Am I Crazy and over Reacting?

I dont think you are, and it seems like the only reason they arent together is because of the distance.
That is what I would have to assume and move on. I wouldnt put up with it personally.

Not crazy!

Guy has baggage. You want a guy that has less baggage, or one that can carry it more gracefully.

Dump him. He's already not giving you his full attention. Want to wait to see what he's like when his **best** foot isn't forward?

You're not crazy. This is a huge red flag, more like a oversized pink elephant standing in the middle of the room. Don't ignore it. Don't walk, RUN away from this relationship.

Without being rude - I can say - "he's just not that into you".

I would dump him. Broom him. He doesn't respect you enough to value your opinions and feelings on the matter? Dump him. He doesn't deserve you.

The only reason to get in touch with my ex is about our daughter. Other than that - we divorced for a reason. if he can talk to her that much - tell him to go back to her because obviously he's not over her. Don't be swayed by his words...his deeds are speaking volumes.

DUMP HIM! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!

She had no problem loosing contact with him when SHE was dating someone.......

Unless they have kids together and are organizing exchanges and such, yes this is overboard. Also, assume they lived in the same state, no doubt they would still be intimately dating soon enough.

Personally, I would dump him before you get too attached. He is obviously more attached to his ex than he is to you, so why waste your time?

I realize exes can be friends.. but she stopped her communication with him when she was dating someone else, so she was filling the void. But she's back now that he's single? Also, 3-4 times a day is excessive, I don't even talk on the phone to my own husband that often, not even when we were madly in love and dating.

honey, he is waiting on her. walk away.

I personally would be uncomfortable with it.

Is it enough to leave the relationship and find someone that values YOU more than other people?

You are not crazy to think that this guy is not treating you with respect. Just from what you have said in your question, I think, you are crazy to think this guy will change.

I wish you luck in finding someone who respects and loves you.

No, you are not crazy. My husband and I met very shortly after ending other relationships. I said good bye to mine and didn't look back, even though he expressed an interest in staying friends.

My husband (at the time new BF) wanted to stay friends with is ex while we were getting to know each other.

I told him he either needed to be with me or with her. He could either continue his friendship with her and live in the past, or move forward with a relationship with me. He could not have both. I was the same as you are, it's disrespectful to the new G..

My hubbie made the right choice and I hope your BF does too. Your stance on this issue will set precedence in how he will treat you going forward. Your BF may choose her - be prepared for this - but if he does, would you have wanted him if he was still so emotionally tied to her (i.e. not over her?).

In addition, if he does not understand your perspective on this, and discontinues seeing her, but resents you for it - would you want to be with him? You deserve someone who is totally into YOU, and interested in only you. Otherwise you are getting the short end of the stick.

Hold your standards high, and he will meet them or be on his way. Don't sell yourself short.

i agree with you.

if they get along so great why did they break up? i thought the same thing when seal and heidi klum broke up and then went all gaga about how they still adore each other and are great friends...

relationships take work and so often i feel like people just don't get that.

anyway, you are with him now and that's the point. they are NOT together. i think it's a bit too much personally. be careful. i would not be comfortable in this relationship at all, and if he can't see why, there will be more problems down the line.

You don't mention if he has kids with his ex. If they have kids together, I could see 3 or 4 times a week. I can't see 3 or 4 times a day. I'll bet when they were together that they didn't talk together on the phone THAT much.

I do understand that you feel disrespected, but you've only been dating for a short time. He's not solely "into" you, as his actions clearly indicate. So you know the answer to the inevitable question about whether or not this is going to get better.

I would cut my losses with this guy, because it's obvious that like Princess Di, there will always be the former woman in the picture.

Dawn

I talk to my ex several times per week, have spent the night in his home, have stayed at his house while he was at work, gone for every birthday and Christmas at his moms or at his house. Most of the time it was his wife doing the inviting too.

I am an adult and can see past the differences we had that drove us apart and can honestly say he is a different person now. She has influenced him to be a wonderful grown up. She treated my mom like her own and helped her get all kinds of help from organizations like Christmas in April. She is just about the best thing that ever happened to my family.

I would hate to think she felt insecure or angry that he and I talk, or chat on FB. It's usually about not much too. Some couples are not meant to be married but are in actuality just really really good friends, not lovers ever again no matter the situation.

If I was single, ex hubby was single, would there be something there???? No, not even a glimmer. It was a lifetime ago and I can't even really remember what sex was like with him.

She is single, if he wanted her it would be the ideal time for him to drop you and try and win her back. If he hasn't done that then it appears he has still chosen you. If you continue to try to tell him who he can be friends with or not friends with he may just decide to be a single guy again himself though.

I think you answered your own question when you wrote:

"he is still emotionally attached to this woman and just because they are not sleeping together anymore doesn't mean they are no longer together..."

Take it from there.

If you aren't running by now, you'd better be.

I agree with K R. and K1. He is waiting on her. Time to move along... you deserve so much better than this.

Time to move on. He hasn't yet, which means he's not fully available to you. You could wait around for him, just like he's waiting around for his ex. But if I were in your shoes, I'd be done.

Just the fact that you asked this question just goes to show that you know something is not right. By that...I mean....he is in the wrong....big time. I sure wouldn't let my boyfriend be talking to an ex of his...weather it be ex girlfriend or ex wife.....follow your nose......right out the front door....no future with him....that's for sure...and anyone who tells you anything thing else....is dead wrong. Life's to short....don't give him the time a day worrying your pretty little self over him....not worth it. I tell it like I see it.

The problem is you want a closeness with this man and he has this with his ex and is not likely going to elevate your status.
Sorry but he's just not that into you.
People tend to keep on doing what they are already doing.
Trying to change him is only going to frustrate you and you are not going to get the relationship you desire with him.
Keep searching for someone who'll make YOU number one in his life.
Drop this current guy.
He's a dead end for you.

It would be less overreacting if you had been dating for more than two months. Two months! Not sure how old your kids are but what would you tell them if they came to you with this after two months. I love my kids I would have to stifle a laugh.

You are right that he doesn't seem over her but it is kind of strange that after two months you think he should be so attached to you.

Oh yeah, if it isn't obvious, run as fast as you can.

He is definitely still in that relationship. He doesn't see it that way, though. This is called emotional adultery.

You can talk to him about it again, or you can leave. Your choice.

Get out. He's not your boyfriend. As long as he is carrying on a relationship with his ex, unless in the case of children, he is unavailable for a relationship with anyone else. His heart belongs to another.

Nope, you're not overreacting. He should choose you or her.

If he doesn't have kids with her, then I can't see any reason for him to still be talking to her. Out of respect for you, he should cut the cord. Especially because you've voiced that it makes you uncomfortable.

Someone else, would be thrilled and happy to find a man who can be friends with his exes.

There's someone for everyone. This isn't the someone for you. As you've read a huge chunk of your responders are confused why this is an issue for you, and the other half are full of righteous indignation for you.

What he's doing isn't wrong.
It's just wrong for you.
And it's right for him.

Yes, you are crazy if you think this is a guy worth your time. If he has not married to you or ask you to marry him, he is not committed to you. This gives him the freedom to spend time with whomever he wants.

You have the choice to decide if this is the kind of person you want to spend your life with. If you don't have a problem with it, then fine, don't complain about it. But if you don't want to be involved with someone who thinks this is perfectly okay, then RUN! It is a free country. You get to choose who you spend your time with.

Remember, you are worthy of a man who will think you are the only woman he would ever want to spend time with.

Nope not crazy, get out while you can

You have already expressed your feelings, and no change. Get out now before you get in any deeper! This is only going to get worse and you are only going to get more miserable. You deserve better.

Get another man! You will be hurt!

Hi A.,

RUN!!!!!!!!

KP

1. Judge him by his actions.
2. The situation is unacceptable to you. (Perhaps it would be OK for others, as some of the other replies indicate, but it's not for you.) Don't waste your time, please.
3. It's not going to get better.

You are not crazy. Do they have children together? If they don't have kids, they have NO REASON to be talking. If they like each other so much, what went wrong? Time to look for a new guy!

Your statement - "When we first met, he was in contact with his ex" - That should have been a big RED flag to not get involved in the first place and just move on or run!...you should not be expecting him to stop because he met you. You should have protected YOURSELF and not allow yourself to be tied up with someone who was already "appearing" to be in a relationship that obviously did not die as yet!

Nope - you're not crazy. I'd call it cheating emotionally and I would not be okay with it. Some people thing it's okay to do that, but I'm not one of them. My husband is, and we've had serious issues over it. He doesn't do it anymore as much as he used to, but it's still a battle. I doubt your bf will change, so you need to decide if it's something you want to fight with for the long haul. My hubby and I had kids when a bunch of stuff came out, so not fighting wasn't an option for us.

No you are correct. She is taking up the space that you are trying to get into.

Peace and hugs......

He definetly has feelings for this person. All I have to say to you is tell him Goodbye & find yourself someone who will give you that kind of attention & just you!!!!!!

You deserve better,
DH

aw you just touched a curernt debate in my house! You've got some wonderful responses thus far. My situation is reversed, my husband doesn't like it, never has and therefore my friendship with my ex has dwinddled over the years out of respect for my husband however my ex is now sick with a short lifespan ahead therefore I want to see him (haven't yet) but my spouse thinks it is wrong. If your BF is interacting with her on a constent basis it means there are unresolved issues with that relationship that, if not quashed, will continue into your relationship. Set a boundary that you can agree on or move on

Either they're carrying on an affair, or they both have an unhealthy attachment to each other. Either way, that wouldn't fly in my relationship. Ever. What's wrong to you may be okay to me & vice versa, though. We can't tell you how to feel or react. The fact that you are here tells us that you don't like it & think it's wrong. Now the question is, what are you going to do about it?

It certainly sounds like his attachment to her is not over. Do they have kids together? That's the only reason I can think of for this much communication between exes. Even then several times a day, unless something was wrong with a child, would be excessive.

I have a 4 exbfs that, years later, I'm friends with on FB and one of them VERY occasionally on the phone. It is not hidden in any way, shape, or form from my husband; in fact I'm proactive in letting him know we spoke. Perhaps the difference is that a decade or more went by before we looked each other up on FB and made contact, so there was closure and we've gotten on with our lives and are happy where we are. There is ONE guy in the world that my husband showed a little bit of intimidation about....he's good looking, plays an instrument, is on TV 5 days/week, speaks several languages, owns a couple (winning) racehorses, lives in exotic places....Jeremy (NOT a jealous guy) mentioned that this guy has it all and seemed a little concerned, so we have only spoken once since then (regarding real estate my inlaws purchased) because I respect my husband and his feelings. Funny thing is, this particular ex was a friend that eventually turned into a temporary fling (exchange student, toward the end of the year) and we just kept in touch for years until we both moved so often we "lost" each other until FB. He wasn't a serious bf at all, but a very good friend. But I love my husband, I care how he feels, and he is my best friend, and because my friend is a good friend and not a weird attached leech, he understands and respects that too.
There is one exbf that I sent a friend request to and said "Hey big dog! What's up?" (Very benign!) and he never answered, but I got word through a mutual friend that he told him to contact me and say that he's married and his wife was pregnant and VERY self conscious and insecure, and he wasn't talking to any female friends, especially exgfs. I am a normal person, so I respected that and never brought him up again.
There's one ex that I don't want to talk to. It makes my stomach hurt because it ended gross, and I don't think it's healthy to even deal with him. He's friends with some of my friends, but I steer clear if they mention he's coming to town. Blech.
So different feelings for different relationships. But always: if someone is truly into you, they'll respect your request and feelings. If you wrote this post saying "My bf talks to his ex once a month and I don't feel comfortable with that" then I would say you may be being unreasonable. But 3-4 times in even a week is too much, really. I would suggest that since you've said how you feel and he doesn't care, you should find your way out of this relationship before it gets more difficult, more tangled, etc. I'd hate for you to stick around, hoping it gets better, and 2 years down the road while you're pregnant or planning a wedding find out he has feelings for her that are totally inappropriate. If it's as you say it is, cut your losses and go. A 3 month relationship isn't really a "deep" one anyway.