When Does Being Protective Become over Protective?

I think you are overprotective. It is hard the leave the first baby.. but the second baby is a lot easier to leave with sitters.

I would not put him in day care unless yhou have to. are you working ???

I would find places to take him.. library story time.. kindermusik.. statying home is not enough for a 2 year old.

I guess I would wonder why you would call every hour?
What are you afraid your mom, sister or aunt might be doing to him?
Otherwise it sounds like pretty normal "first child" stuff but I hope you start relaxing soon. Motherhood should be a joy, it shouldn't turn you into a 24/7 worry wart!

If I were watching a child, and their mom called every hour, that would be the last time....

When protection gets in the way of growth and normal development, it's over protection.

I read yesterday on here someone called it "First Child Syndrome". I'd like to give them credit, but I have a bit of a headache and don't feel up to searching....

Anyway, yes, you do have a touch of it.

My wife and I did too, until we conciously decided to start acting like parents with several kids. We constantly check ourselves by asking, Would we hover this much with 3 kids?

The answer is almost always no, and the yes times are made much clearer to see. :)

I tend to agree with B on this one. When your over protectiveness prevents your child from having a normal life , then yes you are too much.

I completely understand as you are a new mom but rest assured, accidents, bumps & brusies will happen under your watchful eye as well.

You have to let go in baby steps in order for children to grow as they should.

Lighten up a bit.. I am sure the people you are watching so closely are also watching your child carefully.

Good for you on no daycare but don't let that hinder your child's growth.

Once at a party another mom was making comments like that to me, like I was hovering, being overprotective... A little while later I saw her kid eating potato chips out of a puddle of dog pee. I made sure to.let her know, lol. Anytime I have gone against my instincts and let other people push me into doing something I, as a parent, was uncomfortable with I always regretted it. If anyone calls me overprotective I figure it just means I keep a better eye on my kids than they do on theres. Take it as a compliment.

as for your last question, yes, and i'm sure that's the case.
as to the first question, it's over-protective when it assumes that your child is in constant danger and you have to keep flinging yourself bodily in front of him.
that's a subtle psychic signal that will permeate your child's consciousness and he'll grow up with a subliminal buzz telling him he's not competent, that he needs protection, that the world is out to get him.
if we raise our children with the assumption that they are tough, resilient and able to handle challenges, THAT'S what they'll absorb as their baseline stance for tackling the world.
think at least as much about empowering child as you do about protecting him.
no daycare is fine. kids don't need daycare. but calling every hour and constant fear that he'll get hurt is over the top.
khairete
S.

Hi Antionette,

Welcome to mamapedia!

Well, I think your sense of wanting to be protective of your son (regardless of if he's your 1st or 21st) is what makes us mamas!

Are you OVER-protective......I think it depends. My goal as a mom, was to teach my daughter how to become an independent, competent adult who can make good decisions.

Your son is only 2 and you live in the 3rd largest city in the US - and in a particularly "urban" section of the city (me too.... hence my moniker). My daughter is 11 1/2 and it wasn't until we moved to Missouri last October that I started letting her do wild and crazy things - like stay in the book section of Target while I went to get toilet paper.
now - she can read a city bus schedule, and get on the blue line going the right direction.... and she can get to the correct terminal of O'hare and even figure out a gate change......gosh, she could do those things by the time she was 6 or 7. But, she'd NEVER stayed alone in the house, wasn't allowed to go outside (even to get the mail) unless I was grabbing distance from her, and ABSOLUTELY would have always had to be with an adult. Different kids learn different skills depending on where they live.

Now - you call every hour to check on him.... why? Do you feel like your mom, sister or aunt can't watch him as closely as you? That's where I see the breakdown. it's your job to put him with caretakers who will love him and take care of him and see to his safety..... but you have to let him learn that others can take care of him too. Otherwise he'll grow up not learning how to accept help from the "right" people and you'll open him up to not being "streetwise", which can be dangerous.

2 years old IS kind of young for daycare (and this from a working mom, who put her daughter in daycare at 8 weeks!!!!!). So, if you can swing it..... keep him home with you another couple years.

But - enroll him in some Park District programs. let him scrape his knee, or get a shiner from throwing a ball around. Heck, even stiches or a broken arm will TEACH him how to heal and what his limits are.

And, most importantly have FUN with him. Make sure you aren't teaching him that life is scary and that he can get hurt. Teach him that life has risks and that he has to be careful - while he has the time of his life!

You don't say how old he is...

THe calling every hour is a bit much... no day care to me is not an issue. My daughter did not have her first separation class untill she was 2 1/2, and that was only for 1 hour and I was in the lobby.

The fear of him getting hurt is normal, the fact you are watching and not hovering is a good sign. Hovering would be a bit over protective in my opinion.

Good luck!

There was a sort of similar post on this a few days back, the mom who asked about bus rides and a 4 year old.

I will answer the same way here as I did there, to that mom.

I am the first to answer, it seems, so you will probably get a lot of "oh, yeah, you're way too overprotective" stuff.

But, what I always say is, look this is YOUR kid. Nobody else's -- and you are doing what you are supposed to do, that is, care for your child as you see fit. Better to be cautious than to be sorry, or sloppy, with raising your child.

I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. I think you are a great mom and as you and your son journey through parenthood, you will find whatever works that will be in the best interest of you and your son.

I dont blame you on not having him a daycare center, after all he is only two, there is plenty of time for that. And if you are not comfortable with any one else besides your mom, sister and aunt then that is your choice, you are the mother and you have to go with your gut and with what makes you comfortable, calling every hour might be a little over protective, but you'll let loose when you feel the time is right. Just know that no matter how protective we are with our kids we can't always guarantee that nothing will happen, kids have accidents all the time, unfortunately we can't bubble wrap them. :)

Whenever our first child would tumble or fall, my husband and I would always smile, be very encouraging and say, "You're okay!!!" before they had a chance to cry. Believe it or not, it worked almost all of the time! It helps them "recover" and realize landing on their butt isn't always a big deal. It's completely normal for your son to fall and get bumps and bruises. Let him explore, and he'll begin to learn what's safe and what he shouldn't be doing. Teach him safety, too. My kids were/are all climbers, so I always taught them how to climb down by turning around and sliding down on their bellies. Same goes for stairs - teach him to scoot down on his bottom if he isn't already just walking. We're all nervous and protective with our first child, but you can give your son a little more lee-way and he'll be just fine.

I wasnt like that with my first. Kids get hurt and dirty. My son fell into the corner of the wall and got a huge bump did I freak out no because he was fine! And then he did it again at pre school. I would definatly say you are way to extream! I also worked in childcare so I've seen my fair share...loosen up at let the kid be a kid

You sound like an excellent mom to me! I am very protective over my 4 daughters (11,5,3,1) but when i catch myself being paranoid i disect the situation in my head and put things (fears ) on a scale and then I can actually relax. People are always gonna judge you, you will never be "protective enough" or "laid back enough", so just do what feels right in your Mommy heart :)

How old is your baby? Do you call every hour the whole time, or just until you realize that he's always all right? I don't think that this is bad, but if you are actually feeling anxious when he's away from you, then you might want to work on that part. I don't see a problem with keeping your eye on him, especially if he is a toddler. Children that young are supposed to be watched. You should know where they are and what they are doing at all times. You watch them to get to know how their little minds work, so when they're venturing out, you can feel good about what they're doing. (Mine pushes his toy in a circle through the house. As long as I hear that toy dragging the floor, I don't have to have my eyes on him. When it stops, I give him a couple of seconds before I check to see what he's doing. Chances are that he stopped at the front door to watch the children play or the cars go by, but it's my job to know that. I know what's in those rooms along his path, and he knows that I know where he is.

I worked in a nursery/daycare environment for years, too, and I know that not everyone gives the kind of attention that I was giving, so my baby is too young for them, also. In fact, I prefer not to ever send him to one of those places.

You say that you are a new mom. Just feel your way through it until you get more comfortable. Don't force anything that you are not ready for, or you will really feel anxious. It all happens in stages for them, so you should expect to work through your stages and grow with him. It's okay not to approach parenthood like it's "old hat". I hate it when people try to blame it on it being your first child. Some people just have a different approach to parenting.

PS. When my toddler falls, I don't tell him that he's okay. I ask him (in a way that doesn't lean toward a whiny "No") and let him tell me that he's okay. He has to know for himself what okay feels like, and he has to trust his own feelings if they are telling him that he's not okay. It's my job to show him that I've got his little back. When my mother's around and my LO falls outside of my line of vision, she kinda shoos me away when I want to check on him. She wants me to take it at her word that he is okay. Well, if I'm present, then I like to put my eyes on my baby. It doesn't mean that I'm anxious or picking him up to kiss him all over. It just means that as a responsible parent, I see it as my job to know for myself as much as possible. My husband and I are the parents, the primary caregivers no matter who else is around. The rest of "the village" is supplemental.

None of us like to see our kids get hurt - but it happens. It sounds like you may have a little too much anxiety (haha - coming from a highly anxious person - just that I know how uncomfortable anxiety is).
If you are working - where does he go during the day? If there is no need for daycare then this worry is unnecessary.
I have a cousin who lives in my hometown where we have a lot of family; she works and goes to college. My mom and dad as well as my grandmother watch her 1.5 year old and I think it's great that he is regularly growing up around extended family. Unfortunately I live in an area where we do not have that option.......so daycare is what we have to do. I think, if that is something you have to do, then visit the center, get to know the caregivers, and make sure it's a center that regularly welcomes daytime calls or visits. I will suggest however - don't call every hour!!
Bless your heart - it's obvious you love your son, but make sure he's able to grow up with a little independence.