Just Curious - Seeking HONESTY!

Interesting question and now my strange answer. Weight alone, no, but if they don't smile within a small amount of time I will smile, if they still don't smile I will make every judgement under the sun about their lack of self-control.

I guess I don't like unfriendly people.

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh."
W. H. Auden

I know I make judgements based on all kinds of things... mostly facial expression and body language.

I've lived in countries where women TRY to be 100+ lbs overweight, and countries where women starve themselves. To ME, what attracts me to conversation with a person is:

- proximity
- upper body language (arms, shoulders, chest, neck, face).

What attracts my friendship is personality and shared interest.

LOVE the show 'lie to me' I didn't realize that there is a whole branch of science dedicated to facting out intuition. Love it.

I think I judge/make assumptions more on how they treat their children. If a person is yelling and constantly harping on their kids, I want nothing to do with them.

HONESTLY, I think if anybody who answers this .....should consider themselves judgmental! Said with a smile.... :) !!

It should not matter what clothes they wear, how much they weigh, etc.

It should be based on whether or not YOU deserve her attention!

Great question, K.!

EDIT: a tale to tell....I was 34 & my husband was 42 when our youngest child was born. Our sons are 9 years apart, with our daughter dying when our older son was 6. (just setting the stage.) Shortly after our daughter's death, our older son was diagnosed with a degenerative hip disease.

We live about 1 1/2 hours outside of a major city...which is where my DH & I grew up. We chose to travel back/forth for our son's medical care, knowing that the city hospitals there would be able to offer more for him.

On one of our many trips into the city, we stopped for lunch at a fast food place. Our younger son was about 3, our older son was 12. There was another family in the restaurant. The parents were older & they had 2 developmentally-handicapped adult (children) with them. I sat there thinking about how difficult their life must be.....& I could see that they did not have much $$ to boot. It was a heartbreaker to witness.

After exchanging a few looks back/forth, the other Mom & I spoke about general topics. After a while, she said, "I want you to know that we were talking about you when you came in. We noticed the boy's wheelchair & that you had a baby. Did their parents die or did you just take them in? Are you the grandparents?"

OMG! She floored me! She assumed that we deserved their pity!! Wow! She based her judgement on the fact that my DH had pure white hair & that I was prematurely graying! Talk about judging based on appearance.....& ever since then, I've learned my lesson!! I was as guilty as she was!

& that brings me to the next part: by pre-judging, how many times are we dead wrong about someone? Peace to all.....

I would never judge so much as to not be friends, but seriously overweight people make me wonder & cringe. I try to tell myself that it may be medically related, but ... What I find even harder is seeing a seriously obese FAMILY, where little kids are just huge like their parents. That makes me MAD. I guess I do make assumptions, like they must eat alot of junk, like chips, KD dinner, & ground beef. I actually think its part of the reason Ive gained weight, Im too mean in my thinking about people like this. I try not to judge it, but its pretty hard sometimes.

No I don't do that.
Each person, has a story. Which we don't know about.
I go by personality or character.

With my kids, (they hardly do this), but if they comment on a person's size or girth/appearance, I always say "but we don't know them. I'm sure they are really normal and nice.... it doesn't matter how they look. Its the inside the counts."
Luckily, my kids are not appearance minded with themselves or others.

When I look at people... I wonder what their story is.
Not necessarily how they look.

I have a friend who had weight loss surgery and has lost over 100 pounds over the course of a year.
She tells me that she is now approached so much more by the other mothers at school, they are just all around more friendly and interested in getting to know her.
She said at first it hurt her feelings, but she has accepted the fact that really overweight people are just generally avoided by "regular" size people. She has faced that her entire life. She was just a little shocked by the behavior of the other moms because she felt kids were more likely to be that way than adults.
And even though she and I have been best friends for over 20 years I have to admit that yes, I am more than a little repulsed by extremely overweight people, especially when I see if what they are eating and feeding their kids is SO unhealthy.
I, like you, hate making assumptions or judgments, but we are only human after all. I think we are just naturally attracted to people who seem to exude virtues we admire, and a healthy appearance is part of what attracts most of us (at least initially) to friends and mates.

I have a hard time losing weight.

I'm about 50 lbs over weight. When I was skinny I didn't judge people until they were around 100 lbs over weight or more. When I see some one that is overweight like that I feel, "There, but for the Grace of God go I." BUT if I see someone that is 100 lbs over weight at a buffet or carrying several hot dogs or pushing a grocery cart with nothing but junkfood and sweets I pity them.

At my worst I heard that if you want to be a success in life you should emulate other successful people. Then I started watching other people eat. I'd try and do what the skinny people did and ate. I learned a lot.

Good luck to you and yours.

I'm glad that you hate making assumptions and are trying not to.

I think that overweight people are about the only unprotected group out there. You would never have said:

Like you meet a black mom or gay mom or handicapped mom or disfigured mom or a burka wearing mom - but with fat, it's perfectly fine to use as an example - and then have a whole bunch of people run with it.

Good people come in all sorts of shapes, colors and sizes - and so do bad people. Lets hope this forum will help people to not judge before you know. If you do, you're probably missing A LOT!!

We all make judgments, every day, all day long. We make judgments based on appearance, dress, actions, etc. People deemed attractive get better jobs and make more money during their work lives, for example. The first thing to do is to become aware of the judgments. The harder thing to do is to stop them.

I make judgments based on weight, even though I try not to. My mother was very overweight, and rarely judged people. When I find myself making a judgment based on appearance, I'll think to myself "what would my mom think". It helps.

I am 100+ lbs overweight and find myself making assumptions about other women. Isn't that awful??? I don't EVER feel like I wouldn't want to befriend them, believe me, I want friends too. But, sometimes I wonder how they keep up... cuz I have a hard time too. Maybe when I say I assume things, I assume they are like me! Always wanting to lose weight, busy, blessed with bad genes and a sweet tooth. Never anything negative. I assume more about the loudmout sassy rude mothers than I ever do about the overweight moms.
L.
edited: I just read Kristina B's response and am actually a bit pissed. It takes a lot to offend me, usually, but my weight is often something that gets me mad. If you were to have seen me a year ago, you may have thought me having a "sedetary lifestyle". What you wouldn't have known was that I spent two hours A DAY at the gym, that I was always walking, hiking, at the park with my children, that I had lost over 100lbs and was STILL fat, and that I was probably more active than You! It's not a lifestyle you want to be around? I can't believe that. I don't want to be around alcoholics, drug users, racists...I am sure you can imagine why. But someone who is fat? wow...that's all i can say.

Amom2 & I have similar thoughts. I think 'slob' can happen at 85 pounds or 300 lbs. I don't like sloppy people, thin or heavy.

Not really. Not that I realize, anyway. I don't really think about weight in others. It doesn't bother me.

I HAVE been judged by other mothers, for being thin.

I don't discriminate against over weight people. Now that I'm thinking about it, I have quite a few people that I call friends, that are over weight. One of them is 400 lbs. When we're out, she gets stares but she's used to it because she been over weight all of her life. Her heart is bigger than what the scale says that her weight is. Recently she was hospitalized. She has a lot of health issues due to her size. She wants to have children and this really bothers her. So I always to encourage her and let her know how beautiful of a person she is. Being sincere, to me, it what really makes a good friend, not how they look on the outside.

If I see someone overweight I will draw assumptions IF they carry themselves like slobs. IF I see an overweight person who takes care of themselves and smiles, looks confident, I automatically think of complimenting them or not even seeing the weight at all.

Physically, no.

I don't look at the moms, skinny or overweight. I look at the kids and see if they are friend material for my kid - fun, playful, good sense of humor, polite and respectful. If I see my kid gets along w/their kid, I engage the mom. She can be in a huge moo-moo, pearls and lace, or a birka - no difference to me. I have no trouble making conversation w/anyone of any size. Then, if she is rude or snotty, I move on.

I never care what the moms look like. Honestly.

Ok, I totally make assumptions about people, I think its human nature to do so although its important to check yourself when you do. If I were to see an obese mom its not just her weight that would make me want or not want to approach her. Does she have a smile on her face, does she care about her appearance somewhat? Ok, I admit, I would totally judge a mom is she was dressed corny. Like wearing overalls or cartoon character clothing. There is a mom I see out with a baggy jean Loony Toons jacket that is sooo unflattering. Her glasses look like they are out of the 80's. Maybe I am missing out on a great lady...

I am over weight and I have several great friends. Most of them are thinner than I am. In the 30+ years weve been friends they have seen me lose some weight, and gain some weight and we are all still friends. I dont shy away from striking up a conversation with an over weight person if the chance comes up. If Im standing in line by a heavy person I can still comment about the store, or the weather and just talk and it makes no difference to me what they weigh. I actually made a comment to a gal who is slightly smaller than me in a store one time and we ended up great friends for about 5 years now. Now I do have to say when I see an extremely over weight person I do feel bad for them, knowing how hard it is, and how it feels and I make the assumption they must have something wrong in their life that if they were able to deal with it might help them to lose weight. There are so many things in childhood and adulthood that make us use food for comfort and most of us are over weight because of those things. I know years ago I was judged in such a harsh manner it made my head spin. I was shopping in a grocery store with 4 small children from my daycare. I had them all in great control. no problem, very well behaved children. We were in line with a cart of groceries and the checker was nearly done with the gal in front of me when he looked at my basket of foods, milk, light bulbs and dish soap, and said, "maam, youll need to separate those things out to use food stamps"..! WHAT?? I had never used food stamps and I had no choice but to think my weight, and ammount of small kids made him assume I was lower income and on state aid. out of control, slob, fat, baby making machine, you name it. It was really hard to pay for my things and get out of there before I was in tears. I was so tempted to call the manager and report him but never did. So I know we are judged.

I'll admit. I do.
Now I don't act on those thoughts. So I wouldn't stop being someones friend because they were over weight.

But yea, sometimes the first thoughts in my head are mean ones. I really hate it. And I'll go further to admit that it doesn't just happen with people that are overweight. But like i said, I Do not act on those thoughts.

I really don't look at the weight part of it as much as the smile. I have one friend that I have known for several years and she has put on so much weight. She is always smiling and laughing and a great person to be around. I love her!! She has no kids but used to be a nanny so she has a very easy going personality,

Interesting... you got me thinking. My husband and I don't actually have any friends that are seriously overweight. And, if I'm being perfectly honest, I would have to say that I probably do judge overweight people. Not proud... may have to work on this.

Everybody prejudges, but maybe i do it in a different way. I assume there is an emotional eating problem, i also assume a very deep sadness and resulting low self esteem (no matter how confident they may appear). My empathy totally kicks in whether it is welcomed or not. My dads whole family was obese, the smallest person is over 250, the largest was 864 lbs. I would certainly be friends with someone who was overweight. I do alot of things they would likely be interested in. I work out every day and find places to eat who are very good about making low calorie options.

I think i annoy bigger people though, I am a little overweight, by about 20 lbs now hardly obese, but sometimes i act like i have a big problem and i forget that my self esteem issue may adversely affect someone else who has farther to go on their weight loss journey. Im empathetic but sometimes a complete dolt with my foot in my mouth.

I learned a LONG time ago, it doesn't matter what someone looks like. Amazing people come in all shapes and sizes, as do the not so amazing ones.

No I don't, but honestly, I do judge women (people) for lots of other things, which is probably just as shameful! I would want to be friends with an overweight mother as long as she was nice, treated her kids respectfully and was fun to be around.

I think I get what you are saying. Weight, among many other things, can show personality traits in a person. Maybe you look at someone who is "100+ lbs overweight" and subconsciously think they are lazy, not driven to better themselves, not healthy, etc. Everyone judges everyone, lets not get that twisted!! I see certain people and make assumptions, as does everyone else. I think, however, it is also in human nature to want to find the best in people, therefore overcoming those assumptions and actually talking to them and getting to know them.
I am not skinny by any means, but I am not overweight. If anyone were to not like me based on the fact that I am not skinny... well... their loss.

I dont feel anything is wrong with people being fat, its there life, their bodies, their choice. I would never not be friends with someone beacuse they are overweight. The only thing that bums me out is when their kids are extremely overweight too. Its not healthy for anyone, and wish they would have their kids eat healthier so they arent set up for a lifetime of health issues and bullying.

No, I would & never have counted someone out as a friend because of their weight or appearance. Personally, I think it's very shallow to do so, and you could be missing out on some really great relationships. It's also a terrible lesson to teach your kids. I grew up with an overweight mom & am not stick skinny myself, so that plays into my feelings, as well.

I don't think you can really know if someone is friendship material until you get together with them a few times, with AND without kids. Personally, I look for friends that are down to earth, funny, are not catty, and many other things.

I honestly empathize with overweight women--- I know exactly how hard it is to lose the weight and am not the slimest person in the world. When I judge if someone is a person I would like to be friends with, I judge them on their character as a person-what their morals are like, how do they treat others? Are they a good mom, are they loving and fun and happy? I try to befriend people who bring out the best in me and who I can be honest and open with. If I feel comfortable around them----I try not to judge based on someone's weight problem. If they smell or have overwhelming BO, thats another story---Its one of my pet peeves that I just can't get past--other than that, I am open-minded.

M

I have a GF that is what I would call morbidly obese....she's 5' 2" and weighs about 400 lbs - that's my GUESSTIMATE...when she was pregnant - you didn't know....or couldn't tell.

She has broken two (yes 2) chairs in my house...but I love her - she's a VERY sweet W. with a heart of gold....

But yeah - I do find myself judging morbidly obese people...I don't like it - I don't VOICE IT OUT LOUD - but my head says things.....

I used to be more judgmental. Then I got older, had thyroid problems, had 4 kids, watched my body change and I realized that my body is not ME! It was easier for me to let go of my judgments when I could see my own flaws, both inside and out.

Well, I didn't judge significantly overweight people before becoming a mother and I don't now. Yes, if you're so obese you have to ride a scooter or you obviously don't care about anything and fit the "fat slob" stereotype (infrequent showering, greasy hair, no makeup or care with clothing, etc.) -I have judgment there, but I've always had many friends in all shapes and sizes, and some of my very best friends whom I've had for almost 20 years are very large. One goes up and down, but my very best friend has always been pretty large. I cannot imagine what life would have been like without her! We have shared so many ups and downs and she's opened new worlds for me, and we're Godmothers to each others' children. She has literally saved my life. I don't think my last 16 years would have been nearly as happy (if they happened at all) as they have been if I wasn't friends with her. She (and my other closest girl friends, several of whom are significantly overweight) got me through my mother's death and are very much my family.

I know weight can be an indicator of lifestyle, but my judgments tend to come when I start talking to a person and it's clear our beliefs or lifestyle choices or the way we perceive things are VERY incompatible. My worst judgments regarding whether or not to be friendly with someone are probably about people I automatically believe to be rather dumb because of certain interests they have or statements they make.

If someone is a kind decent person, fun to be around, and a good friend, why should it make any difference what they weigh or what they look like? I would never assume anything about anyone when you don't know any of their "story"!

Oh good lord. I can't wait to see what response you get on here. At least for now, i will keep my mouth shut because you would not like what I have to say.

I try like hell to not judge a person's heart or character. For me, that's not a one time mental switch. It's an ongoing process of catching myself and reforming my thoughts/feelings. Many "good" people make some "bad"/unhealthy choices (myself included).

I don't think I judge people's weight, but I do notice it (small or large). And, I do think I judge/question/am curious about their choices and health (small or large).

I have friends of many body types. Being overweight (by over 70lbs) after my daughter was born, I found myself being treated differently, and thinking about myself differently.

Clearly, I am not judgement free.

The reason why we even judge someone is because of how we think about others. If you believe that people have the freedom, and we respect that freedom, to do what ever they feel like doing, then it should not matter to you why they are fat or thin.

As far as making friends with them, your answer lies in your question. Ask yourself what friendship means to you - do you like superficial friendship where looks matter? or do you want friendship for what is in the heart ?

It will stop me from thinking "hey, I'd like to get to know her..." but if I do end up meeting her and she's nice and fun and we have things in common, I'd be happy to become friends if she was interested. I definitely criticize quite overweight people internally but there are aspects of many of my friends I don't agree with or like but I look at the whole package. I'm not perfect either. And like some people said, whether or not they're sloppy makes a big difference. That holds true for thin people too but they seem to have a bit more leeway in how it impacts the overall impression they make. If they're raising their children overweight too though, I can't see being friends. So if I saw the mom and then her kids were overweight too, I'd likely not be interested.

Nope, don't judge a person based on weight. I have always had weight issues--but have the opposite problem. The only time I go over 100lbs is when I'm pregnant. I don't like when people assume I don't eat or I live at the gym. And I'm sure people don't want to be my friend because I'm thin. I really wish you the best with your surgery.

For me, it is exactly opposite. I have always been more drawn to friends that are my size (14) or larger. I am intimidated by skinny girls.

I am a M. who is around 100 pounds overweight. I haven't read the other answers, but I predict you will get slammed for speaking the truth.

It happens. There are some moms who won't even say hello to me unless they HAVE to. We are all white, professional, married with kids, churchgoing, live in the same neighborhood, and are active in PTA. We have everything in common except I am obese and they are not.

I have to lose all the excess weight because of medical problems or I would never do it. I was molested as a child, then raped at 13 by my first boyfriend while my friends ignored my screams for help. It was awful. I got fat so men would quit hitting on me. Even after I got married, men and later women, hit on me. It was a defense mechanism and it also kept many people away. I am in therapy trying to find a way to not overeat for comfort and to feel safe without the fat. I am not lazy, I do care how I look, I do shower, and I do live life for the sake of my child. It is very slow to lose weight. The Biggest Loser makes it look easy, but I promise you it is very hard.

I am probably 20 pounds overweight and dont consider myself to be the most atractive person. Witht hat said, who am i to judge anyone else by their looks. I have a best friend who is at least 300 pounds. She has a baby. She is the sweetest kindest person ever! I also have a best friend that who is married has 2 kids and is skinny and very pretty. She still gets hit on all the time when we hang out. She is also the most caring sweetest person ever. So dont judge a book by its cover. It only matters whats on the inside. I know thats hard for everyone to do and i have been guilty of it too. I will be friends with anyone who is nice.

Great question!

No, I do not make judgements based on appearance. I heard something once that has kind of become my mantra: Assume goodwill. So even if someone has a cranky expression, I assume goodwill. (I've been accused of looking cranky when I was trying to remember something before!)

I do make judgements based on how that person interacts with their kids, if they make them do everything for them, or if they completely ignore or yell at them. That, to me, is a better indicator than anything else.

My best friend is in the process of losing 70-80 pounds. I am a size six. So no, I do not judge.

It's a really interesting question - I think before kids, I would have been more judgmental because I would assume that person isn't trying to lose the weight and therefore not interested in a healthy lifestyle, so we likely wouldn't have anything in common. Now that I've had 2 kids, I get how hard it is to lose the weight...coupled with getting older which makes losing weight so much harder anyway. I exercise 6 days a week because if I do less, after a few months I really don't like how my body looks. It never used to be this hard to stay in shape!! But it keeps me healthy in other ways too, I guess that it's just harder to find the energy to work out this often with 2 toddlers. I know lots of other moms do it though, and I want my body a certain way, so I do it. :)

All of that being said, I think that now vs. before kids, the qualities I seek out in other moms has 100% to do with parenting styles - that's what I find myself getting a little judgmental about , not what a mom looks like. I seek out other moms who are overtly kind, patient, and nurturing with their babies.

I do not judge people on their weight. I will judge them on their lifestyle, what they eat, how they feed their kids, and how much they care about their health.

I have obese friends who care nothing about the above said mentioned. I have skinny friends who do the same.

If you are going to eat frozen dinners several times a week, complain about eating veggies...and allow your kids to ignore them as well, eat McDonalds, don't prepare healthy foods for yourself or your kids, don't play with your kids in an active manner and complain about staying healthy, eat sugary foods while you are a diabetic, and ignore what your doctors say...then yes...you are judged.

I will be sad that you will be too ill at age 55 to travel or do adventure excursions, or walk long distances...because by then, everything you chose to ignore in your early years will have the consequence.

I will be sad when I go to my friends funeral because she had a heart attack, and not even know her grandkids....and everyone will say that she was so fun and so young and what a pity....

Now, if you asked a different question, about how a spouse would feel after a wife gained 100 lbs, that would be a bigger issue than trying to make friends.

I'd love to say that I have no prejudices, but like most people, I think I gravitate to others that look like they'd have a similar lifestyle to mine. So I'm more likely to strike up a conversation with the in-shape mom who looks like she checks herself in the mirror but doesn't spend an hour getting ready every morning. However, someone who's overweight and obviously cares what she looks like - dresses well and is put together? I'd probably approach that woman just like someone thinner. I'm less likely to introduce myself to the glam moms who wear heels and tons of makeup every day or the severely obese moms wearing sweats and flip flops. Of course, once I get to know someone it really doesn't matter if they're heavy or not. But that initial evaluation - yeah, it does matter, as much as I wish it didn't.

I DO judge others- you are right, it is human nature... However, it isn't based on weight. I have friends of all sizes! I would probably notice a stranger that is overweight a little more over one who is not. But, not in a way where I'm thinking "I don't want to be friends with that person".

Good luck. Happy Belated Mother's Day:)

I do the SAME thing... I get so irritated with myself - it drives me nuts. I can't help it. I don't do it with weight though. I have dear friends (and family members) that are obese and I honestly don't really think about it - maybe because it seems so normal to me? I dunno - I just don't see weight as a "judging" issue for me. I judge people based more on the way they talk or act. Still, not right - shame on us!!

My good friend got lap band surgery and she looks completely different now. She said almost everyone treats her differently than they did before. She said all these people at work who never noticed her are now her friends. She said it was pretty weird, but she has no hard feelings. I don't judge someone bc of their weight. I know we all have different genetics and some people's bodies put on weight very easily and it's hard to get it off. Some people are just bigger no matter what they do. Inside I am cheering for my overweight friends and family members when they make efforts to lose weight bc it is healthier for them. I don't want to see them start having awful health problems. Anyway, yes, I talk to and become friends with people of all sizes.

I base my interest in friendship on important commonalities, not weight. But, yes, I'll still make assumptions about 100lb+ women.
If she's nice, intelligent, and funny, I'm more than happy to be her friend anyway.

If anything, I feel sorry for people who are EXTREMELY overweight. A little overweight, no big deal. But if you have trouble functioning that is sad - as any addiction is. It seems like it would be really hard to be that overweight -it's like wearing your addiction/issues on your sleeve. You can pretty much hide being addicted to pain pills or being an alcoholic...but if you are addicted to food everyone knows it. I admit to judging based on that, and to having pity at times. I used to use food as a crutch but I've overcome that years ago and use it purely as nourishment now. I do enjoy a bowl of ice cream every night. It's ok to feel bored, overwhelmed, inadequate, guilty....we all feel these things. Once I learned that it was OK to feel that way, I learned to stop stuffing those feelings with food. Now I just sit in the moment and know that it will pass.

I think everyone has done this at one time or another. I was always on the thinner side until I graduated college. I never once thought about weight - mine or anyone else's. My matabolism stopped suddenly and I started gaining weight. Then came the kiddos. I was harder on myself than anyone's thoughts could have been. My mother was over-weight so I only half way tried to loose it. Then I filed for divorce. That right there made me loose the weight. I knew I felt lousy about myself and that wasn't teaching my kids anything. Now - when my kids comment on someone, I tell them not to judge. If someone has a cast or a wheelchair or an artificial limb and my 4 yr old won't stop staring, I take him over to the person and aske them what happened and if they would tell my son. It really is amazing what people will do. They are so gracious someone - especially a child - is not thinking they are a monster that they open up and teach my kids all kinds stuff. A man with an artificial leg taught my son to not run into the street after a ball and that cars are not looking for little kids. "Out of the ordinary people" are awesome if they are given the chance!

Just glad you are taking the bull by the horns, and embarking on a weight
loss plan. You will be glad you did it.. I do not judge people based on
appearances. Your good friends will not treat you differently, other people
might, maybe out of jealousy. I was once where you are and know first
hand. Good luck.

Never have and never will.

Funny you ask a question about judging and people in turn judge your intentions...what a mean world we live in.

I will be honest, I have many friends who happen to be over weight. I don't judge them or decide not to be friends with them, BUT I will tell you honestly, that I do somewhat feel sorry for them because I feel there are things that they won't be able to do with their kids. Then I feel bad, because I don't really know...I just assume... I am trying to be better about that...

Sue W, i loved your answer! My thoughts exactly!

I think thats just human nature. I do it as well. I try to keep my mouth dhut but it doesn't always work!

I try not to do that as I know some overweight people that have great personalities and are comfortable in their skin. It is after I talk to someone and find out what their personality is like and how they are around me that I then figure out whether I want to continue being around the person or not. If they start complaining about their weight to me, I will make suggestions to start walking or doing some sort of exercise and even may offer to exercise with them to give them some company while doing so. I may suggest a program such as Weight Watchers if they are serious about trying to lose weight. It is all in the person and how comfortable they are in their own skin though. You miss out on a lot of good relations, if you judge someone before you have talked to them though. That is just my humble opinion.

D. P.