Help My Now 22 Month Old Will Not Stop Hitting Tried Everything

Just keep on doing what you're doing. Grab his hands and tell him "NO! That is NAUGHTY! We don't hit!"" in a very stern, firm voice. Use a tone of voice and body language firm enough to show him you mean business...even if you make him cry. Do it every time he tries to strike at you. If he continues, pick him up and take him to his room for some time-out in his crib.

A firm swat on the butt (that hurt) with a clear "no hitting" stopped all mine in one attempt. The next time they raised a fist in fury, a "no" is all it took to prevent the blow from landing. I've never had to hover in parks, day cares, etc, and they've never been aggressive to other kids or me or their dad in any setting. Some extremely difficult kids need slightly more repetition, but not many kids. If you remain consistent with his hand it could work-as long as it's not a "symbolic little bat at it" that doesn't really sting and only happens sometimes. Two is old enough for a firmer consequence. Mine learned not to hit instantly at 18 months. Aggression is a capital offense, so we treated it as such. Now they're 6, 4, and 2 1/2 and the friendliest sweetest kids around.

I don't think the actual "thing that made him mad" matters. There's always a reason to get mad and hit when you're a two year old boy. You just have to make it worth his while not to do it at that age. And make the consequence something he has to decide to avoid instantly, not a delayed vague drama that he's not sure he cares about (time outs take forever and never work n some kids). And he's too young to care what you "say" about it not being nice. And most of all NEVER IGNORE. Don't let him get away with it EVER or he will not understand how bad it is, and he'll keep "practicing it". If you snuff it effectively right away, he'll never get in the habit, and he'll always know it's wrong. He's bright and he "understands you", he just wants to hit. Don't let him!

According to your only other question, your son has been hitting you in the face for at least 7 months.

I'd say you aren't being firm enough. Time to be the parent. It's time to parent.

Bev, you aren't doing anything wrong. However, he is fighting with you because he wants to wear you down to get what he wants. You must not let him.

It is good that he can say short sentences. Use that ability to foster his communication. When he gets mad or starts crying, say to him "Use your words" and say it often. Daycares use this to help children SAY what they feel instead of SHOW what they feel (with hitting). If a child hits, they put the child in time out, every time. I know you say it isn't working to put him in time out, but perhaps the thing you should do is put him in his room or in a playpen (that he cannot climb out of) if he hits you. That is a more effective time out. Then walk away from him for several minutes so that he is by himself.

NEVER let him off the hook for hitting you. ALWAYS give him the same consequence. Right now you are trying a bunch of different things, and that's not working. Instead, deposit him into a place he can't get out of, away from you. If you aren't dealing with him, he can't continue to fight with you. If he screams in time out, WAIT HIM OUT. He will learn that screaming and crying do NOTHING to get what he wants. Don't let him know that you are listening outside of the door or outside of his view. When he calms down, you can walk back in and say "Are you ready to behave?" Make him say he is sorry for hitting you - and then take his hands in yours and say "Hands are for helping - not hurting." Do this every time.

Continue to prepare him for upcoming transition. If you need to, use a timer - tell him that when the timer goes off, you change to another activity. If you find that TV causes the biggest problem, drop the TV for an entire week. When he cries for it, tell him that he is crying too much over the TV, so he has to take a break. Truly, I have a feeling that the TV is mostly for you, and you need to give up that idea so that you can deal with your son's misbehavior RIGHT NOW.

So, to recap - one or two transition reminders - "As soon as the bell goes off/TV program finishes, etc, we will color". Crying ensues - get down at his eye level and say "Use your words - tell me why you are crying". He hits - grab his hands and hold them tight and say "Hands are for helping, not hurting" and then tell him that he has to go into time out because he hit. Immediately stick him in a play pen or take him to his room and put him in there and shut the door. Hold the doorknob so that he cannot get out. Do NOT let him know you are outside that door. You do not open the door while he is screaming. Wait til he is done.

You will not get much done at home when you start this process. You have to consider this a big deal, getting him to understand that THIS is the way it's going to be. So keep steadfast to your plan. Helping him TELL you that he doesn't want to stop what he is doing is good - and you AFFIRM with him what he is feeling. "I understand that you are mad that the TV program is over, but it is time to turn off the TV." And don't give in. Never give in to a tantrum or when he hits you.

Good luck.

One question is: does this specifically happen a lot when you turn off the TV? If so, he may be overstimulated by TV-watching, and when kids are overstimulated, impulse control goes out the window. As much as I'm sure he loves whatever program he's watching, he is still in the age group where the American Academy of Pediatrics says no TV whatsoever, and that's because all the fast-changing moving images aren't good for brain development. As much as he enjoys it, and as much as I'm sure you need and deserve a break, you might try taking TV out of his life -- see if that helps.

Very normal and age appropriate. We do instant timeouts for hitting. Also tell him at his level no hitting and holding wrists if they try and hit again.

In my experience hitting him back enough to feel a touch of sting was all it took.

You aren't necessarily doing anything wrong. He knows what he is doing is wrong, and has little self-control. So your job is to use the discipline you have decided on over and over and over until he gets it. Hitting anyone in the face is never appropriate behavior, unless he's being kidnapped. (I don't say this in jest, my son was kidnapped.) You can't give up until it works, however long that may be. Little ones actually need boundary setting, it helps them to be more secure and know what to expect. Why not tell him the next time the show is on that he isn't watching it because he hit you the last time it was over? As verbal as he is I am pretty sure he will make the connection.

Trust me, there is a discipline he will learn from, you need to find the one that works for HIM and be consistent in implementing it, each and every time, no matter how long it takes.

time out every time. You're not going to 100% prevent it. You just have to reinforce over and over and over that hitting is not acceptable. I also find that TV can make kids a little touchy. I don't know why they like zone out and forget their manners....if it's REALLY out of control consider cutting out TV for a few days.

I agree with Mira's question and assertions. Sometimes, kids watching tv get upset because tv (esp. fast-paced tv) causes a lot of chemical brain activity. As each image comes on the screen, the brain is prompted to discern if the image is 'safe' or 'dangerous', and when the brain determines that something new isn't a threat or danger, it secretes a bit of dopamine, a feel-good chemical. Which is why tv is referred to as a drug by some, because it can become the equivalent of a dopamine drip... and how to people act when you take their drugs away? Not too pleasant. For what it's worth, our brains are doing this 'decoding' of the world all the time in real life, but at a more reasonable, slower and situational pace, meaning that an environment which feels usually comfortable isn't triggering the brain in such a way doesn't stimulate the dopamine feed in the way a tv or movie might. (Google "Television dopamine" and you'll find a wealth of information.)

Maybe no tv for a while (how about trying a week or two) and see if the hitting stops?

If this (tv) isn't the crux of the problem, but the hitting is continuing at other times, I do think that calmly telling him "no hitting. you may be gentle with my body" and putting him in a safe, quiet place alone would be helpful. Don't try to over-explain. Do not hit him, either; slapping his hand only teaches hitting. I know it's difficult, but very important--do not get emotionally engaged or upset when he does this. Be firm, mean what you say, and then get him to a place where he doesn't have access to you. Two minutes there is fine. Once he's done, do not mention it again. (Avoid talking and talking or over-explaining.)

And when he's doing things that make *him* happy, be sure to give him lots of positive attention for doing those healthier things. Ruffle his hair, give him a little backrub or squeeze on the shoulder. Oftentimes, our kids will hit us because they are trying to get our attention. If we fill up that 'cup' of need for connection and affection, we'll see our child's less desirable behaviors decrease. This isn't rewarding the negative behavior, by the way, because we are doing it when the child is doing something that doesn't bother us and is a joy for them. This cements their sense of belonging and value.

And when your son simply can't find the words ( I've worked with kids for a long, long time...when they're upset, even the older ones (9+ years) have difficulty articulating their feelings. Take the chance and try to talk for him. "You are sad that I can't hold you right now." or "You're really mad the blocks fell down. You worked so hard to build that tower." Even very verbal children benefit when we offer empathetic language. We can't fix every problem for them, but at least they know we 'understand'.

I'm wondering how long you tried each of the things you say you've tried. It won't work the first time, and probably not the 20th time, but eventually he'll get it.

Also, when he hits you in the face, you need to tell him that he's hurt mommy and take his hand and rub it nicely on your face and tell him THIS is how you touch mommy!

UGGGG BOYS!!! My son did the same thing just find a time out spot somewhere in your house (not his room) put him there and keep on what your doing... When my son was good I would always say that he was a good boy & we play nice.

I would not put him in the crib you don't want him to think when it's bed time he is being punished (time out)