Letting 4.5 Year Old Sleep with Us "Occasionally"?

I allowed my daughter to sleep with me whenever she wanted to. She eventually grew out of it on her own.

My daughter is 5 and I have been letting her sleep with me whenever she wants while my husband is deployed. Bed isn't big enough for the 3 of us tho!

What if you let him fall asleep in the bed with you, then move him to his own bed? I will do this with my daughter a lot just so I can have more room to sleep! As long as she's asleep good enough, she won't wake up :)

Oh, my back is killing me this morning because of this! : ) We had severe thunderstorms last night and my 8 yo is afraid of them, so came into our bed in the middle of the night. She is SO hard to sleep with, because she's a "scoocher". She scooches as close to me as she can. I move over a little to get more room. And she scooches over again until she can feel me. So I move over, and so on, until finally, I'm on the edge of the bed, with her right up against me! lol It's so uncomfortable, but I always laugh about it, because she's asleep when she does it, she doesn't do it on purpose. She just wants/needs to be close.

Anyway, maybe - since this has been just the last 6 months - he's just going through a stage where he needs that extra security, and if you allow him to sleep with you while he needs it, he will get past whatever this is, and go back to sleeping on his own every night.

Or you could tell him that sometimes you will have a special "pajama party" night, when you will move his mattress into your room, and he can sleep in his bed on your floor. (It can even be used as a privilege/special treat for him to work towards, if you'd like.) We did this with our children and they would go to sleep fine on their own, because they knew that on _____ (whichever day) they would be having a pajama party, and it gave them something to look forward to.

Good luck!

Our kid never wanted to sleep w/us so I'm kinda jealous (he said we snore). But he did try that about a year ago when he was 4 and we told him he could only sleep w/us on Sat mornings. So if he woke up before us, he could climb into our bed. But most of the time we are up before him.

I don't see anything wrong w/it if no one minds. I also don't see anything wrong if you stand firm...different parents stand their ground on different things w/their kids and this one might be yours. I'm sure you are laid back in other areas w/him.

gl!

I have friends that decided to make it a special Friday night treat. They watch a movie in the parents' bed and the kid gets to sleep in there.
You might want to try that. Your son will probably stop asking if he realizes he gets to do it once a week.

My son is 5 and comes in about 3 times a week, I wake in the morning and he is in bed with us. He seems to very quietly wander in around 2 or 3 am, so we usually don't notice. If he wakes us up, he has to go back to his room. Often we lock the door so it doesn't happen and he knows better than to knock b/c he knows we will tell him to go to his room. My 3 year old will come in too, but very rarely and he's a major kicker. If they boys are scared and want to take up our bed and disturb everyone's sleep, then they have to bring their pillow/blanket on the floor and make a pallet on the floor next to the bed or they get sent back to the room. So, basically, we allow it... but we also have rules set too.

Allowing our two girls to sleep with us occasionally would not work in my house because they'd probably ask every single night. And I know I'd never sleep with two wiggly 4 year olds in the bed. We can barely cuddle, all four of us, on a Sunday morning without someone getting kicked or stepped on or breathed on (the horror).

If you do want to allow this, I like Christina G's suggestion to make it a Friday night thing. That way you have a very easy explanation why your son can't join you every other night. When we introduced TV, my girls asked all the time if they could watch "just one more show". So I instituted TV Mondays. Now when they get back from school on Mondays, they get to watch two Dinosaur Train episodes. It gives me time to make dinner and they can unwind. Every other day they know the TV doesn't work.

I say don't do it but then again I should of followed my own advice! My daughter is 4.5 and she still sleeps in the middle of us and I hate it. I want her out! She didn't sleep as a infant and the only way I could sleep at all is if she was laying in my lap. I was soo desperate I put her in bed with me. Huge mistake and we are paying for it now. I would maybe read a story with him in his room, wait around for a bit so he sees y'all aren't going anywhere then tell him good night and head on out! Easier said than done, I know :)

Our children never did this... until recently. I LOVE to snuggle with them, but it really does make for a horrible nights sleep.

I would try put a stop to it during the week and do the Fri. night idea - the best of both worlds....

I personally think it somewhat matters if you're home with him all day or you work. I work full time so my time obviously is shorter with my kids and that made me let them sleep with me sometimes. I feel like they need me. My oldest really needed this since she was born. My youngest has always been way better about sleeping on her own. If I was home all day w/ my kids, I'd be a bit harsher saying "they have me all day, I get nights alone!" So depending on your situation, I would be tempted to say he can sleep with you if he has a bad dream etc. Of course, does that open the door that suddenly every night he has a bad dream... But then what we did was put a mattress on the floor and let our daughter sleep there. Every night in bed was us was way too much. It was a long time of her sleeping on the floor but then she finally went back to her own room. Then one of us had to stay w/ her until she fell asleep. Finally she's been saying we dont' have to stay. She's about to turn 7. It's been a pain in the neck over the years but I at least don't have to question if I created some sort of insecurity so I feel like it's been worth it. She obviously has some need at night time as we didn't do things much differently w/ our younger and she just doesn't have this need. I was waiting her the younger to say "hey! why does big sister get to sleep in your room every night?!" But she never did...

I never understand what the big deal is. They want to snuggle with mom and dad. Ours still want to come crawl in with us occasionally. Right now I have a hubby and a 4 yr. old in my bed but the 4 yr. old woke up last night screaming in pain with an ear infection. He doesn't feel well so it's okay with me if he wants to sleep by us, that way if he starts a fever I'll feel it and know.

I let my daughter sleep with me sometimes. When she does sleep with me I tell her it will just be for tonight but tomorrow night you have to sleep in your bed. It works. She doesn't sleep with me often. If she could she would sleep with me every night but I need my sleep.

I on occasion let the kids sleep in our bed. They don't ask, I just say ya wana have a slumber party. It usually when Troy is out of town.

The last thing I was is them asking when they feel like it, nope, it is when I feel like it. :)

It's a personal decision that you need to make. If you cant sleep well with him in the bed then you better not allow it. I'd say if he wanders in at 4am or somethin' that it's okay to get that snuggle time in, sometimes they just need/crave that. My boys remember how cozy it felt to be in bed with us, my youngest was reminding me of that not long ago while we were discussing how they still cosleep with their 3 yr old. A king size bed leaves plenty of room for a visiting toddler.
If you dont want him there, you just have to quietly march him back to his room and re-tuck him in, he'll get the hint eventually. I think lots of times it's almost like they sleep walk to your room, our kids do gravitate to us for comfort.

Stand firm and tell him that he has his bed and you have yours...the only time I let my girls sleep with us is when they have a nightmare or a during a horrible thunderstorm.

My son is 3.5, and we have a similar issue. He has to fall asleep in his bed, but if he wakes up in the middle of the night, we were letting him crawl into bed with us. The problem was, he's such a restless sleeper (not to mention a bed hog) that neither my husband nor I could sleep! So we got a small cot that stays next to our bed & if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he knows he can come into our room & sleep there. Half the time I don't even realize he's done that until I wake up in the morning to see him there! It works well for us...he gets the comfort of having us near, and we get uninterrupted sleep. He does it maybe 1-2x/week.

Hi Kg,

I also have a 4.5 year old son (5 in December) and I also feel the same way you do! I NEVER let my kids sleep with us- However, recently lats 6 months or so he's been having bad dreams and occasionally will come into my room and ask to sleep with us.

I won't let him sleep with us to start the night, but if he is truly scared then I bring him in our bed (and I can't sleep) wait for him to fall asleep and then carry him into his bed. He goes to bed in his bed and wakes up in his bed in the morning. confirming the idea that he sleeps in his bed.

That's what I do, hope it helps you!

Why would you feel bad?? Be a parent.

I really do not think its a big deal. Give him a little time while you can. soon he will be all grown up and you wont see him at all. Enjoy it while you can. I'll take a back ache in the morning here and there.