Why Do I Feel Guilty?

It's always best to have this stuff on paper. If he has been inconsistent then def. a good idea to file now.

Takes TWO to make a baby Sista! What's HIS part in it all?

Of course you did the right thing!

I wonder, you say he has other children? Does your son know his siblings then?

:)

A lot of people have already remarked ont he child support filing. I just wanted to compliment you on the line " everyone knows the answers to their own questions. we just look to others for reassurance."

You did the right thing.
Do not feel guilty.

He is responsible, for his kid and financially.

Do you have, custody designated and by the courts?
If he is out of State, and he wants to take your child with him, then what?

There are different kinds of child custody.
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/p/chil...

He can't just go around making kids, and then not being responsible for them.

I can'tbelieve that you haven't done so already. No need to feel guilty. Your only concern regarding him is your son-do what's best for him.

Would you feel guilty for having your son's best interests at heart? Would you feel guilty about doing what it takes to make sure he's got food, clothing, and shelter? Would you feel guilty about wanting the absolute best for your child?

NO.

Stop feeling bad, you're doing the right thing :) He might be mad at first, but rest easy knowing YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR YOUR SON.

:)

Yes-you totally did the right thing. The only person that should receive your full understanding and consideration is your son-not his babydaddy.

He has a responsibility that he needs to take care of. If he gave you x amount every month without fail, you would not have to file for child support. You did what you need to do. He is wrong. You are right. Don't question yourself. Good luck!

In addition to filing for child support, which is totally the RIGHT thing to do for both of your futures....you should consider some therapy to figure out why you so feel so guilty over something that is a personal and moral obligaiton.

We have hard earned family laws to help and protect people in your situation for good reasons.

This guy is a flake and has proven it over and over again. You need to have more certainty and stability in your life while raising a young one. Don't feel bad or guilty. Feel proud you finally accepted it.

Hmmmmmm. this is a toughie and I am no expert. I hope you will hear form Mom's that have actually faced this.

But from the outside looking in I'd say talk to him first. Tell him you want him to have a good relationship with his child and want to maintain a good relationship with him for that reason. You appreciate him letting you know he had moved.......However you are in need of depending on some help financially. Tell him you are going to check on how child support works and just wanted to give him a heads up.

Start the conversation in an attempt to keep your relationship on even keel.......for your mutual child. But of course you are entitled to receive child support.

You totally did the right thing! It's all about doing the right thing in life! We all have issues of our own but we need to take responsbility for our actions!

I don't think you're being vindictive you just want to move on with your life and your childs life. And, I also think that your decision is based on normality in your life!

I support you!

I think you did the right thing. You have been more than understanding, giving him too many chances if you want my honest opinion.
You are doing what you mom instinct tells you , and that is to provide for your child. Do not feel guilty, you don't see him show any guilt.
Sometimes in life the things that are most unpleasant to us , but the ones we know that we have to follow through upon are giving us feelings of unjustified grief.
You did the right thing....stand up for yourself and your child.
take care

YOU GO GIRL!!! RIGHT ON!!!!

**I'm giving you a high 5** =-)

You did nothing wrong. Child support is about the child - and the father should support.

noo!! don't feel guilty!! i have two friends in a similar situation and both say they don't want to file for child support cause thay don't want to stress out the baby's father!! this is just ridiculous!!

go thru with it!! do it for ur kids, they'll thank u in the future!

Why would you feel guilty for making sure that your son is taken care of? That is your job as a mother. This man who has no commitment to you or your son is not your concern, your baby is your concern. Once you're a mom, men don't come first anymore, your kid does. You don't need to be considerate of this man. You two chose to have a child together. When you have a child together with no legal commitment or emotional commitment, you need a custody and support agreement (a legal one) right from the beginning. While this man may not be anything to you at this stage of your life, he is the baby's FATHER.

You've given him a chance, which is more than most people. You need to do what is best for your child and child support is that. If you don't need all his money right now, tuck all or part of it away for your sons college education, that might make you feel less guilty. But, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing wrong here is that you didn't do this from the day your child was born. You need to stop thinking about how this makes you feel and about how you want to be perceived as "understanding." No matter how nice or fun or well intentioned this man is capable of being, he is a bad bad father. Your only job here is to DEFEND YOUR CHILD. This is not YOUR money or YOUR visits. This is about your child. The child support is HIS money (your child;s money) and you are denying it to him if you don't file for support. Stop worrying about everyone else and act responisbly for your child who needs clothes and food and electricity and new sneakers and soccer lessons and a college education. You are doing the right thing now. Don't let the biological father off the hook for the money and don't let him think it is okay not to see his son. If you do, you are being just as irresponsible as "dad."

You feel guilty because you do not want to be the bad guy. Get over it...lol. Being "understanding" and considerate" is nothing but a cop out and making yourself a door mat. You are dealing with an "Emotional Blackmailer". He gives you and your son just enough attention and excuses for you not to get upset. Then he makes excuses for his failures and make more promises he has no intention of keeping in hopes that your feelings for him will cause you to overlook his behavior.

I fell into the same trap. Look at it this way, if he wanted a constant in your life, he'd be paying you more and helping you out more. Since he is not, he is obligated and it is his duty to help out financially.

I'm at the point where if my ex is not going to be around to help, he's paying or giving up his rights. You say your's wasn't around for a month with no word? Try 2 years and tell me how you are feeling then.

I think you did the right thing. If he can't keep his "stuff" together you have every right to file. Are you feeling guilty because of him or for your son? Either way the man has a responsibility to support his child. It will be his own fault in the future if he wants a relationship with his child and your son says NO.

I grew up in a split home, I am lucky to have a dad who loved spending time with me, supported me financially most of the time. I have watched my sister go through this with my nephews father. I see what it does to an adult child when the father is not much of anything other than a stranger (husbands father). You should not feel guilty over his choices to not be there for his child, but you can make sure that your child is taken care of financially (even if it's only a little)! GO FOR IT!

Keep your head up and you are so doing the right thing.

I know you've gotten lots of answers, and a few days have gone by, but I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents... Of course you did the right thing!!! Your son has a right to support from his father, and his father has an obligation to provide it! Do not feel guilty. You have to take care of your son and yourself. This is the way to do it. Don't get me wrong -- I understand your feeling. But I honestly believe you did the right thing. Hang in there, and keep being a great mommy!

I do not think you are wrong at all. A question for you -- do you think he feels he's doing wrong by not caring for his child financially? I don't mean that to sound snippy -- that's a real question. His other children are not your concern. Once we bring children into the world we must do the best we can for them at all times. You've avoided court up until now -- now you can give court a try. Court settlements can help clarify situations -- erveryone knows what's expected, when, and there are no grey areas. Good luck you.

You absolutetly did the right thing. I don't understand why you feel guilty, but can sympathize. Try not to feel guilty, the money is not for you it is for your son. As for him visiting,is it easier if he doesn't visit at all for your son?

You are decidedly NOT wrong & should NOT feel guilty. Whether this guy has a relationship with your child or not is not at all related to the financial aspect of this whole thing. Head up, chicky! It's all going to work out just fine.