Woman Asking the Man to Marry Her?

Hmmm....
If he says yes...she can get on with her life.
If he says no...she can get on with her life (with or without him as she pleases).

At least she'll be wiser for asking, right?

Gender shouldn't matter in asking. I think the problems come in with why the man hasn't asked. If the mad hasn't asked because he just doesn't want to get married and is filling time with that women then her asking won't change that and he will say no.

If they are both on the same page then there is nothing wrong with the women asking. Unless you just have money to blow I wouldn't get him a ring. That is kind of the awkward part of it. Oh good you said yes, now buy me a ring. :p

I really don't think there are rules anymore, do you?
Some will tend to believe in tradition and that will never go away, but I think it's quite acceptable to do whatever is necessary to get to the end of the means.

After dating for two years I said to my (now) husband, so are we gonna get married or what? I didn't exactly threaten to break up with him but I made it very clear I wasn't interested in wasting years of my life with a man who wouldn't commit. I had a ring on my finger a month later, and this November we will celebrate our 20th anniversary :)

Now as far as your friend goes, I hope he says yes, because six years is a long time to date, and it kind of feels like a "he's just not that into you" kind of thing.

Well my husband just laughed at this question and said this is no longer the 50's. He said this isn't just a mans job to ask, if she wants to ask then go for it.

I agree.. We don't know why he hasn't asked or if it was a mutual thing why they haven't gotten engaged by now. That is between them.

As for the ring... well my boyfriend (now husband) and I were laying in bed talking about our future and goal and life in general when he asked me. There was no ring or anything and it didn't make it any less special or less meaningful. The ring is something they can do together.

one doesn't need a ring to propose. i think it's just fine for a woman to ask a man. archaic 'rules' don't work in a society where we actually want equality (and i hope 'we' do.)
nothing wrong with tradition, mind you. but i don't think a woman who wants to ask should be hampered by it.
my mother asked my father. of course, this was in the 50s, and she had good reason to........
;) khairete
S.

I'm confused. What century is this?

Depending on the man, I think it's often a bad idea. Mostly, I think it's the woman pushing the man. (At least, from the people I've known who did this.) After 6 years, I'd think he'd have proposed if he wanted.

My SIL proposed to her husband.
I don't see anything wrong with it.

They got a ring for her shortly afterwards.

A 6 year long relationship doesn't seem like it is going anywhere...she is setting herself up for disappointment. That is.....in my opinion.

After six years the guy probably knows this woman wants to be married. Since he has not popped the question, chances are he's comfortable with the way things are.

Some questions:

Do they already live together?
Do they have children (theirs or from previous relationships)?
Do they both have good jobs or is one supporting the other?

I'm still old fashioned and would want a proposal from the man with all the bells and whistles. However, I don't think I would wait six years. Rather then propose, I would have a serious talk at the beach and let him know how much she cares, but if he isn't ready for a committment of marriage, it's time to move on because she is ready.

Absolutely no offense intended - because I know you're wanting to flesh out your own opinion - but it doesn't matter what you feel about it unless you're the one proposing.

As to the general question - I file this under "tolerance".

The ring question - I didn't have a ring when I proposed to my wife, b/c I didn't feel comfortable picking one out FOR her. A few weeks after the proposal, she designed the perfect ring for her.

I purposed to my Husband.

I had been purposed to twice before.

I knew with my husband it was going to be different.

We had been together for two years.

I did it a few days after Valentines Day.

My mom and my little sister were down stairs on the Computer when I came home and told them what I was planning on doing...My mom just laughed and said ''I am not buying the dress until you are walking down the aisle''...See she had bought not one but two dresses..That is how engaged I was with the first two... both had invites sent out as well..So that fact she had trouble with me saying this was coming to me....Runaway Bride anyone??

Anyways....I decorated my room in Candles and Flowers......He came in and was beat from a hard day at work......and was just wanting to go to bed(he had stopped by on his way home from work, our parents were a block away from each other)....It took him about ten minutes to see the ring sitting on the bear...and his jaw dropped.....and then the ''I am sorry's'' starting flowing.

Of course he said yes because the history of us has been written.

I would not have done it any other way.

I realized when I was breaking up with my second fiance, that I was not looking for something typical. I did not want the Knight and shining Armour bit....I did not want conventional.

We kept them uniqueness through the wedding even.

My dress was black.

My Bridesmaids in white.

And then to add a Cherry on top of everything awesome...I had a Guy on my side.....and my now best friend Katie was on his side.

I totally dig a Girl who can purpose...It shows that they are confident....and doesnt need a man to lead the way for her. She is paving her own:)

Congrats to your friend!! Embrace her uniqueness:)

Added:

He was given a ring...That he did not wear..It was more just a symbol of the fact we were taking that step...I dont even think he has it anymore.

We are not people that even wear our wedding rings day to day....So the ring was not really something that was a must......I just did it to make it more meaningful.

She can ask but she needs to be prepared that he isn't ready. He may have some other motives putting pressure on him to "wait". But when you are ready, you are ready.

There will be another one (man) coming along and he will be ready.

It's part of the new times but I would want my man to ask me. That way I know that he is vested in me.

Good luck to her.

The other S.

PS We had someone ask about this about 6 months back and it did turn out well for both.

Not only is it a bad idea-it would be even worse to marry some lout who couldn't man up and have asked about 5.5 yrs ago! I would kick him to the curb!

I proposed, in a manner of speaking, to my husband, after we had dated for two years. But it wasn't a romantic, staged production. It was literally a proposal of how to proceed with our relationship, which we both wanted to progress. At the time, we were dealing with some confusing issues of our own, and it was a gesture I felt I needed to make to let him know that in spite of the tough things we were facing, it was worth it to me to pursue the relationship and make it something permanent. Although he turned me down at the time (in terms of setting a wedding date), it achieved its purpose. We stuck things out, and a year and a half later, he proposed with a ring. We were married not long after and have never regretted it.

In our case, we didn't view it as a "job" to be fulfilled by one or the other of us. It was simply a communication of expectations and desires. And it was not an act of desperation, but again, a needed expression of commitment. I don't know if any of these things apply with your girlfriend at work, but if she's been dating the guy for six years, just wish her the best possible outcome. After all, the proposal is really an unbelievably insignificant moment when you take into consideration all of the uncelebrated acts of love, kindness, understanding, sacrifice, etc. that are required daily to keep a marriage healthy and strong.

My husband was one to drag his feet about it. We lived together for over 2 yrs and then I found out I was pregnant. I told him that if we are going to live together and have a family together then I want to get married! The NEXT DAY he proposed!!!! It's been over 10 years now :)
So for me, I wouldn't ask - but I don't have a problem with being blunt about it either!

Your girlfriend asking is either her rejection of tradition or desperation. I think more often than not when women do this its the latter.
For me personally, the thought of the woman proposing makes me feel ill. The man will either be emasculated or he's the kind of man who leaves everything up to the woman to take care of. Those kind of men make my skin crawl. But if it works for them, who cares.
Proposing with a ring is something from movies. Its better to pick out your own.

I'm confused too... why are you so bothered by this? It's not the man's job, but it is tradition. If she's in a relationship where she feels comfortable asking her boyfriend to marry her then that's ok. Why does it matter to you? I'm sure she wouldn't give him a ring. They'd talk about it and it's all between them. I wouldn't ask a man to marry me, but that's me. If she wants to ask she should go for it. It's between the two of them. Be supportive and if she comes back engaged be happy for her!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Well, after 6 years and HE hasn't asked her, I would be a little nervous asking HIM if it were me. But that's not the question. I'm a bit old fashioned, I would like the man to ask me, but in this situation, I guess I would ask since its either piss or get off the pot! No matter what his answer is, at least she will know and be able to move forward. =)

I don't care. I dated my husband for nearly 6 years before he asked, but of course, we started dating when we were 17. We had already talked about getting married and we chose the ring together before he proposed, but he wanted to ask me, and I liked that, so we did it that way. I wouldn't have minded if there was never an official proposal, so I doubt I ever would have done it (we had discussed getting married multiple times so it would have happened in any case) but I did like that he wanted to ask me.

In general, I'm not a fan of the "surprise proposal" because I worry about a marriage that one party didn't see coming, but I don't care who does the asking. I have had two friends propose to their boyfriends, and both are currently happily married, one to a very butch man's man, the other to a soft-spoken sweetie. As far as I know, both men were flattered to have been asked.

By the way, although my husband proposed to me, I got him an engagement ring just like he got me one. I think it's pretty sexist that the man marks the woman as his, but he doesn't belong to her until the wedding. It was a masculine ring, probably not identifiable as anything in particular except that he wore it on his left ring finger. My friend who proposed to her "man's man" got her husband a ring with his family crest on it (he's Irish or something). He thought it was awesome, and still wears it today. These things are what you make of them.

Although I am the primary bread winner in my household, I still believe in gender roles. It would be very imasculating, imo. Just like little girls dream of planning the wedding, men plan the proposal. If ti's just a discussion between the two - hey so, what do you think about getting married, that's one thing. But to plan a beach front proposal, that's going too far. After 6 years, if he wanted to marry her, he would've asked or hinted or discussed it, at least! But others are right, at least she would know whether it's time to fish or cut bait.

If it's meant to be, it matters not who does the asking.
It's better to pick a ring out together - heck, ring shopping is part of the fun!
My husband and I dated for 9 years before we married.
During the process of those 9 years we both eventually knew and agreed that marriage was a goal we were aiming for.
But then we met when he was a freshman in high school and I was a senior and we both had a lot of growing up to do (and college and establish careers) before we were ready to build a life together.
He asked me, then we chose a ring together.
We celebrate our 23rd anniversary this summer and we've known each other for 32 years.

It's a real hit or miss thing. Since you're not the one doing the proposal, we have no way of knowing why they still aren't married after 6 years of dating.

I'm of the school of thought, after being together that long with no formal committment, your chances of getting a happy "yes" to a proposal are very slim at that point.

I don't care what people think today about equal rights and all of that...when it all boils down...the dynamics between men and women have not changed. If a man hasn't asked by now, he's planning on never committing. If a woman feels she has to give the ultimatum (which when a woman proposes...no matter how nice or romantically it's done...it's an ultimatum) then the relationship has probably run it's course and is what it is. She either has to accept it or move on...that is if the guy doesn't suddenly feel "trapped" and take off on his own.

I hope for her sake he says yes and he just put off asking her all of these years because of something understandable, like wanting to finish school.

I'm both conservative and traditional. I've seen many relationships through my lifetime and the ones that fail the worst and the most often are the ones where the woman has pursued the man. Depending on how old she is 6 years of dating may or may not be a long time. If she really wanted to force his hand without asking him to marry her, it would be wiser and more beneficial for her to pull back. Pulling back means - to not be quite so available when he calls or when he wants to get together, to develope friendships and hobbies that he isn't a part of, to pursue her dreams and desires without him. A great movie example of how this works would be "He's just not that into you". The advice given by the bartender about a man being interested in you will pursue you is true. Even my husband agrees and he really knows man stuff far better than any woman.

I hope this opinion brings you insight.

I don't see anything wrong with her asking him. I don't think a ring is necessary. My husband didn't have one for our proposal. I would hesitate to assign her boyfriend's motivations negative reasons for not asking her up to this point. There could be a whole host of reasons he hasn't asked - some nice and some not so nice. I think it's best to be positive and just say he hasn't asked because he loves her and doesn't feel the need for the 'piece of paper.' Some couples can go either way with their partners - marriage or not. You love each other and you are committed without or without the marriage certificate. Good luck to them.

Good for her. If she wants to marry him, then I think it's great for her to tell him that. I have no idea about the ring. I don't have an engagement ring - we just decided (after 23 years) to go and get married. Not a biggie for us - I'd rather spend the money on a house or college savings plan.

I seriously don't see the problem with a 6 year relationship. Perhaps neither party wanted to be married at the beginning and now they do. DH (now) and I owned a home and a business and had a son before we got married. We knew we were committed and marriage is just not that important to either one of us. Neither one of us proposed - we just discussed the logistics of inheritance and medical decision making and decided that being married would be the easiest option. It made our accountant happy too.

I think the man should do the proposing. This guy either has committment issues, or he is just not that into her, or else he would have proposed long before 6 years has passed. I think instead of her proposing, she needs to have a very straightforward conversation with him and tell him that she is ready for the next steps and if that is not something he is interested in then they need to end the relationship. 6 years is a long long time. Either he is in or he is out, she should not waste any additional years on him if he cant make a committment after 6 years. She should have had the convo 2 years ago really.
NOTE: I assuming these people are at least mid to late twenties... if this is a relationship that started at like 15 and they are now only 21 that is a totally different story and I would totally retract the above statements! :0)

I like tradition....Glad my husband did the proposing! Regardless of this being the 21st century there are some very good things about tradition. 6 years is a long time to date...I sure hope it works out for the best but if he hasn't shown or taken steps to initiate a more permanet relationship....I don't think it will. Like some of the other responses...it's a turn off in my opinion.

If you want something, you ask for it.. If she wants to get married, there is nothing wrong with proposing to him. And you don't need a ring to be engaged or married.

I think it totally depends on the couple. What's fine and great for some people may not be for others, so just trust that your friend knows her bf and their relationship well enough to pop the question.

i think it depends on two things.. it depends on how long youve been dating.. if its only a year or 2 and the guy doesnt seem to hint at any kind of commintment thats really risky theres a good chance of freaking him out.. i also think it depends on the guy himself.. if hes your traditional kind of guy or a very manly mans man kind of guy i think hed feel kind of emasculated ... either way no matter what the situation it definatley take balls lol as far as getting him a ring for the proposal i have no0 idea iv never known anyone whos done it before