Brithday Invite Input

He's 12. He's old enough to choose his own friends, and to decide for himself who he does and does not want to socialize with.

My first question is a safety issue with 20 boys. Us there a lifeguard at the pool. If not, 6 would be the most I would invite.

Let him come up with his list.

I see no reason to make him invite someone who is routinely mean to him.

He is at the age where everyone is not going to be invited to everything. This is a part of growing up and learning how to deal with all types of friends from all of your social circles.

Step back and let him take charge of the invites. He is learning and growing.

You can try to invite all the friends. I once did this as an adult and the party was a bust. No one knew anyone and no one had anything in common and all just sat around looking at each other.

If there are a few core friends in each group that he really wants then have those attend. It is still not necessary to include everybody as life does not do this. Not everyone wants or will be your friend. Let this be a life lesson.

I hope the party is a success.

the other S.

My son can invite who he wants within certain limits. I do require him to invite any child whose birthday party he has attended within the past year (unless of course there was some good reason the kids were no longer friends). So I would invite Frank. I see no reason your son should invite kid 7 who is mean to him.

I also require my son to function as the host of his party (he is 9), meaning he is responsible for checking that all the other kids seem comfortable and are not being left out. Parties are for learning social responsibility not just having fun and it is our responsibility as parents to reinforce this.

Your son is 12 he makes the guest list, you send the invites.

Done, next?

I think that he should make the guest list. You just send it out and collect the RSVP.

Wow, by that age I just let my kids invite who they wanted. I think I stopped worrying about "hurt feelings" by the time they were 8 or 9 and understood that not everyone gets invited to every party.

At 12, he knows his friends. Let him choose who to invite, or not. If your son isn't close with kid #7 and doesn't want to invite him, then don't force him to.

He's 12. He decides the guest list.

Invite the 2 girls, and hope they both come. If there's a 3rd your son can think of, you could invite her in case one of the first 2 girls cannot come. At 12, a lot of kids still don't divide along gender lines, especially for a pool party.

Kid 7 - you have 2 options. You can exclude him because he's a problem, and it's okay. (I have to wonder why a kid like this is still part of the big group of 7, if he's shoving everyone.) Your son needs to be prepared though, that Kid 7 will do exactly what your son did with Frank - he'll hear the other kids talking about the party, and will up and ask if he's invited. So you have to role play with your son about how to handle this. (You might have advised your son just to reply to the conversation by saying, "It sounds like you all will have a great time at your party." But that didn't happen, so you've opened the door to someone outright asking to attend.) Option 2 is, go ahead and invite Kid 7. You will need AT LEAST 2 adults to supervise the pool activities exclusively for safety concerns anyway, separate from whoever is handling the food and welcoming guests. So those 2 adults can watch all the kids to ensure there's no dunking or shoving, and immediately reprimand anyone doing it. That will include any activities that are intimidating or irritating to others, and including the girls in any games. No ganging up. If Kid 7 does anything wrong, he gets a warning. Second offense, he gets removed from the pool and the adult gets in his face about how that is not acceptable in this home/party or anywhere else, and if he doesn't think he can control himself, his parents will be called right now to take him home. If he agrees to behave, he gets one more chance. Third strike, no discussion - remove him from the entire area of the party and supervise him until his parents arrive.

Overall, I think kids need to learn to make choices and deal with disappointment. I disagree with the "invite the whole class" philosophy. I don't love the idea of leaving out just one kid from a whole class, but you are mixing up the guest list from a variety of social environments your son is a part of. And there is SOME justification for leaving out Kid 7. But you have to be willing to go to the mat with the kid and the parents - and that's assuming that you have witnessed the shoving/pushing stuff.

Frank - you're in a bind. Your kid worked his way into that party, and while he didn't have a good time, he does have, in my mind, a big of an obligation to not exclude him now. I think it's a lesson for your son in both areas to make better choices - and that's how we learn, but getting into situations!

I think you are over thinking this. If he doesn't want to invite someone, don't make him. It is his party, and he should be surrounded by the people he wants to have there.

Everyone gets left out occasionally. Sometimes it's by accident, and sometimes it's quite intentional. We all have to learn to deal with not being included.

It is good to encourage him to include kids who are often left out. But I don't know that his birthday is the time to teach that lesson.

Frankly, I didn't even read the whole thing. Just invite the kids your son would enjoy having at his party, assuming they show up. It's not worth all the stress and worry. If it becomes too much to handle, tell him he can invite 1-3 friends over to do something fun like laser tag, movie, swim party, water park, etc. That will solve the problem of who to invite since it's limited to just a couple. Good luck.

I think you're way overthinking this, just reading this made my head spin a little. You're worrying too much about everyone else's feelings, which is thoughtful of you but a little unnecessary in this situation. At 12, your son should just invite who he wants there and just let things happen. Why is there a mandatory whole class rule? Who's rule it that? As far as the girls being there, yes at age 12 they'll most likely be viewed as girlfriends.

He should come up with the list and let the chips fall where they will. It is a good time for him to realize that some kids are great guests and others are not. When things do not go great, he can own the choice. IF you have suggestions, tell him and explain why. Be honest. "I want /need Billy to be invited, because his mom is my friend and I do not want HER feeling to be hurt." Eventually most kids learn these subtle social situations and will be able to discuss with you or ask for your opinions.

I used to give our daughter a number and then let her come up with a list. Then I would make suggestions of people she may have left out. She is also a Summer Birthday, so sometimes she would forget some people.

If I had a concern about someone, I would just ask her, "and who else is friends with.." (the child), Sometimes, she would say she was their only friend.. or well so and so does not get along with her, but I do not care. "
She learned pretty quickly who was fun, polite, etc and who was kind of a pain.

Let him invite who he wants.
You worry too much about others feelings and not enough about your sons feelings.
Not everyone gets to be invited to every party - kids generally learn this some time around 8 yrs old.

I find parties at that age either go one of two ways - they invite the kids they are closest to (small party) or they invite a big group and pretty much invite them all. That's how it goes here.

I'm thinking if you have 18 boys and 2 girls at that age ... and a pool party... I don't know. Depends on the girls.

But ultimately, up to your son. I would let him decide.

Good luck :)

He should invite Frank, since he went to Frank's party. Frank had to divide the teams and it's too bad that your son ended up on the other team, but that's not a reason to exclude someone. You said that they are fairly good friends, the party was recently, and your son attended. I think Frank makes the cut.

Boy #7 can be left off. Yes, I agree that it's hard to leave one of a group out, but if he doesn't treat your son well, he doesn't need to come to the party. He needs to learn that he has to treat people nicely to earn their respect and friendship. I would feel some guilt about leaving him off too, but you're right that your son needs to be happy on his party day.

My son recently turned 8. His birthday party was in May. Back in December, he had attended the party of a boy from his class. I tried to get him to invite that boy, but he said the boy screamed at him a lot and wasn't always nice to play with (apparently the other boy gets very intense during handball games) and my son really didn't want him there. I did not make him invite him, since the thought of having him there upset my son. I felt kind of guilty about it, but ultimately went with what made my son happier. On the flip side, I did make him invite another boy that he plays nicely with, but doesn't see often, but whose own bday was just two weeks after my son and I knew he'd be invited to the other boy's party.

He is past the age where he has to invite people. My daughter just turned 12 and opted for her dance girls to come over for a sleepover - they have been dancing together going on 10 years, very close group. Two of them don't mix well, but she invited them because of the whole closeness thing. They weren't able to come.

I let it be her call. I have never made her invite everyone...no sense in making my kid miserable on her birthday.

I think you're waaaaaaaay over-thinking this. Let him invite who he wants. By 12 there are firm social circles and your son knows who his friends are. If he was 5 I would say try to include everyone, but I don't agree with that at age 12. Let him invite who he wants.

If you were just all going to have a picnic at the park (not for a bday party) I would say to invite the kid. But on your kid's bday it is the one day all year they can be a little selfish. Let them enjoy their day. And if the other family gets wind of the party and has the guts to ask why their kid wasnt invited. Tell them the truth. Their son is not nice or a friend to yours and you wanted your son to have a nice party.