Some Days I Don't like Being a Mom

I love reading John Rosemond and what he says makes so much sense. Last week's newspaper article fits right in with what you are experiencing. You can read it at www.rosemond.com. He also has a number of excellent books which would also point you in the right direction. I've never heard anyone else say what he does. I get his books used off amazon to save money.

I'm reading a book called "I was a great mom before I had kids" that addresses issues like this. If you can get a few minutes of peace in a day, it may be worth the read just so you know enough Moms feel this way that there's a book about it!

Just wanted to say, "been there, am there." I am at home, 34, with a 3 1/2 and a 15 month old and they just about drive me wild every day with their neediness, crying, and whining. I love them desperately, but it is really tough to put up with it all the time. My "me time" is also trips to the grocery store or other occasional errands without them. But, sometimes they make my heart melt- daily, in fact. So I guess you just take the good with the bad and try to appreciate the little things.

I didn't read all the responses so I don't know if anyone said this already, but I feel it would be appropriate as I have thought about it a lot lately.

There is a very true saying that "it takes a village." What I am seeing on this board just proves it. The nuclear family is a myth in my opinion. It is unhealthy for all involved. Parents are totally stressed out and children's needs are hard to meet.
I was fortunate to spend a lot of time with the Arab community in Houston. In many ways they continue this concept of a village raising the children even while living in separate houses. They have large gatherings often and there are always lots of children. The children play together and the adults hang out. Everyone takes a role in looking after the kids. Even in the smaller extended family group that is so. I have never seen an Arab woman as stressed out by children as we are. She has a lot of help. And I believe that is the way it needs to be.
Of course parents, especially, mothers go crazy. We were never meant to have 24/7 total responsibility for young children. It is supposed to be shared.
We are starting an intentional community in the Houston area where this kind of village concept will be the norm. Can you imagine going back to the days when kids played outside all day and parents felt safe about it? That is Light Way Village. Check out our site www.lightwayschools.org and see what you think. Look under mission and vision for our ideas on an intentional community.
The overall picture is to create a place where food, water, power and shelter are just there and everyone has these basic needs. Then we free the human spirit to be able to create from that place of passion and joy. The economic meltdown is a gift. After all how many of us were truly happy with our jobs and stressed out lives. This is a time where we have the opportunity to change and I say, along with many others, "Yes, we can." All it will need is for us to work TOGETHER and recreate the village. Light Way Village: opening when the team shows up. :) Smiles and hugs.
Z..

I just want to echo the comment that the days of being constantly in demand are not forever. I'm a step-mom to a 8 year old boy and, believe me, they do get more independent as time goes on, and you do start to get more "me" time back. 5 and 2.5 years old is probably the hardest time you'll go through. It may take another 3 years, but it will get easier as the kids get more independent. I would also encourage you to set limits. It won't work with the 2.5 year old. But the 5 year old is old enough to start understanding limits. I met my stepson when he was about 5.5 and he was capable of understanding that "no" meant "no" and things like that. Also, it sounds like your husband needs to take the kids out of the house once in a while. If his idea of helping you is to let the kids chase you down inside the house while you are trying to workout, that's not really helping. He needs to gather them up and take them to the zoo, an ice skating rink, a playground or some place where they will have fun, be distracted, and not be able to bother your for a good 2 or 3 hours. That way you really get your "me" time.

I guess this is like the 54th response to your post but I just had to write. My husband and I met when we were both 28. It seemed important at the time to get that family started right away since I could hear that ole clock tickin'. All my husband had to do was look at me and bam we had two daughters, two years and 16 days part. My first child was a dream baby. People would come to the house and say " I didn't even know you had a baby!". She nappped great, we had a little trouble with the sleep all night thing but it was no big deal. I nursed her until I got pregnant with our 2nd child. I told her one day "Mama can't nurse you any more because I have to start saving milk for the new baby". She was fine with that . When I was so sick and tired I could not even get off the couch she read ( sort of ) to me and played with her puzzles and toys quietly.
Then my due date arrived- and passed. This should have been a warning but I was nesting or somethng and I missed it . I went to the doctor several times and finally I was told to pick a birthday because they were going to induce.
I chose,went to the hospital ,got induced and 4 hours later had my newest baby daughter. They brought her to me in the recovery room to see if she would nurse- only one breast Mama, because you are still kinda weak. That kid sucked down both breasts and was eyeing my husband when the nurse whisked her away- screaming. I was happy and tired . They took me to my room where I promptly threw up my dinner all over my father. Another omen? Anyway he just laughed and said you know that is the loudest baby I have ever heard- ?. Within an hour of getting settled in to my room the nursery called and informed me that I would have to come down and get my baby. She was disturbing all the other children. What? Why couldn't they just wheel her down to my room? So I go to the nursry, IV pole and crotch full of stitches and I get half way there and I can hear a screaming- not crying- screaming baby. I knock on the door to the nursery and identify myself. They point her out to me and say nothing. From their looks I take the bassinette thing and hobble to my room. Screaming baby in tow. Once we got to room and I picked her up -silence. I had to hold her constantly or it was terrible. They sent me home 10 hours after my delivery and I still maintain that it was because of her screaming.
We took her home- more screaming. Our 2 year old took one look at her and said " go back". We laughed but I felt nervous. My husband had to return to work the next day- the lucky dog- and I was left with the screamer and what was now the sulker. The baby did not have colic. She was just LOUD. She was boisterous and destructive. If I wasn't holding her all the world came apart. She never slept. She woke at 4am ,didn't nap and would not go down til 10pm. The pediatrician assured me she was perfectly healthy but that I didn't look so hot. After one trip to the pharmacy that lasted about 45 minutes ( she was also a climber- I had to tell her every 30 seconds to get down or stop that or put that down, and on and on and on.)when they called her name so I could pick up her prescription EVERYONE turned and looked at me. Everybody knew her name after 45 minutes. Finally I went in to see the pediatrician alone to ask her how long this phase was going to last. I needed to know so I could get prepared to weather it out. She calmly looked at me and said "about 17 more years." I cried right there in the doctors office. She then told me to get a part time job and that when I got home I would be glad to see her- because I sure wasn't glad now.
The doctor turned out to be right. That was 19 years ago and she is still H.E.double hockey sticks on wheels but I am glad to see her- most of the time.

Hi L.,
I am a grandmother of a 2 and a half year old little stick of dynomite!
Kids do not understand what "time to yourself" means, and they won't get it until they are parents themselves. You belong to them, period. Being a mother is a full time, thankless job, and there is no way that you can reason with a child about "your" needs. What this creates is extreme frustration for both mother and children.
From your letter up there, I felt your extreme frustration, what your kids are feeling is that you don't want them,and that you want to "escape" them. This is why they want to be around you all the time. Try some reverse psychology, include them in everything that you do, hold them as much as you can, make them know in their hearts that they are loved and accepted, and that you are their teacher as well.
What needs to change here is your feelings about motherhood, the children are just being children.
And yes, most mothers out there will agree that there are days when we want to jump off a bridge, it goes with the territory!
Good luck,
Marge

Hi L.,

Here is a web site for disciplining your children. http://www.childrentoday.com/articles/kid-connections/dis...

The other suggestion is to get an appointment book from your local beauty supply place with 4 columns and put each person's name at the top.

Set up time slots for everyone's needs. If you need help with getting your time in, hire a nanny or your local teenagers to help you by babysitting.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

Hi L.,
Yes....I fell this way too sometimes. I get enivous of my friends that have friends or family around that takes their kids for awhile. I don't get breaks like that! WHY?! I get cranky when I hear their sweet voices..."MOMMY"! I just want to go away. I love them dearly, most of time you love to have them around, they make you smile and laugh and remind you of being a kid yourself, but sometimes....lol. Every mom is different. I have friends that can't stand to be away from their kids, they wanted to be Moms their whole lives and it is what they live for. I am not one of those moms. I need my time, I need my space, I need my "girlfriend" time, I need my husband time. It is all about balance and sometimes, it is hard to mantain that balance...so we get cranky (: Don't feel bad...you are not alone, you are not a bad mom. You are you and that is a good thing! There is a saying that I love and it puts a different perspective on our kids. "God gives us the children we need". I love that. It is not that He gave our kids the parents that they needed, but he gave US the kids that WE need. They teach us, stretch us, and love us like no one else. Hang in there and know that you are not alone....I am right there with you sister...LOL.
A.

I'm a late responder, too, but I'm so glad you posted your thoughts! I've been feeling the same way lately. Right now, I'm a "single" mom of two beautiful boys, while my hubby is deployed in the military. But there are some days I feel like a terrible mother becuase I just don't want to be around my kids, I just want to be alone, with some peace and quiet. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Having time to ourselves and with our spouses truly makes us better parents!

Thanks again!
A.

Hello L.! Although i do not share your predicament i do sympathize with you and thought i'd share some useful tips. I'm a mother to a ten year old girl and a beautiful 22 month old princess, i'm definitely busy just like you. I find that wishing for something that just can't happen is silly. Instead you should embrace the now,who you are now and find ways to work your you time in because now you are first a mother and then you. Our children didn't ask to be born, we made that decision. I have always been an avid reader but with two kids and one so young i don't always get my desired time. So i leave a book in the car and on my lunch hour i lock myself in the car and take that time to read and eat my packed lunch. I work for a gym and i highly recommend taking your children there and place them in the day care while you take care of you. They can play and you can work out without them under your feet. Yes they'll cry but eventually they will stop and everyone will look forward to this outing. If you are not opposed to it try a mother's day out or a parent's nite out. I offer that on saturday nites for parents and it seems to be a big hit. I swear i'm not trying to advertise, just making a suggestion. Also, my husband and i alternate nites to put our youngest daughter to bed. When it's his nite i kiss my baby gnite at 8 pm and then lock myself in my room and enjoy my time before i pass out. Hope some of these suggestions helped! God bless you and your family

I know you have gotten a lot of GREAT advice here, but I feel the need to re-iterate that you are not alone!! I have five children -- 16, 13, 12, 7, and 6 -- and am also a Professional Home Child Care Provider. So, what I have done to "balance" myself is I started school. I took online and evening classes that way I knew I had set scheduled time to look forward to that I was going to get. Usually my evening classes are some form of PE class -- like PE, Tennis, Jogging, etc. that way I got excersize as well. So, after 4 years I earned an associate's degree. Also, since I have earned my associate's degree I have continued on taking Continuing Education classes just to continue that "mommy" time. Eventually the school thing will stop and at that point will have to find something else to do...which will not be hard. There are a lot of professional organizations out there for working women -- one in particular is American Business Women's Association -- that thrust you into a network of other working women. These groups focus on community service as well. I used to -- before I started school -- be involved with ABWA and the community service thing is good for you and good to get your children and hubby involved in as well. Yes, even the young ones!! The earlier on you can teach them about serving the community the better. This will teach them there is life outside of mommy, daddy, and their home. As they get older it will humble them and show them they have a lot to be thankful for -- which helps when they become selfish teenagers!! Our 16 year old is more understanding with us when she has to wait for something big...like driving. She knows she has two parents who love her, a nice warm bed, nice clothes, a good education, etc...and we are not rich by any means. We are struggling just like everyone else in this country. They just seem to appreciate the hot dogs we can afford to feed them a little better and not whine because it is not McDonald's....you get my drift...hang in there and try to be creative with what you do...get your kids and hubby in on it...oh, and the get the appointment book advice was a GREAT suggestion!!

I am sure EVERY Mom feels like that sometimes.

Tell Hubby to take the kids OUT. Have him go for a walk....take a drive...go to the park. Just tell him to get them away for a bit so you can do your work out. OR....YOU go out. Take up running. It truly clears the mind and soul and is excellent cardio vascular.

I get up at the crack of dawn every day so I can have my hour or so of computer and coffee time while my husband, baby, dogs and parrots are still in bed asleep.

If I would have given birth to my daughter in my late 20's there would have been NO way that I personally would have been ready for her. Instead I had her at 43....old!!!! But I am much more 'ready' in my life now. Sometimes time is the thing that helps and as others have said, in time your little ones will grow to need you less.

Appreciate this period in their lives. It will be GONE before you know it and you will miss it and want it back.

Hi L.,
I guess you can get more then you bargain for from advice here, I will be short. First, you comment of jumping off a building-scared me. Please talk to a therapist, seriously. Women tend to balance so much more then men, its important that your children come first, but not every minute of every day. Sounds like somewhere along the line they have lost the understanding of what is acceptable behavior & that mom will return as soon as the bathroom door opens. They are young but for their own self esteem they need to understand about giving you space. There are lots of little exercises you can expose them to to help you have a little more space and control, but you need to learn it first. You have to be healthy to keep your family going.

Feel free to call if you ever want to talk. K. ###-###-####

If you have a nice yard, it would be a good idea to have a fenced in area for them to play where you could put all their toys, a playhouse, a sandbox, a pool, trucks, dolls, a table, and get them used to playing out there. Make sure there is enough shade and they will be safe, and you can watch them from a window, or camera monitor. It will help them be more independent and give you a break.

Although my son is now a teen, I remember those days. I joined a group called MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), and it was a Godsend. The kids get a quality program called MOPPETS where they do crafts, and are cared for by competent people for two hours, while the Moms do things like crafts, hear special speakers and encourage each other. There is also a Teen MOPS for younger moms. I have moved since then, but am still friends with the women I met there. I have seen the group in the local paper, so know there are some that meet in Lafayette. It is open to women of all faiths, and you do not have to be a member of any particular church to go.

YES! I'm home with my son all day. And as much as I adore him there are moments (many) that I feel like I could go ballistic! Are your kids in preschool? I have my son going to "My Gym" twice a week...and for 2 hours a week I'm not mom I'm just C.. It doesn't seem like a long time but it helps. Motherhood isn't all sunshine and rainbows...Just like everything else there are parts you love and parts you hate. Its better to be honest than to deny your feelings...no matter how ugly they seem to you they're perfectly normal! And if you need to get away from your kids for a while then do it..Maybe they'll cry when you leave but they'll be fine by the time you get back and I'm sure they'd rather have a happy mom then one that is cranky and overwhelmed all the time! Plus, it sounds like your husband is supportive...I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you took an hour to go for a run or a cup of coffee ...Good Luck

well, if your husband is home go out for a walk. leave the kids at home with him. when the weather gets too cold,join a gym. they always have several offers to get people to join. it may be $30 a month but it will be worth your sanity. take lunch to work and you will save the money that way. if you have time to yourself to work out it will help. by leaving the house you will be getting away from the kids and getting a much needed break.

We all have times like this!
Your children are 5 and 2 1/2. Is the oldest in kindergarten? If not, how about preschool? I'm wondering if you could find a small program for the younger child (even just two days a week)that would be at the same time the older one is gone and that would give you a few hours for "alone time". Good Luck!

You are not alone. If you feel it gets to overwhelming just leave as long as you know the kids are safe with there father just walk out and take some time for yourself. Whether you walk around the block or go to the mall. Remember happy kids need happy/sane mommies and if mommy isn't happy nobody will be.
Shant'e

L., you are HUMAN. it's so important to be able to be honest about the 'less than flattering' aspects of our lives! i have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and am 8 1/2 mos. pregnant with a boy. my husband works a lot, i work part-time [just started working in march - was a fulltime sahm till then]. my husband is understanding i suppose, but for me, i guess i dont ask for help enough? or take care of my needs enough? i'm not sure, but i'm in your boat! i also nursed my daughter for 2 years so we were literally attached. i just started her in day care and it feels great! today was her first day and i didnt actually get any time to myself to do something fun, but it still felt great. i think i just have to try harder to get "me" time. i have a hard time asking for it, and my husband isn't at intuitive about that kind of thing. good luck with your situation and i really hope it improves. it's so hard, and clearly, so rewarding, but we can't lose ourselves in the process. take care!

I think every mother or even father feels like that at some point. I know I do. I do not ask for much, my husband is away for work or he is just working long hours and I am always with the kids. Even when he is home on the weekends, it's very hard for me to get time to myself as well. I have to take at least one of them with me. I feel like he doesn't help with that situation because my daughter clings to my legs and cries hysterically for me not to leave her. I can't bear to see either of my kids like that, it breaks my heart and he just sits there and says you have to let mommy go and that's it, so I know what you are going through. Also, for me it seems like he just can't take both kids at the same time, but that's a whole other story, lol. What I am trying to say is that it's okay to get frustrated. It doesn't mean you don't like being a mother it just means you need "me" time. My suggestion try having your husband take the kids somewhere they like to go like McDonald's so you can get out of the house to do something you like or even just stay in a read a book or something. Good luck and don't feel bad, it happens to everyone. This is the world of a mother. Actually a great quote from the movie "The Crow" is "Mother is the name for god spoken on the hearts and lips of children" I think I have that all right except maybe for the very end. Just try and think of it that way.

I got a chuckle on the seeing a therapist for wanting to jump off a building comment! You are fine!!! I use the same comments along with pulling my hair out one strand at a time! heeheee Just our sence of humor there!
Good luck

Does anyone like doing something all of the time? I would say no.

First, don't feel guilty if you want some time to yourself. Disclosure: I'm not very good at it either, but I've learned to find a balance that works for me.

Is the "extra clinginess" coinciding with your "pulling away" to get some time to yourself? Kids can usually sense your moods and have their own responses to your moods. They may also be clamoring for attention because they see you as "leaving" them.

Can you try to get away for a whole day -- out of the house even if you go to a bookstore/library, a friend's house, the park, whatever? Then you may have a little more energy to spend the time with your kids. If you spend some focused time with them, then they will more likely be willing to let you do what you need to do.

Good luck.

Hi L.,

Being a mother at times can get so overwhelming. I understand. My son is 4 and when he gets home from school he wants to be all over me. And I work with children all day so when I get home, I just need a couple of moments to myself before he comes to crawl, lay, or tell me about his day. Children don't understand that...they want Mommmy when they want Mommy. Just breathe easy and know that you are not alone. My son is the love of my life (next to Jesus) but its only human to need some "me" time every now and again. Its wonderful that your husband is being helpful. Maybe you could try a routine where each day or when possible, you have "me" time and then the children can get used to that time when they leave Mommy be. I hope this helps. You are in my prayers and are not alone.

~T.~

Yep - I feel like this too. Suddenly it's a real *treat* to run to the store alone and pick up a gallon of milk!
Try this: institute a "night off" where you go OUT one night a week. This has been a huge lifesaver for my husband and I. We each get a night off a week where the other one is in charge of the kids, and you get to go out. It's such an incredible treat to just be able to go to the library and read a magazine without "mommymommymommymommymommy" and the arm pulling, and then the screaming when you tell them to give you 5 minutes.
I know you'd like to just sit at home with your husband and have a decent quiet conversation, but this ranks as a "good enough for now". DO NOT STAY AT HOME. Not only do you get a bit of a break (go get your nails done!), but your children are being taught that mommy NEEDS HER TIME TOO. After a few months of tears when mommy went out, my kids now say "bye bye mommy! Have fun!". It's a slow process, but they WILL learn.
Good luck!

Hi L., there is NO need for you to feel bad about saying that, it is perfectly normal, we as mothers never get a day off and it can be extremely tiring at times. maybe once a week your husband can take the kids somewhere for an hour or so, so you can have some down time. My husband will take our child and play with him for about an hour in the evening so i can take a bubble bath or just have some me time, try that. we all deserve some alone time. GOOD LUCK.

Hi L.,

I was so glad to see your post! I've been feeling the same way. I adore my 2.5 year old twins, but sometimes I feel like I want a way to be me again, not just "Mom." Thanks for posting this so that I, and many other moms, know we're not alone.

Ask your great guy to take the kids for a walk, or designate that time "daddy time" so you can have a moment to yourself. He can take them for a ride, out to get french fries, the store, whatever. My X wouldn't help, even a shower ended in razor cut legs because while I was in there they were screaming and crying at the door while he sat on his butt watching tv saying they'll learn...Make your time a positive daddy time and you'll get space. Me... X is gone and I shower every morning with two 2 year olds in there with me!

Hi L.! Oh yes there are plenty of days when I feel smothered by my two boys 4yrs and the other 15 months. Of course I love them to bits but some days it is just exhausting and they are both high need, clingy, whiny all of those wonderful qualities:) But I really do try to remember that they are gifts from GOD and they are only small like this once. It is hard to keep that in perspective when they are clingy, whiny, crying,ect, I take lots of deep breaths throughout the day and try to get out of the house often as well. Go to parks while the weather is still nice, take walks with them, and put music on and dance with them. These are some of the things that help us all during those days and I do seem to have a lot of them. So take heart and know that these days when they are little are tough BUT are the most important years of their lives. You are not alone in feeling this way. Take care and Take deep breaths:) Leah

hey, L.!
I can totally relate, and we've all been there. Kids try to have constant attention, and you are awesome to try to accomodate and be there for them.
When I find myself being overrun by my kids, I have to snap out of my trance and say to myself, OK, I've got to take charge. You just have to enforce discipline. Screaming and crying are straight up tantrums that need to be not allowed for any reason, especially if it's "rebelling" for you taking some time to exercise. They are only doing it because they are allowed to. Enforce strong boundaries about how they need to behave when you are exercising, or doing errands etc. Don't feel bad. They need to learn proper behavior in order to be happy and build good character, there is no reason they should be permitted to do that without definite consequences. If they can't do it to others or in public-why should they be able to do it at home to MOM?

I don't allow any tantrums ever, but even when my 2 and 1/2 year old is being too clingy when I am trying to do something (and she DOES KNOW what she's doing) I'll find myself subconsciously avoiding a struggle and letting it continue until I feel stressed. Suddenly I wake up and say, "what am I doing?" Then I tell her firmly and calmly that she has to leave me alone while I finish something, I take her to a different room with things to do and tell her she has to be quiet or not climb on me etc. Then I enforce it consistently. Even though she knows not to do it, and responds well every time to my telling her to stop (after much effort teaching her), she still tries the next time. It's only human nature.
Don't let yourself be stepped on-lead by example of strength so they will do the same for themselves one day. Be sure dad enforces and implements the rules too. Crying and hanging on mommy when she needs to do stuff is NOT ALLOWED! Give extra love and attention when you are playig with them and they are behaving etc, but make sure there is quick simple effective firm discipline when they don't follow that rule. You or he should step up immediately when the crying starts and implement a very firm consequence, and be absolutely consistent. Don't be at their mercy! Good luck-you can do it-they'll love the in-shape, unstressed. in-charge mom much better!!!

I feel like this too! It's so emotionally draining to be a parent some days! I can't even use the bathroom without at least one of my 3 kids there just to "watch." You definitely need some alone time! And I know it doesn't seem like it, but they grow up so quickly and soon won't "need" you as much. My kids are very attached to me and constantly following me around the house as I try to get things done. I've found that giving them tasks to do helps a lot. Is it possible for you to set up a small craft table for them and put them to work coloring, painting (color wonder is great!), cutting pictures out of magazines, stuff like that, while you work out? Don't feel bad because you don't enjoy your kids 100% of the time! I think it's completely normal when you're with someone sooo much to need time apart. And that includes children too! Hang in there momma and try to find some alone time!

Thank you for having the courage to post for help. I have been feeling the same way and glad to know I am not alone. MY situation is a little different - my husband has been deployed for the last year and is due home by Christmas. I am so excited to have him back, but also stressed because I remember how absent he was due to his real job - the one he is coming back to. So, I am nervous about having to spread myself even thinner between my two kids and him again. He is a wonderfully supportive husband, unfortunately, even when he returns from Iraq, he will be back to work shortly thereafter and not as much of a relief with the kids as every mother needs. Sorry for the long response, I just want you to know that its ok to be frustrated with our job as a mommy. IT does not mean we do not love out little monsters. Good luck!

My son goes to my boyfriends parents M-F while I am at work. I pick him up on my way home and spend all evening with him by myself. My boyfriend works evenings. I am off on Saturday and Sunday. My boyfriend is off every Saturday, but usually does something with his "friends" or his band plays. So I have the baby by myself all weekend with no help. I get so mad that he gets to do stuff and I never get the opportunity. I am so exhausted from chasing my 11 month old all weekend that by Sunday night I am ready to pull out my hair and can't wait to go to work on Monday,. I know how you feel. My "workouts" consist of taking the baby for a walk in his stroller and cleaning my house. I even take the baby to the store with me so I understand what it is like to not have any time for yourself. Not sure how to make it easier, just know you are not alone. Many moms take on more than their fair share of tasks. You are normal, as frustrating as it may be.

Every Mom I know feels that way sometimes, so please don't feel guilty or beat yourself up over it. You are a woman with many parts: Mom, wife, daughter, employee, etc. But Mom seems to take up the most effort when they're young and clingy. I have 3 under 7 and convinced my 2 best friends we needed a girls' weekend this spring. It was wonderful to not use the word 'potty' or cut up anyone's food for 2 whole days!

If you can't arrange something like that, maybe just some outdoor exercise - a run or bike ride? Anything that gets you some time alone or with adult friends can be a really good thing once in a while to recharge your batteries!

PS - Don't be afraid to hire a sitter either! When DH was away for a whole week I got a sitter so I could go to Yoga class - worth it!

I once heard a statement that saved me. It was,"It is okay to hate your children some days as long as you love them every day". Hate is a strong word to use, but it is what is is. I love my daughter who just turned three years of age two weeks ago, and three is the new two. She is so loving, but yet it only takes a second for her to change into a demon. LOL! I watch kids in my home, so I really never get a break. I recently decided to get a part time job two days a week at a coffee shop, just to feel like an adult. I work out twice a week during nap time, then the other days, I just releax and read and write, ect... My hubby works seven days a week, sometimes fourteen hour days, sometimes longer, so it is hard for me to use him for a break. Recently I decided to join a girls weekend about an hour away, and it was wonderful. Peaceful, laughs, and a much needed time away from mommyhood. Maybe incorperate your workout with them. I do this when everything else fails. When doing push ups, have them lay underneathe you, and everytime you go down you blow rasp, or kiss or blow on there face. Have them count for you. Have them do a workout with you. Jumping jacks, Something. But if a break is what you need...Do it somehow......

Hmmm....well. All moms need time to themselves, what you are feeling is only natural.
Consider these things for reprieve:
1. As many have suggested, girls night out. Sometimes it is even work to get out the door to do that but very much worth it in the end.
2. Playdates...good for the kids and the mom, you work a network of friends that your kids get to know along with their children and can network with them on trading off times to have time to yourself to do some shopping, lunch out...etc...
3. Grandparents???? Do they take them for a night? I try to take my granddaughter that is in the area, weekly for gramma time and mom and dad can plan to do something themselves, they love it, she loves it, we love it. :o)
4. Even just talking about how you are feeling should allow people you are surrounded with to see that you need time to yourself, so sharing that is a plus for you and those around you. Hopefully you will have family support that will be in tune with that to make offers of reprieve.
5. Taking care of yourself is your best gift to yourself and your family.
6. And sorry I am going to offer prayer as an option...if you don't do that, try...there are more than people on this earth that care about you and it will be an amazing journey as to how those prayers get answered to help you accomplish what you desire.
Breathe...life is a journey meant to be enjoyed!

I had all four of my kids all summer long. There was not ONE moment without them. I must say i thought i was going to lose my mind! It does happen...are they at least in school for a little bit?

Sounds like you definitely need your time and space! Is there any way you could do your workout when hubby is home to take the kids for you or could you get a babysitter for when you need time alone? May just 2-3 days a week if it will be too expensive, but I definitely think you need to get away from the kiddos every once in a while.

Every mother feels that way. At times I want to just yell "I'm changing my name from 'Mom'". For you, I believe its the age your children are at, once they start school full-time, you find alot of time for yourself. And once they are both in school full-time, make sure you get one day off in the middle of the week for yourself. Can daddy maybe take the kids for a walk or something to give you an hour in the evening?

Absolutely! Sounds to me like you need a "mommy day!" I try to take one once a month. A mommy day is when your husband (or someone else) takes the kids from sunup to sundown. It is a day that you have entirely to yourself to think, breathe and do whatever makes you happy. It is rejuvenating and helps you to relax and be more happy. When you come home you'll feel happy to see the family and ready to start the day tomorrow.
Every mom needs this. Don't feel ashamed. We all love our kids, but we tend to "lose ourselves" in the day-to-day grind.
Do something special for yourself and take a "mommy day"! You deserve it.
L.

I know the feeling. I became a mother of 2 when i was 18. So i missed out on a lot of growing up and so many people have pointed out to me almost every other mnth. But i still try to work something out with my hubby and my mom or a friend so that i can get some my time. Also when it comes to the grocery store, I know that Giant in Limerick has a play house that is free, your older one might enjoy something like that and that way you only have to drag the one. I think that more and more stores are starting offer it. It is nice. If u have to take them with u and there is no way out of it.

The feeling comes and goes. The best thing that u can do for ur self and family is to talk to someone and just see what u can do to get some of u time.

To answer your question if anyone else feels like this - YES!

I read your responses and could not agree more with all of them. Make yourself important, too. Since your husband is supportive, communicate with him about your need for "me time" and I am sure he will help make that happen for you. Good luck.

Ah L.,
My kids are the same age and drive me crazy too. you aren't alone! I feel guilty every day for the way i feel. Every now and again i leave them at our loca YMCA which has a sitter service that lets you leave them there for 3 hours (you have to pay of course) and i get things done or exercise (if i have the energy) and feel so much better for having done it!
I am also looking into putting my daughter into the YMCA's pre-school program for 2 1/2 to 3 year olds when she turns 2 1/2 in January. My son does half day kindergarten at the moment and so between the 2 i am hoping to get to quality time with both and get a rest from the crawling all over me ;-) Another option is perhaps to do a swap with a friend or neighbor, they take your kids for an hour and then you take their kids. it could be on the same day or you could do alternate days. i am also trying to work on something called 'The Secret' it basically the power of positive thinking and i have noticed it working. you can get a book, dvd or even download stuff on your i-pod.

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! I know you've already gotten A LOT of responses, and I did read some of them, but I wanted to reinforce the fact that you are NOT alone in your feelings. Every mom gets these feelings, and I think they're lying to themselves if they say they don't!!!

That being said, I felt the same way pretty much all the time before I realized that I might be experiencing depression. My son was 16 months old before I finally recognized the signs, but I got help, and I feel SO MUCH BETTER!! My psych put me on a low dose of antidepressants, and I actually feel like myself again... and I still have my days!! I don't share this for you to worry about you experiencing depression, but to highlight the fact that every mom goes through days where they wish things were the way they were before they had kids. We love our kids dearly, but we need time to ourselves, and I'm learning that sometimes, we just have to take it. I think as much as moms feel bad for having their days, dads don't truly understand us wanting and needing that me-time. It's not selfish; it's necessary for mental health!!!

Thanks for reaching out!

I can say at those ages I definitely felt like that a lot!!! I luckily had a friend that gave me some great advice I will pass to you. First, it is really important to have a scheduled date night with your husband at least once a month. It was amazing what this did for us. You can find someone in the same situation and take turns. The other thing is watching someone elses kids similar ages. I know this sounds counter productive but when I had other children over my kids played with them instead of bugging me! Lastly, you have to schedule time with your friends. Don't just wait for it to happen because it rarely does. Again, once a month have a set time with some friends to go get coffee or just hang out somewhere child free. Make sure with your date night and friends night not to just schedule hour unless that is your only option. It really is ok to be gone for 4 hours or more. It is good for your kids to, to see you don't need to be with them every minute. Hope this was helpful. I know it can be rough. My kids are now 15,9,7, and I still need those breaks but at least they entertain themselves now and I don't fee like ripping out my hair as often:). Hang in there. Oh one last thing. I had a friend come over with her kids when we worked out and they played and I also went running with my neighbor for 1/2 hour while my husband or teenage neighbor would be in charge.

You are soooo not alone, girl !!! I have 4 kids, ages 18,12, 5, and 1. I found myself tellin my 13 mos old yesterday, in a stressful moment, mommy has a life too ya know, lol. He was and usually is literally hanging on my legs yellin while i try to make dinner, or simply wipe the counters in the kitchen. He's fine to play as long as i'm sittin my butt on the couch, but if i get up to move, he's throwing a fit. He doesn't always nap well, then by 4 the other kids are home and all hell breaks loose.

Neesless to say, tonight, me and a bunch of girls are going out kareoke-ing. You need that from time to time.

( i do spend lotsa quality time with my kids, specially the baby while the kids are in school, but once in a while, ya just want to get something done and feel a sense of accomplishment.)

i believe any mother out there who does not go thru those feelings once in a while,either has a very rare life or is just too afraid to admit it !!!

Take heed, this too shall pass !!

Dear L.,

Thanks for giving me my first laugh of the morning!

You are speaking as if you are reading my mind, and I am a stay at home. Yesterday shopping with my darling children I actually threatened to take them home and go grocery shopping later that evening "alone". Aren't I lucky to have alone time for chores?

I find that this problem of carving out alone time often is our own guilt because we have been conditioned to not value the responsibility and demands of caregiving. Even if our partners are very supportive, we still are torn to have alone time or respond to the needs of our children. Everyday, I have to struggle to find time for myself to do things my husband takes for granted; shower, talk on the phone, exercise, pay bills, go potty uninterrupted, or tidy. And on the days I really need personal space, I must give off pheremones because they are clinging to me like honey.

Don't despair. You are a wonderful mother and partner. Everyone has resentment, even partners without children. Everyone needs alone time. Before children when my husband & I traveled we always joked that by the 4th day we were either going to fight or I needed some space & time alone.

You aren't wrong. You aren't alone. You are human.

Hi- I am so glad you are taking a PT job- away from home! I am also glad you wrote this because so many moms feel this but are afraid to say it out loud. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed, I just want to cry or just take off...Then I feel horrible for feeling this way. I don't want to complain because both my kids and my husband are truly a blessing and such good kids. I have a 4 yr old daugther and a 7 month old son. However with that being said, my daughter often cries just when I go to the store -alone and dad takes care of the kids. That is my alone time! whoopeee...Then I have the baby which for 7 months he has woken up every 1-3 hours!! I am so desperate for sleep I long for the days when I could get a whole night or day to sleep in without interruptions. I also work from home and boy is that difficult- I work in between naps or with one kids on my hip while I am on the phone..or as soon as I get on the phone, my daughter "needs" something. It's so hard to find a PT job that I would like away from home, then the other issue is childcare. Will it be worht my while to work financially with paying for childcare? Probably not, but at least I will get a breather and time to be me. I am still looking... if you know of any other out there. Let me know! My husband travels- a lot and so I am alone with the kids. My husband helps as much as he can when he is home, but he also needs to "rest" as he has a very stressful and tiring job. He normally can't handle them both for more than 4 hours. So, what I did recently, was signed up at the GYM that has DAY CARE, so now I get my exercise and hour alone! That seems to help wiht my spirits, mind, and body-even exhaustion! Boy do I get my frustrations out in Kick boxing class....try it! Best wishes- you ARE a good mom!
M.

How about he takes them out for a walk when you want to work out? He should do somethings with them on weekends to give you your own space.

Also don't forgot to go out with girlfriends.

It is really true, got to take care of yourself first.

i think everyone feels like that some days...they can not do it for you so you need to find a way to get the time you need even if it a play date with kids and parents you like...tell your husband what you need and stick with it...T.

hi L.,
I feel the same way sometimes. I think it is normal becasue we are so exhausted all the time. I miss my freedom and miss when I could just go to the store without worrying about naptime,feeding, etc. Have you considered getting a babysitter on your day off to take time JUST FOR YOU without doing errands, housework, etc.? I take a day ocne a week for myself even though I am a stay at home mom. My husband is gone for a year so my schedule is 24/7 with no help :( At least your husband is understanding about your feelings. I am always told things will get better the older they get. Good Luck with everything!

I totally agree with you...you are not alone. I sometimes feel horrible thinking that I don't like being a mom on some days but you know what...it's the truth. Some days are better than others and don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. A healthy mom is a happy mom. My problem is that I miss my "old life" sometimes. I miss the sleep, the 'schedule-free' days, the time with my husband, all that stuff. I have to remind myself that this is my life now and my kids do make me happy, even when we're all having a bad day. Hang in there.

L., I know your responses have been tremendous and so supportive. Thank you for asking this question. As a SAHM of a 2 year old and 7 month old, I feel the same say sometimes and after reading your replies, it made me want to sit down on the floor and play with my 2 yr old one last time before she goes to bed tonight! The support on this website is amazing!

I do have something little to add and that is that I joined One Fit Mama to be able to bring my little ones with me while I workout and they get playtime with other children their age. I know its not much of a break from them but it seems to be making us all happy. I also just started bringing them to mom and toddler yoga w/ One Fit Mama so they can learn how to relax, play with others, and learn the importance of exercise. When possible, I leave the 7 month old with my MIL so my 2 yr old gets my undivided attention. Maybe you can find a way to incorporate your LO's into your workout too. Best of luck!

I completely understand how you feel. I have the same issues. My husband actually takes the kids to his brother's house to play with his kids or goes outside with them, just so I can exercise. If my oldest, who will be 6 tomorrow, is at the neighbor's house playing, she is told she has to stay over there, so I can exercise. Don't feel too bad. I have the same issue and understand exactly.

Oh yeah ! Been there, done that. But listen, where are the kids when you are working ? I know it costs money, but can you leave them there at day care, or whereever, while you snag some me-time? It's hard, cuz when you do, you'll probalby feel guilty, but an extra hour a day of "freedom" to work out, or whatever, would be healthy for you. You get to work out, get your adrenalin up, enjoy that natural high, and feel refreshed to be with them. that's better for them, than the haunted and hunted feeling you get now !!

does your grocery store have free daycare while you shop? Mine does. I probably pay for it in food prices, but the girls loved it when they were young enough to go there, and I got freedom. I thought about putting them in the daycare area, then going to the little cafe in the store and just sitting down with a soda or cup of coffee. the lady at the daycare area told me lots of moms did it and it was perfectly okay.

I suspect part of what is going on with the kids, is that if one "attacks mom' and hangs on, the other joins in, so the first one doesn't get all the attention. Then it feeds on itself and they begin to appear like perannas. (can't spell it-- you know the fish that attacks.) It's hard to get me-time when they are all over you.

So, can you build time into your lives in which the kids begin to be independent? Do you have room in your budget for swimming lessons at the Y? Or dance classes for the kids, or something like that, that will help to build their self confidence and confidence when they away from mom? Oh, yeah, you may go and watch them, while they take lessons, but they are doing something basically independently, and if you and they take pride in that, then they become more independent. the other good thing with swim classes, is that it teaches them to be safe on or around water. It could save their lives someday. :-) (Can you tell I used to be a Water Safety Instructor?)

Most of all, remember that you aren't the only mom that feels as you do. Your are NORMAL. I think the mom who never feels like you do right now is a rarity. (or dishonest !! ha ha)

Find a way to relieve your burden each day, and you will get through. Then you will be equipped to truly enjoy the time you spend with the kids, and they will be happier for that. A healthy mom is the best gift you can give your kids !!

:-)

I totally understand. I have 2 boys, 5 & 1. For about the past month the 5 year old is having regular meltdowns,to the point that I want to pull my hair out. The meltdowns can be caused by anything. He gets upset about something starts screaming, hitting, kicking, whatever.I always usually end up yelling and then feeling like a terrible parent becuase ofmy reaction to his behavior, all the while the 1 year old is holding on to me, what a good example I am,huh?. I would just like to walk out the door and maybe not come back for a few days. I will sometimes wonder, would it have been better/easier if I did not have my 2nd (in no way reflective of my feelings for him) why is this going on? Is this normal? So, I am going to vote for normal. Sometimes we all lose it. Sometimes we all just want to get away. Sometimes it's just not easy or even remotely fun (I am stating this to you as well as myself). I actually took a few days and went on a trip with a girlfriend for a little break. If you can, I recommend you do it too. It is amazing how much you miss what you want a break from.

Join the club! I'm still looking for an escape. But,remember at the end of the day, they are yours and they are only young once and within a blink of an eye, they'll be grown and it won't be long before you can't cuddle them when they ache, or kiss their boo-boo's away when they hurt. Time goes fast and while it may have it's many fustrating days among the crying tailspins.....they grow so fast. Another thing I do---I pity the mother who deals with five or six, when I only have four. Then it's not so bad after all....of course I have to count to ten most times ;-)!!!

Best wishes
Mom of 3&3, 7, 9

I like to exercise at night so I wait until after the kids are in bed. Mine would be just like yours if given the chance. Something that works in our house is my husband puts the kids to bed and that is when I sneek away to exercise.

Something else that I do for myself is I belong to a Mom's group. Our meetings are in the evenings without kids and then we also have mom's nights out and mom's nights in throughout the month. It gives me something to look forward to and time for me. Plus you have the support of other moms that feel exactly the way you do. I highly recommend it if you don't already belong to such a group.

I remember feeling really frustrated because my husband wouldn't take the kids anywhere without me. I didn't want to "get away" exactly, I really just wanted some peace and quiet at home. He didn't get it. For some reason he would only accompany me on outings with the kids, so that I was still in charge and tired. This truly never changed. After a few years as SAM, I went to work part time in real estate, and escaping to the office to get some space. I also got respect and appreciation, and I even got paid!!! But knowing that they were all at home watching TV while I was out working, didn't exactly make my day. I would have been happier if he took the responsibility for some wholesome activity with them, like soccer or baseball, or art class or their instrument lessons/practice, on a regular basis, that would have given me a break from being the one responsible all the time. Or better yet, if they would have cleaned the house together, done the laundry and made dinner!!! LOL When the kids were really little I used to sit near them when they played and knit. As long as I was physically near, it didn't matter that I was miles away in my thoughts.
Blessings to you and your family :)
N

I feel that way almost everyday! And I say the exact same thing, I feel like jumping off a cliff, though! Any mom who doesn't feel that way is in denial or highly medicated. Don't sweat it, at least you are self-aware enough to know that parenting isn't all it's cracked up to be. We call my youngest daughter Velcro (she is 5) to give you any sense of how attached she is to me. It's not because you work either, I went from working to not working in the last year and it hasn't changed. They love you momma, and that's good, but you need a break and your hubby should be coming to your rescue. My duaghters, now ages 7 and 5, used to cry if I walked down the hallway without them. I think it's their personalities. My son, who is 12 now, is attached to me too, but he doesn't cry like the girls. Good luck, and don't feel alone, I know many who feel this way.

Hi L.,
My response is a little late but I just wanted to say that I think we ALL feel like that sometimes. Not that we don't love our kids to pieces, but anyone who says they DON'T feel like that at times is FIBBING! :-)
The key to some sanity is to have the husband TAKE THE KIDS OUT of the house! I meet my friend for coffee on some Saturdays and I often see dads bringing their kids into Panera Bread for breakfast and I think God Bless Those Dads! Somewhere...a mom is relaxing and smiling! LOL
Just an hour or two for you to shower, exercise or whatever can improve you outlook. If YOU can't get OUT--make him take them out! maybe join Curves so you will at least have that time 3x/week that you can count on.
It's great that you husband is on board and wants to help out to give you some free time--so send him AND the kids out--like Saturday morning, etc.
I also do stuff around my son's schedule--like go to the grocery store after he's in bed, get up early to do laundry, etc.
Good luck!

I am glad you got so many great suggestions and it sounds like you have all the advice you need! I just wanted to add one other thing that I did not see when skimming the responses: try to remember that it DOES get easier. I remember the days when I couldn't get a minute to myself and it seems like somebody always WANTED something from me. Now my kids are older, and they bathe themselves, dress themselves, and can cook their own food sometimes. So, even when they're here, I can sit down and read a book once in a while without having to jump up every 5 minutes. And, they're in school a lot. So, when possible, remember that the days of being constantly in demand are not forever!!

Hi L.,
You received and I have read some wonderful advice, so I'm not going to add to the responses. Just wanted to say the advice you received from Nicki P. was "hysterically funny and soooo real", and I really got a great laugh from reading it. My daughter is 21 years old now and I could relate to a lot of what Nicki said. I hope you did, too. It should've made you feel a heck of a lot better. Everything will be just fine for you. Good luck and God bless!

C. T.

You know I just read this and you and I in the exact same spot with everything. The only difference is I am 36. I have a 5 and 2 yr old myself. I also work part time. I have all the same feelings as you do. I haven't read what other moms have said but I do know that it is OK for us to feel that way. I am sure you are doing a good job but do try to get more alone time for you. I am trying to do the same for myself. Good Luck
S.

Maybe they need a mini work out area next to yours?

I'm sure you are not alone, and I'm so glad that you are reaching out to this community of moms.

My advice to you is to keep the lines of communication open with your husband. Ask him to allow you a weekly time for yourself, or even get up 1 hour before the kids do each day to concentrate on yourself. You may want to consider a baby sitter for just a few hours a week...you could even have a teenager from the neighborhood or church come over while you're there...pay her a few bucks and she can play with your kids while you relax or get something done for yourself.

Perhaps try a daily "quiet time" with the kids where they need to read books by themselves or nap or whatever. Turn the lights down, make a daily fuss about it...ring an alarm or something...I've heard that can work. That will be harder with the younger one, but eventually routine will take over.

You probably have heard this before, but I'll say it anyway...cherish the time together because someday you will want them to be around you and they will be too busy with sports, friends, etc. They love you which is why they want to be with you all of the time.

Parenthood is a gift...there are so many that cannot have children. It is not an easy way of life, but so full of blessings...I'm sure you are doing a great job! Hang in there!

Hey I know this is a little late, but I feel the same way a lot. We have 4 children ranging in ages of 2-7. So we have a very hectic house hold. I actually started up a Mary Kay business just to keep my sanity. I LOVE it! Once a week we have our success meetings, and I know that I am going to get to leave the house and speak to other mature adults. Then when people book parties it is an extra outing. Yeah! Well I am glad that you wrote. I think a lot of people were thankful for your honesty.

Hi L.,

I could've written this myself. I am also a SAHM, 33yrs old, with a 4yr old and a 2yr old. My kids are exactly the same way. I worked as a Pampered Chef consultant for one yr and had to give it up cuz they were literally on top of me everytime I tried to get on the phone or computer to do my work. I don't have any solutions, only to tell you that you are not alone. Reading your story actually makes me feel better about my life cuz I realize I am not alone either. Hang in there. We all know how fast the years go by and I keep telling myself that the day will come when I wish they were all over me again instead of avoiding me. It's hard to feel that way now, but I'm sure it's true. good luck and take care.

You are not alone. I have days like that. We are pulled in so many directions and as a SAHM I am with my kids ALL the time. I'll share a trick that helps me a little: Sometimes I tell the kids that Mommy needs a timeout. I set them up with an activity in one room and tell them that I will be in a nearby room alone. If they press for a reason for the timeout I tell them I have a headache or that I am getting cranky and need a little time to feel better. I set a timer for 10-15 minutes and tell them that my timeout will be over when the alarm goes off. Granted, it isn't a lot of time, but often it is enough for me to re-energize, have a snack, read a few pages of a book, etc. The kids are usually pretty good about this because when I come back I thank them for cooperating with me and I put a smile on my face to show them that I am feeling better. Good luck to you!

Hi L.

I feel like you sometimes...because it seems like no one is caring for us. But we did want to have kids so we have to put them first, not saying don't take time for yourself because I try to go out with my husband once a week...to the movies, or dinner, or just to the store. Do you have a babysitter for one night of the weekend?? That would make you feel so much better just to let your hair down with your husband or girlfriend. Try to make yourself happy because don't forget you are a priority to your kids and they need for you to be happy too.

Good luck...

L.

I know you already got lots of responses, but I wanted to thank you for writing this. I actually work about 35 hours a week and on weekdays I miss my daughter terribly and feel we don't have enough have time together, but when I have her all day (like on this long weekend) when my husband is working or busy I feel like I could go nuts and then I feel guilty. It's nice to know that I'm not the only mom who wants some "me" time! My husband thinks I exagerate and he is really helpful but he rarely has to do an entire day with no help. When I have to do it, I think it's really, really hard and it makes me feel like a failure as a mom because it shouldn't be so tough to be with your own kid! Anyway, I think we are both normal - motherhood is tough! Staying at home with your kids is way, way harder than going to work. Good luck!

If you always wanted to be a mom of two children with behavioral issues then you would not be normal and I would think you were a robot. I am a mother of two children. My wonderful go with the flow daughter who is 9 and then my boss who has Asperger's who is 4. Most days I love them and can't be without them, then there are the weeks with no me time and I wish I was 18 single and childless. I think this only makes us stronger as mothers, wives, sisters, aunts, etc. I know my limits and tolerance and my kids are learning that with me. As your kids get older they will learn to grow with you and your family, not against. Take the time you need and feel good about it!