My Mother Has Contacted Legionaires Disease

Sorry to hear about your Mom. The little ones should be able to see her for a few minutes. Little ones do not understand sickness or hospitals. If you take the girls (yes both) to see your Mom let them stay a few minutes. Before you go explain that Grandma is very sick and may not get better but they can see her and maybe kiss her cheek. If Grandma does pass they will at least have been able to say goodbye, if she does get better they will remember that good things can come out of bad situations.

Yes by all means take the little ones to see their great-grandmother, it may be the last time to see them. Children can a lot more then we think they can. You must explain to them that G-grandmother is very ill.
I hope your mother gets to feeling better soon!

I think if you explain it to her she should be ok. My brother was 6 when my dad was in ICU and he was ok. We let him know that dad was hooked up to some machines to help him and that it might seem scary, but that there was nothing for him to be afraid of. Good luck. I hope your mom gets better soon.

Hi, I work in a nursing home and have seen this dilema many times, I can just tell you that you should discuss it with you grandaughter and explain everything she will see to you and give her the option. She will be scared at first, but if she wants to see your mother you should let her. I am still mad at my father for not letting me see my grandfather before he passed, and the was 15 years ago. If she thinks she s ready she probably it.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she gets better soon.

As far as your question: What do the parents of these children say? I think you need to leave the 2 year-old out of it because a child this age doesn't even have their conscious memory kicking in yet so they won't remember it anyway. Do they feel the 7 year-old could handle seeing great-grandma this way? If so, then you need to make sure that all the adults present are not crying or acting upset but calm and happy to be there. Make it a positive experience or you will be simply burdening the children with unnecessary grief and saddness which they will never forget being made to endure.

Hi K., My Mother in law was recently in the hospital after having surgery to remove cancer. She did pass away, but at the time we didn't know it would take such an awful route. She too was hooked up to machines & we wondered the same thing. This was only a few months ago, but my step-daughter who is 5, handled things very well. Her grandma raised her before my husband and I were together, so she was exceptionally close to her. We explained first how to act in the hospital, and made a rule "no crying in front of Grandma". The rule was just to keep the room a happy place and any questions she had we'd answer when we left the room. When my MIL did pass away 3 weeks later it was much easier for her to understand because she saw her and knew she wasn't doing well. I know other people feel that a hospital is no place for children, especially when someone is in critical condition. But my personal thoughts are as long as you are prepared to answer questions, go ahead and let the 7 year old see her great-grandma. There may be some memories, but give her as much comfort as possible and I think she'll be okay.

Hi K.. I think a lot depends on how the mother and father feel. You are the grandmother, but it really depends on how they feel about it. Have you spoken to them about it? THey might have strong feelings one way or another. Is Legionnaires disease contagious?? If so, I would not bring either one. Personally, I would bring the 7 yo but NOT the almost 2 yo...who is too young to explain it to. Hopefully your mom gets better!!

I think a lot depends on the child's attitude and sensitivity, as well as how close their relationship to your mother is. When my father was ill with terminal cancer, there were times when he was incoherent or hooked up to machines. I brought my 2 year old in to visit a couple of times because she was too little to be upset by such things, but I did not bring my 5-year-old. She is also very inquisitive and overall more sensitive and easily upset. I didn't want her to remember her Grandpa that way, as I'm sure it would have scared her, and she didn't express any interest in going. Good luck to you and your mom.

My rationale is different than most... but I want to share. We married later - and wanted children very much. In all, we lost three pregnancies to miscarriage in the first trimester, have three healthy children, and lost our Grace, full-term, to still-birth. Half of our pregnancies were conceived with infertility meds/procedures - and so each was very expected, anticipated, and desired! Grace was to be our second child (two miscarriages and our oldest child prior). When she stopped moving at 37 1/2 weeks, I thought labor was on the way. I had no idea. At any rate, it was the 4th of July and the clinics were running with a very limited staff. When we drove over (husband, myself, and our then 2 1/2 year old son), we were given a real run-around. No one wanted to commit to looking for heart tones. They finally phoned in a nurse practitioner who'd actually done one of our earlier procedures. She knew. I knew. We were all crying - and made a long walk to the hospital via a tunnel. I carried my son and wouldn't let him go. My parents came - and we all stayed together. Precious Grace was delivered some ten hours later, with a star-filled sky - as fireworks exploded. My son was present. He didn't approach the hospital bed - but, heaven knows, I needed him there - selfishly. When we left the hospital empty armed, I was ever so grateful to have a child to have and to hold... and there were so many beautiful things that came as a result. We say that Grace changed our lives, because it's so. I became a stay-at home mom. And we began discussing heaven. My son KNOWS Jesus is playing with his sister. He knows heaven is a desired place. He knows it's where we go from here. He was the one to feel Grace's spirit. When we felt so disconnected and sad, he was the one to brighten our days. He was in the clinic for every one of my next (dozens - hundreds?) of doctor appointments. He possibly knows the staff better than I do. He watched me cry. He watched me create wonderful memory things (garden for her, scrapbook, etc) for Grace. And he was present for both of his little sister's deliveries. He is now eight and witnessing his grandfather's struggle with cancer. Despite our family trekking some 900 miles round trip this week to be with dad for his next surgery - we are taking our children (8, 3, and 1). for soooo many reasons. Dad is part of our children's lives. Our children want to be there as much as dad wants to see them there. I'm not worried about the tubes or hospital atmosphere - rather that they are there for him. They will be the only children there - and I'm not immune to the fact that dad is not up for entertaining. Rather - I look forward to seeing his eyes flutter open to see their little faces eager to tell him they love him - and then leave his room.

We also go to my grandmother's home once each week to help her with her bills and housekeeping. We are there a couple of hours - and she so looks forward to seeing them! She is ninety. I would do the same, were it her in the bed. She loves them and would also love to see them.

As for it being their possible last times seeing her... how precious! I'd not trade the moments of my son being with me during the deliveries (for our last child - he managed to 'slip away' to watch the baby come out. Everyone else was up toward my head... but his comments were precious, later. He said that he thought he should have helped out doc. He saw all those instruments and he could have helped her cut the strings she was sewing with. (!!!) And my middle child was a little nervous about my being in a hospital bed, but we took a little extra her and me time after they cleaned me up, and she whispered that she wanted to sleep in bed with me. Despite their little minds, we don't always know what's on their mind...

And my children pray. My children have open, honest discussions with Jesus. They ask him to play with Grace when we offer her name.

I don't know if this helped at all - but, yes, talk with their parents - but, perhaps more importantly, ask them {the kids} if they'd like to see g-gma. They may want to be part of all this. Likely they've heard she's sick - and wonder about it, anyway.

I'll think of you in my prayers, today - and good luck in your decision!

T.

I'm 60 and lost my mom in April of 2007. Mom was in the Heart Hospital then. She had lots of tubes and oxygen, etc. Two of my grandchildren lived in SF, too, and came with my son and/or my d-i-l to see Mom several times. Mom was able to talk and converse and interact with them. They knew she was sick, and we allowed them to stay in the room for short periods of time. We each took turns then staying with the kids in the waiting room. They seemed to have no ill effects. When Mom got to the stage where she could no longer talk, the kids came in one last time to give GrGram a kiss good-bye. They had been given lots of information about how sick she was and that she was going to go live with Jesus. They were OK with it. My third granddaughter (she was 2) got there about 2 hours after they disconnected all of the fluids, etc. She came in with her mom, too, and went over to the bed to say good-bye. Mom opened her eyes and said she loved them. Her last words. Ali still talks about GrGram and how sick she was, but she also talks about her being in heaven. I think if the kids receive enough information (at their level) before they go in, they will be OK. Especially if they are close to your mom. My nephew also brought his under one year old in which wasn't a problem. However, my other nephew did NOT bring his 9 year old along because he would have been very inquisitive and would probably have been harder to keep from asking too many questions in Mom's room. I don't think he would have been scared or terrified (although he had just lost his grandfather on his mom's side, so it would have been two within a short period of time.) But he might have disturbed Mom.
My mom always loved having the kids around and they loved playing with her. The only kids that did not come into the hospital were the 2 great grandkids from Seattle (2 & 4) and the one 9 year old. My grandkids were 3 and 6 and then the 2 year old.
I don't know what others are saying, but in my opinion, it depends on how you prepare them and how close they are to that great-grandmother. My grandchildren did fine.
All of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren got to talk to her on the phone. That was very satisfying to both my mom and the kids.
S. H

Hi K.
We lost my mother-in-law to lung cancer last year and I let both my children see her through it all she was on oxegen had a huge R2D2 looking o2 tank. My boys were 5&3 and she had another grandson 8 . We made sure to explain what everything was for and to not be affraid to ask questions and then kept the visits short. They seemed to handle it all well I think it is all how you and the parents explain whats going on answer fairly to any questions they do have they both your mother and them deserve to see eachother espcially if you think your mother will not get through this. My best to tou and your family. G.

I think you almost have to insist she sees her great grandmother. I know at first it may be a little uncomfortable and she will be scared seeing her with thing attached everywhere, but if your granddaughter is close to her she will see beyond that. When my children were 7 and 5 my grandmother was in the hospital with congestive heart failure and I wanted my boys to see her, they always made her smile. So after we visited GG in the hospital we had a snack at the cafeteria so they would be more comfortable with the whole hospital concept. Good Luck, it never an easy decision.