Need Ideas - Indian Trail,NC

I have a 5 1/2 yr old and at this age, she is old enough to understand and to do what you are saying. I would try this approach. I would go and get some Kandoos, or children's wipes for the toilet. They are flushable wipes for kids. I would show her that you bought them for her and tell her one time that she is to wipe with these each time she goes #1 and if she does not, the next step is that you will buy her diapers so that she can be the baby she is acting like. I would tell her very serioulsy and be to the point and let her know that this is the end of her not wiping. You explain to her what kind of infection she could get, how she might smell like pee to her friends, etc If she does not do this, you will HAVE to follow up with what you said and buy or borrow a diaper or two from a friend to scare her. I would even borrow one first and set it by the toilet next to the wipes. I would tell her that she has the choice, you are allowing her to make the choice between being a big girl or wearing the diaper. Mommy is no longer going to wipe you when you go #1, I will continue to wipe you when you go #1 until you are ??? age but this is it. "Do you understand mommy?" "Do you have any questions?" and go from there. Stick to what you say and it should work. My son always listens when I put it to him in those terms.

Good luck, W.

Gosh, I hope this doesn't come across as judgemental, but it kind of hit a nerve. This is a 'NON-issue' that YOU're turning into a 'big issue'.

Besides BEING a little girl (LONG time ago), I have 2 girls (ages 31 and 20) and a granddaughter (age 1 who's already toileting sometimes when mama sits her on the potty). I don't EVER remember 'wiping after #1' being an issue with boys OR girls. Don't worry; she'll wipe herself by puberty, and until they grow pubic hair, there's practically no need for even wiping -- unless she's getting frequent UTI's (Urniary Tract Infections -- which foamy soap, bubble bath, etc will make worse).

Actually, I think most kids clean up their own bottoms (after #2) before kindergarten. My 4 (2 boys, 2 girls) all did. They used wet wipes for that, but NO ONE I know washes every time after #1 -- only use toilet paper.

My best parenting (and grandparenting) advice:
'Pick your battles' (AKA)
'Don't sweat the small stuff'.

This is definitely 'small stuff'. There'll be enough MAJOR battles in her life without (you) turning this into one. It's a control issue, not a toileting issue.

.

wow. thats about all i can say to this one. a 6 year old who cant wipe herself? my 4 year old tried this on us... for some reason she liked us having her wipe her butt. so we told her she has to start doing it we WILL NOT do it. so what did we do... we just let her sit there until she wiped that little hind end for the first few days we would check to make sure she got everything and yes there were a few clogged toilets but nothing a plunger couldnt handle. im not sure what you mean by your scared of infection... and as for the mess thats part of potty training which should have happened the first time around but at least she goes on the toilet lol. what is this soap you are talking about? you make her wash her butt after she poops? if you are that worried about it get some wet wipes they sell them in big kid containers too not just for little kids. good luck and dont give in she will wipe herself. what does she do when she goes at school, wait for you to come pick her up? she can wipe herself im sure

you could up with an awful story about how there was a little girl that did not wipe and became very sick and had to be put in the hospital, which could happen if she gets an infection down there. It is very painful. It might scare her.

This may sound awful, but have you given her a horror story about what COULD happen if she doesn't start drying herself? My daughter instantly takes to exaggerated stories I tell her in regards to taking care of herself, ie: brushing teeth, washing hair, etc...
Telling her the truth also spurns her on like for instance: if you don't start going poop when your body tells you it needs to, then you will get constipated and I will have to give you an enema...in descritptive details.
It won't scar your child, but tell her of all the ugly infections, in 6 year old-brief terms, she can get if she doesn't start wiping. Heck make up a few.

I've gotta say, M., Vickie is dead-on on this one. It is SO a non-issue. I daresay, if you were to stop catering to her, she would 'take up the slack' as it were, and start cleaning herself. Good golly Miss Molly! I cannot imagine my kids not wiping themselves after a toilet! It was never presented as an option. Once they got the gist of the potty process ... "This is how it works..." It's all part of the overall process. And, don't forget to wash your hands afterward! Do you even begin to imagine her little friends at school don't wipe after themselves? Of course not.

Not meaning to be rude but, It's time to change the family dynamic or this little one is going to be running your household for many years to come. Set the ground rules and let her go. This is also a great lesson in developing elements of maturity and independence.

Peer pressure can help with kids this age too. A teacher at school is not going to wipe her, so she will need to learn to do this herself. When I taught preschool to 2 year olds and was helping potty train them, we instructed them and had them try first. If they can't seem to do it we assisted, but only to show them how to do it properly.
Is your 3.5 year old potty trained? Could be an attention issue? Does she have sensory issues? Ooops, sorry just read the next post and saw you homeschool, so no help from an outside teacher. Does she respond to goal setting? Perhaps you can set a target date where you will no longer assist her?

Hi M.,
Wow. You have a struggle on your hands. Sounds as though it might many things. Here are my thoughts (take it or leave it as you may)
1. When you abide to a six year old you are only set them up for failure. It will hurt them in the long run, especially when they get to school and it will hurt you. You are making yourself co-dependance. Stop the cycle now.
2. Truth hurts. She needs to understand she could end up in the hospital if she doesn't take care of herself properly. (scaring them doesn't hurt - fear from the unknown is a powerful thing)
3. She may already have an effection and the wiping hurts. Or the fact that she is in pain and is scared to go #2. You may have to give her a softner - there are powder types that you can add to simple water that they will never taste nor see and she will end up going in comfort and then realize it is o.k.
4. back to #3. Do you use wet wipes? Warm wet wipes sometimes helps better than paper.
5. Find a book regarding going to the bathroom properly and read it to her every night.
6. Daddy might have to put the fear in her.... or just take the time to work with her more.

Good Luck & Peace Be With You,
T.

Forgive me for being blunt, but I don't understand why you wiping her hiney at all is an option. She's using you to still be a baby. You might as well put her back in diapers. Hey, that's an option! J/K! Leave her sitting on the potty till she does it herself. If she gets an infection you will know the cause, explain that it's because she didn't wipe her self and she will learn that her actions have a consequence. Trust me she'll never learn if you don't teach her responsibility. She is most assuredly not too young-especially if your 3.5 yr old is reading! Good Luck!

In my humble opinion I would tell her she was going to go back to pull ups until she started wiping herself. Most 6 year olds would rather die! Also, buy the wet wipes for her to wipe herself after #2 - you need to quit doing that for her as well. I teach a class at our church and we had a little boy who would make us go get his dad to wipe him, because the mom didn't like having to wash dirty undies and wouldn't let him wipe himself after pooping. That poor child was SO emabarrassed!!! Make your daughter act her age and wipe herself. She's old enough. And like one other mother suggested, you could just let her sit there until she does. I still like the idea of the pull ups though.