My Husband Doesn't Want to "Hang Out" with Me and Our Son

Gee S.,
This is a tough one. You're going to have to see what people say. Best I can come up with for now is this. Get a terrific babysitter (something you'll want to have in the works anyway)and go with your husband on a date. Spend the night seeing things HIS way. Perhaps he is experiencing jealous feelings toward the baby and feels he shouldn't have them, so he's covering up best he can. Hopefully, as he feels safe with you, he'll open up and get his feelings out. REMEMBER, see it HIS way. You want him to be understood. I hope he'll feel safe enough to see a family counselor with you. A therapist who can take BOTH your sides (word of mouth or best you can get with your health insurance). Babies can churn up unresolved childhood issues in new parents. All of a sudden, a parent might feel they've become their own parent! Perhaps your father-in-law is similiar, but zip it as you observe!
Good luck, S..

I'm sorry you're going through this. I would try to make sure your husband is more involved at home, and perhaps just a walk around the block each evening. Start small, babies don't usually cry 24/7.

One place that is great to walk is the Lafayette reservoir. It is paved all the way around (about 3 miles) so it is perfect for a stroller. If you go during the week, there are lots of moms walking their babies in strollers, front carriers, back packs etc. (Be sure to bring quarters for the parking meters!) If you like hiking, the reservoir rim trail is perfect. Ask your husband to come, perhaps he can wear the baby and you can wear a backpack with a picnic lunch.

Remember to also plan a date night or day and get out with your husband alone. Your two were a couple first, and it is common for new dads to feel jealous of the baby that gets to touch and be with "their" partner all day long. The two of you will need some alone time (I didn't leave my first child with a sitter for more than one hour until he was over a year old, but we did have some time as a couple).

Good luck and don't give up.

I did not have your exact problem but because my husband did not grow up with a father figure, it was hard to get him to spend quality time with our son. Going out did not bother him, he preferred that we were all together so that he did not have to be alone with him.

If your husband and family are worth it, you will keep working at it. My husband has taken baby steps but he reads to my son now and does more with him then put him in front of a TV.

Also, if this is your first, it sometimes takes men longer to adjust. If you can take him to some kid friendly places first and get him use to the fact that kids do cry, there only method of communication at this point, then you can start transitioning him to other places that aren't so full of children. Find a coffee place that is kid friendly.

Last thing, show him by example. If you in a place and you feel the baby is disturbing others with his crying, just take him outside for a while until he calms down or walk him. He can learn from you but you will have to be patient.

You will know by his effort if he is going to make a change.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. It is important to find balance in a relationship ;so of course its one of the hardest things to achieve. What if you compromise and get a sitter for just an hour and go to coffee together. Then your husband could spend an hour with the two of you. Are you spending time with other people? A moms group might be a nice connection for you to make. I live in Lafayette with my husband and 1 1\2 year old son and we would love to watch your little guy for an hour. We are super responsible loving parents. I know it seems weird to make an offer like that but I feel like you never know how much something little could help. Good luck,D.

Sounds like your husband is having trouble adapting to your new family situation, two's company, three's a crowd. And, seems like he may even be a little jealous. Does he in any way help with the baby (change diapers, give him the bottle, help bath him, etc.?) If not, he's probably not had the chance to really experience the joys of his son. I would seek professional help, family therapist, as your husband may need an outsider to help him adjust to this big change in your lives. And it's true, a new baby really does bring on huge changes. Not to mentioned, as the baby's Mother, naturally you are all-devoted to him, meaning your husband has to share your time. Get help, but also think about some compromises, too. As your son gets older, maybe from time to time a little time together just for you and your husband would be appreciated. In the meanwhile, he needs to "grow up" and start being a Father! (which will get easier when your son is non longer a helpless baby)