Is It Just Me ? - Yuma,AZ

No O. can do it all. Regardless of what others tell you. Concentrate on your baby and your hubby. Let go of that myth and your pride. Assign your hubby a few things to do. Just because you're at home it doesn't mean he gets a free pass as far as household duties are concerned. Let me tell you, as someone who has been on both sides of the working situation..it is WAY easier to go to work everyday and have someone care for your child than to be at home with a child. There. I said it. It might not be popular, but it is certainly MY experience. Let your hubby entertain the baby for 45 minutes while you go for a walk after dinner. Doing something, anything for yourself will improve the relationship with your hubby. Don't feel guilty about taking some time every day for yourself. If you don't you will implode! Good luck and God bless.

Oh, no, you are not alone at all! This is a pretty common topic on here, so I know it isn't just you and me. I bet your friends don't have it quite as together as you think. Either that or they are just not even bothering to try to do it all. That is where I am at now. I just can't keep up.

TAKE THE HOUSEKEEPER!!! That is an amazing offer and I would do that in a heartbeat if we could afford it. (After I cleaned up enough to let someone see it all first. :)

Think about it, how much more will you enjoy your new baby if you aren't thinking about the bathroom that needs scrubbed? That is why you are staying at home, to be with your baby. Let someone else scrub the toilet. My son also always wanted me near, or holding him. And often I couldn't just enjoy playing with him because I felt guilty about everything else I wasn't doing. Is that what is really important? Not to me, it isn't. If nothing else, it will give you more time to yourself, which you absolutely need and should not feel guilty about taking. Don't be prideful about needing to do it all. Be prideful about the fact that you get to spend your time on what is really important, your family.

You will still feel run ragged even with housecleaning help. That is normal. But this is a tough age too. There were certain points in my son's first year that I was the most exhausted, and 5-6 mos was one of them. After we got over that 6 month hump though, things got easier. He had another clingy period at like 9-10 mos and I felt wiped out then too. But after that first six months was past, things got much, much better. So take heart that this is not forever, and you will actually sleep again. And if you can, go out on a date with your hubby. Make the effort to enjoy yourselves. It is worth it.

I think the answer lies in your question. Your friends are working fulltime jobs, which means that they're not with their babies all day. When they get home, their priority is to spend time with their baby and family, not to cook or clean. They don't expect themselves to be able to do it all. But you feel that it's your job to take care of all these things because you're home. Cut yourself some slack! I think it's wonderful that your husband suggested getting some help. Imagine how nice it would be to have someone come in twice a month to clean the kitchen and bathrooms, and to vacuum the floor that your little guy will soon be crawling around on!

As far as your baby wanting to be engaged with you all the time, that can be draining! I have 4.5 mo/old twins, so they have had to learn early that I'm not always available to entertain them. Sometimes when I lay them down or walk out of the room, they fuss a bit, but usually they'll start playing with their toes or looking at the ceiling fan pretty quickly if I stay calm and don't rush to them. I try to communicate confidence in their ability to entertain themselves by giving them reassuring smiles and stepping back. Morning is the best time for independent play in our house, because that's when they're the happiest. Give it a try, he may surprise you! (And he may decide that he likes sucking on his toes more than he likes having you play "This Little Piggy" with them.) Good luck! This is a tough time for Mama and Baby because so many things are changing right now.

TOTALLY NORMAL! I'm a soon to be SAHM and my husband and I have an almost 1 year old and being tired will never go away. My husband and I are kind of in the same boat. He's been complaining about the romance as well, but then again I'm also pregnant with our second. The romance between you and your husband with a baby will not be like it was before you had a baby, and I think men have a hard time adjusting and understanding that. Date nights help out A LOT! In time you will have some energy back for that romance.

I asked my husband for help around the house. I told him that I couldn't do it by myself, and he was more than happy to help me out... and it didn't take long at all to get our place in order. Now it's easier to just pick up things here and there rather than feel like there's no hope. I plan each day for something specific. Today I dedicate to laundry, tomorrow I dedicate to cleaning the kitchen and dining room and etc. Whenever my husband leaves dishes somewhere or clothes on the floor, I tell him that I would like to maintain a clean house and make picking up after ourselves a habit. I have no problem asking him to please pick it up. Sometimes he gets annoyed, but he still does it. Just remember to be as nice as possible when asking him otherwise it's considered "nagging" *rolling my eyes*

One piece of advice I ignored after having my son was to nap when he naps. I thought, well if he's napping then I can clean or get stuff done. Nope! You're too tired to even think of what needs to be done. Please take a nap when your baby does. It will give you the energy boost you need. I would sit my son in his infant booster seat and bring the chair in the kitchen while I did the dishes, and he loved it. Do you have a baby carrier? That did wonders with our son because he's such a curious little guy. It gives you back both of your arms :)

Don't put so much on your plate, your husband has to be understanding of the fact that your baby comes first and everything else comes second. Getting a maid is a waste of money. Your husband lives there too and he helped you create that beautiful baby... he is capable of maintaining the house too and taking care of the baby. Talk to your husband and tell him what you need from him. Help him understand what you're feeling and what you think you will need to get that energy back. Maybe once or twice a week your husband can watch the baby while you go out to the bookstore for coffee and a book or to window shop OR to take a nap for a little while. Schedule once a month (at the least) a date night. Remind him that his escape is work and yours isn't until you sleep, if you're lucky to get 5 hours.

I promise you it gets easier, and every first time mother (and father) goes through this. Communication is key, and your pride needs to take a backseat when it comes to asking for help. If mama's not happy, nobody's happy!

Good Luck and hang in there!!!

Dear Krys:

You are completely normal! Give yourself a break here. Being home with a baby all day while rewarding, is also challenging at times. Every baby is different but all babies need a lot of attention and go through stages. My daughter (only child, my first) is now thirteen months old. For me I think no one can prepare you for those sleepless nights until you go through them firsthand. That was emotionally and physically draining to me. I hope your husband helped you with that.

By five and a half months old, your baby is smiling and responding more. This is the fun month I think. It's a little more give than take! Does your baby nap regularly? One thing I learned the hard way is if you are a SAHM, it is so important to get them on a regular nap schedule. My daughter usually only naps about 45 minutes so it is hard to accomplish a whole lot. When she sleeps longer (an hour and a half) I feel like I've actually had a break and time for myself (unless all I did during her nap was clean/do laundry, etc.)

Take some time for yourself and if possible nap! I was never a good napper but my mother always told me, if you can nap, you will have more patience with your baby. And if you have to go to bed at 9:00 for awhile, then so be it. It's a full-time job especially when they start crawling and they're into everything. Then comes walking (I am not up to that yet!)

Good luck and also try to get involved in a mommy group of some kind. Stroller Strides is a great exercise group you can do three times a week with your baby (if you can afford it). Or maybe there are other SAHM's in your neighborhood to have playdates with.

And if you don't have to work full-time then enjoy your time now with your baby. For me, I would like to balance being home a lot with a part-time job. But everyone is different and some moms' love being home. Think of the money you save not paying for daycare! Take care!

l

Prideful? I do and do not understand why? I do understand that you want to do it all. I do not understand why you can't admit that you can't do it all. I imagine you're trying to be super mom, super housekeeper, super wife but can't be that because you have to do everything yourself. I suggest that your baby has trained you to stay by his side because you believe on some level that being constantly by his side is part of being super mom.

It is normal to be tired. It is not normal to turn down a housekeeper. Unfortunately, all too many women believe that they can do everything but it is just no true. Part of maturing is to realize that we have limitations and to not only ask for help but to also accept it and still feel good about ourselves.

You need to find balance in your life. That's not an easy task. For many, it's a life time task. I recommend that you start by accepting help with the housework. Whew! So many of us would love to have that option! Quick! Grab it!

Then use some of that time to focus on yourself and learn why being super mom is so important to you. I suggest reading some books on self-esteem as well as other self growth issues. And/or start in counseling.

I learned, really learned, about the super mom stuff when I was in counseling. My counselor took me to the window of his office and asked me if I saw a helicopter parked out there. I felt confused and irritated. He quietly said, you cannot do it all yourself and what you do do cannot be perfect. I still don't know what the helicopter had to do with it but I did finally realize that I was working too hard to be "perfect." I was in my 40's and didn't even think of myself as a perfectionist. But I was!

Stay at home moms have it harder then working moms; we are gone most of the day so there is less house work. Depending on where the kids are, some of the work is already done for us. We get to have a slight break by going to work and seeing other people.

Look into Library time or some time of gymborre or little gym class. Play groups are great too. You need to interact with other moms so that you see that what you are going through is normal. It will give you a chance to ask questions and talk to others atleast once a week. You'd be surprised at how many questions you can answer for others too!

Good luck!

Yes it's normal and I think that it's awesome your husband recognizes that being a STAH is hard. By all means hire somebody to clean if you guys can afford it!! I know you said you're prideful but at this point, it comes down to choosing your pride or choosing your family b/c seriously, you can clean and cook and do laundry all your want but if you do'nt have the energy or time or even desire to be romantic with your husband at least once a week or so (at least!), its going to be hard on your marriage. men are different from women and if you refuse sex too often, he'll start to think you don't love him. i've read a bunch of articles on this ;p plus, your baby will be so much happier with a well-rested (as well rested as you can be w. a newborn) mom b/c you'll have more patience and calm vibes. get the cleaning lady. seriously!! forget about your pride. family is more important :)

say yes to the cleaning lady, set aside your pride. i have someone who comes cleans my house twice a month. it makes it so much easier for me to keep up with housework, cooking, taking care of two five year olds. at the end of the day, i am exhausted too. i would prefer if i were working though. i think change of pace and environment would help me keep up with everything. the monotony of same things day after day, day in and day out is what exhausts me the most.

Everything you are experiencing is normal! My doctor told me that your body experiences so many changes during the 9 months of pregnancy and then going through childbirth (even a normal birth) is traumatic and expect your body and hormones to still be recovering for about 9months! As a new mom it is always hard to accept that you are not super woman and you have to give yourself credit for what you CAN do and not beat yourself up about what you can't! If you are in the financial situation where you can afford to have someone come in and help you with the cleaning then I would definately take your husband up on the offer! Even if you just have them come and do the deep cleaning like scrubbing bathrooms and tile floors etc, you know the longer harder jobs, it will be easier to keep up with the general cleaning yourself so your pride doesn't take such a hit. I have 3 children and trust me the desire to be super mom doesn't go away but it does get easier to accept your limitations! As far as the "romantic" stuff goes that is all normal too, it goes along with the hormone changes as much as the exhaustion! It will get better! Your little one should start sleeping better in the next few months and get more on a routine during the day as well. You may want to trying doing housework that you feel you need to do with him strapped to you in a carrier of sorts. It will keep him from getting so fussy and it will also help you burn off a few extra calories while you work. Most moms want that after baby...I know I did...and still do...its kid of like strapping weights on during a work out! I would also highly recommend joing a mom's group! You get a lot of advice, you don't feel so alone and it helps to socialize your baby while you get grown up conversation! It was the best thing I ever did to save my sanity!

I will never understand why women think this is hard...then again, I spent 18 years in the restaurant business. Everything after that was a cake walk.
You just have to have a schedule. Not a strick one, just a general one.
Oh...and yeah...stop trying to be "perfect"..THAT will get you NO WHERE!!!
Work in a good nights sleep about once a week, get a schedule and flow like a river....its not NEARLY as hard as some Moms make it out to be!!!!

Good Luck to you!!!

Yes, perfectly normal!! I work and raise my 20 mo old daughter and I'm exhausted too! I actually find the days I am home with her I'm more exhausted at the end of the day because when I do have a day off I try to do it all (entertain and play with her, do errands, do extra cleaning etc). It really is a juggling act. Just take one day at a time and maybe slow down a bit...remind your self that NO ONE can do it all. Also, I say don't be too prideful to get some outside cleaning help if your husband is offering. If my husband and I could afford it, I would get help with house work in a heart beat. You also didn't mention if you would consider leaving your daughter with a family member or sitter for a bit, but a date night might help you get all this stuff off your mind and re-connect with your hubby. My husband and I find that essential. Nothing expensive, just dinner and a movie might help. Good luck and hang in there!

Hi Krys, Your friends who are OK with it all, is because someone else is raising their kids so they can have full time jobs, so with the children in daycare and mommy and daddy are at work, no one is at home messing up the house. You do not have to be by your baby's side 24/7 if you do you will create a very bad habit for your baby. Crying is good for them it strengthens their lungs and when they cry it helps keep fluid out of their lungs, one reason you are are so burned out is because you are allowing your baby's crying to control you. You don't need no one to come in and clean, you do what you have to do, and if your baby crys and you know he's not hungry you know he has recently been change there's nothing wrong with him and you don't have to be right there, and you didn't make that baby by yourself get your husband to help you, cause you do need help, but why outside help when hubby is right there. tell him I'm going to go take a hot bath watch the baby, and just go, don't ask my husband helped me with everything, our kids are grown and he still helps me. Hope this helps. J.

Time for yourself, will make you a better wife for your husband and a better mommy to your baby, as moms we have the tendecy to take care of everyone else, but not ourselves. Take time for your self every day wheather the baby cry's or not.,

Just further affirmation that you are not alone. There is nothing abnormal about new mom exhaustion. Accept the help your husband is offering and as others have suggested, give him responsibility for some tasks.
Parenting like marriage is a partnership. In our home, we took every opportunity we could to have "family bed time". During this time, we would sleep late, not worry about any household chores and cuddle together in mom & dad's bed. Sometimes we would just stop all activity for the day and do this. As the kids have gotten older and the bed is now too small for everyone to fit, we still do this by laying out sleeping bags in the living room.

Give yourself a break, get some rest and just enjoy your family. this time will pass too soon.

About me: mom of 3 highly energetic children ages 9, 7 & 4

It is normal. But what also came to my mind was to ask you if you've had your thyroid levels checked recently. I have an underactive thyroid and that didn't start until after my first child was born. If your thyroid is off it can affect your energy level, weight and hair loss. When my second son was born, I had absolutley no energy even though I was getting more sleep at night than ever before. The dr adjusted my medicine and I felt much better. Don't forget to take care of yourself and know that it's ok to accept help from others (I'm not very good at that but I'm getting better at it :-) ). Getting help with the cleaning with give you more time to enjoy your baby. They grow so fast.

You are totally normal! Being a SAHM is like working 2 full time jobs! You don't even get the breaks you would get if you worked a regular full time job! With my first son it was so hard to hear him cry. I carried him around a lot and did the same thing as you. With my second son, I learned very quickly that it was ok if he cried! It's not going to hurt him to cry it out a little. My second son is actually much more independent than my first son and I think it's because I didn't cater to every wimper! A couple of suggestions that worked for me. 1. Join a mom's group! Get out of the house and hang out with other mom's and kids! You'll learn all kinds of amazing things from people who are going through the same things or have already been through them. It will benefit you and your child in so many ways! 2. Ask your husband for some help around the house! My husband complained about the same things! At the end of a long day of doing everything for the kids, my husband, the dog, the house, and everyone else but me, I was too exhausted to even think about any bedroom activities besides sleep. Once my husband started pitching in and doing little things around the house to help me, I felt a lot more like doing things in the bedroom for him! While he's giving the kids a bath and getting them ready for bed, I can do something little for myself! 3. Don't worry too much about the household stuff. Get it done when you can and try to pick just a few things to try and accomplish each day. 4. Take a nap when the baby does. This really helps even if it's only an hr a day! My kids were nursed so I did all the work when it came to feeding and had to do all the nighttime stuff! One thing my husband did with our first was let me feed him around 9ish. Then I would hand him over to my husband. He would take him in another room where I couldn't here him and I would go to bed with the door shut. When he was ready to go to bed around 12ish (he's a nightowl) he would bring him into me or if he was asleep he would try and put him down. That way I got at least a few hrs. of uninterrupted sleep. See if you can work something like that out with him a few times a night! Something I read in a magazine really made a lot of sense to me. It said that when we're home all day with babies/kids we get our needs for affection and love filled by our kids. By the time our husbands get home we're done being touched and just want to be left alone. That really made me think. My husband wasn't getting that because he was away from us all day! Sometimes even if I wasn't in the mood or thought I was just too tired, I made myself initiate some kind of intimate contact. It really helped our relationship. Even now I still try to think about that. When the babies are little and need so much of us, we forget that our husbands need us too and they're the ones who get left out. Hope this helps and that things get better for you! It does get better with time!

Sounds exactly right! You are far from being the only one. Let your husband know just how exhausted you are and why. Let him know that if he could help out more around the house (making meals, laundry, etc) that you may be more inclined to be more romantic. If you can afford it, maybe just have someone come every 2 - 3 weeks. Don't let your pride get in the way of your sanity.

You can't do it all, and feeling exhausted with a little baby is normal. Can you let go of some stuff (the house always being picked up, cold cereal for dinner some nights?). I have a REALLY hard time letting go, so I know it's easier said than done. Your marriage is more important than doing all of this stuff by yourself. A healthy marriage will do wonders for your child, more than having a supermom will.

If your husband is offering a cleaning lady, TAKE IT!! You can't do everything, and your husband is clearly communicating to you that he would rather have some romantic attention from you then a wife who doesn't need help cleaning the house. He can hire the housecleaning done, but he can't hire his needs being taken care of (um, technically he could, but let's not go there). Also, maybe he needs to understand that if he wants you to have energy at the end of the day, then he needs to help out more. Maybe he can be the one who gets up at 4 am with the baby (one bottle a day won't damage him). Maybe he needs to be the one who puts baby to bed or clears up after dinner. You guys can figure it out, but communicate to him that you'll have the energy to spend time with him when he helps alleviate some of the work you do to keep the house running smoothly (and it sounds like he's already offered to alleviate some of that work by hiring a housecleaner).

For a little personal time, I joined a gym. Not only does exercise help me feel and look better physically, it helps me feel better emotionally and feel good about myself. And it gives me some much-needed personal time without the kids. After my workout I take my time showering without kids underfoot, and a sometimes I will even read a book for a half hour in the locker room after working out. My gym allows two hours of childcare a day, and some days I need to take the whole two-hour break!

I just read the other comments so I hope you are ready for mine, I was a stay at home Mum for My 1st I had at her at 18yrs she cried I let her as long as they are safe they can do no harm in crying, just remember to make sure they don't go O.T.T. and get hysterical (also how will they ever learn to go with other people if you are the only person they want around) Does that make sense?
No 2 he went to day care from about 1and a half 2, can't quite remember he loved it I learnt a trade and he got to paint have fun and make friends,
We adopted no3 at 3 months (my niece but love her as my own long story) she went to day care from 6 months as me and my partner (same 1) both worked full time she loves school and being around us. She is also, being 6 years younger than my son ,the queen of drama, but you learn hard and fast temper and tantrums, and when they can't talk they cry because they know you'll come. Honest you are normal just put up some bounderies and go hard!
If you need to put the washing on go do it. Also try the pram and take baby too even in the house.
Hope that helps there is no right or wrong it's what works for you. Hope it all works out!

If you have the money, get someone to clean for you, I would! Poor thing is still getting you up at 4, that's not enough rest. My daughter just turned 4 months and I've been working on a schedule with her for about a month now. She has a bottle at 8-9, is usually asleep by 11, and then stays down till 6-8. I get a full night's sleep now, the only reason I can maintain the house, laundry, meals, etc. Try getting him onto a more regular schedule, as rigid as you want, even if it means waking him up from a nap. I hated the thought before I started, but would never go back now!

I started feeling truely exhausted when my daughter was about 6 months. It turned out that my thyroid was not working properly. It can happen to women who have just given birth. I would talk to your Dr and ask about blood tests. also nap when the baby naps! I am a stay at home mom with a 15 month old and I still nap when she naps. The laundry can wait! You need sleep to be the best mom you can! And ask your hubby to help out more! We made a chore list and he does his while I do mine. His list is maybe a third of mine but it makes my life easier.

I think you sound like a normal Mom of an infant, tired! Accept the help in cleaning for awhile or get someone you know to watch the baby so you can rest, exercise or just read a book:) around 6 months babies can be very stranger shy so its good to develop some more relationships sooner rather than later. I think this is just a hard time of mothering. Your husband should cut you a little break and sounds like he is trying by offering to get help with cleaning. Try and resist the comparisons. Time for yourself should be coveted as you are no good to anyone else if you do not find a way to re-charge! People who say they were not this tired then have memory lapses! I still feel this way on occasion and my boys are 4,8 and 10! A group of supportive Moms can help too. I recommend MOPS, google it and see if they have a meeting in your area. Best to you, A.

you know what I'm a stay at home mom of two kids and I run my own in home daycare and yes I'm exhausted at the end of the day cause my hubby wants to come home and just sit down and have some down time well so do I. So if laundry doesn't get done or dishes stay in there till morning so be it. You need to have that time for you and your hubby maybe even try a saturday morning or nap time to just be together!!!You will get it all down to where you want to be good luck and God bless

I once reminded my husband that he gets a WHOLE HOUR for lunch! And he gets to eat it sitting down!!

This is completely normal. As your baby gets older, it will get easier. Until then, give yourself a break. I would shut down after the dinner was over. We'd do the dished together and then that was it. If the laundry wasn't done, it waited until tomorrow. Didn't get the vacuuming done? Oh well.

Hubby did offer a cleaning service and I took him up on it, but it was only temporary (I'm like you, I take pride in doing things myself), but wow, for six months it was AMAZING at how much time I got back by having a cleaning service, I felt like a new woman and not so overwhelmed. So take him up on it, but set a time deadline if that will make you feel better.

Don't be so hard on yourself - SAHM's don't get the credit they deserve. It's harder that it looks!

Yes, my god, I am exhausted...baby just turned 5 months today, and I have a 25 month old. Sex? Oh please! As if that 's going to happen any time soon. Who has the energy, or time!?!?!?!?!

This is the first time in days I've had a chance to sit down and have some " me time" --baby is playing by himself on the floor; toddler is napping for the first time in weeks, and hubby is at the library.

I so love it when I am the only one making noise.

I've found that both of my kids play great by themselves in the morning. So, in the morning, I spend 30-60 minutes doing housework, different rooms/tasks, different days. The house is remarkable clean, and I have the most independent toddler I know --she will play by herself for hours. I started letting her play by herself from the beginning, and I'm doing the same with my son. Maybe you could see if your son is willing to play by himself for a bit in the morning, gradually extending the time?

Hang in there.

I agree with the other responses that it is normal. As for your baby crying if you aren't right there, a cloth baby carrier is one solution. You can get things done while having the baby right there. There are so many types of baby carriers out there that it'd help to try some out first. (If you have a La Leche meeting near you, that's a good place to ask other mothers and maybe they'll have a collection to try out.) Personally I found the Asian baby carrier or mei tei comfortable.

Nope, not just you. I'd say if you guys can afford the cleaning lady, do it. And make sure that you are napping at least once when the baby naps. This is the beginning of parenthood which means for the next two decades you will need to be choosing between things that all need to be done. I have six kids, and it is still the same, you can't do it all, you need to choose what you think is most important and let go of the rest.

As far as hubby goes, I found that taking a short nap in the evenings (about 15 minutes) helped me to have energy for the rest of the night including time with hubby. At first my husband was irritated that I would drift off shortly after dinner, but he soon realized that was what happens when I am a hard working mom and wife. He has also learned that by jumping in and helping with dinner or dishes it allows for me to get a break and be a little happier/more rested.

not just you.....but take care of you and if your husband is saying he wants to help by hiring someone....DO IT!!! That is awesome he is open to that. Get all the help you can....try very hard to get rid of the pride aspect. YOu will still have tons to do but at least have stuff done and help doing it.
It does get better:)
Does your baby cry all the time?

My son is 8 months old I only work 2 days a week and am exhausted by the end of the day every day.Usually in bed by9 with the lights out. I hear some people say my baby would stay in the swing for hours if I let her or play on a blanket. My son has never been that way I am lucky if he will do something for 15 minutes. So I guess what Im getting at is the only time I can really do anything (housework, be romantic) is when Lucas is sleeping...and Im lucky to do the housework part so I hope to read this is normal Im in the same boat(might be too early to make sense)