When Enough Is Enough

You can't make him be a dad but you can make him support her. If he doesn't want to see her, fine but I would not let him out of child support. Now, that being said, has he mentioned terminating his parental rights? Would that be something you would be interested in?

As for your job, start arranging the visits according to your schedule and have back up in case he flakes. Since it appears you are the sole provider for your daughter, you need to keep your job. Good luck!!

You do not use your child as a pawn to gain child support. Support and visitation are two entirely separate things. Whether he's paying or not, he should get to see his daughter, because it's good for HER (unless he's harming her in some way or putting her in danger). Don't hurt your daughter by refusing to allow her to see her father because he won't pay.

Do not stop fighting for child support. He has a responsibility. "I don't want to" doesn't relinquish him from that.

I've never been in this situation, but I'm so sorry you are. I really do suggest that you don't allow him out of the child support especially if it's court ordered. If you allow it, you'll both be violating a court order. If you say no, then he'll be the only one violating the court order.

Is the visitation part of court ordered custody? That's also violating a court order too.

Document every single time he's a no-show and/or calls to cancel and/or cuts the visits short. Document EVERYTHING. Give him receipts when he pays child support including how much he gave you with the receipt. If you can, get him to sign those receipts. A copy for you and a copy for him. Keep as much communication with him in writing. Insist on e-mail or texting regarding parenting stuff, especially visitation and child support. The more you can get in his own words the better.

I think if he wants out, then he needs to pony up the lawyer himself and make his case. He fathered a child and he needs to pay up. Visitation and CS are two different things. My DH's ex NEVER paid CS but had visitation. My father refused to pay CS and refused visitation. But one day CSE caught up with him.

He may want to fade out. And he can do so. I'd just make plans expecting him NOT to pick her up and arrange things differently when he does. But don't let him get out of CS that he owes her, IMO. If he doesn't want to be a dad he can be a check.

And you can tell your DD that you're sorry her daddy is telling her those things but money is a matter for adults and the court and not little girls. She can tell him she doesn't want to hear it.

Unfortunately, I don't see anything here that is going to cause a judge to change the visitation schedule. IMHO the only thing the judge MIGHT do is order your ex not to talk to your daughter about things between the two of you (child support).

I don't know where he's picking her up from, but what my daughter and I used to do is we'd give the idiot 10 minutes past pick-up time and then we would take the kids and leave. I don't know if that's an option because I don't know where he picks her up or from whom but if possible, just go about your business once his time has come and gone. You should not have to have your job hanging by a thread because this idiot can't get there on time. His only recourse will be to take you back to court and then you can tell the judge that you're about to lose your job because of his tardiness and perhaps even get some sort of declaration to that effect from your employer.

Good luck. I know this sucks. I just don't get how the man always thinks he has a "choice".

Do not give up child support.

Child support and visitation should be two completely separate issues.

Maybe his visitation does needs to be cut back - if he is not keeping the current schedule then it definitely needs to be changed to benefit your schedule. Talk to your attorney about changing it to fit your work schedule.

Also, you need to have a back up plan in place for when he does not pick your daughter up so you do not have to jeopardize your job.

Good luck

I would ask him to relinguish his rights then he can get out of child support.

In Wisconsin a bio dad cannot relinquish his rights unless the Mom is married and her husband wants to adopt the child. Also because there is no welfare in Wisconsin (food stamps and MA yes) the state goes after bio dads with a vengence for child support. But every state is different.

Unfortunately, I think you need to go back to court and tell a judge what he is doing and saying to your daughter. I believe that by law a child must have a room and a bed to sleep in. Hopefully the judge can order him into counseling and a parenting class or group. He may also order supervised visitation to make sure his daughter's basic needs are being met.

As far as him bailing out on visitation, I think you need to get a support group of other Mom's to help each other out, no money, just a few Mom's who can take kids when something comes up and there is no other solution.

Do not drop child support no matter what. Have your lawyer demand that he can only gain access to your daughter outside of work hours and that he must give her back outside your work hours. You cannot afford to lose your job.

Ask for a court advocate who answers to the judge to work with you two. He should be banned from discussing this with your 4 year old. He's a real dick if he thinks that scaring a 4 year old is the way to keep from paying child care. Make sure that the judge knows he is doing this.

I believe that the law states that a child has to have a bed in order to have overnight visitation... check that...

Good luck,
Dawn