Had Preschool Orientation Last week..learned Something I Wasn't Aware Of...

I agree with Nicole. I wouldn't want anyone wiping my daughter's butt. If she poops three times a day, then you have lots of opportunities in the next two and a half days to lead her through the process. Someone said to tell her to wipe until the toilet paper is clean - great idea. She may have slightly messy undies for a couple of days, but she will get the hang of it pretty soon. Good Luck with preschool.

Boy, you are not going to like what I'm going to tell you. But, being a mom of 3 and down this road, there is no way that they will wipe butts. No kidding. THey will not take your child if he does not go poop on his own. I know. My son had to learn and he made mistakes along the way. He was potty trained but was atrocious at wiping, he got it on his sleeve and we'd have to give him a bath as soon as he got home,because he did such a sloppy job. BUt, as long as he was potty trained, he could go to school. BUt no wiping, Every place we went to was insistent on those 2 things: everyplace: No diapers, No wiping. GOod luck with your crash course.

She is old enough that she should be wiping her own butt. Can you send extra underware in case it gets messy?? My daughter does a pretty good job at this age, but I find she needs to change her underware sometimes during the day or when she gets home and i give her baths most nights to soak her butt so it gets clean. Dont worry, she will learn quick.

As a parent I can understand your concerns however, as a preschool teacher we cannot wipe them by law. This is what is implied when they say is your child full potty trained, including wiping. As far as brining it up with the director, it's pretty much a lost cause being it's law and not just her policy. The other thing is if you are always trying to change the policies you don't like the director is eventually just going to stop listen. So I would save my breath for other issues. Can you wait a week or two to send her or send flushable wipes with? Good luck

This isn't an issue of weather a child has learned to wipe themselves. Every published professional opinion that I have found states that children lack the fine motor skills required for effectively cleaning themselves after a bowel movement. I am shocked that mothers are ok with letting their little one walk around all day with fecal matter in their underwear. In my opinion they are lazy or unfit parents. What is more important the safety, health and well being of the children or them getting an early understanding of using scissors and the alphabet? Most states require preschool and early preschool to have at least two teachers. This allows for one teacher to continue with lessons and the other to care for the children's individual needs. I agree with the earlier post that said that the teachers just don't want to deal with it.

I worked in a preschool for years and have done home daycare for 8 1/2 years. One reason to have the child do it them selfs is because they are old enough to. They have to grow up and become independant. The next step is Kindergarten. They will not do it for them there. Preschool is a way to help the children learn how to become independant for real school. They will also learn to put their own shoes on, zip their jackets and many other things. When they learn it, they will become so excited and amazed that they can do it. As parents, it is easier for us to do it because we know it is done and we get it done faster. If we always do it for them, how will they learn?
You may want to start with baby wipes for her to wipe with. It will get much more off than toliet paper and I am sure the preschool won't have a problem if you supply them for her.

Wow, that's something I didn't even think of. My son has to wait a little to go to preschool cause he is only pee trained, not pooh. Now I have to teach him to wipe too? Of course I'm sure all preschools are different, but if they don't allow you even to wear pullups, they probably won't help wipe either. I would I guess just start having her do it every time at home, then do it after her. Then she'll start to at least get the feel of it first, and then she can perfect it. I'm anxious to see what everyone else says.

You know it was never really a concern of mine so I have no clue if pre-schools and such wipe usually. I would think not due to health risks and they aren't paid to do such things... but who am I to say.

I started potty training my children at 2.. it was always a bumpey ride. By 3 they were completely potty trained. I wiped their bottoms still for the first few months after turning 2... after that they had to do it. Then I checked their little bottoms till the day they did good enough that I didn't feel I needed to check anymore. I think that would usually take till the 3 year mark. My daughter is now 4 and knows to wipe front to back, be careful not to touch the toliet paper to her "girl parts" after it has touched her bottom and all that.

So I would just suggest that from now on you tell them to wipe. Watch and give them pointers. Check and make sure they do a good job. They really have to learn by doing it so mom doing it for them cause it's more effiecent and easy gets us no where in the long run. And don't sweat this too much. Just work on it with them. They are only at preschool for what 6 hours total a week. What are the odds of alot of bowel movements? Not that great I would assume. Worse case she does a terrible job... you help correct when they get home and wash the undies pronto.

Just try and relax. This will be such a great thing for you and your child. Try and enjoy watching them get big. It's hard but you'll feel so good about what a good job you did! Try and not sweat the little things in life. Good luck!

L.-
Now to side with you a little..... I do feel your concern. As a mom of a child who has special needs and the potty training thing was a HUGE issue and a second (nurotypical) child who I had to go through all of this with, I do feel your worry. I just want to say though, the kids adjust better than you think. They train their bodies to not need to go during those times. They are so busy with other activities they do not want to miss, that most do not go during the few preschool hours they have. Now I WOULD NOT TRY TO MAKE HER go before school as this then can stress her little body out. Trust me, she will save it for when she gets home. Even if not, it is just a few hours. But trust me, in the preschools they are so engaged, they do not need to go poop. (((HUG))).
****Now for the schools perspective****
The schools or facilities are NOT allowed to help the kids. Only DAY CARE centers can. The problems gets into two legal issues and one time issue. The legal ones being even though we KNOW preschool teachers do it out of love because they sure do not get paid enough and I know almost none would hurt a child, it has to do with the charges they can be accused of. If they stay away from the child's "private parts" it can never be a question. You would be suprised how a 3 or 4 year old can say something as simple as "Mom, no do it like this, when Miss Smith wipes me, she presses here really hard". Could just be a simple quicker wipe, but now the teacher has to be investigated. So, the rule is there to protect the teachers and children. The potty trained rule usually is ALWAYS PAIRED with the wipping rule, you just were not aware. The second legal reason is, because when the kids go poop, you then start to involve the teachers with health training that has to be completed. With fecal matter comes BIG training with cross contamination. This means needing to follow OSHA guidelines. They are already govern by so many other organizations, it is a big deal to have to be by another. The schools usually say "potty trained or potty independent"; meaning undressing, eliminating, wiping and redressing. From a stand point of time, the teachers also do not have the time in the day to keep running to the bathroom. If I am paying for preschool, I want them teaching, not wiping. Like when the kids go to kindergarten, it is a HUGE shocker to 1st time parents when the teachers do not help the kids get dressed, undressed, tie shoes or help with tolieting. I was a parent that did totally get it. I figured if the kids are there and the teachers are doing it for them, the entire 2 1/2 hours would be this while the other kids had "free play".

Don't be too hard on the preschool since legally a school is not allowed to unless they are licensed as a day care facility. Have her do the flushable wipes at home for a few weeks. You can always check when she gets home (or do a once over). I know we lost a couple pairs of undies during the first year of preschool ;)

I learned this about my daughter's preschool in orientation also, and there's really nothing you can do about it. I was told that if there should be an accident of the poopie nature then they would help to get the child cleaned up, but they do not help with regular bowel movements. As far as something you can teach her in 2 days, good luck, and if you find it let me know. My daughter is 4 and still needs help wiping every now and then. One thing you could do is send those Kan-do flushable wipes with her so she has a better chance of getting it all with a wet wipe rather than dry toilet paper that can tear and make the problem worse. Good luck. :)

Hi~ I am a mom to four wonderful children, daughter 12, Twin daughters-11 years old and a 5 year old son and also a owner/teacher of a preschool serving ages 3-6 year olds. At three and a half it is difficult for children to learn to wipe themselves especially in a short amount of time, sometimes their little arms are barely long enough to reach around to get there! :) As a preschool teacher, I usually help the little ones when there is difficulty, although I find that after a couple of weeks around their peers these children catch on quickly to the fact that they are the only ones calling for help in the bathroom and get creative to get the job done. In your situation I would go into talk with the teacher or director, explain the situation, that you are working on this particular skill at home and that she may need some help in the coming weeks until the skill is mastered. It won't take long once your daughter understands the process and she will feel confident and proud of herself for this developmental milestone in potty-training. Your daughter needs support from home as well as preschool and consistancy to accomplish this goal and believe me it won't take long! If you have enrolled her in a good preschool they will understand that it is a learning process and will help her through it as well. Good Luck!

I taught my daughter the basics of wiping when we potty trained I figured it was all or nothing.

I don't blame the preschool for not wiping butts, they have to many kids and not enough time.

When I worked at a inhome daycare I wouldn't wipe the kids butts unless they were in diapers or in the process of training. Once trained I felt they were big enough to handle that one on their own. I would help with unbuttoning and helping them remove tricky clothing with buttons and zippers.

I would just explain to your daughter how to wipe, and that she needs to wipe until the toliet paper is clean and clear of poop. It can be done! My daughter was toliet trained and turned 3 end of August started preschool September and could take care of all of her bathroom needs except needing help with tights, tricky buttons maybe.

I doubt your daughter will poop at preschool all that much anyways, it's only 2days a week and in the middle of the day for 2.5 hours the odds of her having to poop are pretty slim.

It will make you both feel a lot better to confess to the teachers that your daughter has not learned to wipe yet but that you will put her on fast forward. Ask them for help for the first week as she learns. If they refuse to help (would they really?) you could keep her home one more week for training.

Don't be surprised L. if there are many parents in her class that are in the same bind. Just because the teachers would prefer that kids come trained does not mean that they expect it, or that they are not prepared to help those who aren't up to speed.

I would assume when they tell you your child has to be fully potty trained, it would mean they go to the bathroom completely by themselves. wiping included.

Hi L.,

When a preschool asks that your child be potty trained, that does and should include learning how to wipe. It is difficult for a teacher to stop teaching her other students and go into the bathroom with each child each time they go. Otherwise, there would be no reason to expect the child to be trained as it would be necessary for the teacher to stop teaching and accompany each child to the restroom.

All children, when learning how to wipe, will have some difficulty cleaning themselves properly. This is to be expected. I would suggest when she returns from school that you take her in the bathroom and check her little hiney. Praise her on what a good job she did wiping and just keep reminding her how to do it properly. She will get the hang of it. I keep a box of diaperwipes in my bathroom for such instances. Also, make sure to stress how important it is for her to wash her hands after wiping. I always tell my kids "Let's get those bathroom germies washed off!"

Our pediatrician suggested that until my girls got older, to have them wipe from the front. When I asked about transfering poop from the back to the front, she said not to worry about that (for now) as when they have pooped in their diapers, the poop spreads all over anyway. She said it's more important to teach them to wipe well. They are just not very coordinated at this age and wiping from the back is difficult. Once my girls got a little older, they learned to wipe properly. It was not a difficult transition.

I think if you choose to speak to the Director, your concerns, while important to you, will not change their policy. There is only so much time during the session to teach all of the children all that they need to know and having to stop and help a child in the restroom will interrupt the flow of the classroom.

Good luck!

C.

Hi--I just read a lot of the other posts, and frankly, if I were you (and I am, in some ways), I'd be more upset...so just another perspective. I have been a public school teacher for 8 years, and they're right, you don't really want them touching your kids that way...BUT...as the mother of a four year old (whom I still wipe) who will also be going to preschool, that is NOT something that was made clear to me, either. Yes, potty trained, but, also like you, I read that to mean he can go on his own and signal to his teacher what his needs are--they don't change diapers. Snapping his own jeans and wiping his own bottom are tougher issues. I also agree, though, with the woman who said your child will be so engaged she won't go; I think that's very likely, even for a 3x a day girl.

Anyway--looks like I'll also be starting to encourage my son to wipe himself. Unless your daughter is very messy when she goes, I guess I wouldn't sweat the poo on her undies. Also, when you commented on contacting the director, I guess I didn't think you meant to change the policy, but to create awareness. I think it's perfectly valid for your to (calmly, of course) approach the director and suggest that it would have been helpful for 1st time moms sending their kids off to know that their kids need to be able to dress themselves (this means tights for girls and overalls for all kids are tough!) AND wipe themselves after using the toilet. Those are skills (my son gets very frustrated when he can't snap his own jeans...I'd see that being a future meltdown in preschool) that parents can and should be working on in preparation for preschool--but you can't work on what you don't know! Good luck--I'm confident both your daughter and my son will come out fine on this issue!

I'm a preK teacher in a public school, and I am not allowed to wipe children.

The very thought of it is shocking -- do you really want teachers touching children's private parts? Teachers who work in infant and toddler rooms in daycare centers do it, but they are expected to, and they are trained. Past that age group, no teacher would want to risk being accused of sexual molestation. There is no way in h*** I would put myself in that position.

So no, your child's teachers cannot possibly wipe the children's bottoms. They are not allowed to, for legal reasons.

Donate flushable wipes to the school (with the teacher's permission), keep working on it with your child, and definitely don't stress about it around her, or she will pick up your anxiety and it WILL become an issue.

These transitions to a new class or a new school can be difficult, especially if your daughter is your first-born, but trust me that it will all become easy and fun and happy within a few weeks.

Preschools define being potty trained as the child being able to fully take care of his or her toileting needs, including wiping. Kids have trouble with wiping and getting it all for quite awhile. When I was teaching, I remember standing next to some 3rd graders who smelled like they quite didn't have the concept of wiping themselves clean either.

Don't panic, talk to your daughter about it and show her how. She might do better with the flushable wet wipes - if she does, ask if you can send those to preschool for her. As soon as she gets home from preschool, have her go to the bathroom and clean her up if she needs it.

I also found this information shocking when my daughter started preschool. They tried to tell me that being potty trained means being able to wipe after going #2.

They are preschool teachers, not doctors, not medical professionals...so it isn't a surprise that they are wrong. From much research, potty training means that they are able to go in the potty. Wiping requires fine motor skills that just aren't completely there until 4 or 5. They may be able to do it...just not very well. This brings up the question of their ability to wash their hands properly afterward, as not to be contaminated by E.Coli.

"Your child will likely need help with wiping after a bowel movement until age 4 or 5" Web MD

Dr. Sears states, Children will need a wiping assistant for quite some time after being potty trained.

Don't let the preschool fool you into believing that your daughter has the fine motor skills to wipe herself completely at this age. The real deal is, they don't want to deal with it and they don't want to be alone in a closed stall touching a child.

My 2 cents, just explain to your daughter that she will have to try to wipe herself at school. Practice wiping and hand washing at home to help her transition.

Get her on a "schedule" as soon as you can. It will benefit her down the road, as regular school starts, too. We had to work with our little boy to get him to go every morning before preschool (get it out of the way...) rather than his fairly regular mid-morning poop. Some kids always go in the afternoon, and if you have morning pre-k it isn't much of a problem. Or visa-versa for afternoon pre-k. If it is something you want/need to do, the easiest, safest way we found to do it is to give your little one a small dose of Benefiber as soon as they wake up (We did 1 tsp). It is not harmful at all and can be mixed into any drink. It has no flavor or texture. It may take a week, but eventually her body will recognize early morning as the time to go w/o fiber. Some kids aren't proficient wipers for years, so even in Kindergarten we tried to get it out of the way early! Good luck!