Husband Keep in Contact with Ex Girlfriends Parents

Hello! Based on what I've read, I hardly see any ulterior motive from the mother in this scenario. If they don't frequently keep in contact, and the limited contact that they do have is short, sweet and to the point, then I doubt she has an ulterior motive.

My Ex in college was a wonderful guy, we just weren't right together, but I still talk to his mom, and sister, I think they are wonderful women, and my hubby to be is a little weired out by it since his sister and I do not talk as often due to the age difference I'm 22 and she's 30, My ex sister is 20 and I am 22 so I was the "cooler" older sister. lol I'm on great terms with almost all of my ex boyfriends and still chat with most of them from time to time. It's sweet, of her husband, but at the same time, you always watch, look, and listen for anything that doesn't feel right. Don't jump to any conclusions just be open and honest with her husband and things will work out

If I were the wife I would not like that alt all. He would not be going out to lunch.......its weird!

The thing that stood out from your post was that they have been married for 8 years and have 2 children. So, it's not like he's waiting for their daughter to reconnect with him in order to "start his life". To me, it sounds like these people are parental role models. I actually think it's beneficial to have non-related parental role models no matter what your age is... People who have been there and done that in regard to financial planning and investments, raising children, staying married, etc.

I have a really good friend whose parents I adore. I affectionately called them mom and dad... I honestly don't see anything alarming in his relationship with them and think your friend should try to get to know them, since this friendship pre-dates their relationship and is obviously very important to him.

If the husband was lucky enough to have made friends with this couple, despite his relationship with their daughter- then you have to take it as a friendship. He is actually sounding very sincere in wanting to bring his wife and kids along on this "outing"- imagine how it would feel if he was sneaking out to meet them without the family in tow. It's hard to gauge from this brief description if she is over-reacting, if the Mom truly has alterior motives, etc. I think he sounds completely fine. I have friended ex'es and ex'es parents on facebook- you have to know your own limitations and desires, and in respect of my marriage, I would not friend someone that could be of concern. My husband actually baked my ex cookies(soldier overseas) and we sent them at Christmas. We have a different level of security than most and my husband knows my "entire world" is an open book to him. If he is not hiding the e-mails and inviting her along- these are all signs to me that he loves her and his family, he just has a friendship with the couple that has extended past the initial relationship.

Have your friend ask herself if you would even be having this conversation if it weren't for the ex? He is friends with an older couple, they like him, he likes them, and he wants them to spend some fun time getting to know his wife and girls. Where is the problem now? She needs to be the loving and supportive wife, not the jealous and controlling female that snagged what these people were hoping would be their son-in-law. Does she want it to look like their daughter would've made a better wife, or does she want to show them that their daughter really blew it by letting such a great guy get away? My son let several terrrific girls get away, but I still would enjoy seeing any of them again, kids, husbands, and all.

Here's my experience (perhaps a different perspective.) I dated a guy who was like a part of the family. He was good friends with my parents and my brother considered him a brother, and he and I were good buddies. As time went on and we realized there was more between us than "simply friends," we decided to take a chance and see where it went. Well..... in so many ways, life had other plans for both of us and we just were not meant to be as a romantic couple. It has taken some time and I made some effort to make sure my family knew it was a "no-fault" breakup and that neither of us bear ill-feeling toward the other. When I was single, I visited him again as just friends and it was awesome. My parents are hoping to arrange a visit with him in the next couple of months.

Looking at your friend's situation, as weird as she may think it is on the surface, she may be pleasantly surprised to meet these people who your husband considers friends. (The fact that he may have once dated their daughter is irrelevant.) I think it is important for her to go with their children and show the happy family that they have become. (On the off chance that either of the parents have other ideas in mind, that's really the best way to combat them.) This relationship obviously means something to the husband and there is no rational cause for undermining it.... IMO.

I can see both sides of this situation....
My husband and I are still friendly towards one of our daughters ex husbands, we knew him for about 8 - 10 years before the divorce and we love him dearly. BUT We don't approach him if he is with his new wife and daughter unless HE speaks to us first. We try and be considerate of his present families feelings and do not want to cause any friction between them.
I would say, since your friends husband has been so open and comfortable with this relationship then I would try, as the wife, to just sit back and relax and realize that there is no harm in this whatsoever. If she is uncomfortable with the idea of going to their home, why not meet at a casual restaurant somewhere with them? I would urge your friend to go along to the meeting so she isn't torturing herself with "what happened when I wasn't there".

It sounds to me like your friend is very insecure. She has been married 8 yrs and this bothers her?

If my husband had a special couple who were possibly mentors and special to him, I would support him....and be glad that he had someone he could communicate with and share his life.

Your friend's hubby is obviously proud of his family to want to share with this couple.

I think your friend needs to look in the mirror and figure out what is really bothering her. A previous poster is correct...she more than likely would not even question this if it were not an ex's parents.

Your friend should be thankful for the devoted hubby she has and support him.

Okay if her hubby wants to visit them so much then I think she should let him and that she should go also. If the ex's parents care about him so much then they need to accept her as his wife and realize that being "friends" with him means being friends with her also. If I were her I would make sure to be right in the middle of all of their interactions together. I would tell him to say hi to them for me in emails and maybe even email them myself. I would absolutely be there for visits. And I would be as nice as possible to these people. If they did have some ideas about trying to steal hubby back they would soon realize that his wife was not going to let that happen. It kind of sounds like these people still think of hubby as the guy they knew years ago and that they are sort of in denial that he has moved on--seeing the wife and kids with him might wake them up to reality. Well that's what I think anyway.

I am extremely close with my ex's parents. True I am the mother to the only grand child they have, which makes it a little different, but Mike and I have not been a couple in 14 years, and his parents have always treated me like a daughter. I love and respect them and they care very much for me...love comes in all forms and knowing that the ex gf is no where involved in the picture I have to say your friend is over reacting.

As long as their marriage is in tact I dont think she should be concerned. I keep in touch with an ex b/f's parents on Facebook. He was my boyfriend like 40 years ago.... they were just good people and took me camping and stuff and I've just always been fond of them. Best thing for your friend to do is to go have lunch with them just so she can see that it's a harmless relationship and they probably have a few good stories to tell about him. If they mention that they wish he would have stayed with their daughter, she should take that as a compliment as to what a great catch he was and thank them.
If he cares for them and she wont accept it, he'll end up having to sneak around to meet them one day and that would be what could destroy their marriage. She needs to be a good sport.

Hi,

My cousin was fast friends with her mother-in-law. When she and her husband split, she remained very good friends and would continue to visit. She has since remarried and moved and I do not know if she has continued the friendship. I would guess she does since her ex-mother-in-law is the grandmother of her children.

Some people get along with others. Your friend's husband looks up to this couple. Perhaps they are the parents he wanted. He visits them and not his ex, so I don't see the problem.

Good luck,
: ) MD

She shouldn't feel threatened; some people just hit it off and reamain in contact forever. Those good friends are hard to find, so once you do, I'd say it's a shame to let them go. Now it would be different if the ex girlfriend was going to be there. But, that's not the case and he wants to include his whole family.
I thought it was weired that my FIL's ex wife always showed up for holiday dinners. But it was great because the kids weren't torn in 1/2 and didn't have to decide who's house to go to. Everyone got to get together to see one another because the parents burried the hatchet long ago.
Another situation - B4 my husband and I got married, he'd want to go visit his old buddy, who also happened to be the brother of his most recent ex. Well, when he came up to visit, he always stayed with him Mom and you know who, so I always wondered if the ex was there. I, like your friend, had no interest what-so-ever in visiting at the ex girlfriends house. However, I did not mind meeting up with him and his wife to go out or visiting his house when we were in their neck of the woods.
If your friend would give them the time of day, she might discover their great people.

Yes, it is strange. An ocassion email or holiday card is one thing, but a vaction to visit with them is a different ballgame. If he is hell-bent on going then she should go with the kids. The kids should be told they are daddy's friends--nothing more. If she doesn't go and he goes alone, she will alwys wonder what happened/what was mentioned. By going, she will also get a feel of these people...are they just nice people, is there a motive behind this? How do you view the hubby? A family man, loyal to his wife? What about his parents are they living or deceased? Mayhbe, if they are deceased, he feels closer to these people as parental figures. What about your friends parents? Are they living or deceased? If living, is he close with them? What do they think about this situation? You're a great friend!

Really where is this woman at? We make friends over a lifetime with many people. So what if he met these lovely people through a woman he decided not to marry. Your friend is married to him and the relationship is solid. Now he's about to include her in the friendship. It says nothing about his ex girlfriend. Maybe she is married or in another committed situation.
I'd go meet them if I were her. They could be another set of people whom she values and respects.

It sounds to me like he has a sort of parental friendship going on with these people. He ditched the girl, but held onto the folks. I can understand how that sounds weird, but in reality, why shouldn't a man maintain a friendship with people he knows and respects. As long as the other girl is out of the picture (will she be at this meeting?), I see no threat to their relationship. In fact, I think it's a healthy sign that he wants his wife involved in his relationship with these people. It shows that he has nothing to hide, that he is not sneaking around, and that he wants them to acknowledge and appreciate his current happiness. If they really are his friends, and it sounds like it, they will be delighted to meet his wife and kids. They're daughter doesn't have to come into the equation at all.

So I would say go to the lunch. If it feels wierd, then she can freak out and ask him to discontinue the relationship. But she might get a great pair of friends out of it.

He formed a friendship with these people while he was in a relationship with their daughter, why should the end of that relationship mean the end of the friendship? I see no problem with him wanting to have a visit with these kind people from his past, and if she is uncomfortable with it she should go. When my husband wanted to have lunch with an ex of his while we were in Germany, I was not fully comfortable with it, but would never deny my husband the right to his past, so I went with so I could meet her, and so I would know there was nothing sinister about it. Recently, when I was going back to Idaho for a family wedding, I had the chance to meet up with my first love. I asked my husband if he would mind, and he said "of course not!". He loves and fully trusts me, and understands that I have a past that is important to me, for it made me the woman I am today. Next summer this same man may come up and stay with my family for a visit, and my husband is excited for the chance to meet him. If a relationship has trust, than revisiting ones past should not be considered taboo, since our pasts helped to create our nows.

I find this quite odd that he wants to continue the relatioship with ex's parents too. I too see that they may want to stay in touch with him in case their daughter needs a new husband down the road. Don't think that you mentioned what their daughter's marital status is at this time. is she happily married or single, I would be curious. If I were the wife of this guy I would tell my husband she prefers he not go and meet them for lunch and that she will not go nor will their kids. THis relationship needs to be looked at very seriously by the wife, is her husband trollling for the future. I would let him know if he goes with out her there ne can plan to enroll in marital counseling. He is being very disrespectful to his wife I feel. ALso how is he going to explain to his kids that they are going to lunch to vist with his old girlfriends parents.THis is very odd. He needs to be concentrating on spending time with his wife and family to improve their relationship and bond not a former flames. This guy sounds like he has a big ego, his wife needs to put her foot down. Hope this helps.

I'm on the other end. I still keep in touch with an ex's parents and have taken my kids and husband to meet them. They are great friends of mine and mean a lot to me. I wanted my kids and husband to meet them because they are all special people in my life. I have NO interest in their son, there is NO motive to my being friends with them other than the fact that they are people I admire and respect. Their friendship means a lot to me.

My husband thinks it's odd but "allows" it (that's a strong word but I'm not sure how else to say it), because he knows they are special friends of mine. And that it has nothing to do with their son other than that's how we met. Our friendship started that way but that is all. We talk about what's going on in both of our lives at the present time, not about the past.

I say if he wants her to join him great! He wants to "show her off" to his friends. I agree with other posts, if he were hiding things then it would seem odd but the fact that he has asked her to join him seems to say there is no ulterior motive to his friendship with these people. She should go with him and find out what's special enough about them that he wants to stay in touch!

I think it is a positive that he'd rather have her and the kids come along. It shows that he really has nothing to hide. This relationship may seem strange to her, and to many people, but sometimes these bonds of friendship happen and they can be a blessing.

My daughter's first birthday was held at my sister in law's house. She and her boyfriend lived there (and they each had a daughter). The whole family and some friends came to the party. I had the fun of introducing one of my mother's lifelong friends to my new relatives. The look on her face when I introduced my sister in law's ex-husband, his wife, and her daughter as part of the family was hilarious. However, that's how its always been. Once you enter our (my in-law's) family, through any means - parenting a child, marrying, sometimes even by dating, you never really leave the family again.

She should go with her husband and get to know these people. Likely they are warm hearted and outgoing people and would enjoy expanding their friendships. And, what's the worse that could happen? She could be offended or feel left out, maybe, but that would be up to her and her husband to deal with then. I'd say, give it a go!!!

I can really relate to what your friend must be feeling.
My husband is extremely extroverted and social and I am not. When I "move on" from a relationship - I move on completely.
But it seems obvious that these people fill some need her hubby has for connection. And I seriously doubt it has a thing to do with the ex-girlfriend.

I would think it was weird if she wasn't invited but since she is I think she should go or not go but don't tell DH that he can't go. I personally think hubby is a sweet guy to have older people as mentors & enjoys spending time with them or just chatting once in a while with them. It will be very healthy for the 2 daughters to see this special bond between their father & 2 elderly people.

I am also curious to know if their daughter is married or where she is in the picture & how she feels about her parents keeping in touch with her ex.

For several years after my ex & I split, I was invited to his families parties like birthdays, holidays etc. My ex & i were both remarried & although my hubby pretty didn't always want to go I would sometimes go with our children . I mostly did it because my ex & I had a dghtr & she enjoyed seeing her divorced parents getting along at family functions. But a lot of the times my ex's sisters & parents would complain to me that they hated his new wife & although they new I was happily married & in a much better place, they still wished I was a part of their family instead of the new wife. Fast forward to today, I no longer am invited to my ex's family functions because of a falling out with my ex, & he & his wife requested his family to cut off ties with me so out of respect we all agreed to comply.

Perhaps your place as a good friend is to help your friend examine some of her trust issues. Maybe she has been manipulated and taken advantage of so she has a hard time trusting the intentions of others. Maybe she has been lied to and cheated on so she struggles with trusting her husband's judgement to avoid inappropriate relationships with others. Or maybe she is insecure, and just feels jealous and resentful to these people who are so meaningful to her husband. If she understood these things about herself, and communicated them to her husband, it would hopefully make their marriage stronger. The fact that he threatened to go without her approval does reveal a big crack in their relationship that could get much worse if they don't get to the bottom of the issue and work through this. As far as the issue itself, I think she has to jump in and meet them to really understand the nature of this relationship, then she and her husband can decide TOGETHER if it is appropriate to continue. Hopefully, they can agree on it and come out as a stronger couple.

I realize you already got a lot of replys, but I just saw your post right now and wanted to respond. No, your friend is NOT overreacting!! For me, if my husband insisted on keeping in touch with his ex's parents, that would be a dealbreaker for me. That is completely inappropriate!!! You didn't mention any baby/babies, so I assume that your friend's husband and his ex did not have children together? The only reason why your husband should be in contact w/ his ex's parents would be if he and his ex had a child/children together, and I don't think they do since you didn't mention it. Your poor friend. She is being disrespected by her own husband. For me, if my husband refused to end all contacts with his ex's parents, I would look into the possibility of divorce. This is really bad, since they don't share a baby. A baby is an excuse to remain in contact. Her husband and his ex's parents have no excuse. I believe his ex's mother could very well have a few tricks up her sleeve (and quite possibly her husband, too). This is a bad situation. I think her husband might want to get back together with his ex.

No way - it's unacceptable! The relationship with the ex's parents should of ended when he broke up with his ex. My husband used to talk to his ex's mom and giver her "updates" through email and go out for dinner with her on occasion. He had strong ties with her because when he was dating his ex, her mom took him in when his parents kicked him out. This contact was shortly before we got together, but I said if he if ever did it again, I would be upset. (He hasn't.) Any ties to an ex should be left in the past. As soon as you devote yourself to someone by marrying them, there should be no reason to keep living through people that have no place in your life anymore. Especially including their children in it? That's highly in bad taste!

It's obvious that your friend's husband established a relationship with his ex's parents that has withstood the test of time and their break-up. I think it's wonderful. My ex-boyfriend's parents are special people to me as well. We keep in touch in frequently, but I always send them Christmas cards w/the family letter, catch-up with them at church or social events.... Your friend has to remember that her husband is just that,her husband. He comes home to her and her family. She married this man who is a friend and doesn't base his relationships on his relationship with someone else. Just because he didn't settle down with their daughter, they didn't quit caring about this wonderful guy and he didn't quit caring about them. Obviously he wants to share this part of his life with his wife and kids, I think it's great. Tell her not to worry, go and enjoy their company. She might see a whole new side of her husband that will only enrich their relationship.

She should go with her husband and children and meet these people.

I just recently went to visit an old school friend's parents that I had not seen in years, my friend from school was there, as was another friend that happened to be her ex-boyfriend from high school. We are all in our 40s with spouses and kids, and divorces and dogs, and no-one felt threatened.

You friend is blessed that her husband is kind and loving and includes her in his relationships. You don't elaborate on the husband, but is it possible that this people are stand in parents for him?

My last thought on this is that you should offer counsel, but no push your friend to a specific conclusion - this is ultimately something that she and her husband need to work out within their marriage.

I would have felt that was weird too but now I see how my husband and his family are with people. They are in touch with all the ex wives and husbands, etc. I thought it was inappropriate, sick, etc. I even said why do you need to call and talk to her-that's Sam's ex wife. And so on and so on. They invite everyone to everyone's parties. It seems sick to me, but he isn't a cheater that I know of (been with him a long time) and he seems to just be genuinely interested about the rest of his relatives. (He is from another country I was born here, perhaps that's why) I am of a staunch background where if you're divorced, you are divorced from everything. I guess I should realize that it is kind of nice that everyone is getting along except for the broken up couple. Except that if it really bothers his wife, then he should think about it. It sounds kind of innocent the way you put it, and it sounds like he just happens to like the parents, but it can be threatening to a spouse. Maybe she should just go and chalk it up to a dinner out, The people probably are just nice and maybe they aren't too fond of their own daughter.

I believe in this case (just based on the information here) that she is completely overreacting.

I am very close with my ex-husband's father. He still invites me and my children to holidays like Thanksgiving, and down to their vacation home.

He never asks about my personal relationships, but loves me and his grandchildren anyway. That's all that really matters.

My boyfriend is very close to his ex-wife's family. They were in a relationship for 5 years and he had been part of the family for years before they ever got together because his little brother and hers had been best friends. I don't see any reason why that should change.

It sounds like she went into a relationship seeing what was there but hoping it would change while making him believe she was accepting of it. They invited him and his children and wife over. I think your friend should absolutely attend! I think, and hope, that she will be pleasantly surprised and see why he gets along so well with them, and they seem like charming people.

If he is not the cheating type, and is devoted, I think she needs to trust him, get dolled up, and go over, and smile. But that's just my opinion.

Updated

I believe in this case (just based on the information here) that she is completely overreacting.

I am very close with my ex-husband's father. He still invites me and my children to holidays like Thanksgiving, and down to their vacation home.

He never asks about my personal relationships, but loves me and his grandchildren anyway. That's all that really matters.

My boyfriend is very close to his ex-wife's family. They were in a relationship for 5 years and he had been part of the family for years before they ever got together because his little brother and hers had been best friends. I don't see any reason why that should change.

It sounds like she went into a relationship seeing what was there but hoping it would change while making him believe she was accepting of it. They invited him and his children and wife over. I think your friend should absolutely attend! I think, and hope, that she will be pleasantly surprised and see why he gets along so well with them, and they seem like charming people.

If he is not the cheating type, and is devoted, I think she needs to trust him, get dolled up, and go over, and smile. But that's just my opinion.

If they are truly nice people and interested in his life and happiness, then he should make a point of showing them how happy he is with his family. I don't know if he has loving and involved parents himself, but even if he does, everyone can benefit from concerned friends. That they can all be civil is a good thing. It's also good that he is clearly not hiding anything from his wife, and he really WANTS her to go. If I were that wife, I would go to lunch with them and my husband and kids, show how happy we all are, and be charming, delightful and looking like a million bucks. If she picks up any weird vibes like ulterior motives and trying to fix up the husband with the ex, then she can make a break (and insist that he do so too) at that point. During the lunch, I would make a point of asking about them and also asking them about their daughter to show I am confident, not jealous, etc. I'd smile, be interested, and so on. A 3rd party can't break up a strong marriage and I would act that way. As it is, your girlfriend can't really evaluate the situation because she's only hearing about it from the husband. She should put herself right in the middle of it and go from there. If she's open and non-judgmental from the outset, she'll get a good reading of what's going on and whether or not there's anything to be concerned about.

This is kinda tough. I understand how your friend feels, though. My DH isn't friends with his ex (he'll say hi if they happen to see each other, but they don't actively stay in touch). But my MIL and SIL are still friends with DH's ex and her mom. I've always thought that was weird, mostly since DH didn't stay friends with her. I could understand it more if DH had stayed in touch. When he and I first started getting serious, it did make me uncomfortable b/c it made me think I was never going to live up to his ex. I wasn't worried about my relationship with DH, but I thought it rude to so openly talk about her in front of me and DH. SIL didn't even give my DH a heads up that she invited his ex to her wedding, and DH was surprised to see her there, as was I, so it was just kinda akward. I've gotten over the weirdness of it, though I still think it's odd. I've talked to DH about it, and so he knows how I felt about it, and he understood.

What I think is strange is that your friend's DH said he would still go even if his wife was uncomfortable with it. I don't think that's right. If my DH said something like that I'd be pissed. He should listen to his wife and repspect her feelings. She can't control if she is uncomfortable with the situation (as much as I tried not to be, I was uncomfortable in mine for a long time, but I talked to DH about it, and I got over it). I'm not saying she's right, he's wrong. But I do think he needs to respect her enough to at least give her time to get used to the idea and not be so pushy about it.

If I were her, I would rather go than not. He does want her there, and he's being completely honest about this, so I don't think he's hiding anything. Your friend needs to talk with her DH about why she's feeling uncomfortable, and he needs to explain why he wants to pursue a closer relationship than just FB friends and occasional emails.

I used to feel a little odd about things like this until I was at my hubby's cousin's wedding. I looked over at the one table and noticed her ex-husband's parents sitting at one of the tables for her reception. Turns out they're still very good friends with each other and even visit each others homes rather frequently and not just for the daughter/grand daughter.

My husband has a similar relationship with his ex-girlfriend's family. They were together for 7 years and he really got to know her parents, grandma, aunts, uncles. In fact, it was his partly his fondness for them (and theirs for him) that kept him from breaking up with said girlfriend. He's in touch on facebook and e-mails are exchanged occasionally, but he/we don't have occasion usually to be in closer contact. When our daughter was a baby, though, we all had brunch with ex's grandma and grandma's good friend. I really didn't mind. They are nice people! Instead I feel lucky that a) I ended up with him and b) he's such a great guy that families want to hang on to (he's close with my family too).
I think your friend may be overreacting. And I don't mean that in a snotty way. Sometimes we have knee-jerk jealous reactions to things and that's pretty normal. At this point, though, your friend needs to drop the knee-jerk reaction and sit down to think about exactly where this reaction is coming from. Once she knows what is bugging her it'll probably fall into one of two camps a) she'll realize she's overreacting because she trusts her husband or b) she and her husband have some trust issues to resolve that they can work on by talking to each other or with a counselor.
I think everybody has pangs of jealousy. I certainly do! But I remind myself that he chose ME. And that jealousy reminds me of how much I appreciate him and makes me just a little lovier for a while :)

ok it sounds to me that your friend may be a little skeptical about this relationship because she may feel the parents may be trying to hook him and the ex back up. but i don't think that is the case. sometimes we meet people in our lives that have such a positive inpact and it's hard to let them go! my family loves my boyfriend and he loves them. and i know that if we broke up they might keep contact with each other. but i know how my family is and they would not try and get us back together. they just really had a good relationship with each other and that it is. maybe your friend should should visit them just once to see what the deal is. i don't think her husband is trying anything slick because he wanted to include everyone. she may end up liking these people herself. i so understand where she is coming though. but it just sounds to me that he these people are just really nice people and he wants them to see how nice of a wife he has. and to meet her also! I cant stand my boyfriend's ex but he still has contact with her mother( they have a child together) and i thought this B&&^^% is trying to get them back together I JUST KNOW IT! but i met her and that was not the case at all. she actually felt that my boyfriend was to good for her daughter and that she didn't treat him right. and actually has given him some good advice when he acts up with me and how to fix things between us. and was that happy that we got together and felt i was good for him. and she has always treated me with respect and treated me nicely! so tell your friend to at lest give them a chance and meet them. she may end up liking them as well! and tell her to go into the meeting with an open mind! good luck!

k

My sil broke up with a great guy almost 4 years ago. We all love him and keep in contact with him. My sil has since married and has a kid of her own, but her old boyfriend is so kind and our friend that we still get together with him. I think your friend is overreacting. The contact isn't frequent, earth shattering and they aren't trying to get him to leave her for their daugther. I agree, make it a family affair, he, his wife and little girls can all meet them for lunch, as long as ex-girlfriend isn't there of course. Now, if he was fantasizing about his ex and asking about her and being secretive, then maybe she has a reason for concern, but that isn't happening. Perhaps she has trust issues, maybe they are founded, maybe they aren't, only she and her husband know. Maybe she should consider these people as dear friends and mentors to her husband, instead of a tie too his ex.

Sounds like a LOT of people I met in my husband's small town. The exfiance had the nerve to show up to the wedding, family funerals, and baby shower. I asked the wife, also not from the small town, if she was ok with it. She thinks them keeping in touch with each other's families is weird and unacceptable. She knows her husband won't cheat, so she puts up with it. Frankly, she knew when they were dating this is how things are.

I have no advice, but in at least one small town people do this.