When to Have Second Child

Mine are 4 yrs and 4 mnths apart and although having a 4 yr old at the time of her brother being born was wonderful because she understood everything going on, I still think we should have tried sooner.
They are now 6 and 2 and rarely play together. My 6 yr old is very possesive over her toys and thinks everything little brother touches will be broken. When they do eventually play together, it's great but it's not much.
I'm due to have my next son in a few weeks and although I'm not as ready as I'd like to be yet, I'm still happy my 2 youngest will be closer in age and hopefully get along better growing up.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

I think God will bless you with your second child when the time is right. Mine are 16 months apart and I would not change a thing. At first it was hard, but after a couple of months life is great. They are now 2 /12 and 1 and they are the best playmates ever. I am very glad we decided to have them close. My brother and I are 7 years apart and I am very close to him as well. So I don't think it really matters how far apart they are in age it is just what you think you can handle.

My first two are exactly 3 1/2 years apart. If we hadn't have been dirt-poor after the first, I would have spaced them two years apart. As it happened, the three and a half years was incredible. I found that it was more important to me for each child to be an individual than to have a playmate. There tends to be competition problems between kids who are close in age as they get older, especially same-sex siblings. Even kids who are bonded often have serious problems that they just don't talk about. This is not to say that you shouldn't try to have them close together, but just not to do it "for the kids". You should make sure that you are considering YOUR needs as a family first so that you can be sure to give each child the individualized time he needs, regardless of spacing. If you feel you can focus on each child's uniqueness and most definitely not compare them to each other (letting each follow his own path) then you will have two separate "miracles" instead of one "set", and can feel good about taking the plunge whenever you feel ready. That being said, I LOVED the bigger gap -- my kids adore each other, and it has also made it easier to manage the activities they do as they get older.

I don't think there's the "perfect" answer to your question. I have a 26 month old and a 9 month old, and it's REALLY been hard!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it was hard to chase around a toddler when pregnant, but I don't feel like I missed out on anything he was doing. My husband has really helped me out, and I don't know what I would have done without his help. Other people who have had their children close together say that the first year or so is really hard, but then it just gets better and better. I can finally see that it will, but it has been a long road so far! The children absolutely adore each other, and my little girl wants to do everything that big brother is doing! He is learning to be very responsible and help out with giving me diapers and bringing me things for her. He does get jealous, though, sometimes when the attention is not focused on him. I think it always works out in the end, so good luck with whatever you decide!

My boys are just under 3 years apart (7 weeks before #1 turned 3). I really like the age difference. My oldest was a lot easier to deal with when we had the new baby. He was able to help a bit more and he understood that we couldn't drop everything and wait on him if we were feeding the baby or something. He really didn't have any jealousy issues at all, and he didn't backslide in development. He was a bit disappointed when the baby was born because we played up the fact he'd have a playmate, and he didn't understand why his baby brothre couldn't walk and talk yet. They are now 6 and 3 and are good friends most of the time. They fight and argue as any set of siblings does, but I really think it was a good age difference for him. My sisters are 5 years older than me and 9 years older than me. I am not really close to my oldest sister as she left for college when I was 9 (plus she lives in Connecticut), but my other sister and I are super close and we always have been. I'd like to have had 4-5 years between kids, but I didn't have my first until I was almost 28, so I opted for 3 years. Financially, I like the idea of them being further apart in age. I didn't have 2 in diapers for very long which was nice. Plus, as they reach high school, we hopefully will only be paying for braces, college, class rings, etc. - the expensive stuff they do as they get older - for one child at a time. They may overlap in college, but only by a year. Personally, I couldn't imagine having a toddler and being pregnant or having a newborn, but that seems to work for a lot of people. My second son was a lot more work than my first. My oldest was such an easy baby and still is a really easy kid, but my second has not been. He started walking at 8 months, is a lot more stubborn and strong willed, and a bit more destructive :). REally sweet boy, but so much a typical boy. Our original plan was to have #3 by now, but I still can't imagine having a newborn and keeping up with this guy, so we've postponed yet again. I'm not sure if this helps much, but this is what has worked for us.

Hi K.. I waited 7 years to have my second (not by my own choosing--due to divorce and remarriage)and there was very little or no jealousy or acting "babyish" when the baby arrived. My first was a boy so maybe that had something to do with it. Now I am 31 weeks pregnant with my third (a girl) and my 3 yo daughter has been using "baby talk" and wants to get in the baby's crib, etc. However, I wish I didn't have an 11 and 7 yr gap between my son and his sisters. The girls will only be 3 yrs apart so that might be close enough, but whatever you choose, God will allow it to work out for you! Good Luck and Congrats on your little guy!! :) C.

I think the perfect age to get pregnant again is when your 4 mo old is about 12-18 months!! I have a 4 yr old who was 22 months when our second was born and she was potty trained and loved helping with the baby. Our second was only 18 months when our thrid was born and that is a little more difficult. Potty training and a new born is a tough combo. I suggest timing it so there is two years between the birthdays!! The best thing for you and them is to keep them close!!

definitely keep them close in age! i have an 8, 6, and 3 yr old. Of course, my house is a complete circus at times (haha), but it's fun to watch all of them together!!

Hi, K.!

God bless you w/ your little one! Our first two were 13 mos. apart. The third came 18 mos. after the second. So we had 'em pretty close. I will say that it was hard in some ways, but here are the benefits I noticed:

- I was more active during 2nd pregnancy; it made delivery and recovery sooo much easier; also didn't gain as much weight.

- my first broke us in--hard. He was fussy and somewhat insecure. As soon as his sister was born, he saw himself as the big brother. He held her and loved her so much! Her birth seemed to help with a lot of his fussiness.

- With each close birth, the older siblings adapted quickly. They might've been a little rough sometimes, but they learned quickly and didn't take it out on the baby.

- It took some policing, but they learned to share quickly and I didn't have issues about taking turns as some kids do when there's more space in between.

- The kids are so close and the best of friends (sometimes worst of enemies).

- I have my own playgroup!

- All of the kids struggle with jealousy somewhat; but there are so many ways to offset it. I'd have them help feed baby. Or let them cuddle next to me when I breastfed; stuff like that.

Really the hardest part about it is having to do so much when they're little (diapers, carrying them, tending to them when they're sick). But it has been worth it.

I really think God knows best and it's in His hands. Whatever happens, God bless you and yours.

Oh, BTW, we're expecting #5 right now and the latter two are more spaced (2.5 years). Like I said, it's in God's hands but I personally wouldn't want to space anymore than this.

i have 6 1/2 years between my boys and love the age gap. the older one is independent for his own needs and a great helper for his little brother. the younger one has a great example of responsibility and independence to look up to. they have always played very nicely together.

Well I don't know if you would wait as long as I did. My daughter will be 16 in a little over a week and my son just turn 2 years old. I love it because my daughter helps out with him. She spoils him, teaches him things, picks out his clothes for school, etc.

I've heard it's best for your body to wait at least 18 months in between pregnancies. My two boys are 29 months apart and I think that is a good span. However, if I were to do it over again, I would have waited until my first was potty trained. Potty training and having a small infant is a big chore. It seemed like every time I sat down to nurse my baby, my toddler would tell me he had to go to the potty and needed my help. That was a really tough time for me! Good luck in your decision-making process!

I got pregnant with my second when my first was around a year and a half old... They are almost exacty 2 years apart.

It's a little difficult, as kids always are, but I love having them close in age and it's actually easier than I thought. The most difficult thing is if you're still nursing or your child wants to be picked up all the time while you are pregnant. But you just gradually wean them off in preperation and they get used to it.

Honestly, I would rather change 2 kids diapers, than have myoldest out of them for several years and then have to "retrain" myself to do it with a baby all over again.

My husband is close in age to his siblings and I am to mine as well, and I always loved it!

I have a 2 year old a 3 month old, and can't wait to have a 3rd hopefully in about a year and a half.

As many other moms will probably agree, there really isn't a perfect time to have a 2nd child. But I'd be sure you let your body heal from the 1st birth :)

I had my kiddos 28 months apart and that seem to work for us. As time goes on, you'll see that parenting one child isn't always easy, so when you add another one to it too early it can be very difficult. And if you have a "difficult" baby (like we did), it makes it that much harder.

I'd just enjoy your precious baby boy at the moment. He won't be a baby forever....my little Austin just turned 3!

I think it will work out fine whenever you have a second child. I've seen so many happy families with children close together, and many with a single child. We thought we were only having one. I had a rough pregnancy and was told not to have more, then we had an "oops" baby. Our kids are 6.5 years apart. I was so concerned about the age difference, but it has been perfect for us. Our boys get along so well (ages 10 and almost 4). There has never really been any jealousy. They play well together and genuinely like/love each other. I'm waiting to see how it goes when they are 14 and 8. We'll see how well they get along then, but with their personalities I think they will be O.K. I really think personality has a lot to do with it. As for ease, I do think it was easier for us when the boys were little since we never had two babies/toddlers at the same time. Of course, then again, just when we thought we were through with all that (diapers, sippy cups, diaper bags, naps, etc.) we started all over again. Enjoy your family, however you decide to space your children.