My little girl cries at the drop of a hat. For instance, if she has soap on her hands and has to turn the water on to rinse, she will cry because she has soap on her hands. Another example is when we get to the car. She can climb in by herself, but she'll stand there and cry and say she can't do it.
I know this is all power play. How have you guys' handled situations like this?
Thanks!
We are going through the same thing with my grandson. At this age it seems to be all about them, and what they want. Dinner time is a nightmare. so good luck, I would love to know the answer to this myself.
L.,
I would just spend more time with her doing things she likes to do. Not things that cost money, but activities such as playing dolls, going for walks, reading books, etc... It sounds like she is "crying" for attention. When kids cry out for attention, we need to listen. They are not trying to manipulate us, they are just doing what comes natural to express their feelings.
Take Care,
T.
My 3 yr old does this from time to time also. I think it is the realization that they aren't babies but occationally they regress to what use to work for them, crying. I just dish out extra encouragement during those moments. And reminder her to use her words and not to cry when she needs help. Even if she could climb in teh car before, she may just need a little babying at that moment. Help her, but only if she asks nicely. Sometimes, mine will be in midst of a cry and can't really talk. So I get down on her level so she can see that I'm not upset and I say the words for her."Would you like me to help you into the car?" If I get a nod and a smile then I help her. If she still cries then I say "Please put on a happy face and ask nicely. No crying. Say "Mom, will you help me into the care, please."" She doesn't have to say the whole thing, just an attempt at getting control of herself is even. Good luck. This too will pass. Just don't show her that you are getting frustrated. Be Patient and encouraging and the phase will pass quicker.
My son is three too. He will cry and say, I can't put my shoes on, I can't go to the potty alone, I can't climb up there... I just overlook him when he does this. I don't help him, I make him do those things that he can do. I think that some children just want a lot of attention. I try to give him attention in other ways. Like reading books, doing puzzles and so on. They are growing up and don't know how to deal with it. If she can do these things I would just make her. You don't want to be a crutch. She'll be going to kindergarten and the teacher will not be able to do everything for her. I really thing they will out grow it. At least I hope so b/c I know how anoying it can be.
God Bless,
R.
Ah yes, age three. I have found that my son is totally irrational most of the time and has moments of total freak out over really silly things. I just calmly speak to him and work through it. I can assure you that you are not alone. Three is much much worse for us than two was. I told my mom it is like living with a bi-polar schizo that has multiple personalities. I just hope the sweet personality wins out.
T.
She may have had an emotional day, or was over tired and cryed about something silly and of course, if it's the first time, or two, we rush ain and try to calm them, try to make them stop crying by catering to them. Ex: It's ok, I'l get it, hold on, I'm coming, relax, it's ok, there, that's better, I helped you, your fine now, etc. This unfortunatley, although meant with love, reinforced her need to alarm the world about her every need and she feels that she has to get very upset to get any assistance because she truely believes she is helpless and this situation calls for major help and the only way to get that is to go straight to 100% upset mode. The best thing to do is to treat her like she is not having a meltdown. If she is freaking out about needing to wipe her hands andx she is crying and screaming, look at her like you are puzzled and tell her you can't understand her, if you stop crying I can hear your words, what did you say, shhh, I can't understand you when you're crying, encourage her to settle down and use her words. Even though you know what she needs and you want to help her, you have to encourage her to relax herself and ask nicely. This isn't only about avoiding a stomping, kicking screaming spoiled brat later, but it will help teach her that she can sooth herself when she is stressed and that she doesn have the power to logically think of a solution to her problems. the second she say, mommy, can you help me please, even if she still whimpering in the background, act as if she qwas never crying and respond VERY calmly, sure honey, would you like a washcloth or a babywipe? Also, make sure her naps and bedtime are regular. I know how irritable i am if I am tired, make sure she's getting enought rest and to eat, she may be growing or getting ready to and is hungry or a little weak and uncomfortable because she needs a little more. If she continues to freak out about something and is crying non-stop to get you to do something, you may have to tell her that this is not the time to cry and she needs to stop, if you can't stop, You will have to go to time out until you are quiet and talk to me nicely. She may go kicking and screaming for half an hour, but she will realize that this method of communication isn't working for her. Good Luck, patience and role modeling are your best friends with preschoolers.
There is an author, Dr. Lehman, that writes a GREAT book about positive parenting in difficult situations like that...it's called, "How to make your child mind without losing yours". He is a Christian author, but I think the book is outstanding even if you're not looking for that influence...although for us, that's an added bonus. He has some others too and they've all been good and QUICK reads for those timely situations like this.
I suggest you read "Tears and Tantrums" by Alteha Solter. It may explain why she's crying so much.
We went through that about a year ago. Every once in a while she will have a relapse and cry at just about everything. One thing that we did was, well, creative encouragement. Not only did we verbally encourage her and give lots of praise when she succeeded at something, we would sometimes just walk away and let her stand there and cry until she figured out that she was going to have to handle the situation on her own. Like in your example of having soap on her hands. I would give her some encouragement, telling her I knew she could turn the water on by herself. If she continued to cry and refused to even attempt the task, I would offer more encouragement and leave. (watching the whole time of course).
Most of the time, when she calms down and realizes that no one is going to rescue her or do it for her, she just goes ahead and does it by herself. Sometimes you have to have a bit of stamina, especially if the child is strong-willed, but eventually they come around.
Good Luck!
