My daughter's birthday party is coming up and we're lucky to have a friend's backyard & pool to use this year. Very nice. Here's my problem ~ I feel like if you're having a party in a backyard you don't have that automatic, assumed Only Girlfriends Invited buffer. My daughter has a good friend who has a little sister and they fight like crazy, making things very stressful and upsetting. So she doesn't want families invited, just HER friends. When you're taking the kids to a place where you have to pay per child it's easy enough to politely say something like, "sorry we can't afford to take siblings, so invitees only." But in this case, it looks like a party where the whole family is invited. I can't find a way I'm comfortable with to word the invitation. Any advice?
I left out that I'm emailing the invitations. We weren't going to even have a party but here we've got the place available & it's a cheap way to have the party. But the plans are so short notice there's really no way to do it other than email & then follow up with a phone call. I just hate controversy & I'm a wimp. I put in something polite as best as I could, cringed & clicked send.
Point taken about maybe needing more adults. I was concentrating on keeping it simple and low-cost. My daughter is 12 as are her guests. It's not a huge yard and we felt that it would be safe, but I do like the suggestion of allowing some parents. I've been trying so hard to avoid hurt feelings I may be going too far in the other direction!
Thanks for the great replies everyone!
Well in my world if the invitation is addressed to Suzie Smith and not Suzie Smith and family that means only Suzie is invited.
You can always put a due to space, limited to invited guests only.
Maybe you could "blame" it on the fact that it's someone else's backyard and pool and you NEED to keep the numbers down. Act like the host told you a max. number she would feel comfortable with in her pool and yard.
Address all activities to just the friend...say the friend's name is Megan:
Megan is invited to Sarah's (don't know your daughter's name) bday party.
Please make sure Megan brings her own towel and goggles.
A hot dog lunch will be provided for Megan.
Please be sure to pick Megan up at 3pm sharp.
Or make it a safety issue "Due to safety issues, we cannot ask siblings to stay for the party".
Some people will wonder why you ask this because they know only the person who is invited on the invitation is invited and therefore the entire family should not just show up. LOL I remember being that M.....
"Susie is invited to Joan's 7th birthday swim party. Please drop her off at my house by 4:45pm and pick up at 7:00. One parent is welcome to chaperone your child, but no siblings please."
You will need to be at the front door greeting because there are always a couple of moms who will try to push it. With your biggest smile, welcome them and instruct the child to go on in as the kids are right there doing x.
Then tell the M. you will sed her at 7. Even the most rude in our school made the siblings get back in the car.
Okay major pet peeve, why in the world would someone think the whole family is invited if that is not mentioned on the invite? I know they do, but I find that terrible manners. I ran into that years ago with my dd birthday party but again crazy! Sorry major vent but I just don't get parents sometimes today.
I would just say that this is Susie's party and you can pick up your daughter at 6:00 p.m.
As for the RSVP for three, I would phone and say thanks but I guess the invite wasn't specific enough. This is for the girls only. If they are going to be rude then you need to be blunt. Good luck and happy birthday to your pink bundle of joy!!!!
Due to limited space only the invitee is invited..
If the invitation only has one name on it, does the family still send little sister? That seems strange.
I would just let them know this is for the older girls..
when they rsvp and say we will be there tell them that this time it is for the invitees only
I would address it to the invitee only as well as add only one parent chaperone if a chaperone is required/needed. This way I think it is clear that the whole family is NOT invited.
Simply addressing the invite to the intended recipient makes sense, but unfortunately if that parent is accustomed to bringing both children then she won't get that hint!
I would try putting a "drop-off" and "pick-up" time (using those words) rather than saying 11:00-2:00. In addition to just having the child's name on the invite, this also implies that there is no need for anyone else to stay. I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but if you are doing a pool party my assumption is that she (and her friends) are old enough to be at a party without their parents for a few hours.
Personally, I would just put at the bottom... "Please no siblings". I wouldn't be offended by that addition. Then again, I wouldn't bring a sibling to a party he/she wasn't invited to!
Mail the invitation to only the person invited.
We decided on a party at our house last minute for my sons(9&6) and I texted or FB messaged the invites this year(usually mail or hand out invites) I said this : We are having a party for G and he wants to invite Bob this is the day and time....WELL "Bob's mom sent me a reply that bob's brother wanted to know if he could come What?! I thought do you have any other family members you want to invite? So Bob's bro came since the party was at our house but had the bro been a problem kid I would have said no and made something up as to why but he is a nice little boy and I should have invited him in the first place. Some people just don't get it. I never invite my younger son to events and parties my older one is going to(and vice versa). Kids need to have their own friends and own life. Good luck with the rest of the rsvp"s
Since it involves a pool (and therefore the potential for danger), perhaps some parents will be worried. I know some parents want to supervise closely when there are children and a pool, and wouldn't feel comfortable simply sending a child alone to a pool party. You never know what kind of supervision there will be. Will the party hostess insist on watching the kids, not letting them run and therefore slip, not allowing glass beverages by the pool, etc? (Please don't think I'm implying you would not be careful, just that there are plenty of people in the world who are not!)
So perhaps you could use that to your advantage. In the invitation, state "Since our party will be held at a swimming pool, we are being very vigilant about your child's safety, and will insist on safe poolside behavior (no running, no pushing, etc). We understand if a parent would like to attend the party in order to help assure the safety of the invited child. But due to safety issues, we must insist that no siblings or people other than the invited guest and her parent attend. Thanks for helping us make this a safe and really fun party!"
I know that was not worded very well (too clunky and too many words), but hopefully the idea got across. With a pool, you have the right to limit your guest list so that you can supervise all the guests.
I would address the invitation to the name of the invited child only. If it's okay for siblings to come it will usually be addressed Joe Smith and family. It is not rude at all to only want the invited child to attend, I think when it comes to kids less is more(more fun, less chaos) and it's okay to say so but I am more passive so I would probably just do the invitation thing and hope for the best. Maybe put at the bottom of the invite "we hope to see Joe there!"
If the kids are of an age where the parents do not need to stay than you can just say something about drop off and pick up times, and request that they RSVP so you can say something in persons to the ones you are worried about.
What if you made it a "secret-society" theme party, or private detective club or something and send a pass to get in with the invite? Maybe be super-fun and it would make it clear who is invited.
Updated
What if you made it a "secret-society" theme party, or private detective club or something and send a pass to get in with the invite? Maybe be super-fun and it would make it clear who is invited.
The invitation needs to be directed ONLY to the child invited.
I would want to make sure my point was taken with the invitation worded to the child and I might add another sentence, ,etc saying... " We look forward to seeing ____ at the party"
No, you are not having this party at a place where you pay per person, however, someone is very kind to allow you the use of their yard, pool, probably house, etc so most people should get the hint that it is a friend party only.
Are you able to call the families to clarify? I'm having a party outside the house for my daughter but am not able to afford food for the adults. I called all the parents and let them know the situation and apologized in advance. Everyone was totally okay with it. I let them know also that there was a maximum number of guests we were able to invite.
One issue I noticed that someone posted is perhaps parents are concerned about pool safety. I have a friend who is very careful about this as I am sure you are. Still, when her son has had birthday pool parties, she has always hired a lifeguard from our local pool whose job it is to exclusively watch all pool activity.
I wish you the very best for your daughter's birthday. I'm sure everyone will have a great time!
L.
First of all i would not e-mail the invitations. Wording is not nesscesary the name on the invitation is who's invited, not the siblings. I don't see how it looks like it's for the whole family when only one name would be on the invitation, stick with the old fashion way of doing things, mail out the invites with ONLY ONE NAME on the invitation. J.
You can include verbiage like "More is not always merrier...we have a limited number of people invited so please only rsvp for the invited child".
I don't like it thought because it is in the back yard party and a pool. I didn't look in your profile to see how old your daughter is (and presumably her friends) but some parents may not be comfortable with leaving their child at a party where the responsible party may be distracted and not able to properly supervise the pool.
Maybe something like..."One parent is welcome to stay with the guest but please no extras"....that lets them know the invited guest(s) is not the whole family.
How about "drop off at 2pm, pick up at 5pm" on the invitation? Have the invitation clearly labeled such as "Ashley is invited to Sarah's birthday party!!" Since it is a pool party, make sure that you will have enough adults on hand to lifeguard and be sure they know that is their job - keep an eye on the pool at all times, not answer the door or get more ice. Have a great party!
"due to limited space, please no siblings"
I like the drop off and pick up time idea!
Say that the invited child and ONE parent, can attend.
That is what many of my friends, and myself, do.
That way, you control the crowd, and extraneous family/siblings that come.
You can also add, that the meal, will be for the invited child, due to budget.
There is a limit to the headcount.
And that is what I have seen, other parents, do.
I would possibly write something like this for my daughter:
"Brynn is having a BFF birthday bash and she would like for Hannah to come join the fun" Then I would list the party details (time, place, etc..) at the bottom I would put a small note that says "You are welcome to stay and enjoy a cocktail for the moms - or drop your little lady off and enjoy some solo mom time!"
Of course you can leave out the cocktail part if that is not your thing... and you could change the verbage to be parent instead of mom if you have single parents to consider.
