My little brother garduates for high school in may and I am for sure going down there for suport him (he lives in another state than I do). He is my brother from my father and my sep mother. I am not very close with our dad, but I do love him. My sep mother and I have never really goten along. She started having an issue with me when I was in high school. I started calling her on some things that were just wrong, and she has always had issues that my father was married befor her. I do look a lot like my mother and think that started to bother her a bit. When her and my dad Started having kids of there own she made him pick between us. He picked his family, and I understand all his reasons why he did so, but I would be lieing if I said it didnt hurt just a little. Since then I ahve been pretty distant from them. When I am in there state seeing family my dad always wants me to stay with him, and I always give in, but it is pretty uncomfortble. She wont talk to me unless she has to and ever then its pretty short one word answers. My aunt (who is well awear of the past with my step mother and I) has offerd that my family and I could stay with her if we would like. and I DO want to, but I know this might upset my father.
So my qustion is how can I bring up staying mith my aunt (His sister) instead of him this time. Or should I jsut suck it up and stay with at my dads house? I love my brother more then I dislike my sep mother, but at the rist of sounding like a child I realy just dont want to deal with all the drama that might come along at my dads house.
You're a grown up. Grown ups stay where they want. Cut the fatherly apron strings and stay with the aunt. :)
Stay where you want to stay because you are an adult and you get to choose. While he is your father, he can't dictate or insist that you wander over your personal boundaries.
Don't feel guilty for your decision. He doesn't seem to feel guilty for not checking his wife on how she treats you or how you perceive her treatment of you. Enjoy the celebration afterall that is why you are there.
You don't indicate that your father has an awareness or understanding of how you are being treated or how you perceive you are being treated by his current wife. Perhaps you do owe it to him to have that conversation but you have no obligation to put yourself into an uncomfortable situation because of his feelings. Life healthy for you and set proper boundaries. Don't permit her to treat you like that by removing yourself from her presence. I hope this helps.
Sounds like it is time for a change, since visits to Dad's don't really sound enjoyable. You've been very gracious to consider your dad's feelings. Now consider your own. I'd accept the aunt's invitation and carve out time to visit with Dad. You can't control or be responsible for how he reacts or responds.
Go and support your brother. Stay with your aunt.
Say "Thanks for the offer,dad, but Aunt Sue offered months ago for us to stay with her, so we accepted."
Can't imagine why you would be so concerned about hurting your father's feeling when he has blatantly disregarded yours for years. Other than that you must be a sweet person...
Perhaps it's time to put yourself first?
I'd go, support my bro, stay with my aunt, visit with my father and stepmother, if time allows. Good luck!
You don't have to live your dad's choices. Stay at your aunt's, it sounds as though that's the best choice for keeping tension out of the household and on graduation day that's what will matter most to your brother. Your dad will still get to see you and he really needs to understand that there are consequences to his decisions and if staying at your aunt's is that consequence, that's a very small consequence to have to deal with, he needs to own that.
If it was me? I would not suck it up. I would have a heart-to-heart with him & explain how you feel & why. I would tell him exactly what you told us: he made life choices & so did you. You understand why he's done the things he's done, but there were after-effects of those choices that are quite far-reaching. I would tell him that you're not comfortable staying in his home due specifically to the way you're treated by his wife & while you appreciate the offer of a place to stay, you'd be happier at your aunts. I would make sure to say that you still will be spending time with him, and that this is not a reflection of your feelings towards him in particular, but rather the situation as a whole.
Tell your dad you know there is a lot going on with the graduation and now that you have a family of your own you don't want to come dragging in a whole bunch of you. and just leave it at that. or do what we always did with family. stay at a hotel and say with the kids schedules you don't want to be a pain. and that you want to take them swimming each night.
Wow, you have been AWESOME about the whole situation with your dad and his infant wife. You should stay with your aunt and make no excuses to your dad. Be honest and open with him about everything you said here and why you will stay with your aunt. He is your father and should know. You are his daughter and should be heard. It's time to take the bull by the horns and get it all out in the open. You can still have a relationship with your brother and father, no matter what she thinks about it, so just deal with the discomfort out in the open and move on from there.
Bless you for considering your dad's feelings! I'm so sorry that you had this experience. I agree with the other posters tho. Stay with the aunt and feel comfortable. I agree with saying, "This is a busy time for you and we're going to stay with aunt. She invited us and I feel this is a good choice." If you are ready, go into how you feel when you're there. You deserve to be wanted and feel loved. That is a basic human need. I'll pray you feel it from others and get it from another source. But great job--you have a lot of compassion and understanding to look at it from others' viewpoint. You have such a gift!
Do what is right for your family.
When your dad asks, say "Aunt Beth already offered to have us stay with them." If he pressures you to change to his house, you could go 1 of 2 ways:
Polite way, "It will be less crowded for everyone with us at Aunt Beth's".
Direct/Honest way (harder choice, but probably better, if your dad is a normal, rational person): "I know you want us to stay with you, but we feel uncomfortable there because the strained relationship with step-mom. Just because we're not staying with you doesn't mean that we don't love you, though."
