Co-sleeping with Baby and Future Sleep Patterns.

A friend of mine made the mistake of sleeping with her child-he sucked his thumb until he was probably 16-and now he is in an institution. She, too, wanted to stifle the "self-reliance thing" and keep her children babies as long as possible. I'm not suggesting that this is the rule and not the exception. You can successfully foster independence without creating fear. It does go by quickly-but the older the child gets-the more difficult it becomes to "undo" the damage.

My boys each slept in with us from the beginning until about three or so, and they're sound sleepers now, at 7 and 4. They do share a room, and occasionally one or the other will have a bad dream and want to come in and snuggle with Mom and Dad, but that's once a month or less. They're very cuddly and affectionate, and I think that's partially because they've been well cuddled.

My DD co slept until 4 bc that is how we chose to do it. I just did not discuss it at all with any family. I am sure they'd be very judgmental. It definitely wasn't worth the aggravation. My sister recently mentioned she never would let her kids in the bed but her dogs sleep there. How odd.

When we transitioned her, it went fine. The first week or so she woke up during the night and wanted a cuddle but that was it (no drama, no tears or tantrums). I doubt very much she will have sleep issues later in life. She doesn't now (at 4.5). I know plenty of kids who slept separately as babies who have many more sleep issues. My kid isn't afraid of the dark, doesn't need a night light, thunder storms are no problem, we never had monster issues or anything of the sort. She is happy to go off on her own to do things, isn't at all overly dependent on me or DH. Though of course there are nights she wants to stay up, she has no issues with going to bed generally. She is securely attached and knows she is safe. She can put herself to sleep and if she wakes up she usually gets herself back to sleep, no problem.

I don't think cosleeping is trying to keep them overly dependent on us. It's perfectly natural and for most of human history (and in much of the world now) it is normal. He will develop self reliance when he is ready to do so and providing a secure environment in which to do it will make it all the easier for him. And really what's the big deal? As adults it is perfectly accepted that we want to sleep together so why should babies and toddlers be any different? I just don't get why people get up in arms about it. I think many of the clingiest kids were forced to separate before they were ready. It is counter productive.

So tell those busy body relatives it is working for you and it's not up for discussion. :)

I love it when my boys co-sleep with me, but in my case I think it's more for my comfort than theirs'. Lol, it's usually asking them to sleep with me rather than the other way round. They like it now and then, but they're always happy to return to their own beds in their own rooms.

I don't know how it may affect sleeping later on, but if everyone who's in bed with you is happy, don't rush to change. If you're not asking your relations to co-sleep with your little one, then they have no say, right?

We co-sleep. With our sons, we rarely began the night together. We begin (almost) every night with both in their own beds. We just have an open door policy at night. When our older son was about 26 months (?) he became very interested in sleeping in his own bed. It was very good timing for us, as baby brother came along at 31 months. Our younger son is now 26 months, and he visits us about 4 nights a week. I have to admit, we do like the nights when he stays in his bed the whole night, but we both agree with our open door policy.

We do believe it has helped our boys feel more secure. They know they can sleep with us any time they need a little extra comfort. I guess I can't speak for our younger son just yet, but our older son is a fabulous sleeper.

I think as long as you and your husband are ok, just follow your child's cues. If you get to a point where it's no longer what you want, then you can come up with a transition plan. Until then, keep doing what works and try not to worry about what some relatives say. My MIL kept asking us (when our older son was just a few weeks old) when we were finally going to let him cry it out. I can't tell you how many times I gently told her, never. We had no plans to do that. She thought we were horrible parents. We just avoided the subject whenever possible and tried to be very kind in our responses. I would say, don't bring it up with them, and if they ask questions, make your answers nice and simple and give as little information as possible.

Just keep loving your kids! You're doing great!

children sleeping in their own room from the beginning can be secure too. mine definitely is. there are as many different ways to do it as there are mothers. not knocking cosleeping. but relating sleeping in one's own room to drug use is ridiculous and deluded. cosleeping is a fad. just like any other. either you do it or you don't. it is not (NOT) going to have earth-shattering, history-altering repercussions. "How come so many people got into drugs? They never felt love and were so scared all the time as small children" WHAT does this have to do with cosleeping or not?? absolutely nothing.

i coslept with my son for a week or two, when he was very ill. after he was better it was a nightmare to get him to sleep in his own bed again. just my experience. if there is a way to "gently" get them to sleep in their own bed (and my friends with children who cosleep have hardly tried, because of the fights that ensue, and the "midnight visits" that never stop) that WORKS, then i haven't heard of it. i would love to hear of any moms who had no trouble getting them in their own bed when the time came.

UGH. "fad" meaning something that is popular right now. look it up. i was NOT knocking cosleeping, just relating my own experience. i do NOT believe that cosleeping or not makes a good or bad parent. but some of these responses are certaingly giving cosleeping a bad name. because apparently, NOT cosleeping causes drug addiction, and now all who don't are just completely ignorant and worthless. jeeze people. are we being deliberately judgmental and rude or is it the cosleeping that did it? I AM MAKING A JOKE.

My son has been co-sleeping for almost all his life. He just turned four and probably wil sleep with us until he decides he wants more room. He sure does suck up a BIG section of a king sized bed! He sleeps like a rock too.

We co-sleep and our almost 5 year old moved just fine into his own room and bed. I think if you are consistent with whatever schedule you set up, your child will be fine! Good for you for BF and co-sleeping, it is wonderful for your child! Don't listen to the negative people, if they have no constructive advice, they don't get an opinion!

M

Your relatives are giving you advice that went out in 1955.
Here's some advice for them. How come so many people got into drugs? They never felt love and were so scared all the time as small children.
I didn't separate my first child until she was almost 3 years old. The second child joined her in the children's bedroom.
The siblings in the same room made for lots of security.

In my experience and those of my friends who cosleep, attachments principles have held true. Our older kids are quite secure and independent.

My nephew is 6 and he slept with his mom (my sister) until he was 3. The only way he would sleep was if she was laying with him, so he never got a proper amount of sleep and was chronically over-tired because of it. To this day, he is a terrible sleeper and has never acquired the skills to self-soothe himeself to sleep. He has never gone to bed easily and screams and fights every single night then will just lay there tossing and turning until the wee hours of the morning when he finally just passes out. I think it's important for all toddlers/children to learn how to self-soothe and to put themselves to sleep without using another person as a prop to get them there

P.S.- Just because you and your children don't like co-sleeping doesn't mean you love your children any less. My kids both prefer to sleep by themselves since they were about 6 months old. They slept with me,attached to my breast for the first 6 months to make breastfeeding easier and to relish in those newborn baby snuggles. It became evident around 6 months that they were being kept awake by me being there all night and nobody was getting any sleep. You do what works for you and your little family--nobody is right or wrong in this on-going debate.

No issues with sleeping later. My three boys all co-slept with me until appx age 2. They are 13. 7 and 5 and all go to bed at 9PM, sleep soundly through the night in their own beds (except for when they "camp" in each others' rooms) and sleep until at least 7AM. As pre-schoolers they would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night (bad dream, not feeling well etc.) but no more than any other kids the same age and they could go back to sleep just fine after whatever woke them up was taken care of.

Keep doing what you're doing! Your mama instinct is just fine...ignore your ILs and keep on co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

my daughter is 3 . she still cosleeps ( we live in a one bedroom) and she sleeps through the night. we still nurse to sleep but that is it. i am willing to bet she wont be 15 still in my bed....lol. the same people that say a baby shouldnt sleep with you are the same ones that whine when the hubby is out of town and they have to sleep alone. do what works for you and your family. ignore anyone who tries to disrupt this happy routine. when it becomes a problem for you or the baby, change it.

My 2 year old was a wonderful sleep from pretty close to th begining. She slept for 12 hours in her crib starting at about 6 weeks old. It was awesome! We didn't have to "cry it out" she just wanted to sleep. When she was a little older (like 6-8 months, I don't remember) we did a modified version of cry it out to get her to sleep, it was about the time she started crawling that she didn't want to go to bed. She would cry for maybe a minute and then be out for the night.
Fast forward to when she was 22 months, she would start waking up screaming in the middle of the night, almost every night. It got to the point where it was hard to get her to go to bed, and then she would climb out of bed and sleep on the floor. My husband and I couldn't stand this, we have assumed she's been having nightmares. So we are now (6 months later) a co-sleeping family. I was 7 months pregnant when all this started so we quickly decided we would all get more sleep if we were just in the same room. The nightmares haven't completely stopped, but they are much much much less often. Maybe once or twice a month instead of once or twice a night. During the day she is happy, secure, smart, funny, and fun. At night she goes to bed in her own room (and recently stays in her own bed) but around 10 or 11 we go in to check on her and if she wakes up we let her come into the "big bed" There are nights that my husband and I wish she would stay in her own room (especially now that we have a 6 week old sleeping next to us as well-in a co sleeper) but for the most part I love the family bed!

When my daughter was little she was jaundace and had to spend the nights in our room in a crib because we had to monitor the billy. When we tried to move her to a crib in her room it did become a problem so we ended up co sleeping for a while. When she was 2 to 3 we made a big deal and got her a toddler bed. Let her pick it out etc. We kept an open door policy where she could crawl in with us if she wanted or stay in her bed. She did both. She basically likes her bed the most and will only come in our room if she has a nightmare. They grow out of it on there own so saw no issue and didn't make her cry her self to sleep at night or have me sitting there till she fell asleep. We did though require she start in her bed every night. Also we found putting soft music or a disney movie would help her fall asleep.

we coslept til a little past two, when a tall boy sleeping sideways was keeping us awake with a head in my ribs and feet in my hubby's. we made BIG DEAL out of his new big boy bed (mattress on floor), talking about it for a week, then brought it in in the morning and put the sheets on, jumped all over it and played so he got used to it. really talked it up. that night I layed with him to go to sleep in the new bed and he did.

it was a really easy transition and he stayed in bed til a little before wakeup when he'd come crawl in our bed and we would snuggle and sometimes doze off for a little more if there was time. a year later this is still how we do it.

i think it would be great to have a sibling to share a room with- ive wished that for my son. he actually asked me recently why daddy and i get to share a bed and he has to be "lonely all alone". FYI, he wasnt upset about it, it was more a "why" question- he has been noticing alone vs together a lot recently. his trains are lonely when he leaves, the mommy whale is looking for her baby, etc.

We co-slept with both our kids, and we loved it. They are 8 and 6 and are just fine getting to sleep at night (they do share a room, so this probably helps). They do outgrow the need to sleep with parents more quickly than you think. Mine were both about 2 or 3 years old when they moved out of our bed; my daughter was first, and loved her toddler bed and having all her stuffed animals with her. At first she would get up occasionally, but I would just tuck her back into her bed and she'd fall asleep. I think once she realized that we were always there when she needed us, she was fine. My son transitioned more easily because his sister was already in the room and he probably felt more secure. Follow your instincts and always go with what works best for you and your kids (and ignore the critical relatives; it's none of their business, anyway).
:-)