State Lawyer vs Private Lawyer

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you all the best - wish I had advice or info to pass along...

I think what you will be facing is that the state probably wants him to pay back any aid that you received. My uncle was made to pay back aid his kids received in the 70's and 80's! He was paying this back in the 90's. The state isn't going to care if you want to let him off the hook.

I wish I knew what else to recommend.

Suzi

See the response below. Read it again. Continue reading it until it sinks in. It's not about you, it's not about Michael, it's about JT. End of story. Michael owes child support to JT, not to you. Why would you deny your child something that he has a right to? It's sad enough that JT won't know his father and have the emotional support and guidance that a father should bring. He should at least get something toward his future from the man that was irresponsible enough to impregnate someone he wasn't going to be spending his life with. If you are convinced that you don't want nor will you NEED the money at any point in your son's life to provide for him (bold prediction, btw), then set up an account that you can't touch and have the child support money direct deposited to the account to be presented to JT upon high school graduation so that he can pay for higher education or maybe put a down payment toward a home.

I am not trying to be harsh, but get over your pride and put your child first. Quit protecting Michael at the expense of your son. Be a better mother than that.

M. the govenment is going after your son's father and rightfully so. You said you didn't want any help, but you are recieving help from the state. Why should all of us taxpayers have to pay for your child? Micheal has the responsibility as a man to take care of his child, and since you came to us (the taxpayers) and asked for help you really have no say on if Micheal has to pay child support. If this displeases you then get off the system and pay the money back that has been given to you. I personally don't feel like I should have to pay for it.

M. please keep in mind that the child support isn't for you, it's for JT. As a mom I know that I want the very best for my little boy - I'm sure you do to. Even if you don't want to accept the money to be used now, you can always save it up and when he graduates high school present him with a really nice college account. Just keep reminding yourself it isn't about you - it's about that beautiful little boy.

M.,

If you have been in need of state assistance for your son, then WE the tax payers have been paying "Micheal's" child support for him. THAT is why they want him listed on the birth certificate and make HIM pay the money back to the state and any future child support type payments/assistance directly to you.

Think about that for a moment. Would you want to have to pay child support for MY children??? OR would you expect their father to step up to the plate, be a man, and pay it himself.

If you are concerned with his rights OR the care your son may receive if/when he visits his father, THAT is what you need to speak to an attorney/or the courts about.

Take care and God Bless :)

When you filed for government assistance, you were asking the taxpayers to help you financially. The government, as a responsibility to the taxpayers, seeks funding for you through methods other than we taxpayers, such as the man determined to be the father of your child. In other words, you asked for money; the government gave it to you by means of all of us; the government is now trying to give it to you (actually your child) by means of the birth father, rather than all of us. Sounds right to me.

He has had a paternity test, and was proven to be the child's father. Yes, he has rights! You didn't fill in the blanks of why you don't want him in your child's life, but I'm assuming that there is a reasonable explaination that you don't want to get into. The issue is with the government assistance. The government wants your son's father to pay child support, because it will decrease what the government has to pay for your child. The government tries to cut back on taxpayer's money, by having the paternal father's pay part of the costs of raising the child. They are going to do whatever it takes to try to vut back on costs.

M.,

I'm not trying to be critical, but look at this logically. If you had not asked for taxpayer support for your child, the government wouldn't care whether your child's father acknowledged his responsibility and helped pay for the child's support. Is it fair for him to father a child and then expect you and the taxpayers to pay the bills for his support? Since he doesn't seem to care about his child, of course he doesn't want to pay for his support. That doesn't absolve him of the responsibility, though. The next time he doesn't want to support a child, he shouldn't father one. I know you'd rather just be rid of the bum, but he does need to pay his share of child support, rather than leaving the entire expense of his upbringing to you and the taxpayers.

M.

Hey there... I have been in the exact place that you are in. The father's name being listed on the birth certificate has absolutely no bearing on his involvement or ability to be involved. My son's dad came into his life after being absent for 5 years, last year. He took me to court, got joint custody and now my son is gone 50% of the time! I hate to be a downer, but I want to let you know what happened to me. The court amended the B.C, changed his last name, and gave his dad joint custody. I have no choice but to do what the court is making me do. There is no way to "force" michael to sign over his rights. He is the father and has just as much of a right to be in your son's life as you do. The court does not care how long he has been absent or how little involvement he's had up to his point.. especially if your son is young. My son was FIVE when his dad finally thought he got his act together-- it has been the hardest thing I've ever been through. You definitely need a private lawyer. The state doesn't care about kids... paying a private lawyer, they definitely will. Contact Mark Jeffers: ###-###-####. He is my lawyer and I do not know what I would do without him!!! In the last year, my court/legal fees tally $8,972. You might want to look into taking out a loan... That is what I had to do, and I am so happy I did it. I know this is scary for you... and I am sorry to be so blunt... but I jush wish someone would've told me. Michael will get at a MINIMUM every other weekend, one night during the week, and then half of the holidays. (I spent 10 days at christmas without my son). Look up "Johnson County Visitation guidelines" online... it will show you exactly what the custody schedule will look like, as a minimum... Good luck!!! Keep your chin up!!

Having worked at the Division of Family Services for several years, it is the law to make the father pay for the child when a mother signs up government assistance (even if he does not want to!). If the state did not do this, they would go broke paying for the assistance that is the father's responsibility. Dad should have thought about that before he decided to have sex! He is financially responsible for him in the same way that you are. Maybe if he helped you out with some of your finances, you would not have to sign up for government assistance and rely on the government to help you pay for the things your (and his)child needs. You really need to rethink this. Another thing to think about....can you really afford a private attorney when you have signed up for government assistance? Will you be taking away from your son by doing so? He needs to pay up!

even if the father signs over parental rights, the state of kansas does not recognize this to eliminate the father's financial obligation. It does not matter to the state if the father "doesn't want to pay" if you take state aid the government will make the father pay or you will have to pay back what they have given to you if you refuse to name the father. They will garnish your wages and take your tax returns if you do not comply.

The reason is that the state won't take responsibility for people who parent children, but refuse to support them. They will collect the support payments and send you the difference if any from what they give you.

Sorry your question is about private or state attorney. I don't think the state attorney will help you because you are trying to do the opposite that what they feel is in the best interest of the state. I could be mistaken but when I dealt with this last My ex had to pay something so we could get anything. This had to be a written thing.

Also custody and child support are totally separate, He could never see the child and still have to pay, or he could never pay and still be able to see the child.

Good luck, hope things work out for you.

Hi M..

My husband and I are kindof going through a similar situation with government assistance with my step-daughter. Only difference is she is 17, nearly 18, not in school, so her mother cannot keep insurance on her. My husband is self-employed, and we cannot hold insurance on her either. Her mother filed for medicaid, and the DFS office picked up the order and we were sent extensive paperwork to file for child support and medical insurance support.
The fact of the matter is, the government does not want to help anyone. They try every option available to get out of helping anyone. That is why they are attempting to get child support from your son's father.
In my opinion, you should talk to a family lawyer. I wouldn't even mess with a state attorney...who do you think they work for??? The state government!
My husband called a family laywer, and he told them the situation, and they talked to him for about 30 minutes...also told him not to bother filling out the papers. You might just get some basic information from one, and if you really need their help, I'm sure they could work something out for you as far as payments.
I wish you luck in your situation, and hope everything works out for you and your son.

My daughter went through this, because you are taking state aid they will make you try to find the father to alleviate their costs, you probably won't see a cent yourself as you already get state aid.
I don't know if the Birth Certificate was changed, my daughter didn't mention this, but I don't think you will be able to change the fact that the state will be receiving child support for your child since you are asking them for their aid. Your only option would have been to tell them that you didn't know anything about the father, then he wouldn't have been held responsible. My daughters second child was through a man who was an illegal alien, no one will be able to trace him, probably not even his son when he grows up. Be glad your son will be able to know who his father is, it could be worse. I don't think that getting a lawyer at this point will help, except you probably need to get full custody, now that he has proof of paternity he has rights, now would be the time he might not be willing to take over watching an infant as much as he might want to keep a little person.

My son's name is James also! :o) I am no expert on any of this, but I do know that anyone can put virtually any name on a birth certificate, and not putting one on there does not mean that your baby has no father. That space on the certificate means very little in the court of law and this is why they do paternity procedures, etc. to determine the father in a situation where the parents were not married. Is the state wanting to collect child support from Michael b/c it paid you for some assistance? THAT sort of makes sense to me b/c of course they want to get paid back if they can, but I'm not sure if they can take your child support or if it would have to go to you. It never hurts to contact an attorney and some of them will give you free advice even, and I know there are legal groups set up to help woman specifically. I would def. talk to a professional and find out what all of your rights are and how all of the different choices will effect life for you and for your baby well into the future before you do anything permanent. Better to have [knowledge] and not need it then to need and not have it! --I just read someof the other responses about how the child support is for James, etc. well... that is a fact, that the support you would receive from Michael would be to support James, but as his parents you have obviously decided you do not want it and Michael should not pay it. There are some situations in life where its best/safest just to get as far away from someone as possible, and maybe that is your situation. BUt do talk to a professional and find out what can happen later from the decisions that you make today. It is true that Michael DID father a child so if now, with professional advice under your belt and 6 months of mommyhood under your belt you decide that child support is best for James then I think that is the way you should go, even if you and Michael agreed one thing earlier, etc. As far as not seeing Michael, he could just send his child support payments to court and they woudl get them to you, thse types of situations occur all the time. Anyway, information, information, information (from professionals)- that's what you are after for now! Good luck! :o)

I've never dealt with this sort of thing but I do know if you take assistance from the government they will try any way they can to get it back or not have to pay in the future. My advice would be to get a private lawyer and by pass the state or any form of government. I could be wrong but that's what I've observed over the years.

anytime you apply for government assistance they are going to go after the father for child support and I think all the states are that way so really doesn't matter where you are. I have a friend who's ex-girlfriend tried to put him down as the father when the child was 13 years old. They did a test and thankfully he was not the father because they were going to make him pay back child support for 13 years and didn't even have visiting rights all that time. Even if you get a lawyer I don't think it will help you. The father should be paying child support. That is part of life when you life a carefree lifestyle and when things happen there are consequences. My uncle also had to pay his child support to the government because his ex-wife was receiving government assistance and there were months he was out of work and could not pay it but had to pay it back when he was working again and when he got far behind they garnished his wages until he got caught up. If you don't want the father involved then you will have to pay everything on your own and not be able to get government assistance.

My sister went through this in MO. With her situation they determined that the father should pay the state back all money they have helped her with and that he must pay child support. And because the father did not appear on the court date for custody, my sister has full custody (he has no legal right to see his son) and he still has to pay child support. So just because he doesn't want to be involved doesn't mean he should get away with not paying the state and you child support.

Go with the private lawyer...

If you are getting anything other than medicaid for your child from the state, they force you to go after child support. The only way his father can sign away rights is if you are married. The state will not just allow him off the hook when there isn't anyone taking over responsibilty. Also it doesn't matter if he is listed on the birth certificate once he has been proven the father he can go after visitation rights and he will get them if it goes to court. So unless you drop all state aid minus your childs medicaid be prepared for a lot of legal battles with his dad. And you will want a GOOD lawyer.

Go for a private lawyer...if you do not get the father to terminate his rights, you may end up having him in your childs life whether you want him tehre or not, it may not seem rightto you ( or myself) but the father has rights...
State will probably not be much help, State will push you to get child support.
Get it done as quickly as possible...
Good Luck
B.

I am sure a state lawyer would be just as effective as long as all they do is family law. My sister is in a similar situation. I understand wanting to do this on your own, but your son deserves all of the monetary assistance possible from his biological dad. Bio dad doesn't get to make a baby and decide whether or not he wants to take care of him. Good luck to you and JT. I have a 4mo old RJ!

You didn't say what state you live in, and each state
has different laws regarding paternity actions and child support. When someone is receiving state assistance, the
state will look for any means they can of getting reimbursed for their expenses. That means, if there is an able bodied man out there that fathered a child and should be paying, they find him and make him pay. Obviously, for
taxpayers, this just makes sense. Before they can get the support from the "father", they file a paternity case, and if they determine who the father is, they can they ask for support. If they did a paternity case and determined he was the legal father of the child, which is what it sounds like they have already done, then he does have rights as the father of your child, (ie visitation) but the nature and extent of those rights are for a judge to decide IF Michael pursues those rights by filing a petition. I would discuss this with the victim advocates in the prosecutor's office that has handled your case. You could also discuss this with a private attorney of your choosing and see if they are willing to help you. Keep in mind that the child support is not for you. It is for your child. It is to help your child with the necessities of life, ie food, shelter, clothing. You are obviously, already doing your part since you are raising the child, but if you are having to receive state assistance, then you really don't have much of a choice in them seeking support from him. It is
being done to reimburse them for what they are paying out, and they have a right to do that.

You definatly need to consolt a private lawyer. I don't think a state would help you since this is a civil matter and the result would be that he wouldn't have to do what the state wants him to. Also, they will take one look at your age and be worried your decision is based on your age. A private lawyer is going to do and advise according to your best interest. If you get a good lawyer, they will explain everything to you. Usually, the consoltation is free. If you live north of the river kc, I can recommend one. Just send a message if that is what you decide to do.

Hi M.,

Congrats on the birth of your son. Unfortunately, when you have a child without a full-time, devoted dad, this sort of thing happens. All you can do is keep your chin up and make him pay you support!! You didn't make this child by yourself! Your child deserves everything you and Michael can give him.

I feel you really should add Michael's name to the BC. He's the father and he needs to take the responsibility. Don't let him get by with this. It really erks me when someone, man or woman, have a child and treat it like it's no big deal!

It wouldn't surprise me that in 5-7 years, Michael comes back wanting to be involved in JT's life. Some men don't like the idea of raising a baby. But as soon as they get older and can be more "fun"... that's when the father comes a knocking. Don't let him do that!! Make him earn the name, "DAD".

You really should lean toward finding you a private lawyer. Yeah, it's more expensive, but it's well worth it in the long run.

Best of luck!! Keep your chin up and pray for God's guidance and wisdom. JT deserves it.

ls

I would say that a state lawyer will only support the state to pursue their interests....to help the state reclaim money from the father like they are attempting to do. If you want to go against that, I believe you are going to have to get and pay for your own private lawyer to keep the father's name off the birth certificate and keep him from paying child support. Furthermore, it sounds like the state is trying to reclaim some of the money that it paid out to you and your son. If you don't want the father to pay that money (or child support) you may be required to pay that difference and prove that you can raise your child without state assistance and without child support.

As a mother of divorce, you may not want the father in your child's life or your life and he may not want to be there; however, psychologically it is better for your child to have him involved in your child's life whenever possible. I know this is probably not what you want to hear; however, it must be said. Moreover, you are depriving your child of a relationship with his father and the financial support. The child support is not your money; it is your child's money and you are depriving your child of that support, if as his mother, you do not make your baby's daddy grow up and take responsibility for his actions.

If you want some actual legal advice, I would try to get a FREE CONSULTATION with a few lawyers and see where you stand and if you wish to move forward. During this FREE CONSULTATION, bring a list of questions...(e.g.,the difference between state lawyers vs. Private lawyers, if you what you want is possible, and how much it would cost if it is).

Good luck to you.

I do not know how old Michael is so if he is young, he may change his mind and choose to know his son in the future. A simple paternity test and the courts would allow him visitation rights which you would have to allow (of course, the courts would order him to pay child support too). I would recommend changing the certificate now, get child support for JT, and go on with life. Otherwise, the tax payers have to pay for a decision that you and Michael have made. Do not have Michael sign over his rights because this is about JT, not about you or Michael. Being a mom is a lifetime commitment; so is being a father. You owe it to your son and his paternal family.

You say you do not want child support, however you say you need goverment assistance? You ARE wanting child support just not from the correct party. You are wanting the government (tax payers) to support your child. Why should we, the taxpayers, pay the father's portion?

I agree that the support that a child needs should first come from it's parents, both of them.

Please think about this and what is best for you baby now and in his future.

Best of luck to you as you get this all figured out.

M.:

I don't have any real legal advice for you, but I would be inclined to go with a private lawyer, as one from the state might not have your son's best interests in mind.

I know, from experience, dealing with your child's father and the child support situation is a pain in the butt. My personal recommendation for you? Make him pay child support...that's money that will help you SO much. And, if he's still not trying to be a real father, yes, make him sign over his parental rights. It took two to make the baby, he should have to help!

*hug* Good luck!

I agree with some of the other posts below - if you are needing assistance, then please get it from the father instead of tax-payer money, especially with the economy the way it is.

But for your legal question, if you two were never married NEITHER one of you have custody. All you would need to do is get full custody by petitioning the court for custody. You can hire a lawyer to do this or do it pro se (yourself). He has as many rights as you do at this point, which are none - except you have the physical custody, and possession is 9/10th of the law. If you do not want child support, then all you need to do is file for custody. Unless Missouri changed their state lawyer rulings then you cannot have a state lawyer to petition. State lawyers are only for defense / prosecution. So if he filed for custody, you could get a state lawyer.

Missouri would push the child support issue only if you are receiving state funds, especially Temporary assistance. For Wic, Medicaid and Food stamps the state asks the working people to pay, however for temp assistance the state goes after the father and will push a DNA test and child support once that is established from a non-husband mate.

So hopefully you can get done with cosmetology school soon and not have to worry about any of it :)

Hope that helps!

when I had my first son, I did not put his father's name on the birth certificate. I have NEVER received a dime from him, even when we were still together (thus being why we're not). He did not do anything to deserve to have his name on the birth certificate. Who cares if he changes his mind later & wants to be a part of the child's life - that doesn't mean he has a right to...kids aren't something you just change your mind about one day. Here's my take:

1. The state shouldn't be able to force you to put his name on the certificate, even if he is paying child support - that is something he has to get an attorney to do.

2. Typically, unless things have changed - all the state did was get you & your son child support (or them paid back)& the father still had to hire an atty & go to court for the establish visitation & b.c. issues. Things may have changed in order to make it easier for the father.

3. Use your own attorney - the state's atty will be for the state - or talk to the state's atty & get a feel for if they are there to get you what you want. Also, talk to your own too, consultations are ususally FREE.

My oldest just turned 14 and people have told me that I OWE it to him to go after his dad for child support. His "father" went on to have 2 more kids after him & when we split he left his child (not my son) he had custody of behind & my parents adopted him. He still does not hold a real job & doesn't visit either child, or call, or ever sent money or anything. I have asked my son if he wishes for me to go after his "father" for child support or if he wishes to see him. His answer on both is NO!

If he has no interest in the child, have him sign his rights away & move on. You're in a tough situation right now. Think it through & think about the long term. Feel freet to email me if you need to bounce things off of somebody who's been there, done that.

I have gone through a similar situation. But, the time ran out for the state to retrieve their money, and they couldn't find my son's father, so it worked out.

However, in your situation, I can tell you that a state lawyer is NOT going to help you. You have two choices, either let them do their thing and make him pay the state back, or you will have to pay it if you want to keep his name off of the BC.

When my husband wanted to adopt my son, we wondered if they were going to make us pay the small amount of AFDC that I received for 6 mos. But, the time ran out.

If the state is actively trying to get the money now, I think you only have the two choices I listed. Sorry. I hope I am wrong.

First thing first, cancel the government assistance or whatever you have to do to quit getting help from them. If you really don't want his name on the birth certificate and you don't want child support, that has to be the first step. When I found out that I was pregnant at 19 I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs. Everyone told me that when the baby was born I could get help from the state, except that if I got help from the state they would go after my ex for child support. He didn't want to pay, and I didn't want him around my baby, so we came to an agreement. So that meant no help from the government for me! Sounds like you didn't know they would do that from the beginning, which is not good. You should see a private lawyer to see if there is any way to stop the state from going after the father. I also tried to get my ex to sign over his rights, but it was not possible. The only way the courts would let him do that was if I had been married for 6 months and my husband wanted to adopt her. The state of Missouri will not let a parent sign over rights just b/c they don't want the responsibility.
Sorry, I'm really bad at wording things the way I mean to say them, So I hope maybe this helps. If you have any more questions or need someone to talk to you can msg me. I hope everything works out how you want it too, it sounds like you are a good mother trying to do the best you can for you and your son. God Bless

I have to agree with everyone else. This is about JT. The money that you get through child support will do several things. First, it will help lessen the burden on the state. The state did not have this child with you, Michael did. Second, it may prevent Michael from having children with other women before thinking about the responsiblities such an awesome responibility has. Third, if it becomes that you don't need this money to help support your child, you can always set him a nice account for college, technical trade, etc. Fourth, as JT grows, it will show him although he isn't in is life, his father is still attempting to do something for him.

Even though he is not listed on the birth certificate, he still has rights. You should want him to be a part of his life unless he is doing destructive things like drugs, drinking excessively, etc. A father gives different things than you can.

Good luck sucking it up and doing what is right by you child.

Unfortunately I had the same problem about 10 or 15 years ago. You are definitely going to want to talk to an attorney about this, but I wouldn't want to pay out a lot of money because the end results are probably going to be the same. They will do the tests and you will have to put up with the head aches and heart aches that is causes. But unless it has changed they can't just put the father on the birth certificate. He would have to take you to court and force that himself. The state will make him pay child support but depending on the state whether they enforce the child support payments or not is up for grabs. I would not depend on a state lawyer though but that is only my opinion.