Calming Pre-Marriage Nerves...

A friend of mine gave me this advice "I'd be worried if you weren't nervous. The fact that you are nervous tells me that you are taking marriage seriously. And that's the right thing to do. But it doesn't mean you should call off the wedding, unless there is something else going on that you haven't told me."

Basically you are doing a governmental business transaction. No different than the stress of sending your tax return off on time to the IRS.
Since you have already set up housekeeping with your man, nothing should change cept for the fact that you will now call him "husband" and he'll call you "wife", and you both become each others "next of kin" which means you now have the power to pull or not pull the plug if that were to arise.
Dress up, vow, sign your contract and then PARTY ON!

It's hard to let go, isn't it?

& that's what this is: a release, a sharing of your life responsibilities. Placing your trust & honor in this man....is something only you can choose. We cannot even begin to comprehend what your relationship is or who he is.

That said, this is definitely a case of "leap of faith". Based on your words, you do have that faith....that strength.....to share, trust, & honor the chance that's been put before you! Embrace it.....be happy!

Ok, I've got a cup of coffee now, I'm ready for this!

I have come the the conclusion, very slowly, and VERY thoughfully, with relation to your situation, and Rachel's, and the other Moms taking the leap here and sharing it all with us electronically.

Regardless of the age differences, the life experience differences, number and age of children.

Regardless of money situations, living situations, In Laws, jobs, fickle little conflicts, parenting difference.

Regardless of wedding planning stresses, logistics, even history of failed relationships.

Weighing out ALL these things, FOR YOU, and Rachel, and ME.....

I have come to a conclusion, for ALL of us. Everyone of us, considering marriage, planning a wedding, especially those of us who have been REALLY REALLY skittish (mostly ME), WHOEVER our guys are and WHATEVER the ultimate out come of the marriage in question is.....

Here is my evaluation.

WHEN LOVE WALKS IN THE ROOM, EVERYBODY STAND UP!

I think it's THAT simple L., I think we are ALL thinking WAY WAY too much into it.

However fleeting, love is the MOST important thing. Love should be honored, and celebrated openly in the presence of God, the Community, both families, all kids, friends neighbors, the family pet.

Two people who love DO in fact OWN it to ALL their loved ones to publically commit to each other, as that LOVE between them effects EVERYONE they know.

Tehehe, yeah, I've spent a lot of time thinking, and with the help of your posts, and Rachel's, and all the other Moms who post with wedding questions, keeping in mind all the posts about miserable marriage, YOU GOTTA GIVE IT A GO ANYWAY!

So what I'm sayin' is, YOU'VE helped ME decide, completely change my mind in fact (a couple years ago my philosophy was, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD ANYONE GET MARRIED?!).

So thank you, L., and the rest of you ladies. Don't know if I've helped you at all, but I've learned immensely from YOU!

:)

I'm so glad you're finally asking this to everyone to feel better about it! :)

You already know what I think :)

And yeah, I'm in the saaame boat as the nerves thing, I'm wondering if that's why my stomach is so messed up! Stupid stress!! The jeweler is pretty much holding all 3 of our rings hostage, and I have to pick up my dress tmrw. Yay dress!... boooo @ REED'S JEWELERS!!

RELAX MAMA!! If we're ever in the same state, I'll buy you a drink :)

Troy and I have lived together for a while so pretty much I look at the wedding as a party with a name change. I am really looking forward to seeing family and friends for something other than a funeral.

I guess I look at the best marriages as when that is all the wedding changes. We got engaged at the point where we saw no other outcome in our lives but to be together. Now we celebrate!

EDIT: Oh gads, Grandma sounds like me. We are exercising our rights to economies of scale. :p Seriously I wouldn't have got married last year due to tax reasons. Oh a crazy note it actually does revolve around the marriage contract. The funny part is most people think the rings are the consideration it is actaully the fidelity. Okay, maybe this isn't helping your nerves...sorry.

I was afraid too!
I finally took a "leap of faith", picked a good guy and it has been really good.
It has been wonderful but of course has it's challenges as in any relationship.
Marry for the "right" reasons, pick a good man and really work at it sometimes putting your partner first.
Marry when the time is right/age for you!
I waited until I was REALLY READY and am so glad. I picked a good partner and we still have issues/problems. While it's never perfect, it can be grand to share your life with someone!
Work at it once you're together!

I remarried 8 years ago....I think I was more nervous then you! As best you can, do just what you know you should do...relax, and enjoy the wedding. I will tell you, that this is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. We did a LOT of premarriage counceling...blended issues, just about everything, and I was still not prepared for what was going to happen to me. I am not telling this to scare you, but to prepare you. You need to go into this marriage with the mind set, that this is for keeps...no disclosures, no divorce...no matter what! There are going to be times when you wish you had not gone through with it...stick it out...fight it out..it will be worth it!! One of the best tools I have found is this site..http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com/view/13. Ron Deal is his name, and they have wonderful resources for step famlies. I am currently reading his book "The Smart Step-mother"....I wish to god I had read it 8 years ago. It would have saved me tons of heartache! I highly suggest that you read it. They have one for stepfathers also. Even if you are not going to be a step mom, your mate is going to be a step father, and it will help to know what your child, and husband will be going through. I am not sorry that I married, but, if we were not totaly commited, we probably would be divorced by now! I have a long story...I feel "qualified" to give advise, if you would like to talk...email me at ____@____.com
I realize this post seems really negative...that is not my intent....it will be a roller coaster ride..but then, I think roller coasters are great fun!! Just surround yourself with some friends that will be supportive, and encouraging when you go through some rough waters.

YES or son is part of the lifetime package for the marriage, but you have dated him for how long? You fell in love with him why? He sounds like he is pretty good to you, and your son or you would not have said YES. I too had a son as a lifetime package deal. We have had our ups and downs. I pray that when the kids are gone to college he and I will still love each other till the say we die, because with or with our my son he love me for me. :_)

You have confidence in yourself and your ability to make the right choices for your son and yourself. If all is how you say it is, then I think the main thing for you to do is enjoy yourself! Be aware of your son's feelings and how he is adjusting. Don't hold back though, you are a newlywed and you should act like it. The sooner you relax and settle into family/married life the better. This is the start of beautiful life together as a couple and as a family. Everyone should act naturally, put zero expectations on each other, and have fun together. Laughter has a way of bringing people together and making them feel bonded. Good luck, but it sounds like you won't need it, you've got a good thing going and its about to get even better.

It is a piece of paper.Why should things change between you and your man? Remember,he is making a more permanent commitment to be there for you and your son so feel blessed and happy. Congratulations

L.,
If there is O. thing I know about you from being a frequent asker/advice giver on THIS site (which is only a teensy part of your life) it's that you:
1. Look at things carefully from every angle
2. Love your son more than life itself
3. Have chosen a man who is good to you AND your son.

What more do you need? LOL

REEEELAAAAAX! You'll be fine!