19Mo All About Mommy, Daddy Is Sad...

More of the same affirmations! My little guy loves his daddy, but sometimes no one else will do if i'm around. Fortunately(?) i work at night, so dad gets to put Connor through the bedtime routine. Still, though, if I'm home, I'm the love of his life.

It's not just because you're a SAHM, it's because you're Mom. Babies love Mom; she's #1 for the first few years. He'll get past it and Dad will be just as good, maybe even better.

I've read many of the responses and agree with them. This is a phase that will eventually pass. I have 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl, and all 3 are still going through it, even though my oldest is 8. Now it's to the point where Daddy's the one they want to pick them up from school 'cause he's the fun one and doesn't take them grocery shopping or to Wal-mart. But come bathtime and bedtime it's "Mommy, you need to come upstairs with me! Mommy, read me a story! Mommy, scratch my back!!!!!!!" And let's not forget whose name they yell at 3am when they wake up for some reason, but only Daddy's allowed to take them camping in the backyard. It'll pass, it'll change, and it'll be alright.

Hey M.! Take a break, enjoy a "mom's night out" and let your boys bond without you around. Leave him with Dad to go grocery shopping or to the mall. Tell you hubby this is natural as you are home with him 24/7. It is hard not to take it personally...I could never put my oldest to bed. I worked nights almost 5 days a week when my oldest was a baby. The idea was that the sitter wouldn't have her more than 4 hours a day between the time that I went to work and my hubby got home. We were keeping expenses down and I didn't feel like my sitter was raising my daughter...good idea right? Well, it was until I realized that 5 days a week Daddy & baby had a routine that I screwed up when I was home. I could NEVER get her to sleep on my nights off. I can't tell you how many nights I would be in tears because I would have to leave the house for an hour so that my hubby could put her to bed...she was too excited when I was there. It got easier when we had #2 and even more when we had #3. Tell hubby to hang in there and find reasons to leave them home alone when you can! Good luck & best wishes.

My son is going to be 11 yrs. old on July 2nd and I miss those days soooo much. He is the only boy out of four children and the apple of my eye. From the time he was born until about 5-6 yrs. old I was his world. Now I very rarely get his attention. He and his dad are "buddies". He feels we have nothing in common. He and his dad talk sports, rock n roll, and take rides to Home Depot. I want my mommy time back....So cherish it!

I have four boys and I let them tell me who they need to spend time with. It can be frustrating. I have a daddys boy right now and daddy has to do everything! Its frustrating becuase its with every little thing like his shoes etc. Sometimes he cries becuase daddy cant do it becuase hes not here and he still cries.
I am glad though they have a special bond and I just take it as right now he feels he needs to bond with his daddy. I figure if I lisgten to that when he is a teenager he will let me know when needs me and when he needs his dad. He will just feel it and feel secure.
My baby is a mommys boy nad so is my oldest. They tend to go back and forth somewhat to as they get older. Tell your husband to keep up the good work by being so involved! It will go a long way in their relationship.
If you do need a break from your son just have your husband say mummy is having mummy time and she will come and read you book before bed and snuggle you. That way he knows you'll be coming. Tell him he does nt need to take it personally, he sounds like a wonderful dad!

Tell your husband not to worry about this at all! This is totally a phase (that we have gone through twice now) and it will pass. My now 6 year old daughter went through this phase at about 12 months and it lasted for almost a good year (disheartening, I know) BUT my husband is military and was gone for almost the first whole year of her life. My son (now 2) also went through this as well at a little later age and it lasted a month tops (husband was home all the time for this one). Just make sure that your husband stays involved with your son. Even if it is just standing by your shoulder while you bathe or change him. Don't force things but make sure he stays involved in some way. I promise you, it won't be long before your son wants your husband all the time! Hang in there!

I know I am probably just repeating what everyone else has already said. I had the same issue with my 23 month old. My husband tried everything he could, but was always jealous that I "got the best hugs" from her and started to take it personally. When I went into the hospital to have my 1 month old she was "stuck" with daddy the whole time. They really bonded over the 4 days I was absent. Even though she was upset when she had to leave me after visiting the hospital, she had so much fun with daddy. Now when daddy is home from work she won't let him out of her sight- he has to be present for her night time routine (even if I am not) and he has to be there for her bath time as well. And now he doesn't have to ask for his hugs from her anymore. Bottom line is, once your child has the opportunity to bond with daddy over a significant period of time this will pass.

This will totally pass! In the meantime, kids are like cats, and sometimes they know when someone wants their attention too much. Have your husband-who sounds awesome by the way-"ignore" your son a little more, as in happily not force himself in any way, and the little tyke may wonder why and start seeking his attention a bit more. Otherwise, wait it out. Suddenly, papa is going to be the favorite one day for other things.

This is just a phase that your little boy is going through. I miss my boys (10 & 13) just wanting time with me. Now they want to hang out with dad and do guy things. When my oldest (13) was younger, my husband felt the same way and when he was about 3or 4, he started wanting daddy. It's hard right now but it will work out.

My daughter will be 3 next month and she has gone through several phases of favoring one of us (my husband or me) over another. I have heard from others that it is normal. I don't have any great explanation other than they are just figuring things out. I can sympathize with your husband as mine has been hurt by her favoring me over him and I must say I have had a twinge of jealousy when she has preferred to be with him. I don't know when it will go away as my daughter still does it. I would think though that your son doesn't mean anything by it or is doing it intentionally to hurt feelings.

I too am a stay at home mom and my two kids were the same way. To a certain extent they are pretty even now, my son 2 1/2 and daughter 4 1/2. But they get used to and comfortable with mommy being home all day and fufilling all their needs. It certainly in any way doesn't mean that he doesn't love daddy or want daddy to do things with him. I would suggest your husband to start something or a couple things that Eli only does with daddy! Playing with a ball, wrestling around, playing with certain toys. He may want you for more of the routine caretaking, but he will certainly start to want dad for "boy" stuff real soon. My son (having an older sister) "became a boy" about 2yrs old, it just came out of no where. He wanted trucks, cars, soccer balls, to wrestle and all kinds of stuff. and now he loves to throw a ball back and forth and he never wants me to do it, only daddy! And the lawn mower is the coolest thing to him, so daddy is pretty cool because he cuts the grass. Oh and kiddie tools, my son loves those and will help daddy "fix" things, that is a big one too. He'll come around real soon and you might actually be the one missing your little guy! But I'll tell you its awesome to watch your son and husband really start to bond! I love watching my guys play.
Jennifer

This is a phase with many children. When Mom is the main care giver the babies are all about Mom many times. As they get older, they start going the other way, especially boys. They don't come to Mom anymore cuz they want to. It'll be because they NEED something. How annoying, lol. We would just let Dad do the baths and feedings and all that instead of Mom to curb some of that. As long as I was out of view they were fine, so I'd leave the house or go upstairs and let Dad take over. I didn't want to feed into their Mommy issues. Plus it gave me a break, lol!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

We experienced the EXACT same issue with our daughter (now almost 3), and yes, it's just a phase. Please tell your husband that other attentive husbands (like mine) felt the same hurt he's feeling by mistaking this for something "personal". It is simply because you are a SAHM, and you're with your son 24/7. It's natural that he would want you because you do everything for him MOST of the time. Others have suggested this, but I'm just going to second them - have your husband spend some special "Daddy & me" time alone with your son. That's what worked/helped with our daughter, since it gave her fun time one-on-one with her dad. My husband started taking her outside after work last summer, while I stayed inside. They'd play on the swingset, go to the park, ride bikes, go for walks...anything fun! She LOVED that special time together. I think it helped her feel more comfortable with her dad when they could relate to each other one-on-one, without me in sight, like she does all day with me. Our daughter was around 20-24m when the phase began to end, and by then either one of us could bathe her, do her bedtime routine, etc. Good luck!

I had this with my two sons most of the time -- I think because I was a SAHM/WAHM but they turned 2 and when Daddy is around, I'm "not needed". It's just a phase.

What helped also was having Daddy take him to a special fun place once a week and then they get used to me and realize Daddy is fun too.

I have gone through this with my daughter she is three now. For a while she didn't really want me to do anything for her when her daddy got home. IT was all about daddy. She still has those times occasionally but there a lot of times now that she wants me to do everything for her. My son who is 6.5 months old is all about mommy. For my husband to get any quality time with him I can't be in the room. He is always looking for me. It really is a phase and it will pass. There is no specific time limit on when it might stop but tell your hubby that lots of people go through it and eventually it all evens out.

It's developmentally appropriate to choose one parent over the other. Soon you'll be second fiddle, as your son learns that he and daddy are boys, and he wants to do "all things daddy."

It's hard for dads - my husband goes through this too. For months at the beginning, he'd say our baby didn't like him. Our son goes through phases where he wants one or the other ONLY for specific tasks. Last night he refused to let daddy even come through the hallway when I had said he could get ready to go take a shower (a new thing as of yesterday). Daddy was hurt. But when daddy walks through the door at night, mommy may as well not even exist.

So, yes, I think it happens across the board, and I think kids fade in and out of the phase, and with both parents.

Good Luck!

Hello M.,

Yes, I have been through something very similar. Our youngest daughter is 15 months and she has her moments where is only wants mommy. Our first daughter which is 16 years old only wanted mommy until she was 2 1/2 or so. My husband did not give up and kept being active and fun. Over time she only needed me the most at bedtime or when she got hurt. I think it is the voice and my husband is very tall.

Again it does get better and have your great husband to keep up the wonderful work.

Well, here is the honest truth. Part of it is a stage but MOST of it is probably because (like it or not) you are his main caregiver. You are the one he usually has to turn to for his wants and needs. You are the one he depends on.

It is by NO means a reflection on your husband's ability or on how he feels about your husband. He just knows from 19 months of experience that if I need to eat or am hurt or am sad, I go to Mommy. Tell your husband it will take a little time.

Sometimes it can help if Mommy takes a little time to herself at least once a week. By this, I mean go out for a little while even if it is just for a cup of coffee/tea. Leave the two of them home together to bond. Or maybe you stay in for awhile and have Daddy take him to the park to play and have a picnic. This way, you have some time just to you and they have some bonding time just the two of them. But like I said part of it is also a stage and you just have to work your way through it.

Good luck. And let your husband know that it does even out qutie a bit as they get older and more independent. Let him know he can look forward to lots of trips to the public restrooms once he is potty trained. My son (almost 4) loves to use the urinals in the men's rooms. That requires Daddy to take him. ;)

Yes, this too shall pass. Both of our little ones at one time or another wanted only me, now as soon as Daddy gets home, its a battle for his attention, and that's okay with me : )

My son was the same way and like other said, it is just a phase. One thing we did was plan special "daddy" time with him. Especially since I was staying home, he and daddy would go on hikes or do errands Saturday mornings, giving them time alone together and me a break. It worked wonders. Now he is back to wanting both of us equally, and has had some time of just wanting his daddy. I figure it goes back and forth throughout life. Good luck!

Hi M.,
My husband & I had a similar situation. (And I was also a first time mom at 39!) I'm sure it does bother your husband, but let me assure you--it will change! Once he gets a little older it will ALL be about Daddy and you'll be the O. left in the dust! LOL
Encourage your husband to continue spending a lot of O.-on-O. time with Eli, doing dad/son stuff (bike riding, t-ball, golf, whatever they like to do) and when the day comes--look out! Your house will be bursting with testosterone. :)
I think as parents we all need to grow very thick skin and learn not to take anything too personally--after all, your little guy is still a baby! Keep focused on what is best for your son in the long run. He will form a close bond with his dad--your husband sounds like mine--a great daddy! My son is now 5 and they take off on a Saturday or Sunday and I won't see them again for hours!
Enjoy the "mommy worship" while you can!
Denise

We went thru this with all four kids. Three were boys and I think they tend to attach to more even more so. Tell your husband not to get upset. The older boys get the more they have in common with dad.

Hi M.

I am sure it's a phase, but just know that it may last awhile. My son is 3 and still wants Mommy to do everything for him, bath, jucie, dressing etc etc... My hubby just does what he would normally do with him and after a few minutes they are both having a great time (usually). My husband does bath and bed with my son pretty much every night to give me a break and they have their own way of doing things that I would never do. Just tell Daddy to keep doing what he does best because it's really not personal, your little man is just used to Mommy doing everything and they like routine.

I read your Q to my husband, and he said, "Is Dad upset about it, or does Mom think Dad is upset, because Mom would be if it were her?" Men have a way of taking things in stride.

and kids have a way of trying to break our stride. This stage will pass, and one of these days, when you go to put him to bed, he'll want Daddy, and you'll feel snubbed. Be ready.

Another thought ? If you walk out of the room before Dad scoops him up to take him off to bed, then it might not happen. ?? Not sure. But I do know that at some point the bond will swing the other way, and it'll be time for you to smile and say, "I was hoping this would happen," without feeling hurt.

Hi M. S
I am also a stay at home mom. my wonderful little guy is just about 2 1/2. I also have a son in college who is 20 years old. an awsome young man.
This is totally normal. You are home with your son all day. It is nothing personal towards your husband.I am sure hes a great dad. Mommy is always the one they run too. I can remember my mom being in pain and she was in her 40s still calling for her mom. We carried them for 9 months.They are very attached to our nurturing. Start giving him a bath together, putting him to bed together. let Dad read him a book by himself.sometimes even though it hurts us we need to step back and assure our babies that Daddy has them and its ok. my son now wants Daddy to tuck him in at night,and then i felt the left out feeling. Its all Good and all normal. Tell Dad when your son needs money he will run straight to him with open arms.HA HA PS> i understand about the pets not being the babies anymore.

I truly wish my husband would be so attentive and interactive with our son (15 months old). My husband works 2 jobs M-F and rarely gets to see our little guy & when the weekend comes along when he could spend all day with the baby, he chooses to just sit & watch TV. Our son mostly says "momma" and my husband gets upset & wants him to say "dadda" but he has to realize that the boy is only 15 months old! On the other hand, my brother's son (who is 13 months old) only calls for "dadda" because he is the one who cares for the child all the time. The mother doesn't seem to want/have an interest in him. So very sad, isn't it? I can understand why your son acts the way he does. It's similar to what I go through. You're with him all the time & he knows that he can depend on you. Makes sense, right? Tell your husband to not give up. It's great that he wants to be a part of everything. You're so very lucky there! :) Good luck!

This is TOTALLY a phase. Both of my sons did this to me, and it was so hard for me! They were with me all day and just wanted daddy when he came home. When my first son turned four, he changed and now he really seems to prefer some things with me. I am just entering the same things with my younger (two year old) son. It is truly painful sometimes, especially in public when he throws a fit and screams for his daddy!!! The only suggestion I have is not to make dad the main disciplinarian. I was really the main parent, always handling punishments and time outs. Daddy didn't have to do much if any of this, and I felt this had a lot to do with why they preferred him. Not to worry though, it will pass! Good luck!

It really is a phase and not personal. You are the stay-at-home parent, and your son has a closer bond to you at this time in his life. This will pass as he gets older, believe me! As he becomes older and there is more going on in his life, he'll discover that dad is an important part of his world, as well. For now, encourage your husband to enjoy being with his son. When you are alone with your son, perhaps while dad is at work, bring daddy into your son's life more. When my sons were small, we'd call daddy at work, and I talked about daddy a lot during the day. We did a lot of, "When daddy comes home, we'll be so happy!" And we'd plan special welcome home activities, like little cheers and practice big hugs and kisses for dad. Build dad up while he is at work, and your son will eventually develop an anticipation for dad. Those will be the positives in your husband's life.

As for bathing and bedtime, my sons did the same, but frankly, after being with them all day and being totally exhausted by that point in the day, I didn't care too much. It sounds harsh, but I was just so tired. Ugh. I've never felt as tired as I did when my sons were little, not even when I've backpacked 20 miles in a single day! LOL. This is a brief time in your son's life. Before very long, he'll be bathing himself and won't want either one of you in the bathroom with him. Build up anticipation for bath/bedtime with daddy, perhaps buy a special book that only daddy will read at bedtime, or a special toy that only daddy can use at bathtime. Over time, there will be special times when your son will prefer dad and not mom. So, encourage the relationship between the two of them.

Just as a point of perspective... my sons are 20 and 18, and my husband shook his head just the other day and smiled. My sons and I are very close. They are close to dad, too, but in a different way. When they want to talk about something, it seems that they come to me more often. My oldest is home from college and is about to leave for his summer job. He wanted to have a general gab-fest with me, so he made me breakfast this past Sunday, and we sat at the dining room table for about 2 hours just talking. My husband walked through the room at one point and just smiled, commenting... "I guess no one thought to make me breakfast!" You see, the breakfast routine is something that is special that developed over the years between my son and me since my husband usually leaves for work. My son happily crowed, "Don't worry, Dad! I left you some bagels and there's coffee, too. I was hoping we could play tennis later, so you better fuel up." That made my husband very happy. I wouldn't be caught dead on a tennis court! That's something dad does with his son.

My point is, you will be a family for the rest of your lives, and you are just at the very beginning of the adventure. Your relationships together, the dynamics will change many times, but if you love each other and live well together, your son and husband will eventually have their own special bond.

It is just a phase but sometimes it can last awhile. My son was breastfed and I was a SAH mom. He was extremely attached to me. I tried to assure my husband that he would be all about daddy soon enough but he didn't believe me. Well, when my son got older he only wanted his dad. He is now 8 yrs old and is just now starting to be more equally attached. It's still all about dad but I can see it's a little less dramatic. Try to help your husband to look forward to the days to throwing a football, teaching him how to shoot baskets, and catch a baseball, etc. And remember to enjoy this time as much as possible b/c your time for your feelings to be hurt will come unfortunately. Hope this helps!