How Do I Handle People Who Dont Rsvp for My 11 Yr Olds Pty Whn Only 12 Kids Are

I guess you just hand out tickets once they rsvp, and let people know on the invite if they don't get a ticket, they don't get to come.
Just where exactly is this party bus going? It sounds crazy and weird, like a bachelor party.

I would phone each parent personally and explain the situation. A phone call is more personal and you are able to convey more information.

Annette D. said it perfectly. Good luck! If any families arrive with siblings be ready to say I'm sorry but siblings are not allowed...the party bus only allows 12 kids. Thanks.

We will be celebrating 11th birthday Mary's with a party bus!

The bus will accommodate 12 children ONLY. Your RSVP is a MUST to hold your child's spot on the bus.

Please RSVP by (X date) that we may put (child's name) on the party bus list. Due to the party venue's rules, we are unable to accommodate siblings

Drop off (time)
Pick up (timef f

I would ask your daughter to pick her 11 guests thoughtfully, and to the best of her knowledge who would be likely to be able to attend. It's a little awkward to have a "second choice" list. I think it's kind of insulting, unless you can invite people from different places (neighbors vs school friends etc) and you can be super discreet about it.

An added thought about RSVP. I suggest that RSVP is a formal way to ask for a response. We're an informal society now. It's possible that some parents.don't even know what it means. Others may know but don't understand it's important. I suggest using plain language stating that you want a response. Other posts gave examples on how to word it.
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Because you're inviting a small and limited number of kids, I'd follow up and call each mom. Try not to let your frustration show. Build good will so that these moms will be more likely to rsvp next time.

if it's a big deal to you, and i get why it is, you either speak to each parent individually and get a firm commitment, or you plan a different sort of party.

you are not going to get the world to conform to your desires. and RSVPs have been a thorny point, like, forever.

you can rail about how awful the non-RSVP-ers are and wring your hands over how they're going to ruin your party, or you can take matters into your own hands.
call the parents, be simple, direct and courteous, and get a commitment. if they say they can't be sure, thank them and cross them off the list. mention that siblings aren't allowed. whatever they need to know, even if you made it clear in the invitation, repeat.

it's 12 phone calls. dedicate 2 hours on a saturday afternoon to it and move on.

if this type of thing overwhelms you, no one has a gun to your head to have this fancy a party. if you have a bash at the skating rink, or a sleepover with pizza and movies, you eliminate your concern that you'll spend a lot and your kid will get an empty card. or that she'll be 'hurt' by a no-show or an unwanted sibling.
khairete
S.

I understand your frustration on people not replying to rsvp and showing up with extra people. But come on, getting upset because a card has nothing in it and assuming coming to the party is using you for free babysitting really seems strange to me.

I can't help, but I can say I feel your pain regarding the RSVP thing. I handled my daughter's wedding - you know, where you are counting food, chair space, everything... and less than 30% of the invitees RSVP'd and we had a 90% turnout! I wanted to announce during the meal that everyone who didn't bother to drop a preaddressed, prestamped all they had to do was check a freakin box envelope into the mail could just go home. I couldn't BELIEVE how many adults would show up at a wedding where a full meal was planned without RSVPing first! I didn't say anything, we managed to seat everyone, no one left hungry and folks still talk about having the best time ever :)

That being said, you are going to have to call and personally invite folks if you really need answer. That will give you a chance to explain that no extras are allowed as the max the bus holds is 12. If you feel like you cannot make this committment, then I would cancel the bus altogether - remember, although the mom is supposed to RSVP, it will be the child who can't get on the bus who will pay the price.

Let the gift thing go - really? I throw parties for the fun and my kids want to spend time with their friends. The absence of a gift has never detracted from either of those things. A card can be "empty" - it's a card. I send many cards with just my best wishes and nothing else.

Good luck!

Oh the people who ignore RSVP are also on my pet peeve list. You are not alone.

I've thrown many parties in the past and I would call and/or email people to get a response.

Typically, I just ask if so and so will be at the party because I have to turn in my final count. I let it be known if the space is limited, ( party bus, limo, etc)

It sucks but some people have no clue about etiquette.

If these are her friends then why are you accusing parents of using you for free babysitting service? That doesn't make any sense. Her friends will want to come and you will want them there, period. If there's a limit then tell your daughter the limit and let her choose. Do you let her eat a dozen donuts just because she likes them all or do you not know how to set boundaries?
And what do you mean people complained before? Did they actually call/email you and complain about your past parties? I've never heard of anything like that. Who in the world calls a parent and says your party sucked, I wanted more food, I didn't have fun, my child didn't like it? What the what?!

Maybe throw smaller, less extravagant parties?

I like Annette's message. Think it makes it very clear what is expected.

I've never run into this issue before. I don't tend to throw extravagant parties though and typically we know the families or know of them - so my child can ask the child themselves if they intend on coming if I haven't heard back. Gentle reminder for RSVP.

One thing I noticed is that if kids go between two homes, sometimes dad gets the invite, and mom isn't aware of party, or perhaps that no one has RSVP'd. This definitely has happened to us. I found a nice reminder (either a little note wording it as something like "Just wanted to make sure so-and-so received our invite and just needing to confirm, thanks" or in an email) works well.

With the exception of one party I threw years ago for our child in preschool, parents never stayed at our parties unless they are our friends and were helping out. Made life simpler.

The please respond so we can then ask another child concept - to me, that's just poor form.

Woof. It really irritates me when people don't RSVP. TOTAL lack of regard for other people. You pick up the phone and you call them. If they do not call you back or respond? Guess you have your answer? As rude as it sounds, people can be that rude.

You state in your invite that this is a limited space birthday party bus. NO SIBLINGS and NO parents. Just the invited child. Please RSVP to let us know if you can join us for this great party!!

Personally? I think you are going over board. Why would you throw a party like this for an 11 year old? It's over the top and unnecessary. Why not just have a party? I'd save this for a "Big" year like teenager, 16 or 18.

Don't send a paper invitation this time. Invite everyone with a personal phone call. That way you can make it clear that there is limited space and you can't accommodate parents/siblings, plus you can solicit an answer either immediately or ask that they let you know by the following day.

Start now, so you have time to get it all sorted before your deadline.

You call the parents and ask if they're coming.

In the future, don't invite kids you don't really know. Invite kids that are friends, that have been to the house to play/hang out, that you know the parents of. Then you are more comfortable picking up your phone and calling them to invite them, calling them and asking them if their kiddo is going to be able to make it, etc....

When you do a cattle call style of invitation where you're inviting kids you don't really know outside of the classroom you are inviting kids you might really not like and parents that think they are invited too, I don't let my kiddos go to parties without me, not unless I am extremely good friends with the parents and I know their parenting styles and how they treat others.

This one is easy...stop having big, extravagant parties. I did one for my children about 4 years ago. I thought I was getting a great deal by getting a swimming party at the swim school for half price (my kids are 2 years apart and have the same birthday). I went out of my way to include everyone in both children's classes to avoid hurt feelings.

I agonized about the RSVPs...I am a planner by nature and I needed to know numbers to buy food/goodie bags etc... It completely stressed me out. My son had way more kids show up than my daughter. Her pre-school class was invited and only one showed. She was devastated and crying by the end of the night. In an effort to avoid everyone else's hurt feelings, MY child's feelings were hurt. Additionally. I bought at least twice the amount of food than we needed because we didn't get a good count. I spent an outrageous amount of money and it was a mess.

After that, I said NEVER AGAIN. We will just do family stuff and call it good. This party thing was just not worth the hassle to me.

On the invitation you can say: "No Additional Guests Please". Anyone else who shows up, you say: "thank you for coming by to wish my daughter a happy birthday but I do not have enough space for you to stay during the party, your child/sibling is safe with me" and walk them to the door - "you don't have to go home but you can't stay here", as they say.

Set an early RSVP date for the first list so that you can invite her second-tier friends in spots of anyone who RSVPs No.

As for gifts, she can register for gifts at stores and you can include that on the invitation: "Please bring along a gift from her gift registries at XYZ stores. (This is an expensive party on a party-bus for preteen girls.)"

All of this should propel her onto a path of popularity as a teen and gracious hostess skills as an adult. Good luck and happy birthday to her!!

ETA: Upon further reflection (in case sarcasm doesn't translate well here) - I think you should cancel the party bus in favor of a less expensive option, not worry about gifts, and try to be warm and welcoming to anyone who really wants to celebrate with your daughter. I doubt that the moms and siblings are just in it for the free pizza - they are also there to celebrate your daughter!!

i agree with the others that said to call the parents of the kids who have not rsvp'd. Let them know exactly what you said here. If they can't come, you would like to invite someone else in their place. I would usually put a photocopy sheet in with the invitation explaining all the things that you just said...i.e. invitee only, no siblings, when to RSVP and I would call everyone who I didn't hear from. It was extra work, but easier than trying to second guess everyone.
FWIW, the best party we ever had was at our house. We had a disco dance party and everyone had a blast. And it was practically free!

I actually have been having really good luck. I think the age might be why. Most people do not want to leave their 5 year old, but of course they will leave their 9 year old (and older).

1.The smaller amount (not the whole class type party) helps.
2. Contact the parent in addition to the invite to communicate. This help them understand if it is a drop off or family style party.
3. I like evite (or similar). It lets me know if the person viewed it as opposed to thinking the child lost the paper invitation.
4. Be okay if only 8 kids show up even if 12 are allowed (or you paid for up to 12. Don't get upset that 4 spot could have been used if so and so didn't cancel day of).
5. Could you error on the side of inviting 10 allowing for the 2 'available' spot incase a new/forgotten friend just has to be invited.
6. I was a bit strategic when helping my son with the guest list that has a limit of 10. If there was a brother combo, I told him if he want both boys to come to invite, but don't invite if you only want one brother. This was based off past experience with the family. They are an all or nothing type. We decided since it was a small party and the boy is not a 'best friend' to not invite either. My son had 18 kids on the list and managed to narrow it to 10. All ten came and RSVPed in a timely fashion.
7. You might want a mom friend to stay and help or talk to since 11 year olds will be able to handle themselves with out much help from you.
8. If you do feel you need leave a sibling out, I do think you need to call the parent and explain the invitation. Most understand, but if the sisters are 9 and 11 they may not.

Just be blunt in the invite: Head count is needed so please sound off so we can save your seat! Appreciate it!!

I'm sure it will be great!

Just say on the invite point blank that there are only 12 spaces so please RSVP or they will be marked a no, and include something that says please no additional guests. Let the parents know what the party is so they understand why you have to be firm on number of guests and understand why they can not just pay for additional kids. In the future when you have parties that you pay for by person I would include that entry for the invited kid is included but any additional guests will have to pay their own entry so there is no confusion.

As for the gift issue, let it go. Some people don't have a lot of extra money and even $20 can be a hardship, would you really exclude that child from the fun because their parents are too poor for a fancy gift? I would not register as another poster recommended, registries are for weddings and baby showers, major life events, not birthday parties. JMO of course, but I would find the inclusion of registry information for a child's birthday incredibly tacky.

I'm really blown away by people's lack of manners, and I can only imagine that a) they weren't taught and b) they've gotten away with it because too many host families put up with it.

First off, only have the party you can afford. If it's not worth it to hire the bus for 4 kids when the price covers 12, rethink your decision. Some people might think, "Well, you had $350 to spend, and you spent it. What's the problem?" I know it sounds cruel, but it's likely to happen. Somebody really snarky might think, "Oh, she only wanted to spend $350 if she took in gifts from 11 kids rather than 4?" I know that's not at all what you're thinking - you're thinking your child is expecting 11 friends and will be disappointed if only 4 come. But she's got to learn to issue invitations and be happy with who comes, not letting anyone think they aren't important enough for her to enjoy herself without more kids.

I think people are going way overboard on "event" style parties for kids who are too young. Parents are still often in the "hang out and bring the siblings" mode from younger kid parties where children are too young to be left alone or where parents are needed to help with supervision (pool parties are the big ones in that category). The other problem is the "whole class" sort of party, with 35-40 guests, where truthfully one extra person doesn't matter and the invited guests don't feel they are all that special. I think these huge extravaganzas also result in the birthday child never opening a gift in front of the giver, so no one learns the manners associated with "I love it! Thanks for thinking of me!" and "I'm so glad you like it!" And of course there are no thank you notes because the birthday child cannot manage 40 notes and has no idea what came from whom. So I think the habits of other people and these party customs sort of contribute to the depersonalization of the party, and that makes the invited people think it's like showing up (or not) at the elementary school ice cream social vs. a personal party.

I also think it's okay to greet the surprise guest at the door with a look of shock and some stammering along the lines of "Oh my, I had no idea you were coming. We never heard a word. Umm...well, let me see if I can find an extra chair." That family won't do it again.

I think you can use Annette D's wording, but as she says, be aware that it sets up the 2nd tier of invited guests for knowing that they were not on the first list, and it risks the 1st tier letting it spill to the 2nd group that "you're only going because I couldn't." I mean, kids this age do say dumb stuff.

Hope it works out!

You might consider issuing a "ticket" inside the invitation/envelope that says bold on it, "Admits ONE" and state that the invitee must have their ticket in order to board the party bus. Explain in the invitation what is going to happen, and that they must bring their admission ticket to board. Make the RSVP portion bold as well.

That's what I would suggest.

what Annette D. said. thats what i would do.