my son is 22 months old. all he does anymore is cry and throw fits over everything. he also refuses to listen to me. if anyone has any advise on how to deal with one or both of these problems i woulld really appreciate it.
I would like to thank everybody for their advise. I will try out what everyone has said and let you know how it worked out. once again thank you to everyone for the advise.
I found the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" to be very helpful with this stuff. It pretty much talk about everything everyone here is mentioning but in greater very practical detail.
Come to think of it I need to pull it back out.
I would agree that your son is probably picking up on your stress and anxiety levels. While it is best not to reward the behavior, it is also important that he feel safe and secure. Try to stay relaxed and calm when you are dealing with him. It may help if you can spend some quality time together, particularly at times when he is already calm. Try going for a walk and looking for interesting rocks, leaves, bugs, baking cookies together, reading, dancing and being silly to fun music, anything that you can enjoy together. This will help to strengthen your bond and will also help you both to relax. I'm sure that this is a very stressful time for you, and you are probably overwhelmed, but hang in there, and remember, there are lots of caring Moms who are happy to listen and offer their help when you need it. Good luck!
I have a 21 mth old boy and he throws tantrums when he is told no or doesn't get what he wants. I ignore the tantrums. I found that they were a cry for attention. I started giving him more attention when he was good as well. He seems to be doing better, but this is the beginning of what people refer to as the TERRIBLE TWOS. It is a stage all kids go through (some worse than others) and we just have to work throughit with them.
Ignore him when he does this. Make sure he is someplace safe and just leave him alone. When he is done, he will come find you. Kids somethings get upset, frustrated, whatever and need to let out their emotions. When he realizes you won't react to this behavior he will stop.
ok First of if he is throwing a fit for no reason then he is probably wanting attention and ignoring your child when they want you is not right he is going through a big change and is just looking for you to be there to comfort him. Next if you ask him to do something or to stop doing something and he throws a fit then I fully agree he needs a time out I think 10 minutes is a little to long for his age. Try this find a place a chair, stair step, rug anything that is in a quiet place and at my house we call that place the naughty step. (We use the bottom step at our staircase) and when my 2 1/2 year old is bad and doesn't listen then he goes there for 2 1/2 minutes. You get the time by the age of the child. At first he didn't want to stay there but I reinforced it and now he hardly ever has time outs cause when I say no or ask him to do something it means buisness. You need to put your foot down now cause the older they get the harder it is. If you reinforce your disipline it works
I know why he is doing it. You are seperating from his dad. Kids can sense stuff. He is acting out because of this reason. When he has these fits do you go over to him and yell or anything? He may continue to do it because he sees that you are paying attention to them. Try ignoring him when he throws his fits this may work. This kind of situation is very complicated and it is hard to give advice on it. If after ignoring him a few times he still does it then try time out for 10 minutes. The best places for time out spots are places where there isn't a lot of activity and where he can sit in the quiet for awhile and think. Also some place where you can see him or he isn't to far from your sight.
Let's start with the crying. Try asking him what he is crying for and if he cries while talking to you tell him you can't understand him when he is crying that he needs to stop and then tell you what is wrong. If he then throws a fit give him a time out. Take away whatever it is he likes to do the most and don't give in just because you might feel you can't handle it. It may be tougher on you at first to follow through but if you keep with the discipline he will gradually see that you mean business. Whenever he does follow your direction or does what you ask him too and is good then reward him.
"One important thing to understand about tantrums is that they are normal behavior, and should therefore not be punished. Toddlers are supposed to have tantrums. Your goal at this age should not be to stop your child's tantrums, but rather to guide your child through them and to minimize the situations that might elicit a tantrum."
http://askdrsears.com/faq/db6.asp
Toddlers understand A LOT more than they can communicate to us because they're just learning to talk. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to want to express something but not have the words? Please imagine yourself in your child's situation - help him express himself by labelling for him ("I see you are frustrated/angry/sad" or "I understand that you don't want to stop playing - it's hard to put toys away when you're having so much fun with them"). PLEASE don't just ignore him or punish him (ugh, time out for 10 minutes? totally not appropriate for his age!), especially since it sounds like you're "becoming a single mom" which I assume means that there are other things going on that could be making your son feel very insecure.
More on preventing tantrums here:
http://askdrsears.com/html/6/t063300.asp
Also, children absolutely are sensitive to stress levels in the home, so if you're separating from his dad or from a boyfriend, your son is probably trying to deal with this too.
A few suggestions:
* Sign language - go to your local library and check out the "Signing Time" DVDs which you & your son can watch together and he can use the signs to express himself and have fewer tantrums
* When he's the most upset is when he probably needs you the most! Though others have suggested ignoring him, I suggest that you gently let him know that you are there ("I see you are very upset, and I'm right here if you need me") and stay close, read a book or magazine, and just let him get his frustration out. If he needs a hug, give him one. If he doesn't want to be touched, let him have his space. He is still very young, very much a baby, and this tantruming phase will not last. :)
* Distraction. Another mom suggested changing the scenery, which I think is a great suggestion - take a walk, go to a park and let him run around and work off some energy, read a book. Do something positive together to change the mood.
* Expectations. Please read about your 2 yr old - if you expect your 2 yr old to act *older* than he can, you will be frustrated and so will he! If you know what is normal 2 yr old behavior, you will likely be less frustrated by it.
* Read "The Discipline Book" by Dr. Sears for other really good developmental/age related information and suggestions for how to discipline at different ages
Walk away! My oldest used to do this and my mom told me to walk away and ignore him. It worked for mine, may or may not for yours. Girls at work used to tell me little children, little problems. Big kids, big problems. I thought yea, yea...
It's very true. My temper tantrum child is now 21, others are 18, 13, and 9. Boy, do the problems get bigger. Get a hold of him now and let him know who's boss. Getting attention in a negative way is not something you want to continue. Good luck~
