Why Is It So Hard?

I have a small family and sometimes I envy those with large families (drama and all). No I don't think anyone should walk all over you or be outright disrespectful. If I don't see someone often then maybe I'm less likely to say something, but say a mil you see frequently, than yes you should say something. My husband lost both of his parents in his 20's so I never have had to experience in laws. I wish I did though, my family is soooo small.
Good luck!

My MIL used to 'rescue' my daughter from me if I was disciplining her (like calling her over when my daughter was supposed to be in time-out). It drove me UP the wall! I finally told her that she cannot rescue my daughter from me, that I'M the mother and will raise my daughter how my husband and I see fit. She still interferes on occassion, but not to the extent she used to. And I've also learned to relax a little bit, especially when visiting my in-laws at their house.

It took me a good 5 or 6 years to feel comfortable enough with my in-laws before I started telling them myself how I felt about things; before that I'd go through my husband :) Now (after 12 years) I'm just as comfortable telling them as my own parents. I have to say that I'm pretty lucky, in general. Yes, my in-laws are irritating sometimes, but they're family - and that's part in parcel of being family!

I don't think you should allow people to walk all over you but I also think you have to pick your battles. I have a sister that complains about drama and she's actually the one that causes the drama in her life. She doesn't know when to shut her mouth and when someone finally says something to her, she blows up and says they are causing drama. We lost our father suddenly last year and after that happened, it brought everyone closer. We realized that the stupid little petty fights weren't worth it. Even if that person did something to upset us, sometimes it's better to just let it go. He/She might not be here tomorrow.

I am very fortunate to have wonderful in laws. I love them dearly, their flaws and all.

I have the same probelm you have ! And it has caused a big issue with me and my husband because they are always askin us for money and wanting to use our vechiles my husband is very layed back and doesnt ever want conflict so he wont say anything to her,and when I do its like World War 3.Im here if you need someone to talk to because I know exactly what your goin through

It depends...on a lot of different things.
I think some basic ground rules should apply--no business with families, no lending of money, no enabling of addictions, no denial.
Otherwise ALL families have their kinks (and Kooks!) and any woman who makes her husband choose between her & her family will be on the losing side every time...eventually it will blow!
I'm not the hugest fan of my MIL but she IS my husbands mother and it all comes back to that rule...that Golden Rule...the O. that if everyone obeyed it there wouldn't be need for any other rules? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I would never want my husband to disrespect or speak badly of my family, so I don't do it to his.
The thing is..distance only works for the ones you leave behind--not for the ones that come with you...like your husband.

with my other halfs family they manipulated him and screwed him over real bad. I voiced my opinion to him first. we are on the same page and feel the same way about it. I stayed out of it for 6 months til they threw papers at him at his sons funeral that is when I blew my stack and quit stayingout of it. I have told all 3 of them they are liars manipulators and should never have done their brother that way. I have cut all ties with them because of that and the cold blooded thing they said to me when my dad died. it all stemmed from his parents estate and they made him sign papers he didnt want to sign at his sons funeral. he wasnt in the shape to argue it and they knew it and took advantage of it. when they said we didnt need the money off of the estate we would have my dads life insurance that is when they capped it so I got involved. the funeral thing put the lid on the statement screwed it down. when you tell me something like that before my dad is even in the ground and never even say sorry to hear about your dad that is cold and vindictive and made them total b****** in my book. they could have at least waited till he was in the ground before they said it. I am done with them and dont care how he feels about it and it caused problems between us cause he should have been the one to tell them they were wrong not me.

we have them blocked off of facebook and they dont have our phone number or address because of it. his choice I suggested he give the phone number and he said HELL NO. We are in agreement on everythng but him not giving them the phone number and I am not going to push it.it is his family dispute not mine. they were the ones who lied and manipulated him. they were the ones so cold at his sons funeral and after my dad died. I can kinda see why he doesnt want them to have the phone number but I still disagree with it.

one reason he doesnt want to give the phone number is one sister called him one day and said your not my brother anymore 2 days later called him and b****ed him out for not calling and wishing her a happy birthday. I can see his point but he needs to have a way for them to contact him but after that stunt he doesnt want any contact. you cant call him and harass him if you dont have his phone number. I sit on the side with my gut saying they need his phone number in case somethng happens but I dont think he will go to any of their funerals but he needs to know. this is where you start walking a fine line. how much do you push when you know his reason for not wanting to do it and he is justified. good luck on your decision and think about the pros and cons of doing it either way. you have to keep things like this in mind. especially if he decides to completely cut contact. you are just an inlaw you dont have to do family functions if you dont feel comfortable and he can tell them why. its hard to know what is right. even knowing the circumstances.