Hello ladys I am trying to figure out my husband and his issues..we been married four years in may I have two children from my first marriage..well hubby gets mad if I spend any time with my children, they are 17&18he says they are grown they dont need me anymore. I have try talking to him, I told him im about ready to walk out he says go he dont care. Im lost on what to do? He always says mean jokes as he says they are..how would yall handle the issues? He dont even want my daughter sitting by me on the sofa thats how jeaules he is of my childern...I dont see it getting any better eithe...plz no rude comments...we been together a total of four years sorry didnt know it had to be so perfect...he wasn't like this when we got together he was a total sweetheart.it was after we got married he became a total jerk, I know he has issues his mother had mental issues..I went to visit my son this past weekend and he blew my phone up with text mesgs..saying what are u doing changing his diaper are u giving him some tit.he gets mad very easy especially if they are talking to me..my daughter will not even talk to him, she told me yesterday she hates him.
Wow, he doesn't care if you leave? Sorry sweetie, that sucks. I guess he told you straight up how he feels, I don't think there's much left to say. I certainly wouldn't waste any more of my time on a man who doesn't love or need me.
Why did you even marry him if he had a problem with you being a mom? You'll always be a mom - you don't always have to be his wife.
There is no way I would stay with a man the does not think my kids are a priority no matter what their age is. That is not ok. He's got some major issues that he need to get help for. I would tell him you get help or get a lawyer!!!
You might not like the truth. So you might believe that the truth is rude. I'm not here to blow sunshine up your dress and make you believe that everything will be fine.
It won't.
Looking back through your posts, your wedding anniversary is May 22, 2012. That's two years of marriage, not 4. Then in Oct 2010 you state that you will be married to your "new" husband one year next month - that's November 2010...so which is it? May or November? So I will assume you have been together a total of 4 years. Did he behave this way BEFORE you married him? If so - then WHY did you marry him?
You were married to your first husband for 15 years. In 2010 you were having residual feelings for your ex-husband even though he is already re-married....and you stated in Oct 2010, that you stated "me&my new husband have been married a year next month we dont have childern together.im happy with him he is very good to me& my kids so y cant i let go and be totaly happy without my ex???thankyou"
Is it possible you are still harboring feelings for your abusive ex-husband as well and your husband is picking up on that?
Either way - any "man" (and I use that word loosely if he's making jokes about your children and jealous) would be broomed to the curb.
I would go to a therapist to find out why I am making poor decisions in spouses as well. Why do I not respect and love myself enough to know that I deserve better?
Good luck!
I really want to know where you keep your time machine! Just last year you were celebrating your 2nd anniversary and here you are a year later with four under your belt!
Okay I have to know, does it really have a flux capacitor?
So cool.
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I don't even understand parents that put spouses before their kids so I am not going to answer.
Seriously, you know you need to leave him. Even at 8 months you wanted to divorce him. Please don't put your kids through this anymore.
He is being beyond inappropriate. The appropriate thing to do, in this case, would be to give him an ultimatum:
Either this stops (through couples counseling, or through force of will), or you serve him divorce papers.
And, please get those papers ready. A man who acts like this doesn't deserve to be married. He's not good enough for you and your kids.
Great fir….. oh wait. Uhm…. I got nothing.
walk.
khairete
S.
Don't threaten something you won't do, ever. I assume he doesn't have his own kids? Otherwise, I can't understand someone who would be so callous as to a mother spending time with her own kids. Sorry, but if he is so nasty to my kids, or me being with them, I would be gone when he woke up. There is NO WAY I would be spending my life with someone who is so disrespectful to my family. My kids come FIRST and my husband has known that from our FIRST date. So my advice is I would sit down and TELL him you WILL see your kids and if he can't handle that, then you will be moving on. Life is too short to spend it ONE SECOND being unhappy. Good luck.
If he can't deal with the fact that you choose to maintain contact with your grown children and OMG! SIT next them on the sofa, he needs to go.
He's ridiculous. Your children will always need you. But don't threaten to leave and then not follow through, because he knows you are bluffing. He says he doesn't care about you? He doesn't want your children to sit on the couch with you? He's mean. He's jealous of children he knew you had.
There's an expression that says, "When people show you who they are, believe them." Your husband is showing you that he is not capable of loving your children or of loving you.
Get a counselor so you can find the strength to get out of this situation.
Do you think it will REALLY get better when the kids are gone? He'll find something else to hold over your head.
The man is abusive. Right now it's about your children. It will escalate if you stay with him. Please go talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row before leaving.
These few things you've said about your husband make me think that he is emotionally abusive. A non-abusive person does not try to alienate you from your family, get jealous of your kids, or tell you how to have relationships. They also don't make mean jokes or not care about divorce threats.
I suggest that you start with counseling.
I'm sorry JcC, your husband sounds like he's got some major problems. I hope you don't have any kids with him, because for me, personally, I would not want to stay with a husband like that.
And I sure hope you ignore him and spend time with your kids. He's a bit of a jerk.
Good luck.
RUN and don't look back.
They are your children and they will always be your children and they always need their mom around one way or another and they were part of the"package" as I presume he knew you had kids when you got married.
Any man who is that jealous of my children would be gonesville.
Any man that thought he had the power to tell me how to be a parent would be my EX husband very quickly.
Find a good divorce attorney and kick him to the curb.
If he's been like this for awhile, why haven't you left? Pack your bags and leave NOW.
I'd make the choice to leave and give him the chance to make changes.
I'd be telling him "don't let the door hit you on your way out!" He's got a lot of growing up to do! NO ONE would come between me and my children.
Also, I'm not trying to be mean but could you please proofread your posting - I can't understand all of it.
Good luck!!
He sounds immature.
Those are your kids. You gave birth to them.
You will always be "Mom" to them, no matter how old.
My Dad died. I am an adult. With kids of my own.
I sure wish, I still had my parent.
Even if I am an adult.
A "child" no matter how old.... and even if they are an adult now, still have a bond with their parent.
Your Husband, sounds like he has his own mental issues.
What does he want you to do?
Not be a parent anymore? Nor a Mom?
I am sorry you are going through this.
If he does not care that you will walk, then do not make empty promises. Leave. Divorce him.
I would not tolerate a person making jokes at my children's expense. I do not understand how you are at a loss. He is a child himself.
Seriously, he needs to get real. Completely unacceptable. Did this just start or has he always been this way?
He has issues no one else can fix. Probably one bad home life.
I think Mira has the right idea.
Goodluck
