Help Me - Kalispell, MT

C.,

I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend and I have been together since highschool and we now have a 9 month old son, both go to college full time, and work almost full time. He's been telling me since last month that he thinks that I make everything else a priority before him because I am so adament about spending every free minute with our son and trying to graduate in 3.5 years with a double major!! I thought I'd continue to put his protests off because I kept reminding him "only another year and a half and we'll be done with school" then one day he said we might not still be together by then if we don't start working on our relationship. What a wake up call! I started out by trying to make sure we had a "date night" each week where we pretended we were first dating again (I know it sounds dorky but it really works if you play along). We try to compliment each other more often and then last weekend I surprised him with a "hotel getaway" to the Hilton and we went down to the Old Market. It was wonderful!! I thought it was all about our sex life dwindling too, but once you re-connect with each other mentally and emotionally and can "talk like you used to" again everything will be back to normal. You've just got to remember that a relationship takes hard work just like everything else and as long as you both agree to work at it you'll be fine. Also taking walks helps us destress and allows us to talk, go to a new restaurant once a month just to try something different, allow each other to have a day or even an afternoon alone so you can actually have time to "miss" each other :) I know this is getting really long, but I want to try to give you as much advice as I can think of because I know how scary it is to be so young and feel like you are SO OLD!! Don't worry though just try some of this stuff and you'll come up with your own customized version!! :)

Its hard when you have a lot on your plate and no spaces left for the pleasureable things in life. ;) My husband and I have had a lot of problems with this, some of the things that we have done is invent new and exciting ways to come together--we all know strip poker, so why not a rousing game of strip trivial pursuit. We mix it up, sometimes they have to remove an artile for wrong answers, the next time, they remove clothing when you get a pie!!! Another favorite is naked Q & A. No holds bar!! Anything can be asked and everything has to be answered!! It goes from serious to game over in no seconds flat, AND it gives you both a chance to re get-to-know you. You probably have some great pieces of nighties to wear for him, well change it up and buy him some silky boxers or whatever kind you think you would like. Mine has a pair of glow-in-the-dark ones with lips all over it....;) You also have to literal schedule the spontainety. lol Call him at work with promises of what you are thinking of doing to him that night, be as graphic as you can, while remembering that he may not be alone enough or your son may be nearby. Make him supper one night naked, if you can send your son to someone else's house, of course. Let your imagination flow. There are so many great things you can do. Once we started making normal everyday things into something sexual, yet child appropriate (unless they are in another room, house, state (kidding! lol)) There are some great books out too that will help. I hope this helps you and Good Luck!!

Btw, my hubby and I have been married 10 yrs now, and we did lose that spark for a while, but now we have 3 kids-7 yrs old, 2 yrs old, and 9 months--guess when the spark came back! ;)

C.-
I'm a college student also with two small kids. What we do is have a date night. On our "date" we make it just about us. We usually go out to diner and then do something fun like go to a movie that we couldn't watch with the kids, or go hang out with friends. Just something that we as adults like to do. The kids like it because they get to spend time with grandma, so everyone's happy. If our schedules get hectic (sometimes he works until midnight) I'll have a romantic diner set up for him when he comes home. Good luck with school.

I am not too sure that I can help you with advice on this but I can certainly sympathise! I was actually going to ask for advice myself! It really seems that after you have been with someone for a while sex takes a back-seat to everything else going on in life. It feels like it just isn't important anymore and I hate to say it but it kind of takes on the feeling of being a chore instead of something fun and spontaneous. I love my other-half and wouldn't change a thing about him but I just don't have the energy that I had in the beginning. And it is hard to feel romantic when a kid can walk through the door at anytime.

C.- I am so sorry....but, I hear ya! My husband and I have sex 1-3 times per year! I work full time+ and he works full time on rotating shifts...and we have two children who really enjoy sleeping in our bed-

Hang in there! H.

My husband and I have found the smae issues. Something that does work well is to create us time, but I found that we often spent that time doing other very important things for our relationship (talking, snuggling, etc), and our sex life continued to dwindle. Something that we found to "spark" up our sex life is strip poker. I know that it sounds wierd, but it has allowed me to feel comfortable being naked in front of him again (after all of the baby changes), and we have rules that create desire. The key is finding something that works for you guys.