How to Get over Someone as a Single Mom

Little children get attached to people.
They can't help it.
They don't understand adult relationships and the fact that they don't always work out.
I'm not judging you by any means, I swear, but you want to be really careful about too many people coming and going from your child's life.
Your son isn't around his own father that much so there's an explanation in the making when he's older and now someone else is gone.
I have nothing against dating, but I must say that I have friends who introduced their kids to every guy they even went to dinner and a movie with and when it didn't work out past the first couple of dates, the kids were super confused. We want to teach our kids about dating etc, when they are older.
I have a friend whose mom has been married 6 times. She had kids with all of the husbands. Her thinking was that it wasn't right to have sex unless she was married so she thought being married, even if she didn't really know the guy and he was was horrible, mean, and ultimately a loser, somehow being married made it okay.
She introduced her kids to someone "special" six times and she isn't married to anybody right now. Thank God. The last guy cleaned her bank account out and took her car.
My point is, there is nothing wrong with you finding solace in male relationships, but time your time learning about the person before introducing your child.
I have no doubt your son is adorable and anyone would love him, but think about the long term.
It's easier for someone who is dating or even "engaged" to walk away from a kid that isn't theirs than it is for a little child to understand why that person is no longer around.
Save yourself the explanations and keep your romantic life to yourself as long as possible.
I've been divorced 14 years and never met anyone I could see myself getting serious with. Having some adult fun is one thing, but marriage material? No. My kids don't even know about the dinner dates that were disasters or the guy who invited me out (with a reference from my relatives and we all went together) on New Year's Eve and didn't offer to pay for my glass of champagne at midnight.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, so they say.
It's pretty true.
My own marriage didn't work out so I never wanted to give my kids the idea that people just come and go in our lives. Not when it comes to believing we might be a family one day and that person is gone the next.
You and Tim are on the "rocks" so it might be a good time to evaluate the whole thing from a different perspective.
I have no doubt you are a good mom.
Things may or may not work out in your adult relationships for a while, but you can be solid in your relationship with your son.
That's the thing he needs to know.
No matter what, you will never leave him.

I wish you the best and hope you get some good responses.
It might sound weird, but having a son myself, I think it's really important not to give boys the idea that men come and go and that's just what they do.

That's just my opinion.

I think dating is ok but definitely don't move in or let them move in or sleep over at all. I know it may sound like a damper on things, but in the long run if you are really looking for a committed, honest relationship-that person will understand you have to put your child first. That means no sleepovers or playing house like some will say. Its way too confusing for the child.When you are dating you shouldn't introduce them to your kids until you know it is truely serious---at least 6 months or so before they meet your kids-- take it slow.... Best wishes.

Molly

I dated my husband for almost 4 month before we get married, my DD was 3 years old at the time and We introduce him as a friend going places with him but never let her see us as a couple, even after we married we didn't move together, we start looking for a house the three of us we let her share her opinions about starting a new family until finally one day she told my Husband "I want you to stay with us forever" its was the most beautiful day in our lifes ......before my DH I dated a few times but never introduce my girl to no one,
you have to be sure that you're given your little one his place in your life.
Also I don't see anything wrong in introduce friends to your kids ...(that mean no Hugs, kisses or playing with his mommy)

I am not sure how old your son is so you may not be familiar with this. Has he ever had a friend at school that decided they no longer wanted to be his friend? My kids have and holy heck the drama, why won't they play with me, why don't they like me anymore. When you consider the mind of a child it is around the same thing. Yes they are upset and there is drama but the only real difference is you feel guilty because you brought the man into his life.

It seems to me your son is young and perhaps Tim is his friend. He wants his friend but absent that he is going to make more friends. It is not as big a deal as it seems. You feel like you have taken a father away from him where he wants a friend. If you stayed with a man you are not really compatible with just for the sake of keeping a father for him, then you would have something to feel guilty for. There is nothing worse than raising a child in the "but I did it for you" environment.

It does sound like you jump into engagement pretty quick but then I may be misunderstanding your time line. Engagement and even marriage is not commitment. Yes most people that get engaged and marry are committed but if you look at a Vegas marriage not always the case. I guess my point is if you are not committed don't get engaged it is the end result of being committed not the way to create commitment.

My kids met my fiancée two weeks after we met because we knew this was it. A year and a half later we were right. We could have been wrong, ya know? If we had been wrong I would have talked to them like I always talk to them when they are upset.

I think you are putting too much of a burden on yourself when your own feelings are pretty raw. You fell in love with him, you wanted to get married, he just lost a play buddy.

I'm confused. It seems reasonable to me that once you're engaged the man is a part of your son's life. What you do when the engagement is broken is to accept that is what happened. Tell your son that Tim has gone away and won't be coming back. Then mourn and help your son mourn. Allow him to feel sad. Just repeat that Tim is gone now.

Since you didn't say how well you knew Tim when you became engaged I can't tell you how to handle it differently next time. Sounds like you'd been together for 1 1/2 years and so it would be logical that he would be a part of your son's life. I suggest that you handled this appropriately. You needn't feel guilty. There is no way to correct past decisions. What has happened, happened. Yes, it makes you sad and your son sad but that's just part of life.

I agree that when dating you don't introduce him to your son until you have had time to establish a secure relationship. That doesn't have to mean that you're engaged. It does need to mean that he's not going away anytime soon and thus requires some form of commitment. The goal is to have as permanent a relationship as is possible so that this doesn't happen but we can't always know in advance what will happen.

It takes being honest with ourselves and the man about how we feel. It takes knowing the man well enough to know that this is a serious relationship that will affect our child. Thus they have to be committed to your child as well as to you.

It takes looking back on this relationship and figuring out what went wrong when. Did you make a good decision based on what you should've reasonably known at the time? Was there a small voice suggesting this wasn't going to work that you ignored? If so then be careful to listen next time. That sort of thing.

We all make mistakes. It's OK. I'd worry if you were bringing home a different man every month or two. But a relationship of 1 1/2 years should include your son. And.......I think your son is around 2. He will forget Jim. Toddlers do not have the capability of long term memories yet.

I wish I knew what to tell you, but I know what some people would say...I've heard a lot, on the conservative side, that you shouldn't date until your children are grown because of exactly what just happened to you.

Now, being realistic, you want love in your life and that is only fair...but since it can be so hard on a child, I would wait literally years until I KNEW we were to be married and knew it was going to last.

I am sorry for your little guy and for you...I hope it all works out!

Dating someone and then eventually introducing your child to them is not a big deal, just dont bring them home and play house with them.

I think after you are engaged is a good time to introduce a child. BUT, it sounds like you pretty much did that and I think the best advice is just to tell your son that Tim is gone, Tim went bye-bye, etc. (I'm assuming he's around 2?)

things go wrong there is no right answer but I always waited 6 months. things can go wrong after 10 yrs there is nofor sure in life.but before you worry about when to bring male friends home you need to stop and consider what it is your doing wrong and need to improve on. when a relationship fails both parties do wrong one more than the other. I am not blaming or pointing fingers cause I dont know the circumstances and really dont care. before you give up on the relationship read men are from mars and women are from venus. if I had read this I wouldnt be divorced.

life is hard and being a single mom is even harder. but you have to evalute who you want to be wht makes you happy make yourself happy without a man. until you do that all relationships are pointless. you are using the men to find your happiness. you have to be happy with yourself before someone else can be happy with you.stop think evaluate the situation and fix it. for you and your son not for anyone else. pay more attention to your son take him to the park when he gets like that and if tim is willing let him visit tim alone. its not going to hurt. you have to stay busy to keep your mind off of tim and so does he. when he starts asking for tim time to take him to the park or somewhere he can have fun a friend house or what ever. keep him busy. if he is busy he doesnt have the time to be sad. grief after any loss is normal for kids and us alike. hang in there there is no right answer.