Biological Father vs Dad

As a divorce lawyer I can confirm that child support and visitation are two separate, unrelated issues. However he may decide to seek visitation if you seek child support, as often happens. Unfortunately, I am licensed in Virginia and I see that you are in Maryland, so I cannot assist you. But I can also attest that these types of legal battles happen all the time between those who have been married, as well as those parents who were never married - it makes no difference.

I wanted to say this. That child suport and visitation is two sepperate issues. He has a responsibility to support his child. I would go after it. Paying support doesn't intitle him to visitation. But be perpared that it could happen.

I have 3 kids out of wedlock. I get so tired of people judging others on their beliefs. Premarital sex didn't get you here a dead beat man did.

Yes, he will get parenting time if the court orders child support. Visitation is an old term? :) The idea is that he is to have responsibility for his child. His child is more than a visitor.

If he denies your child it sounds like he wants to believe that he's not the father. In that case wouldn't he want to sign off on his parental rights? Or perhaps he feels that if he signed the paper he would be admitting he's the father and he wants to continue believing he's not?

I'd get the paper that he needs to sign and directly ask him to sign it. Talk with an attorney, perhaps, and get suggestions for ways to explain the signature in such a way that he's able to feel that signing this is just making him not responsible for the child. If his name is on the birth certificate it doesn't matter if he's the actual biological father. He's the legal father and if he wants to say the baby isn't his signing the paper makes that legally true.

If his name is not on the birth certificate then I believe that your husband can adopt him without the biological father relinquishing his rights. You would have to put an ad in the paper seeking the father but that would be a formality if the bio father denies he's the father. You do need to ask an attorney about that, tho.

Along this same line of thinking, if his name is not on the birth certificate, you could possible let him off the hook by saying something like OK, you deny that you're the father, it's OK with me. At a later time you can say you don't know who the father is for legal purposes. If your husband then wants to adopt him you'd have to put an ad in the paper for a specified number of weeks and when there's no response your son is available for adoption by your husband.

You do need to discuss this with a family law attorney. Many attorneys will talk with you for 30 mins. for no charge so that you and the attorney can decide if he can help you with the process. The attorney may tell you what you need to do and then you can do it or he may be able to file with the court at a price that you'd be willing to pay.

LATER: I'm not suggesting lying about not knowing who the father is. I'm suggesting that you can agree with the man who says he's not the father that he's not the father and that would mean "not knowing" who the father is. If he's "not the father" you really do not know in legal terms who the father is. A technicality to be sure but one used in the legal system.
I'm suggesting the same thing that you are Luci. Just using too many words. :)

ohh woow. i didn't know you asked about whether you should have had premarital sex? sorry some people decided to talk about that instead of your specific question. so feel free to ignore those posts. they're useless.
back to your question. if he refuses to give up his parental rights then fo after child support. reason: if he doesn't want to pay he will be cornered to give up his rights. if he agrees to pay child support, well then that's good for you and your child.
so either way, get the court involved and go through courts. you'll find a resolution one way or another but do not stay in a limbo, meaning waiting for him to have a change of hearts.
good luck

Child support is completely unrelated to visitation. They are 2 seperate issues. At ANY point, before relinquishing parental rights, he can petition for 50-100% custody, whether he has every paid a dime or not.

DO, please, talk to a lawyer. If he's not on the birth certificate, and indeed denies your boy is his, it may be as easy as posting a notice in the paper (you know, in the small print section no one ever reads) for a period of time, and then finis.

If your ex is not named as the bio-dad on your son's birth certificate -- and I'm assuming that you haven't gone after him in court for an order establishing paternity -- then why do you need your ex to relinquish his paternal rights in order for your fiance to adopt your son? Especially if he hasn't paid child support. I guess, if I were you, I would probably consult with an attorney to see if, since your ex is not on the birth certificate, hasn't visited your child or paid child support, can you just go ahead and start the paperwork for your fiance to adopt your son.

My oldest was born out of wedlock. It happens.
I didn't put bio dad on the birth cert. Then when my current hubby wanted to adopt my son we went to the courts and put an ad in the paper and took it from there.
I truly don't think bio dad even knew, but we had given him public notice, the ad, and he was served at the address I last knew with a subpoena but they never found him.
SO my hubby adopted my son and went on to give him a good life. My son knows there is a bio dad but hasn't made any effort to communicate with him. My son is now 21.
If the bio dad says the baby is not his then he'll most likely give up any rights to the child anyway.

If he pays support and is not deemed unfit, than yes, he has a right to see his child, a right you should support since it is really in the best interest of your child to know his father, even if he does have a really great dad at home as well.

Well D., this is why you don't have sex with a man who is not your husband. If he doesn't want to relinquish his rights you can sue him for child support, but if he goes into court with you telling him if he won;t give up his rights to the child then you want child support, the judge is going to want to know as a mother why you would not want child support in the first place. I have a friend who is in and out of court because she had a baby with a man she was not married to. If this is a good man your son does not have to bare his name for him to be a good dad for your son. Your son needs a stable home life not a bunch of court drama and believe me there will be. J.

First of all, I agree with Elizabeth R.
To add to that, to me it sounds like this guy (bio-father) never wanted to be a dad. Which is crappy, but I guess it's his right as a human being to be crappy. (Maybe?) You've found someone else who DOES want to be a dad which is FANTASTIC. Do whatever needs to be done to get bio-father out of the way legally. He'll be free to go off and be crappy somewhere else while you, your son and fiance enjoy yourselves. Be honest with your son about his bio-father is (without trashing the guy, that could back to bite you) and how important and special it is that (fiance) has chosen to be a part of your lives.
Some day, when your son is older, he may want to revisit the issue of bio-father and meet him. (I know I would be curious.) Hopefully this guy will have grown up enough that he'll be able to have a civil relationship with your son. It would be nice if he was decent enough to be the guy who can at least keep up his end of the occasional phone call. But I'm just a dreamer.
Get a lawyer to work out the logistics.

If he is proven the father (either for child support or to relinquish his rights), then he has the option of trying for visitation or shared custody. It is not automatic. If he ever wants to see his son, I would encourage you to allow him to do so - with you there, of course. Research shows children need to know where they came from (biology) for a sense of identity. I am thankful he is going to have a REAL Daddy in his life, regardless of what his bio-dad ever does. You are both so blessed! My son's father has visitation, but he rarely takes advantage of being able to see him. He called this week after not seeing him since Easter. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

You need to talk to a lawyer.

These laws vary by state and you need an expert who knows the laws that pertain to you.

he does get visitation but if he is already clowning like this he might not come see your son. i know mine doesn't so i don't even worry about it!

Came back to check the other responses and i see there is a busybody on here. she just asked for advise not to be judged.

Julie L. it's a little late to make D. feel awful. Just in case you were not aware, this site is to share information as mothers. If you can't find either words of comfort or support please don't answer the questions.

D., I have never been in your shoes but I wish you the best. I can tell that even if your son was not planned, you love him very much. I would seek the advice of a lawyer. It is certainly time to either make this young man pay or give up his rights. There must be free or low cost lawyers in your area that you can seek assistance from.

Good luck.

This is the same thing that I went through with my first daughter. He agreed to give up his rights, but then his lawyer tried to threaten that if I wanted the $10,000 that he owed me that he wouldn't give up his rights and ask for visitation. I did NOT want that since he hadn't seen her a day in her life and she was 4 then. I agreed to let it go for the rights removal and havn't looked back since. My husband adopted her, she took his last name and now we are a happy family of four. That was 5 years ago. His money meant nothing compared to the comfort of having my hubby be her forever dad!

I'm confused in what you are wanting. If he gives up his parental rights, then isn't he saying that he is not the father? He then wouldn't be obligated to pay you any child support. Are you wanting him to give up his rights, so your fiance can adopt him, or are you wanting child support from him?

Who's last name does your son have? You have probably told many people (besides the bio dad) who the actual father is. So if bio dad grows up one day & wants to be in sons life then the adoption may cause problems if you go behind Bio dads back.

Yes bio dad will get visitation rights if he pays court ordered child support, obviously only if he wants it. The courts will have him do a paternity test 1st. I bet he would go the route of relinquishing rights if he understands that he will get out of all the expenses that go with producing children like child support, daycare expenses, health insurance, medical expenses, etc. Also make sure you & your fiance understand that if he adopts your son & you two don't make it in the future that you can go after the adoptive parent for child support, etc, and that you will NEVER be able to go after bio dad in the future. Perhaps you should try to have bio dad relinquish rights but hold off for a while on adopting your son till maybe a few years into the marriage. Just something to consider, although you didn't ask for it. Good luck.

You do need to talk to a lawyer. It should have been done two years ago to establish paternity and support for the child.

No, child support does not necessarily equal visitation (still called that in Texas)...but unless you can prove him unfit, he will likely be allowed visitation if it goes to court AND he wants it. A paternity test will be required if it goes to court.

Who is listed as the father on the birth certificate? If you didn't list a father, it may just be a matter of making a public notice for a certain period of time. Your state may also have a statute of limitations on how long the father has to "claim" his rights.

Also, until you are married, I doubt any judge will allow him to relinquish his rights. Very often judges are reluctant to "bastardize" a child. But, again, it depends a lot on what the birth certificate says.

I wouldn't suggest lying about knowing who the father is...it could come back to bite you.

Good luck. Get a lawyer and make a plan.

Each state is different however typically child support does not always equal visitation but would establish them as the father and possibly the right to visitation (although it doesn't sound like he would pursue that). Since no one is listed as the father on the birth certificate, you should be able to start the adoption process without asking bio dad. You would have to at least post the ad for public notice as required. Since bio-dad says his son isn't his that would be how I would proceed. You aren't going behind his back but you aren't in his face about it. I would suggest that you wait until after you and your fiance actually wed...just in case (the last thing you want down he road is another source of possible conflict).

All of you mom's on Julie's case - maybe Julie is just trying to help. From one woman to all women, pre-marital sex caused this problem. I am not perfect and I don't look down on women who have pre-marital sex, but I would agree. Pre-marital sex is wrong, wrong, wrong for women. Men can totally use you and if you get pregnant, dump you and run off without paying any money. As a friend, I would never tell another friend that sleeping together before marriage is a good idea. It hurts mothers and babies, and the dads can easily walk away after they have had their fun, leaving these girls and their babies with a lifetime of pain. Marriage is to protect women and children. It is to protect women financially so that they can lay claim on their husbands to take care of them, be respectful and responsible towards them. I know lots of people don't believe in marriage any more or in waiting for marriage to have sex, and I don't think that I am better than those people, but I do think that my life is easier and my kid's lives are easier because I was married when I had my kids.
My heart goes out to any woman that hooks up with a loser. Come on ladies, you are better than that. You all deserve to have a man who cherishes you and protects you and would die for you and your kids. And men deserve women that dont' give their hearts and bodies away to whoever they think is hot, but a woman that respects her own body.

I know I am late on this but I just saw it. If no one is listed on the birth certificate, I believe your child according to the law does not have a father and, as such, your fiance should be able to adopt unless the father shows up and demands a DNA test. If he does that, however, he will be on the hook for child support. If he's a loser and already denying your son, I would bet he won't push the issue. Sadly, he will probably be more than happy to turn over parental responsibility to someone else. I bet the adoption would be smooth sailing! Good luck.

the first thing he will say is if he has to pay child support he wants custody. this is a gut reflex all men have. He won't get it. You should definitly file for support. You son deserves to be supported by his father. If after you get married your husband decides to adopt him then the support will be cut off. But he deserves it now. He may get visitation. He may not. and chances are he won't want it.

from what i understand relinquishing rights doesnt mean you dont have to pay child support. but yeah he cant have it both ways. tell him to pick one either pay up and be a figure in his life or get out completely.