Friends with What?

Wow, you are every guy's dream...all the sex but loud and clear on that he doesn't have to commit to you.

Be careful please! You have a child to think about.

I couldn't and wouldn't be with someone who from the get go said they don't want anything to do with my son.

Can you say DEALBREAKER?

I wouldn't call it prostitution since no money is being paid either way.
You and he have no commitments to each other or anyone else so either of you can have sex with who ever you want (does it bother you when he does/does it bother him when you do?).
Guess I'd call it casual sex or friends with benefits.
Or STDs just waiting to happen.
You've got a child to raise and you're seeing someone who wants no part of that. For me, that would be a partial rejection right there.
I hope it works out for you, but it's not something that would work for me.

You are who he has sex with. Don't misunderstand his intentions. He doesn't want to be "daddy" so don't introduce him to your child. And layer the birth control (which you didn't mention at all).

Being used. Someone is going to get hurt in the end.

I call it stupid!! You are going to get hurt. Why waste your time with someone who doesn't want kids?? And why is that completely understandable?? You have a precious 2 year old and you are going to risk falling for someone who has NO interest in your child. What a lucky guy. Great sex, no expectations, no commitment and can dump you as soon as he feels you have changed your mind and want more.
To each his own, I guess.

I would call it heartbreak waiting to happen. You cannot have a relationship with him if he doesn't want to have a relationship with your child and it sounds to me like you are starting to become emotionally invested.

It's called a DEAD END. He likes you for sex. It's not "affection" on his end. It's sex. He'll hang around as long as you're sleeping with him. You'll never get anything out of this, he has made it clear.

He wants to use you FOR SEX, that's it. Everything else, the cuddling, the kissing, the lunch...it's a means to an end. He knows he has to do that, to get what he wants.

I sure hope this dude, who clearly doesn't want to be a dad, doesn't get you pregnant. Then you're knocked up with a baby from a "sex buddy," who has no intention of wanting any responsibility. Birth control fails all the time. This whole situation is not worth it. You are settling for being used for sexual acts. Don't be naive, it's nothing more then that.

P.S.
A man who rejects your child, is rejecting you. You are a PACKAGE deal. You can't separate it. If he doesn't want your son, you have to realize he shouldn't get you. Life is different now, priorities are different. You need to adopt a new attitude. "If he doesn't want the kid, he doesn't get me," It will save yourself a lot of hurt and confusion in the future. I would recommend you not have a sex buddy again. You're not single anymore, you're a partent. These situations are STDs and unplanned pregnancies waiting to happen. Time to grow up, dear.

I had a girlfriend that did this with a guy, and as soon as she tried to make things move forward, he left her. Of course he also was having sex with 5 other girls, and you know what his excuse was? "I never said we were exclusive, why would you think I was unless I said I was?"

Call it whatever you want to, but you are falling for this guy and you're going to get hurt. He's putting clear boundaries around his ability to engage in your life fully.

Really think about this b/c when you are really "open and honest" with him you will realize that you want a mate and he's going to walk away from the situation.

You're "20 and a mommy" according to your profile. I don't know how out of date it is, but if it's recently posted, that means you had your son at 18. That's pretty young. I'm assuming you're not with your child's father since you're dating someone else. Try imagining juggling TWO children with different father's with whom you're longer involved. Two kids is tough enough even when you're married and they have the SAME dad (and you're not having to be the sole support for both of them....)
You're having sex with this man who has no interest in being a father and 'likes' you. Since no birth control is 100% (I have several single mother friends that were on birth control when they conceived) you are basically playing with your future, as well as that of your son. The 'fun' that you're having could possibly lead to the creation of another human being that will be stuck with only his mother because his father was just having 'fun' and didn't really want the consequences that come with irresponsible sex. Is that fair?

You are a young single mother who, it would seem, does not have a lot of experience with knowing the intentions of men. Your son depends on you for everything and you have GOT to be smarter than this. This guy is using you for sex and has no interest in a future together. Try telling him you don't want to sleep with him the next time you see him (even if you want to - I know we all have our libidos as well). Or the next time after that. I wonder if your kisses will still be 'magical' if you start being a little smarter with your sexuality. Look at the big picture - do you want marriage? A man that will actually want to take care of you and your little boy? Stability? THOSE THINGS ARE WORTH HOLDING OUT FOR. Make a goal for what you want and don't settle for less. Have the willpower (and yes, I KNOW it's hard) to tell him that you can't afford to have this kind of relationship anymore. If he really wants you, he'll go along with it and respect what you need. If he doesn't, you'll hurt for a bit, and then you'll be open to find someone that really - really! - loves you. You deserve that. Your little boy deserves that.

I call it "you're his bedwarmer until someone better comes along."

You sound like you're falling in love. Good luck. Unless he changes his mind, this will end with you getting super hurt.

Having "fun" comes with consequences. If you or he is not interested in a real relationship why risk your time, intimacy and your child's wellbeing to just a "friend"...what fulfulment is in that.

Let's say you were having "fun" and you got pregnant, then what. Would you be comfortable with all the stress involved there. IMO, it's not worth it if it is not accomplishing anything - sounds like just bodies in heat!

I would call you a "booty call". All sex, kisses, and snuggles with the benefit of no commitment.

Sounds like a losing situation for you. Sorry but seems like you're more invested in this than he is. I hope you don't get your heart broken!

I'd call it a guy who can't commit and who will eventually break your heart.

I'd say continue on and have fun - but ONLY if you can accept the fact that this guy will NOT be with you and your son for the long-term. If you can't accept that, then remove yourself from the situation and get out there and find someone who can commit and will be with you and your son forever. Just know that he is likely happy in this situation cause he's having sex and fun. But he might meet - the right one and then will commit then.

And if you are looking for a long term relationship, you should get out of this dead end one. You need to be out there looking.

Good luck! Try not to get too hurt in this.

You are friends with benefits - or to be more blunt about it - you are sex partners. Since your friend has specifically stated that he does not want to be a "Daddy" and you have a child, then please realize that this "relationship" had a high chance of not going anywhere.

If you are looking for a long term relationship that will lead to commitment/marriage and a father figure for your child, know that, likely, this is not going to happen in this relationship.

You are very young - you should be dating - but real dating - dating that may lead to a permanent relationship. You deserve that.

Just keep your eyes wide open, and realize,(1) that women become emotionally attached to the men they sleep with, but not all men become emotionally attached to the women they sleep with; (2) no matter what you feel you cannot change this man into someone he is not.

But sometimes great sex is just that, great sex.

Good Luck and God Bless

My bigger question would be how is this man that is so a part of your life but does not want to be a father figure to your son going to effect your son? It sounds to me like you are falling in love, but he made his lack of commitment to you clear. You may be headed for heart break. and your son may be headed towards confusion and guilt if he feels he is the reason the man you want does not fully want you.

I'd call it friends with benefits. Even if you're falling in love with him, if he doesn't feel the same, it's still fwb.

It doesn't need a label, but I would say that you are lovers. It is OK to be with a "date" instead of a "mate. It depends on what you want.

I have been dating a man for over three years. It has worked very well for us. I told him that I've already "put a family through the blender" and I'm not ready to do that again. He's not anxious to be a dad to my 9 year-old since he has three grown kids of his own. We have fun, go out to dinner, have great sex, talk every day, support each other through the changes we are going through. Will this be "enough" forever? I don't know. But what relationship comes with any guarantee of "forever"?

you are and will keep, falling in love!!! be careful, if he doesnt want that, or you will be disappointed, and hurt.

Hi, sorry to say this but he is just using you. I've been that girl. Never works out, and we're just lying to ourselves when we say we're "ok" with it. Let it go, you deserve way better than to be friends with benefits.

Having a "friendship with benefits" can be fun but it can also be complicated and a big waste of time. If you are someone who desires to have a serious committed relationship someday, engaging in a "friends with benefits" relationship can suck up all of your available time and emotions so that you end up not finding the relationship that you ultimately want to be in.

I've had several friends who wanted marriage and children but, because of their "friend with benefits" took up all their time, ended up losing out on the opportunity to have children of their own. They can still get married someday if they end up meeting Mr. Right but they are in their 40's and 50's now and it saddens me that they allowed themselves that the compromised on what they really wanted and lost years or, in one case, a decade of their life with someone that may have been fun but was not the least bit committed to them other than to have sex.

This is really up to you to decide what you want. If you really don't want a committment and anymore children then, by all means, have some fun with this guy. However, if you do know that you want to be in a fully committed relationship and possibly some more children, now is not the time to waste with this guy. Don't compromise and don't play games with yourself, and don't pin your hopes on possibly changing this guy's mind. He's being honest with you and it's up to you to be honest with yourself.

Hope this helps give you a little bit more clarity about where your heart is at and what you want from life. Take care.

Not to be harsh, but unless you'd like to end up with 2 babies and no dad around, I'd chalk it up as a good time had and move on. The only permanent birth control is either tying your tubes or having the Essure procedure - if you're on the pill, using a condom, using the "rhythm method," using an IUD, Nuvaring or Depo shot, you're absolutely playing with fire. This guy has made it clear he doesn't want to be a dad...yet he knows you have a child and is actively engaging in sex with you, knowing there is a chance you could be pregnant again. Yes he's being honest but he's also clearly immature.

And who is watching your baby when you're spending all of this time with this guy?

I would call this "trouble." Whatever "this" is has no future. You are kidding yourself if you think it might or that you're going to be ok with it forever.

It sounds like it could be dating or friends with benefits. Since you both have discussed it already then it would be friends with benefits. It would think that would be hard. Dealing with emotions and this kind of thing would be hard. Don't know if I could do it!!

Sounds like he is being honest about what he wants from this friendship/relationship - he wants sex and to maybe spend some time with you by no commitment. If that's OK with you for the long term - then that's fine. Sounds to me like you want more which you deserve. I'm sure you are more than just someone to "hook up" with. You are a woman with emotional needs and you deserve someone who loves you and wants to be part of your child's life. I respect this guy for at least telling you what he's interested/not interested in so you can make an informed decision.

My question is - if he doesn't want to be a dad (totally fine, by the way) - what would he do if one of your passionate sex sessions gets you pregnant? Will you then be a single mother with another child he doesn't want to be a dad to? Just something to think about. Be good to yourself and find someone who wants to be part of your whole life - not just your sex life.

The most important thing in your life is your son. You are engaging in a dangerous relationship. By that I mean one that seems to be going nowhere. He says he wants nothing to do with your son. Is he young like you? If you continue down this road with him I predict extreme hurt and frustration. And you don't need that when you should be focused on your son. You need to find healthier relationships. When this one is over, try to do that.

I'm not judging the friends with benefits thing. To each his own. But friends with benefits are just that: Friends, with benefits. You guys are dating. You feel thinks for each other. You are passionate. You miss each other. That's a relationship, dear.
Here's the part I don't get though... he has basically told you he wants you but not your child. How does that work? You are a mama. How can you be in a relationship (even if you haven't labeled it yet) with someone who doesn't see a future in your child's life?

Sounds like dating to me.

It depends on what you want and what he wants. If it works for you both, I won't judge. But I don't see it lasting either. So I guess what I would call it is "temporary" It's all new and exciting now, you are both enjoying that intense physical connection. That fades in time. Then what. He doesn't want any part of being in your son's life. He isn't ready for a family, (or maybe only wants only one he creates himself). Or maybe that is his way of saying he isn't going to make a commitment to you, period. I'd also call it "risky" because if you get pregnant that would be such a difficult situation.

You are seeing eachother with no commitment. He can see other people and so can you. I learned as i got older that as long as i wasnt commited to the person i could see others as well. I just didnt sleep with them all. yuck!

It sounds like you're in love or at least very seriously infatuated with this guy, but he has a f@%& buddy. And he told you straight out that he has no interest in being a dad... or at the very least he doesn't want to be a dad figure to your child. He has no interest in your son, although if you've only known each other for such a short time (a month? 3 weeks?) then it's probably better to keep him away from your son anyway.

I would be really curious how much of a "friend" he really is if you cut off the sex for a while (like for months) to get to know each other as actual friends in the REAL sense of the word. Because right now, you're not really friends.

You are a "f**k buddy" and that's all it is to him.

You are friends - which is great - but that's all it is. I had a F-buddy once - when I was younger - we didn't want anything from each other than just good sex - and that's what we got - it was AWESOME!! I could call him and say - dude? movie? if he wasn't working - we were on.

When I started dating my 1st husband - he KNEW about my f-buddy and once we decided we were "exclusive" we still saw each other because we had a friendship...to this day we are still friends....but none of that changed because we KNEW and understood what our relationship is/was.

If you feel like you are "falling in love" - you aren't - you are falling in a routine and comfort....talk about where you are and see what his stance is....you can still be buddies and not label it.

really? i mean if that satisfies you.

to each their own i suppose

You've known each other for a month! I'd call it the thrill of new love. The extreme happy feelings are going to gradually become less thrilling and you'll be faced with every day life and how your relationship actually works.

A red flag is his statement that he doesn't want to be a father. He may change his mind. That's a possibility but you don't know him well enough to know that. Protect your son.

Don't get committed, and that's very difficult to prevent, when you're having such a good time, until you get to know him and the two of you together better. Put some brakes on this relationship. It feels like you're dashing head on into heart ache. True love takes time to develop. What you're feeling now is superficial. It's meeting your needs at the moment but says nothing about long term goals.

What do you want? do you want a long term relationship? If so I recommend that you back off and see where this goes at a slower pace. You're too involved and too excited to see a big picture; hence your question. Give the relationship some space.

I understand your driving need for emotional and physical closeness. I've had relationships similar to what you describe. They last about 3 months and end in a great deal of pain. The relationships that have lasted have developed slowly over time and involved very little if any sex. I do get attached when I make love. And that attachment is very difficult to break.

You will be in pain when the "honeymoon" phase is over and this will hurt both you and your son.

Your his friend with benefits. He has no intention just yet of being anythign else. Yes you are falling in love and yes he is your best friend and lover, but what does he call it? Is he seeing anyone on the side? You need to see if this is something worth keeping since you obviously want more and in order to get that you need to either break it off with this man and start dating to find "The One". Or talk to him and see what he says. Either way, I hope you don't get hurt in the process. Good luck mama.

I'd call it 'Friends with No Future". He's not the one. Move on. By staying in this situation you're holding yourself up from meeting someone who may be better suited for you and your child.

you are a friend with benefits.for this man to know that you have a child and does not even offer any help, and has made it clear that he doesn't not want to be a dad confirms that. i'm sure your baby is still in diapers and we all know you can never have enough!! no man i dated that had true feelings for me never stepped in my door with out something in hand for my son and some never got a chance to meet him. it is what it is.

Sounds like you are dating and with time hopefully things will become more serious. If it were me over time I would expect more from him...and maybe with time he will change and grow to want something more serious. But if too much time has passed and it just stays like this then I think I would look elsewhere for a mate. :)

Yup, booty call on his part -- and obviously he "likes" you. Yours? Sounds like you could fall in love. Be careful; he's already told you he has no interest in your child. Would hate for you to think that may change, and then it doesn't. If you're just in it for sex, hey, that's your prerogative. But that's not how the female heart/mind generally works ;)