How Much Do Your Husbands Help You with Kids and House?

I am a SAHM and my husband recognizes that my job, is just as hard as his. We do everything EQUALLY. He is happy to be in a marriage where we are a team and do things to help each other. I know how lucky I am.

Not Enough and Never Enough.

Overtime I have decreased my standards b/c I cannot single handedly keep up with it all. So children first, then nutritous meals, then a reliable car....housework is last. Keep the home simple, but my husband brings too many electronics home. Which I'm thinking of donating soon.

My husband helps out where he can when he can,
His jobs are laundry and the yard, and then he does what ever I ask him to help with.
If I need help with the kitchen he pitches in and helps.
I have ADHD-I which means I have a hard time with house work I struggle with it everyday.
I would assign him a job, and then you DON'T do it.
And for the record all men are babies when they are sick.

We both work and it is 50/50.

It was easy for me to install this sort of thinking. All I had to do was listen to friends and acquaintances b!tch and complain about their husbands doing nothing to help. When we brought the baby home from the hospital I "trained" my husband to believe that care of the child and the house needs to be split 50/50 in order for us to have a happy home.

Part of making this work means letting go of the thinking that YOUR way is the ONLY way to do things. Sure, he might not feed the kids exactly the way you do. He might not straighten up the house like you do. But guess what? Its getting done, so appreciate the help!

I got almost no help. The help I got was after I asked several times and then the response I got could have come from a 15 year-old boy (sigh, huff, huff, complain). I was working full time plus doing online graduate classes. He was working PT or not at all.

I divorced him. Now he has the house, and he has our daughter half the time. Now he cooks, does laundry, and cleans (some, with the help of a cleaning person). Now I take care of my cute, 1 bdrm condo, and have time to myself. And now I listen to all my married friends complain about how their husbands don't ever help...

My husband does the bulk of the laundry, at least half of the dishes, and about half the cleaning. We're not too obsessive about neatness - just about dirt. I do more cooking, but he does most of the re-heating. I do the bulk of the grocery shopping (since I do the cooking), but he does plenty of the fill-in grocery runs when we're low on something. Whoever is out, does it. Last person out of the bed makes the bed. We each take care of one bathroom. I put the recycling out at the street, he brings in the empty containers and arranges them in the garage.

I know what you mean about "the man flu" - like you should call 911 for an ear infection. But people can't take advantage of you without your cooperation and permission.

I would arrange a weekend with a girlfriend or a cousin, or go visit college friends or your sister. Go for an entire weekend without your child. Do not pre-cook a bunch of meals or freeze things for him. Just go. Shut off your cell phone other than to say you have arrived safely. Enjoy yourself and smile constantly.

You might have some respect when you return! Think of it as a bonding experience for your child and her father, and how it's your gift to him! Enjoy every moment of it!

I SAH and my husband does whatever needs to be done when he's home. But I need to tell him what needs to be done. Otherwise he's pretty oblivious. He'll take our daughter out for a walk, to the pool whatever to give me some time alone. He'll cook, do dishes, laundry, clean etc but I always have to be specific and tell him what needs to be done. He does not take hints at all and me huffing and puffing around the house gets me no where. He is a super big baby when he's sick and I'll do what I can to make him feel better but mostly I just leave him alone and go on with my day. He is capable of taking care of himself.
Sounds like you need to sit down and have a good discussion with him about how you would like him to help out. It sounds like he's not opposed to helping but maybe needs some encouragement to continue when he is helping out.

Mine helps out every day, anytime he is home. We are a team and there are no specific roles in our marriage. He does most of the cooking, makes our lunches and takes care of the outside. I do the laundry, keep the house clean, do the finances and keep up with all of the logistics of our schedules. My kids clean their bathroom and their rooms. We all take care of each other when we are sick - my kids are old enough to help out. None of us like being sick so we don't milk it. We both share in the picking up and dropping off of the kids. He was wonderful when the kids were babies too, he took most of the night feedings.

I am a substitute teacher that does mostly long term sub assignments (anywhere from 6-20 weeks at a time) - so I am a part time full time worker. My husband is a freelance videographer. So we don't have consistent schedules. But, when I was a SAHM and he worked a 14 hour, 6 day a week job, things were same as they are now.

My husband used to travel internationally. He would travel 1-4 weeks at a time. It never failed, when he walked in the door, he would drop everything and take over with the kids - he always felt bad he wasn't home to help out when he was out of town.

I have to say after reading your responses, I guess I am in the minority or maybe others that have teammates for spouses didn't want to respond - I almost didn't. B/c of these posts, I tell him on a regular basis how much I appreciate everything he does, as well, he tells me the same thing. I guess I didn't realize most husbands weren't like him. I thank my lucky stars every day.

wow after reading this I feel sooo greatful for my wonderful husband. my hubby works two jobs. so on weekends like this one he works 8am-to9pm and on mondays he always works 7am-9pm which means he has to get up at 5am because we don't live close to his main job. tues, wed, thurs he usually only has to work 6-7hrs to he spends a lot of time with our son and doing all the dishes and sometimes laundry. he does all this because he wants to, I never have to ask him (unless I specifically want to watch our son at a certain time, like I tell him I am taking a shower so keep an eye on the baby) he got home yesterday after working 13 hrs and the one of the first things he says after greeting me and asking how my day was, is "did nicky (our son) miss his daddy today because I missed him." he is a great dad, I do feel bad for weekend like this when our son sits by the window sayinf "dad? dad?" over and over and every time he hears a car he thinks it is daddy coming home, but because he goes to bed a 7 he wont see daddy for 2.5days. oh and when our son was a baby (he is 18mnths now) my hubby did ALL the night feeding, just so he could spend time with him.

I am a SAHM and my husband does the dinner dishes and wipes up countertops, bathes the kids, puts the 2 1/2 y.o. to bed, takes out the trash and recyclables, puts away HIS laundry after I fold, hangs up HIS work clothes that I wash, and watches the kids if I have to get something done. I do everthing else inside the house. Outside, he does all the yardwork, feeds and cleans up after dog/cat, and takes care of our cattle. I lucked out with a very hard working man. He actually enjoys staying busy.

My husband works 7 days a week (most weeks). I'm a SAHM. He does his fair share and MORE around the house as well as hands on with the kids. He does everything just as well as I could- give baths, change diapers, do the whole bedtime routine, change their sheets, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc... I do end up doing more, but if you divided the chores up based on the amount of time we are both home, he does more than necessary. Doesn't complain, and I don't need to ask.

I will add that we have a good marriage. Been married for almost 10 years. We are very close and very open with each other. we are best friends and could talk for hours about anything. Our "intimate" life is very good as well. We tend to help each other out because we want each other to be happy. Perhaps you need to work on your closeness with him?

(and darn it, I'm sick of these moms labeling it as a "man thing"!!!! not true!)

My husband helps out ZERO... That is, until I have a complete meltdown - complete with screaming and crying like a teenager! My big issue is that I want him to just help without being asked. I mean, seriously... can't you SEE that there are dirty dishes in the sink and unfolded laundry? Just assume that I want them done... Always. Ugh. BUT - men just aren't like us. If your husband is like mine, he has no sense of urgency when it comes to housekeeping because he honestly just doesn't care as much about it as you do. I've had to give in and each day I specifically ask him to do something. One day I'll ask him, "Do you want to do bath and jammies or do you want to do dishes?" Another day I'll ask him to unload the dishwasher while I read to our daughter. I seriously have to ask him to do specific tasks. It sounds ridiculous and I would HATE it if he did it to me, but he says that's exactly what he wants. He wants to know what exactly is the task that is stressing me out and he'll do it to take it off my plate. Otherwise, he really doesn't know what I want done... lol. Sigh...
Good luck!

I get OCCASIONAL--and I do mean that--help from my hubby around here. He works 12-18 hr days in a fast-paced factory running up to 5 machines at a time. He doesn't get home until atleast 7:30 p.m, some days 2 a.m. (and right back out again at 6 a.m.). By that time, the homework's done, supper's been served, and baths have been taken. The only thing left to do is straighten up and he does help me with that if there's much to do.

Now, in your hubby's defense--I woke up one morning with an ear infection so bad that it literally closed off my entire ear canal. I couldn't even get drops in it it was swollen so bad. My jaw hurt. I couldn't stand to be up & I felt like passing out or puking as soon as I became vertical. It took me an entire week to be able to get out of bed to do anything other than make it to the bathroom. I wasn't able to eat for 3 days and was only able to manage broth and popcicles for several after that. To this day I still have major issues w/ my jaw because of it--years later. It did some major damage. Ear infections are nothing to mess around with.

I've been pretty much a solo SAHM with a singleton and a set of twins for well over 5 yrs now since we lost my mom to cancer and his mom and bro in a head-on collison. I've gone nowhere and I've done nothing without my kids until they all got into school this year aside from getting groceries 2 miles of the road. I do get the occasional break when I get to go clean someone else's home or I have a MK party scheduled. As a matter of fact, I took on babysitting 2 more children throughout the week to help with the income since things are so outrageous lately. I used to feel the same as you. Now I don't. And the reason is this: My children are a blessing. I have soooo many friends who can't have them. Cherish the moments you have. They are truly a gift! ENJOY THEM!

When my kids were born, I was a working mom (I'm a working mom now, and they're 15 and 11). When my kids were born, we never had the agreement that I was in charge of the kids and house. It was assumed that we were coparenting. So my husband was never "helping" because these things were not my job, they were our job.
Here is my question. Before you had a baby, were you in charge of all the shopping, cleaning, laundry, cooking and dishes? If so, why would hubby expect anything to be different with a baby? These arent' things that get settled when you have a baby, the roles that you are in begin when you first get married.
While I haven't much experience with being a stay at home mom, I'd suggest having a serious discussion with your husband, not when you are feeling frustrated and having a rant and he "pitches in" for a day. Let him know what your day as a SAHM entails. Put together a list of what you do and how many hours a day you are working, compared to how many hours a day he is at his job. You are home during the day to care for the children. Once the workday is over, let him know that you expect shared responsibility, which means that you are free to grocery shop on Saturdays with out the kids, that you expect him to notice if the baby needs diapering, that if you cook dinner, he's expected to clean up the kitchen and if you do the laundry, he can fold or put away or be responsible for his own wash, that once a week you expect not to cook and that during the toddler's nap on the weekend, you expect a couple of hours of shared chores time. It may not occur to him that you never get a sick day, that if you have what he had, you would still be home taking care of a toddler all day.

You may not like this answer so much, but when the kids were little and my DH worked a crazy job (80 hours a week at least) I did everything, and felt that this was my job as wife and mother, I did not work outside the home. I did, for a time, have a cleaning lady to help once a week, which was great. I did not resent it. Once I started working too, my DH took over some of the household responsibilities, but 85% fell to me. He does a lot one on one with the kids, which I think is great, and some of the chores, like trash. The balance does shift depending on circumstances (when I was bedridden for 9 months with our last baby, he did all the food shopping, cooking, cleaning) but if things are "normal" I do more if it, but I do not resent it. I like doing most (not all :) of it -- the cooking, the planning for the kids, some of the housework --- and he has done his fair share of baths and diaper changes. I think you have to find a balance that works for you. If you can't do 100%, maybe he can do 10% with some very specific jobs set out for him. Maybe have a 3 hour block of time on weekends where you go out alone to do errands (I do this every Sunday) and have him watch the kids. Find a compromise. Good luck!

I'm a SAHM and my husband pitches in without needing to be asked and without me having to praise his every move, which of course, makes me super, extra, mega appreciative!

Start asking him to help on a daily basis. He can get into the habit of helping, and he can do a good job too!

I will have to say mine does quite a bit. He washes 1-2 loads of laundry a week ( after work he will just do it ) . He likes to always make sure he has his uniforms all hung up and ready to go ( he's a police officer ).
He picks our son up either from school or after-school center, takes him and his pals to the park or they all go bike riding in the neighborhood, cleans the bathrooms ( sometimes ), and just last night he put away the dishes that were in the dishwater. ;)
I won't complain.
Right now I work full time, so he does more to help out. Back when I was a sahm - I did most of it.

There's a LOT of research that men are happier and healthier the more involved they are around the house and with their kids. and kids are better off the more Dad's involved in raising them. Google it. They just dont know how to get there and they are sure they are more tired than you when they come home from work. But for your husband's sake and your kids sake push for it!! It is what's best for the kids, for him and for the marriage. It is not you being selfish it is you doing whats best for them. My husband does a LOT, NOW. I feel like I've spent years training him, bargaining with him, discovering what works, what he will do and what he will never do. Dont fall into the "It's easier if I just do it myself trap"
men need a LOT of praise. If he cooks dinner I tell him how wonderful it is, sometimes it is wonderful, sometimes not so much but I NEVER say anything. When I cook I let him complain if it's not perfect! I told him if he couldn't HELP with the laundry -carry it upstairs for me. then he could do his own. I do mine, the kids, the house towels, sheets etc but NOT his clothes. In a nice way TELL him what you need him to do and when you need him to do it. For some reason when we ask for help even though we say Can you please ..... or esp if we say "why cant you.... ?" men hear " You never do anything around here, you never help at all" and this makes them mad so they don't help. NEVER expect him to figure out what needs doing and do it. He's not a woman. Never complain about HOW he does something, treat him like a three year old if he TRIES to help "YEAH" ! good enough. Over time he will get better at helping if you if you praise and accept his attempts with smiles and guide him. Try I'll have a lot more energy tonight (wink wink) if you do ... for me before bedtime. Get him to help with the kids by saying how much the kids love it when he bathes them, plays with them reads to them etc not that you need a break from them but that you want them to bond more. Also the only way he'll ever partially understand what you do is if you leave him alone with all the kids for a good chunk of time. Dont ask just tell him you need to ....... next Saturday, all day, alone.

Oh I feel like you are in my house! I work full time and have a 2 1/2 yo daughter.

My husband works a lot- and I know that its hard to work and come home everyday to more work... because that's what I do lol. I actually just posted a question on how to manage the overwhelming task of caring for a house and child with no help (he works 7 days, longer days on the weekends).

Last year we visited a family counselor to help us communicate. I'm not suggesting that you two need counseling, but learning how to speak to each other really, really helped. Here is a conversation I just had with him over the weekend that would have normally turned into WW3, but ended in a huff and him doing the dishes...

Me (in a super calm voice): Hey, I see you didn't get to the dishes like I asked last night.
Him (irritated): yeah, I wasn't feeling good.
Me: I know its tough to do things when you're not feeling great- but when you're working all the time and I'm sick I still need to get things done. Its really helpful when you can pitch in- it really helps keep on top of all of this work.
Him: You're just mad because I didn't do something when YOU wanted me to.
Me (verbatum from the counselor): This is not a power struggle, I'm not asking you to jump and do it now, I just need you to help me. This is OUR house and we both need to care for it.
Him: hmph, fine.

and sure enough he did. I think a lot of time guys feel like we're talking at them instead of speaking with them. Its really easy to get in the habit of talking at someone because you're tired, stressed, in a rush, and frankly FED UP.

I'm not saying that you are wrong with the way you feel or the way you are reacting, but I am suggesting that you're frustration and anger might be making it worse. Sit down and talk, like really talk about your expectations and agree on what is possible. And don't stop talking- that is what will keep you both happy and healthy for years to come (also verbatum from the counselor :)).

AND don't forget to make time for yourself as much as possible. even if its just an extra 15 min alone in the shower to clear your head.

Best wishes!

Good timing on this question bc I've had it. I work full time and think women's lib has been a curse. Bc now I get to work outside the home AND be responsible for everything else. That's progress.

def not alone, u should like me. I had to tell my husband that I am taking a day off a week where i'm not going to do anything , of course he didn't say anything because he has two days off (weekends) where he does nothing. But yeah, i do it all and i still have my breakdowns , every once in a while. Good luck, seriously... we don't get paid enough (with appreciation, help, a hand, etc etc)

Im a full time sahm, I can't really work anyways because my 2 month old DD needs full time care due to a colostomy bag, I also have a 2 year old son. Anyways, my DH has been laid off from work since November of last year. SO we are both home all day. I do ALL of the cleaning, laundry cooking, and taking care of both kids. Sometimes I can get DH to change a diaper, but usually he reclines on the couch and drives me up the wall. He also has a cold right now so yeah, he is basically dying and can't help me out. But he can go shoot guns at the range. I can get him to watch the kids an hour a night so I can go to the gym, but thats about it.

I may not be the right person to answer this but I'll throw it in there anyway. We have a very old-fashioned "traditional" home. He works outside the home and I am home with our 4 kids (10, 7, 2.5 & 16 months). He brings home his paycheck and he manages the budget. Occasionally he takes out the garbage if I'm standing there with it in my hand as he's walking out the door. He mows the grass (or pays someone to do it) and takes care of the snow. Aside from that, I pretty much do the rest. I'f I'm sick or having a particularly exhausting week with one (or more) of the kids not sleeping will, he'll take care of whatever "pops" up during the night while I crash on the couch. I often joke that I have 5 children not 4. I get his clothes out for him in the morning. I make his dr. appts. I plate his food and bring it to him. He works 70+ hours per week with an hour drive round trip daily. When he gets home, he likes to enjoy spending time with his family and we enjoy it as well. It works for us, though I know its not for everyone. I enjoy doing these things for him, and in return, when I do need help, I just need to ask for it (because he can't read my mind). He is more than happy to help out when I ask and I do believe that is because I take good care of him and make his home life easy; which is a complete 180 from his high-stress, high-pressure job.

I am a sahm as well. my husband works 3rd shift. I do not get any help other than on Thursdays because that is my weight watcher's night. That is the only night that he watches the kids and on some of those nights he has to take our oldest to girl scouts. I do all the laundry, clean the house, take care of the kids, cook most of the meals. I am one that on Thursdays it is his night to cook as well as one night a week we go out to eat. However to defend him a little bit he does not eat dinner with us except one or two nights a week because he works 12 hours and needs to sleep. However once it is time to start doing yard work that all falls on his shoulders because I have never used a lawn mower and do not plan to start using one now. We moved in July and have an in ground pool, something neither of us had before. Well the pool became my job and that is fine until there are animals in the drain baskets I do make him remove them. Other than that Yes most work falls on me. My husband is a much better cook than me so when he is willing to cook I let him. I do not use the grill so again that is something that he does. I have had a couple of break downs and still do not get time away or out. I do not know many people around us to go out with so that is something that does not help. However if I need to go I can get a baby sitter and he does not question me. I usually take my youngest to all my dr and dentist appointments however I just found someone willing to watch him while I go and do this. So I might be able to leave him at home. I always take him shopping with me. If he even knows that I am going shopping he throws a fit because he wants to go. I always let him go with me he is fairly good when in the stores. So I do not mind that. I usually go when the oldest is in school so that I do not have to take both of them. Mine are 7 and 4 years of age.

If I ask really nicely and I am busy nursing the baby or whatever, my hubby will likely do what I ask, but on 'his own time'. He also does baths for the older three kids and will occasionally vacuum, dishwasher, etc. He is in charge of the kids while I am exercising at the gym or running with my friends from 5:30-7am. Then we hi-five and he leaves for work and I take over. I try not to get all worked up because he works basically from 7-7 M-F and is on call 24/7. I am going to get a cleaning person now because I'll be teaching part time, working on our house plans (building a new one), and training for a 1/2 ironman, and something has got to give.

One of our issues is that if he gets home late, he gets the kids all worked up and starts making a bunch of noise, which I've already been through all day and I just need things to settle down. Need to work with him on that quiet down before bedtime thing.

I have two things in my house i refuse to do. Dishes and laundry. I hate both. I will help fold sometimes. We just had our dryer go out so i did all the laundra-mat stuff..wow, you want a work out do laundry for 5 at the mat by yourself. wow. Anyways, i stand firm on not doing dishes. you should see how full the sink gets. I dont care. I have never asked him to clean a toilet, scrub a shower, sweep or mop. he does split cleaning kids bedroom and playroom. That can be a 2 person job most the time. When i was working he would do so great at keeping up he would have kids in bed when i got home. I worked retail so i would be home between 1030-1200am.

I have to light fire under his tush for the dishes sometimes. He is normally really good about it. He also will just for no reason clean our room every now and then.

I guess, I should be thankful he does what he does around here.

libby

One Mom I know heard my complaints about how he has stopped picking up after himself. He doesn't work any more hours than when we were both working yet since I've had a child I have begone what this Mom calls 'the Mother of the house'. I have continually asked for help, very specifically with bath time and bed time. Like you, there is cooperation for about a week! He does do things like trash duty and grocery shopping but not care of our son. I'm tired of being disappointed so I've lowered my expectations and focused on doing things for myself. So after my son goes to bed I treat myself to a night out with other moms! I also recently left for a girls weekend for the first time. I don't think my son was fed anything more than yogurt and puffs but he was alive when I got home and so was I! My hubby works very hard and even though he doesn't help as often and in the ways I'd like him to I have found things to do for me and he sees how much it means to me and how much I deserve it. Keeping me happy helps me not resent him. Good Luck. Oh the other thing is, I will be going back to work in a year our two so I have changed my perspective that I am here now for my son, doing it all and thankful that I get to do so much for him! (even though it's exhausting, thankless, lonely and hard sometimes!)

I'm a SAHM. I haven't worked outside of the home in 8 years. At this point, I would NEVER go back to working outside of the home because I would have two full-time jobs if I did--at home and outside of the home. In my opinion, working outside the home is much easier than being a SAHM, but both spouses need to chip in, one cannot do everything. His standards are way below mine when it comes to maintaining our family. The workload at home NEVER ends either. I could do things 24/7 around here and still not have everything done. My duties are the same as yours. Here's what my husband does: fixes things that I can't fix, takes our son to hockey, and watches the kids when I need to go out (which is usually for a short period of timesay 2 hours, because he can't handle being with the kids too long AND if I'm gone for too long, I have major messes to clean up, kids to feed, so rather than put myself through more work, I cut my breaks short.) I do the yard work too by the way. My husband never cooks, cleans, or knows when to chip in to help unless I complain about it.

I look at the light at the end of the tunnel: One day my kids will be older and more independent. Things will get easier. An important thing for me now is that my kids, as young as they are (5 years, 18 months), to do their chores as I'm not the only one who lives in this house.

You are not alone, I feel your pain:)

M.

My Ex (for this and many other reasons) did nothing at all to help with the house or kids. It's infuriating so I totally understand your need to rant. when I did go back to work part time (kids were 4, 7 &10), I told him he had to pick one household chore and do it to help me out. He chose cleaning the bathrooms. BIG MISTAKE! Every Saturday he would announce that he was going to clean the bathroom. When he finished he would announce that he had cleaned the bathroom. I guess I was supposed to be in complete awe and shower him with praise for this one deed.
My new husband and I both work full time. He does half of all the household chores and kid stuff. Sometimes I feel guilty because its weird having that much help.

My fiance doesn't do anything in the house. the only thing i ever ask him to do is take out the trash and i have to ask him for almost a week before he will do it. I get overwhelmed very easily. I understand its my job to do the housework since i'm a SAHM but, there's just so much since we moved. and he doesn't even pick up after himself. he tells me all i have to do is ask him to do things, but even when i ask nothing gets accomplished. i get so frustrated with him when it comes to housework. his ex warned me that this is how it was going to be, so at least i was a little prepared for it... but still... i know if i were working i'd still have to do everything, plus get up with the kids and everything... is there any way we can add a few hours to our day to get everything done??

My husband does help, but not nearly as much as he thinks he does. I too am a sahm. On the weekends my husband will help out a little. But if you asked him, he would tell you he helps sooo much. He only half does things. He does laundry, but then doesn't fold and put them away. Instead tosses them on the guest bed for 'later', which I ALWAYS end up folding because his 'later' never comes. On occasion he will vacuum or cook dinner, but that is far and few between. I do bookkeeping for a guy a few hours on Sunday's. And when I come home there are always dishes from lunch in the sink and a mess in the house. He says 'well I was running around playing with him (our son) the whole time, I didn't get to it yet'. Some how I manage to do that in addition to laundry, cleaning and cooking, no problem. Go figure. I am pregnant now, so there have been a few times that I just tell him I can't and that I need a break. He gives it to me and will step up to help. But on an everyday, I just do it, because at this point I think anything else would just go on deaf ears. He does work all day and has to do work even when he gets home, so I try to be understanding of that and just go with it.
Hang in there- you are certainly not alone!

My sons father is the same way. I have a breakdown about once a week. I used to work full time, and that was a piece of cake compared to being a SAHM. My son is 2.5 years old, and is veryyyy hyper. He is quite a handful esp when I have no help with dishes, laundry, baths, dr app, etc. I feel bad for him because I feel like I dont give him enough attention. My boyfriend will play with him for maybe an hour a day because he works 40 hrs a week. Ha I work 24/7 with no pay, and not enough sleep. Im exhaused. Everyone says you should just get a part time job to get a break. I have tried that, and sometimes I would go to work on no sleep. So I just had to quit. Its bs. I could go on and on, but I feel your pain. Im just wondering how moms do it who have to work full time with no help. Its the hardest job ive ever had.

My kids are teenagers. I am a SAHM.
When my children were babies, I did it all until one day my husband came home from work and I didn't have dinner ready. I didn't know what to cook and I would have made whatever he wanted. He ranted and said, "That's it! No dinner? You never have to cook for me again!"
I have yet to cook another dinner.
I do all the laundry. I do all the medical appointments. I do all the school stuff. I do most of the cleaning. He, amazingly enough, loves to clean the bathrooms. I let him!
There were days where I felt I was alone raising 2 children. One day I just asked him for help. I said something like, "Can you give #1 a bath for me?" He said, "Absolutely."
I learned that men are NOT intuitive creatures. You need to ask for help. You need to tell them what you want and what you need.
We live way out in the country now. His commute is long, but he still does the cooking and the shopping. He does most of the yard work - he likes to ride on his tractor. We both haul wood. I still do the laundry and the housework. I do most of the children's activities and their commuting - although the oldest is driving, so it saves me a bit there.
If you need help, ask.
If you need something done, ask.
If you need a gallon of milk, ask him to stop on the way home.
The other thing I did was I left them both home with Dad and went away for a weekend when they were very small. I didn't clean the house or do any prep before I left. I just packed my suitcase and my charge card and left.
Upon my arrival home, I was more than appreciated.
I went away once a year for a weekend for years and years.
They need a taste of what it's like to do it all.
Then they need to be reminded.
YMMV
LBC

I'm a SAHM for the past 3 years, and I swear my hubby & yours could be the same person! He doesn't help with anything either. I saw this trend right after my daughter was born when I 'tried' to go back to my full-time job. My suggestion is this, sit down and talk to him about the way you feel & start dividing up the chores you are overloaded with. There's NO reason why your hubby can't do a load of laundry, or help out with the kids more. Train him on how to do things & take some time out for yourself. The one thing we do that helps is I get a "Mom's day out" once a month. ALL day to myself. Yes, I come home to a mess, and my daughter acts bratty, BUT, for that one day a month, I get a break. We also BOTH take 2 hours each weekend to ourselves & date nights once a month. It REALLY helps for this time to recharge. Remind your hubby, you BOTH chose to have kids, marriage, house, etc. and you BOTH have to work as a team to keep things running. Good luck to you!!

When we both worked full time we split the house work equally. We also split the diapering, bathing for the kids. Now that I work part-time I do slightly more. It really depends on what needs to be done though (ie: laundry) who will do it.

Whoever is home that day the latest or off will cook dinner. We are poor grocery shoppers so we go multiple times a week and whoever is home when we need to goes.

My husband does: all the yard work, takes out garbage, cleans the litter box, all house maintenance, all financial stuff.

I do: all kids activities and scheduling, all gifts, organizing the house, pick up after dog, most of the spot cleaning in between the house cleaner coming.

Well actually maybe he does more than me. Either way we both do things and it works. I would be frustrated if I was in your situation and I sympathize.

If i was working i would expect help(although i would be unhappy with the quality of it im sure), but now that im not and my husband busts his buns providing for us i dont ask for help with the indoor stuff. He works on oil rigsm 12 hours a day 7 days a week, he gets off approx. 4-7 days a month, sometimes less, rarely more. He always misses major holidays and birthdays. When he has off i do it ALL. I try to go above and beyond. When hes off he will help by putting the kids in the car, but as far as feeding, dressing, cleaning up after etc.... its me.

This is pretty much a weekly fight around my house lately. I feel like I do everything, but the big issue I have is that i am "responsible" for everything. I am a SAHM, but I homeschool two of the 4 kids and one of the 4 is only 3 months old. We have a dog, turtles, fish and hermit crabs, and a MUCH bigger house than we need. AKA-more work than it should be, lol.

DH works 40 hours a week and is gone about 10 hours a day with travel time. I get up between 5 and 6 am every day, even though the baby normally goes back to sleep and will sleep for 2-3 hours after eating at that hour. And my days go something like this
coffee, homework (i'm in school full time, online), start laundry, empty dishwasher, clean up kitchen, feed animals, let dog out, let dog in, clean muddy floor, pick up living room, empty trash cans, clean up DH's bathroom mess, cook breakfast (and i cook 4 or more days a week), clean up from breakfast, get baby bathed and dressed, school with kids (while putting away laundry, making my bed, and picking up the upstairs, all with baby on my hip), cook lunch (DH comes home for lunch), clean up after lunch (including DH's dishes) vacuum, more laundry, try to get baby down for a nap and not fall asleep (he doesn't sleep alone), Fail and take a nap, check mail, pay any bills that come in, DH comes home and I start dinner, clean up after dinner and have to argue with him so I can spend an hour in the tub, since I didn't manage to shower and want a break......Add in things like MOPS, doctor's appointments, shopping, youth group, scouts, gymnastics and all that stuff at any given point, which throws the whole system off and the other weekly cleaning such as dusting and bathrooms and cleaning the hardwood floors and yeah............

I make a list every week laying out what needs done and have to beg and nag and *itch to get him to do much of anything, and when he does do things like empty the dishwasher or start the wash, I get to listen to him ask me every 5 seconds how great it is that he is being helpful, but there are things he does, he takes out the trash(eventually) and he does dust at some point every week for me (i hate to dust) and he sleeps with the baby at night and gives him a bottle, which lately does mean I get 7-8 hours of sleep a night.

and weekends I bust my butt doing the stuff most men should do, because he just isn't handy. This weekend I am finishing redoing the bathroom. I had to strip all the wallpaper, remove the toilet tank, sink, and two cabinets, along with the medicine cabinet and another wall cabinet and numerous fixtures, because there is wallpaper behind everything, and i mean even the baseboards and shower surround, putty holes, prime and paint, but he wants a cookie because he did take care of the baby all day :)

wow now I'm ranting, but again, I'm home and a lot of it doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that if the house is clean he will still toss his stuff wherever and leave it, or the fact that I have to ask him to do things that he knows need done, or that he uses the baby as an excuse to not do things, I mean hello, who does he think takes care of the baby while I do things?

My husband does all the laundry, loads and unloads the dishwasher at night and takes the garbage to the curb once a week. we have been together almost 20 years and this is a fairly recent development - maybe the last 2 or 3 years? before that - nothing. Bare minimum. I was always frustrated by it but just kept on...

we hit a very rough patch last year - went to counseling - almost separated - then worked through it - renewed our vows - and have been doing better since then. I agree w/the earlier poster - men needs TONS of praise - even for little things - I found the more I praised and the less I complained the more things got done.

Good luck - sometimes they just don't change no matter what - other times - they can with your help and support.

Minimally! I'm a SAHM also, and I have to ask my husband for help, he does not volunteer for anything! I have bronchitus and asked for help with the dishes, he emailed me from work saying yes - but when he got home, he "didn't feel like it" because he was mad at me for not having our recycling set-up.
Full disclosure, we are now seeking counseling because I asked for a seperation.

I get no help either. I don't take care of my husband when hes sick. Hes a big boy so he can take care of himself. When I do go out by myself, I come home and my son would be outside in a short sleeved shirt, pull-ups and socks riding down the street on his scooter. My husband is laying on the couch but is unaware of the fact that my son is outside. If its not that, I come home and my husband is upstairs in his office with the door shut. He does pickup my son from the sitters maybe once a week.
He takes the trash can to the curb and mows the grass. I have to put the trash in the outside trash can because he won't do it. Thats all he does.

I hate it when he gets sick. He gets sick days, I don't. I just get another baby to take care of.

My husband broke his ankle right before xmas. He was on my couch (Literally) for 12 weeks. He is finally able to move around a little bit, and I am very glad.

He helps with cooking, and he is great about going and bringing in take-out food. Save for that, I do all the cleaning/laundry. In terms of childcare, he didn't do much with our first, but when we had our second, I started asking him to do more, and he does help out a bit when he is home from work. But with long days at the office, it's not like he's around all that much.

I'm mostly OK with the arrangement because he has very long hard days too, and I am just so thankful for him and his well-paying job.

Nada. Zero. Nothing. Oh, excuse me, he takes the trash out to the curb once a week - that's his only job. Seriously, we have a service to do the yard. We are older and retired but when I was working, it wasn't any different. My sister and I marvel at how much more our SIL's do around the house and with the kids (but still less than our daughters). I don't know how many generations it's going to take for it to be equitable. I have one son in law that does as much or more - he was raised in somewhat unique circumstances for his time with a working mom and a dad who worked part time from home so I think husbands need to model a different role to effect change.

Hopefully some of these answers won't make you more frustrated. My husband has always been a great help. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and he usually recognizes and steps in quickly. He helps in the kitchen the most; cooking and dishwasher stuff. He is responsible for the cars. The shower is his responsibility. He sometimes mops if I ask. If he's at work more then I ask less help from him but if he is working less hours I ask him for help. Now that my kids are all teenagers I give them more of the grunt jobs. I am a SAHM but I also have 2 kids with special needs ( one on the autism spectrum and the other with health issues).

My husband was a real butthead for the first 20 years or so of our marriage. It's a man thing. Yes, I've done the working and going to school and getting home after him and still get up with the kids AND, he expected me to get up earlier and take the first shower because according to him I went to bed earlier. I went to bed with the girls to deal with the getting up to feed babies at night.

Then I started a daycare at home and yes, even 26 years later I still hear about how I'm home all day so I should be able to do this that and the other thing on top of taking care of kids and anything that comes up.

I will say that over the last 6 years I've seen subtle shifts here and there. He at least tends to the honey do's around the house a little better. He apologises when I wait too long for something he's fixing. He did dishes when I was hobbling around after hurting my heel.

But here's the terrific thing. He missed so much with our children that he's a terrific grandfather. Our grandson lives at home. He leaves the house at 7:30 and doesn't get home til nearly 8pm every night. He works 45 minutes from home. He still takes the baby upstairs and spends the night with him when our daughter is gone. My husband even started doing his own laundry about 5 years ago.