How would you tell your child that you are no longer with their dad? I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be a single mother... I always thought I would of been married to the first person I married...But that isn't the case... So how would you tell your child??
I'm so lost at the moment...
*More info*
My son is 6 years old, his dad is currently working and whille be working in another state when I tell our son and I don't know when he's going to be coming back to where we have lived at. We both talked and neither one of us hate each other so it was on good terms. We only want what's best for our son.*
At this point I haven't told my son anything. His father and I are now talking. I was the one who said I thought about leaving my husband. We both are going to try to work on it as well as each other. I have a lot to think and work on myself. For now I think my son and I are going to live with my parents until my husband and I believe we can live with each other once again. He's still going to be in another state working while this is going on. Thank you for the support and kind words. I'm hoping that this can be saved. I don't want my son to have to experience what I did when my parents divorced at 5 years old.
If don't hate each other and you really want whats best for your son you will work it out with your husband. Then you don't have to figure out a way to tell him.
As an adult child of divorce, I can tell you first hand that divorce is nothing short of traumatizing for children. If there is ANY way you can save your marriage, please do.
That said.... if it's truly over, there's no good way to break the news to your son. And I'm sorry you have to do it by yourself. Your husband really should be there to talk to him as well.
I'm w/Dana - if things are amicable, why is it beyond possibility to remain together?
As common as it is, divorce is devastating for kids - it rocks their entire world and changes them forever. I see the effects in students and family members every day. It will never be "not hard" for them. =(
I don't want to pass judgment carte blanche on divorce as sometimes there is a legitimate safety concern, etc. If that isn't the case, please try to get help for your marriage. THAT is the best thing for your son.
FWIW: I just read a longitudinal study that revealed that 2/3 of couples in unhappy marriages will become happy within 5 years if the couples stay together and do not divorce. It's worth a shot! Please consider it!
Obviously, it depends on the circumstances and the age of the child, but if you are separating amicably, then something like:
"Honey, your dad and I have to talk to you. We want you to know how much we love you and how proud we are of you. We have some things going on right now and we are going to be separating. Daddy will be getting a new home, and you will get to have a room there of your very own so you can visit him. We will do everything we can to make things normal around here just as they have always been."
And I would keep up with it too... many families who divorce still have family dinners together, go on outings together and so on for the sake of their children. Be truthful yet careful. Do it together as a family if possible. Now obviously if you can't meet those needs, or if dad won't be in the picture, than don't promise those things. Just do everything in your power to make sure the child still knows they are loved, that it isn't their fault and make the transition as smooth as possible for them.
My heart goes out to you. Telling your child (at least for me) was the hardest thing I've ever done. Like you, I NEVER thought I would be a single parent and thought I would NEVER get divorced.
Sit down with him and tell him that you and dad love him very much and that will never change, but dad and I are going to separate. This doesn't change how we feel about you and never will. We will always be your parents and we will always love you. Then let him ask questions or deal on his terms. Be there to support and follow his cues.
My children were a lot older, but reacted very differently.
Not 1sthand knowledge - but from friends in similar situatiins - Try to do it together and make sure you take the blame on yourselves. Kids think the world revolves aorund them, so he may think that He caused the problem.
Make sure he knows you both love him, and let him know that he can talk to either of you about how he is feeling about it, and it is okay for him to be sad or any other emotion, you will love him no matter what. If it looks like he is bottling it up, or starts acting out counseling may help. One of my friends kids (I think 8 at the time) felt like he couldn't talk to his folks because he did want to say anything that might upsset them.
Good luck... I will say a prayer for you!
With his age, do not use vague language or euphemisms. Make it clear that daddy and mommy are not going to live in the same house anymore, but that he will have time with both parents. Let him know that you will always be his mommy and your husband will always be his daddy, but that you will not be husband and wife anymore.
Keep it very short and clear. Let him know that things are going to be different and that you will do your best to let him know about changes ahead of time so that he can ask questions.
If needed, get him hooked up with a therapist for a period of time.
Good luck and I'm very sorry that you have to do this.
J.,
I am sorry you are going through this. In order for me to answer, I need more info. How old is your child? Will the father be having joint custody? Is there a huge custody battle ahead? Are you amicable? Please tell us more about whats going on so we can help.
