH is just nonchalantly going about his business getting ready for work. I could just scream!!! Is it ever reasonably to tell your DH to either help or get the hell out of your way? I guess that I am just venting...I am just stressed! How do I make everything happen?????
I appreciate the supportive responses...although there were some that did seem awfully harsh. Typically, I am not this overwhelmed and handle things quite well. However, I have very high anxiety when traveling...I can do it if I have to but I get very stressed. The cooking will be done this weekend. Yes, the company pays for my expenses...that is just the way work travel works... It is not like I am going to Aruba...I am leaving Florida to go to Maryland. I hate cold weather...this is just not my idea of a fun time. I do have a sitter that I PAY to watch my children while I WORK a full-time job. Yes I am angry at the situation...my job pays significantly more than my husband's and he gets resentful on the RARE occasion that I have to travel. I do more of the yard and house work because I do have every other Friday off. I just wanted more understanding from him that it isn't easy on me either.
Sorry, but it's not like you're going to the Bahamas for a girls weekend. I think hubby is going to have to put on his beg boy pants and deal.
I wonder how you would react if it was HIM going away for 2 piddly days?
tell them, does this guy, even hold his own winkie when he pees, or does he expect you to do that for him to ? men are the most clueless individuals out there, but if you dont ask him to help you with certain things, he is not going to know that you want help, hand him a list, and say, these things still need doing, can you help me with these, so that my being gone for a few days will be easier on YOU.
K. h.
men respond easily to flattery, and yes, i have my other halfs permission to say that men are generally clueless about certain things
Yes - tell him. You work, he works, so why are the kids and meals entirely your responsibility?
Unless the photographer from "House Beautiful" is coming in, let the house go! Who cares? And let the yard wait.
Let your husband deal with meals - why do you have to cook & freeze? It's only for 2 days. If they ate PB&J sandwiches for 2 days, no one would suffer! Honestly.
The fact that your husband is pissed, rather than pleased for your opportunity, tells me that he is taking advantage of you and your desire to be all and do all.
If I were you, I would get (or borrow) one or two warmer items - otherwise, just wear layers. You'll be inside most of the time anyway, right? I would keep the appointment with the principal if it cannot be rescheduled for a couple of weeks away. Otherwise, do nothing.
Take a good book and really enjoy your time away. Let your children learn that their daddy can care for them just as well, and let them all bond together! See it as their gain, not your loss.
See the airport as a place where no one asks you for juice, lunch, or to referee a fight. Airport security is very fast - just follow the people ahead of you. Wear slip-on shoes (vs. sneakers) and don't wear a lot of jewelry or a belt - you'll be through in no time - pack those items. I just traveled for 3 days and loved it - I read, I people-watched, I did my job. And boy did my husband miss me and appreciate me! Try to see the positives in all of this and take time for yourself instead of breaking your back - and your spirit - dreading it and trying to make life easier for everyone else. It's time for hubby to pitch in and appreciate you -- great prep for Mother's Day too!!! LOL.
Wow, you get to travel. I suppose the company is paying for your airfare, room, and meals. How awful, I know I sound harsh but what you have to do today, I do EVERY day with 3 infants, a two year old and four year old underfoot. My husband works out of state I see him for a whole 24hrs a week. No sitter for me, not that I'm complaining this is my life and I love it. Your blessed in these times to have a job at all, two healthy kids, and a good husband. Please stop looking at the negetive and see the positive. Once you do alot of the stress will go away, as far as the yard it can wait a few days, let Hubby take care of the meals, if the kids are at the sitters really all he has to worry about is Dinner. Call the Principal and let him know about this Suprise trip I'm sure he'll understand and reschedule. Think of this as a good chance for your Husband to see what all your responsibilitys are, then maybe he well help out more and you will be able to vent less.
1st of all.....take a deep breath & relax.
You are creating your own stress. If you could do only one thing, then what would it be? I hope you would chose Sheila S's recommendation that you "hug your kids". That's truly all that needs to be done!
The 2nd priority then should be getting those warmer clothes so you can make it thru your time away. Buying them at your destination probably is not an option since spring clothes are in the stores.
3rd chore: packing the supplies for the kids.
The rest is bull. None of the other chores have to be completed by you. Reschedule the principal appt...& rejoice in the fact that your kids are with you & not at the sitter's! Peace....
I'm old, so I have a different perspective.
1) TODAY you've been given TIME with your own children that you don't normally have. I can't understand how that could EVER be a BAD thing!
2) NEXT WEEK, you HUSBAND, their FATHER, will be given time with his children that he might not otherwise have. How can THAT be a bad thing!
In the business of living our lives, we often forget/miss the good things we're working like crazy for!
Have a safe trip, maybe you could even try to embrace it. And maybe your husband could try to embrace it as well!
Peace.
:)
I am sure your DH is very capable of getting the kids to daycare. Do what you need to do for you today - don't worry about everyone else. Your DH is upset, but he'll have to suck it up and deal. He enjoys your income, so he has to take the good with the bad. He can manage the kids, the house, and the yard if he has to.
It's 2 days. Take the break and enjoy it. Your DH is making you feel guilty. Would he feel guilty if he went on a business trip for 2 days - yeah, I think not.
As for the rest of the stuff that you "think" you need to do today - let it go. The house will wait. The yard will wait. Go see the principal. Get your clothes at the consignment shop. He can cook. He can stop at the grocery store. Heck - make a list and email it to him. He can stop on the way home.
He can entertain the children tonight while you cook the meals if you really think you need to do that.
LBC
i tell him that all the time...tell him if he's not going to do it, shut up sit down and let me be. and he does
Get your priorities straight and do those and those only. The house, let it go! Your hubby is fully capable of pitching in and cleaning it up while you are gone. yard work- let it go- HE can do this too. Take care of yourself and your kids and leave the rest. Have an attitude of gratitude and focus on the positive-- you will be gone for only 2 days, you will experience a new city/town etc. You will get a "break" from your kids/husband (Lol- I know its not a real break) but its something! You are getting paid--Anyways, I totally understand your frustration and wanting hubby to get out of the way if he is not gonna help! Take care and try not to let things get to you.
M
You have the weekend-make the kids help you-you're not their slave-tell dad to have food delivered while you're gone-and to have the house picked up before you get back. Ask the sitter to feed the children before she sends them home. Thousands of us would love to be there with you-especially helping with the yard work..in Florida!
BHAHAHA! I am Laughing because I had the same feelings toward my husband yesterday morning whein I was just trying to leave the house with the two kids. He is in sales and doesn't typically need to leave until 10 or noon.
I realized I hadn't asked him, like I typically do every morning, and he wasn't picking up on my "cues" (you know the eye roling, the huffing, etc.) On the drive in to work after dropping my older one at school I realized this and realized I have to ask EVERY day. He is not going to remember or offer- guys, go figure. So my suggestion to you is to ask for the help you want or the non-invovlement you want from him and see if that helps out.
Good luck and safe travels.
I hear you! And I don't blame you...in fact my husband finally learned why I am a "not fun" person when we travel either alone or as a family especially for "vacations", Vacations are far from vacations for me, it is way more work to travel then it is just to stay home. I get cranky, stressed, overwhelmed and no fun to be around. Try to relax and enjoy the time away from the family, your hubby will survive and so will the kids, they may not get a home cooked meal (unless you have prepared it) but they will make it throught the two days!
My grandmother would say to us "get out from under my feet, please" when she was trying to do something (usually cooking in her galley kitchen). And by us I mean every member of the family including my pap, her children, grandchildren, neighbors, friends, the cats and dogs...
Now I say it too. It isn't quite as mean as get the hell out of here can't you see I am trying to do something?
As to the other things....I think you need to have a discussion with your husband about his juvenile behavior/attitude once you get back from your trip. There is no way I would do all the things you are doing while my husband just moseyed through life (especially cooking an freezing meals for a two day trip....can't the man make something...jeez). I guess you are a better woman than I (or I just married a different kind of man)!
Good luck and, if possible, try to use your time away to relax a bit. You deserve it.
absolutely tell your DH to help or get out of the way. Hope he helps! Reschedule the principal appt.-tell them you had to go out of town for business. Clean enough to kept the health dept off your back :)lol. And remember it is a process! In our house, we do the "next best thing"...sometimes the last thing on the list doesn't get done. I would pack the kiddos stuff up first, get your groceries (they will be fine on sandwiches and cereal while you are gone!). Maybe throw something in the crockpot while you do the worst of the cleaning. Take it one step at a time. It probably won't all get done, and that's ok. Hopefully DH can step up after work-watch the kids while you go get those sweaters! Good luck dear. Take a deep breath, and take it one thing at a time.
Decide what is most important and go from there. Stop expecting everything to be perfect. Delegate some duties to DH and just let him know that you know he doesn't like you going out of town but that's just the way it is. Can't DH just handle the cooking while you are gone so you don't have to cook and freeze meals ahead of time? Will it be the end of the world if the kids spend the time eating just hot dogs and pizza if that's what he finds the easiest thing to do? Why can't he take care of the yard work (which my DH does routinely)?
Men are usually pretty clueless until you gently give them a bit of a wake-up call...
Sounds like this will be a great break for you! Concentrate on you and kids and go enjoy a new place and your work for 2 days...Sorry DH is pissed but that's his family too and he needs to step up to the plate.. There are just something things that we can't control in life and have to roll with it.
Have a great trip - try to enjoy it. If you have delays think of it as relaxing time to read a book or magazine. My husband would never expect me to cook meals in advance or pack things up. I might make him a reminder list, but he can handle things while I'm gone. If he did not feel like cooking he could always do a frozen pizza. I bet your hubby can handle those things too. I understand how your husband feels bc my husband has to travel about once a month for a few days and I always hate it bc it makes the evenings so much harder without someone to tag team with with the kids. But I live and honestly, it has made me quite efficient and confident about handling both kids alone at bedtime. But still, he should be supportive of you! 2 nights is a super short trip....Don't stress! I think to make things happen, don't clean, don't prepare foods. Do make the bag of stuff for the babysitters house OR what I would do is just make a list for your husband. Do you really need clothes for 2 days? You don't have one jacket and two sweaters? If not then run out for 1 hr this afternoon to go get them. Take a deep breath! No stress!
hugs, now get off the computer and get it done girly!
